


When She Fell

by shamelessurbanbunny



Series: From the Beginning [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Eventual Sex, Feelings, Love/Hate, M/M, Masterbation, Secret Relationship, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Smut, Suspicions, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-07-23 18:03:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 131,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7474323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelessurbanbunny/pseuds/shamelessurbanbunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a novelization of Aaron and Robert's scenes together. For those of you who want to read what you've seen on Emmerdale. This fic closely follows on-screen moments, and explores some of what I imagine happens off-screen (I add a healthy dose of smut wherever I can!). Be prepared: this fic starts up where Part 1 left off after Robert's wedding, so there is A LOT of angst. Many warnings apply. Real smut doesn't kick in until Chapter 10 =)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's written all over your face

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, I am continuing with a Part 2 for my first fic "From the Beginning: Aaron Livesy and Robert Sugden." I chose to jump right in, no prologue or intro provided. I'm trusting that 99% of you have watched Emmerdale, and won't be lost. For anyone who stumbled onto this by accident, read Part 1 first =)
> 
> I know some of you have been waiting since May for this, so I'll try to post again soon! I meant to post before this, but I had a hard time figuring out how I wanted to start Part 2. I went through a couple versions of this first chapter, so I hope you all enjoy how it turned out.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and keep an eye out for Chapter 2. I appreciate all comments and kudos!

**11 February 2015**

Something that felt very near to being hate filled Aaron as he stared into Robert's angry face. He had never found the other man as unlikable as he did in that moment, as they stood in the vestibule just inside the Woolpack’s entrance. Even before they had started up, when he’d thought there was nothing more to Robert than the shallow, smug facade he showed the world, Aaron hadn’t disliked him this much. Maybe it’s because back then, there wasn’t so much at stake. Back in November, he hadn’t loved this man and been rejected by him.

Back then, he hadn’t helped cover up Katie’s death for him.

“We’re both up to our necks in this,” Robert told him. His voice was pitched low so it wouldn’t carry. “If your mum blabs, it’s not just me that’s going down.”

“Yeah, I know that,” Aaron said through gritted teeth.

“Well sort her out!” Robert demanded. As if Aaron hadn’t been trying to get his mum to back off for the past few days. Since the moment she found out her best mate had died, Chas had focused all of her grief and energy into figuring out what had happened to Katie, and clearing her name. Before, Chas had been as convinced as everyone else that Katie was so obsessed with Robert that she was starting to make things up, trying to make him look bad. But now that Katie had died, Chas had changed her mind. She wanted answers. She believed that if she set aside her previous doubts, she would get to the truth.

The crazy thing was that even though Chas’ decision to carry on Katie’s vendetta against Robert was driven by grief instead of reason, she was so close to the truth. Because even though everyone had thought Katie was deluded, she hadn’t been. She was right about Robert having an affair, and now she was dead because she had needed proof, and in his jealousy Aaron had promised to give it to her. No one would believe her accusations against Robert without something solid and undeniable to go off of. And as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Aaron had called Katie, she’d gotten her picture, and then she had died before she could do anything with it.

He and Robert were responsible for Katie’s death, and if Chas kept nosing about, she would find out the truth. She was already well on her way. Chas knew about the affair. She had a secondhand confession about the caravan fire, which according to Katie, Robert had admitted to starting. It was all just breadcrumbs leading to Wylie’s Farm, and the fall to her death that Robert had witnessed, and Aaron had covered up. It was like Chas knew she was close to the truth. Despite Aaron’s warnings, she hadn’t let it go.

And here was Robert, acting like the past few days hadn’t been among the most horrible days of Aaron’s life. All he wanted was to save his own skin. He didn’t seem to care that everything was falling apart around them. Aaron had seen this side of him after Lachlan had overdosed when Robert should have been watching the boy, but was meeting Aaron instead. It seemed to barely register to Robert that a child could have died. He had been far more concerned over the possibility of Chrissie finding out about the affair. In this case, Robert’s distress over Katie’s death seemed in large part due to the fact that he was that keen on maintaining the perfect little life he had built himself with a rich wife.

Aaron glared at him, fed up and hurting inside. Robert wanted Aaron to sort Chas out? Like it was the easiest thing to do? “I tried to, but she’s got a point,” Aaron said.

Robert stared at him for a second, like he had expected Aaron to say something different. Maybe apologize and say he’d try harder. “What?”

“This is a result for you,” Aaron said, looking at him and trying to see past his own feelings for Robert.

“How can you say that?” Robert asked him, looking confused.

“Katie was convinced it was you who torched that caravan.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t.”

Aaron heard it - that hesitation before the lie. He found himself staring at Robert’s face, as if trying to memorize his features. “You sure about that?” he asked, hoping he was reading Robert wrong.

“Yeah. Course.”

He looked at that too-earnest expression and he knew. “It’s written all over your face!” he said, feeling frustration and rage layer on top of the guilt and grief he’d been carrying with him since Katie had died. “I just lied to my mum!” Aaron hissed, wanting to break that horrible, beautiful face.

The mask fell, and Aaron could see the old anger Robert must have felt when he set fire to that caravan. “Look, she wouldn’t leave me alone. I was just giving her a warning,” Robert said, voice quick and angry. Aaron turned away, planting his forehead in his palm and running his hand down to pinch the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath, trying not to fly off the handle. “It doesn’t mean I killed her,” Robert said.

There was no remorse in him. When Aaron lowered his hand from his face so he could see Robert, he stood there unrepentant. “What have you dragged me into?” Aaron asked him. He walked away, not waiting to see if Robert would answer that question. He was that certain that anything the blond said to him at that moment would push him over the edge. Aaron was only hanging on by his fingertips as it was.

The past few days were all he needed to show him that even without Robert saying something to push him, Aaron was in danger of tumbling over the edge all on his own.

*****

**9-10 February 2015**

It had started with the broken glass, at the wedding reception. He’d smashed it against the gravel, and had knowingly reached down for the sharpest shard to wrap his fingers around. Aaron had clasped it so tightly in his fist that it had broken apart, small pieces slicing his palm to shreds. He knew it was wrong. Of course he did. But he hadn’t been able to breathe. The panic and the guilt had filled him until he could barely think because he was too busy feeling. His skin was stretched tight over his emotions, like a balloon straining with helium. If he hadn’t found some kind of release, he’d have popped. And if he popped, he knew he’d confess to what he’d done.

Maybe, if it was just his own skin he was trying to save, he’d have given up then and there. But he wasn’t in this alone, was he? Robert was relying on him. Robert had panicked, and in that moment when he needed someone to help him, he had called Aaron.

It wasn’t until Chas called him, tears thick in her voice as she’d told him that Katie had died in an accident that Aaron realized how he’d betrayed her. He was responsible for the death of her closest friend, and he couldn’t tell her. He knew the when and why of Katie’s death, but left Chas in the dark, struggling to come to terms with a loss that was made all the more tragic for the mystery surrounding it. And when his mum came home, sobbing, he could find no way to reach past the lies to give her strength.

He was failing her. She was counting on him to help her, and he could barely even look at her. When his mum asked him to stay with her, Aaron made his excuses. He had to go see Debbie. He had to tell Sarah and Jack that their step-mum had died. They were real reasons to leave, and he grasped at them, ducking out of the pub and leaving Chas curled up in a miserable heap, safe in James’ arms. 

Aaron went to Debbie’s, like he said he would, but… He’d looked through her window and had seen Sarah crying. They already knew. He should go inside, and try to comfort the child. But what would he say? What kind of hypocrite would he be if he tried to help her, or his mum, when he was the reason for their tears. He was the reason Katie had died. If he hadn’t been so blind with jealousy that he’d called her, just so she could find him with Robert, Katie would still be alive. And then, instead of giving her the respect of calling the police so they’d come and take her, he’d walked around her cooling corpse, hiding any trace that he or Robert had been there.

He was disgusting. He could barely stand to be in his own skin.

Somehow his mum knew he’d been too cowardly to show his face at Debbie’s. She was drunk when she confronted him about it later that night, after she’d come home from the candlelight vigil at the church that Aaron couldn’t bring himself to go to. Each word Chas said cut at him, without her even meaning it to. “And why is Andy not here with Diane?” she finally asked him. “Why have they got to go schlepping up there, just because Robert commands it?”

“Mum, stop,” he told her, unable to hear that name. Not now.

“No I can’t! Because why does he get to be so brilliant when she hated him so much?” she cried, covering her mouth with her hand as her eyes watered. She lowered her hand to hold her glass of wine in both. “I hate him,” she said. 

“It’s not his fault!” Aaron yelled, face hot with anguish. He had to believe that. She had to believe it.

“I never said it was!” she cried. “I just said I hate him!” Aaron sat on the edge of his seat, elbows on his knees and face in his hands. The tears were starting again, pouring down his face. If only he had hated Robert in the way that Chas and Katie did. If Aaron hadn’t loved him… “Mind you, while we’re on it, if he’d never have come back-”

“Mum,” Aaron gasped, feeling his throat tighten. “It’s not his fault!”

“She wouldn’t have hurt a fly,” Chas sobbed, breaking down. He couldn’t bear it. He cried until his mum knelt down in front of him. “Aaron, please!” she keened. “Please!”

“I hate seeing you like this,” he said brokenly.

She raised her hand to stroke his cheek, and wipe his tears away. “Please don’t cry,” she said, offering him the comfort that he couldn’t give her. “I need you strong, son! Come on, I need your help!” He was failing her yet again. Chas threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, losing herself in her grief. Aaron held her, the guilt choking him, making it hard to breathe. His arms were wrapped around her, but the hands that should have been holding his mum were bringing him comfort instead. He dug the thumb of his left hand into the jagged cut he’d given himself earlier. His entire right hand throbbed, pushing back the guilt and the overwhelming hatred he felt for himself.

He knew this cycle. He recognized this slippery slope all too well. But like an addict that had relapsed after taking the first taste of his drug of choice in years, Aaron clung to the sick comfort the pain provided. He clung to it, and in doing so, took one step closer to the edge.

He was able to help his mum into bed, before closing himself in his room. Each time he dozed off, he could see Katie. She followed him through one nightmare after the other, regarding him with dead blue eyes. He plead with her, he ran from her, he tried to hide from her, but none of it worked. At the end of each dream, she faced him, silent and accusing.

The dreams plagued him all night. When he got out of bed, he was itching to move, to run. Aaron dressed himself in sweats and went down through the pub. He paused out of sight when he heard his mum, Diane, and Vic talking as they sat together at one of the booths. 

“If only she hadn’t gone up there,” Vic said, sounding tired

“I don’t even know why she did!” Diane replied, sounding as confused as Vic.

“I keep trying to remember the last time I saw her alive,” Victoria confessed. Aaron could remember, all too well. He had dreamed of that moment repeatedly. She was alive one moment, and not even half an hour later he was gazing down at her crumpled, lifeless body. “I just can’t believe we’re never going to see her again!” Vic cried.

The sharp pain emanating from his right hand almost caught him by surprise. Aaron glanced down at his hand. He had clenched his fist tight around his keys, pressing the hard metal into his wound. Bright red blood was smeared across his palm and all over his keys. He’d known what he was doing when he squeezed his fingers around his keys, but it had also not been entirely intentional.

It was already turning into a knee-jerk response. He had to seek the pain to gain control.

Aaron had to go, he had to move; he couldn’t handle this, not any of it. He came forward, causing all three women to look up. “Just out for a run,” he said, not pausing as he spoke. He didn’t want to risk being drawn in, so he could join them in reminiscing, in asking questions. Aaron remembered everything too well, and he knew too much.

Heading out the door, he broke into a sprint, not bothering to warm up with a jog first. He ran from the village, feet pounding the pavement as he tried to outrace his problems. It was hopeless. Pointless. It didn’t stop him from running until his feet ached and his lungs burned as he gasped for air. He finally had to stop, muscles trembling with fatigue as sweat poured down his body. The urge to run was still there, but he couldn’t manage to do more than walk back to the village.

No, the run hadn’t improved anything - not that he really thought it would. In fact, things were worse. Aaron paused before entering the bar, hearing Paddy’s voice say, “You honestly think that Robert had a hand in it?”

“She was convinced,” Chas told him. Aaron pressed close to the door, heart pounding again, but this time from the anxiety that filled him. “But no one was listening to her. We all thought she was deluded!”

“Well, she had been a bit obsessed,” Paddy pointed out reasonably.

“She was right though! I can feel it!”

“But then she backed off. Why?”

“Oh!” Chas sighed with frustration. “Maybe she needed evidence,” she suggested. “Proper proof this time. I don’t know! Maybe that’s why she was up there.”

Aaron barged in, desperate to put a stop to this conversation but not knowing where to even begin. He knew his mum when she got like this. She was persistent, and she didn’t know how to back down. His appearance didn’t stop the conversation. Paddy was sitting with his mum on stools at the bar, a couple of brews cooling on the counter for them. Chas looked at him, gaze almost confrontational. Like she knew. “What’s your business angel reckon to it all?” she demanded. “Has he got any idea why she might have been up at Wylie’s?”

“No, why would he?” Aaron said. He had to protect Robert. They were in this together. 

Aaron was coming to realize that this struggle was too great for him. He didn't have the strength to support both Robert and Chas, and he’d picked his side when he had sent Robert off to get married while he cleaned up their mess. He had betrayed her, and knowing it made his voice rough with pent up, useless rage when he spoke to her now. “Look, Mum, just because Katie had this vendetta against him doesn’t mean you have to carry it on!”

Chas looked at him for a moment, then shifted her gaze to Paddy, ignoring Aaron’s words. “She was sure it was Robert that set fire to the caravan.”

Aaron stared at her in confusion as Paddy exclaimed, “You’re kidding!” Where was this coming from? The fire had been ruled arson, but they had said kids had done it. “That’s a pretty big accusation, Chas,” Paddy told her. “She must have got it wrong,” the man said before taking a sip from the mug that had been sitting on the bar in front of him.

“No, he admitted it!” Chas insisted. Aaron felt like his heart had just frozen in his chest, and his cheeks were tingling as the blood drained from his face. No, Robert wouldn’t do that. Andy was his brother! He’d be facing criminal charges if caught. There was no way. A feeling of deep dread was pooling inside of him and wouldn’t go away despite how he tried to reassure himself. The problem was… Robert resented Andy. He hated Katie. He was impulsive - Aaron knew this. They would never have come together if Robert wasn’t impulsive.

He felt sick as Chas said, “When she confronted him about the caravan, he said the next time she’d be in it!”

“Oh my god!” Paddy said, voice incredulous as he sat there, clearly unconvinced. But Aaron could feel everything he knew collapsing around him. “You think that he killed her?” Paddy asked. Chas’ expression said it all.

Why did Aaron suddenly feel like she was on the right track?

He agonized over it as he took a shower and then dressed. Aaron loved Robert. He knew him. Yes, he could be a prat and inconsiderate, but he wasn’t a killer. He was the kind of man to talk and threaten. It wasn’t his style to resort to violence. But then arson wasn’t violent, was it? Torching a caravan was hardly different than hiring a couple of men to stage a robbery.

Wait, why was he even thinking of believing her? Chas was grief-stricken and guilty over not believing her mate. She had reasons to want to believe Katie, now that she was dead. And yet, even though the entire village had come to think Katie was obsessed and delusional, she’d actually been right about the affair. She had been able to suss out what was happening, almost as soon as it had started up, even when she had no proof. It wasn’t so difficult to take that next step and believe that she could be right about the caravan as well.

Aaron sat down at the kitchen table and let Diane make him a brew. He sat staring at the steam rising from the cup in front of him, trying not to panic. Instead, he was starting to get angry. He was furious at himself for not asking Robert more questions that day. Aaron did not look up when the door opened and Robert himself walked in, following behind Andy. He heard them talking around him, but it all felt unreal and distant as Andy asked to stay at the pub. The two men were telling them all that the authorities had ruled it an accident. Aaron glanced at Robert then. He didn’t like what he saw.

Why did Robert look so guilty?

It was doing his head in. He couldn’t think about anything else. He thought he’d had all the answers about what had happened to Katie, and now he wasn’t sure of anything. Aaron desperately wanted to believe in Robert, and to trust that he hadn’t just helped him cover up a murder. Belief required faith, and Aaron was feeling short on that right now.

He couldn’t handle being in the same room with so many people while he struggled to sort himself out. He left, aware that both Chas and Robert were watching him as he walked out. Still, the cool air outside helped until Adam showed up and attempted to talk to him about the business. Trying to focus on the grand opening for the scrapyard was impossible. He knew he was letting Adam down by making him prepare for it on his own. His best mate sat in the lorry they’d gotten for the scrapyard, pulled over next to the pub so he could talk to Aaron. “You’re not coming to the yard, then?” Adam demanded. “We open in two days!”

“Yeah, I know, I’ll be there later,” Aaron said, feeling defensive.

“No, not later, now!” Adam yelled, frustrated.

“Look, I’m sorry, Adam!” he shouted, just wanting this confrontation to be over. Taking a deep breath, Aaron lowered his voice and said, “I just need to be there for my mum,” he said. He should be there for her, but what he really needed was time to find his footing and get his head sorted. Still, it was an excuse he was sure Adam would accept.

Sounding grudging, Adam said, “Alright. Alright, just give us a shout in a bit then.” Adam started up the lorry and drove off, leaving Aaron standing in front of the pub with his hands in the pockets of his jacket, shivering as it misted.

He wasn’t surprised when Robert came and found him. They hadn’t talked since the day of Robert’s wedding. The day Katie had died, and Aaron had covered it up. “Police have confirmed it was an accident,” he told Aaron as he walked over to him. Like it had been Aaron who was worried the investigation would show otherwise. He remembered that day clearly, and he’d told Robert that the police would know it was an accident after running their tests. It was Robert who had panicked. Now Aaron had to wonder why that was.

Nodding, Aaron faced Robert and looked him in the eye. “And the caravan?” he asked him. “That was an unfortunate mishap and all, was it? Because Katie got it in her head that you started that fire.” Aaron watched Robert’s face sharply, taking in the somewhat confused look, and how it shifted into irritation. He didn’t respond except to shake his head. “And you made threats!” Aaron continued, pressing the issue. “What you playing at, Robert? Katie told my mum, and now she’s convinced, so I think me and you need a little chat.”

“You seriously think I did that?” Robert demanded, pointing at his chest and looking like he couldn’t believe Aaron was turning on him.

“What, you didn’t? What really went on with you two the other day?”

“Nothing!” Robert insisted. Aaron began to doubt his suspicions, rethink his accusations. “Chas has got it all mixed up. It’s the grief talking.” He’d thought much the same, hadn’t he? She was gutted, and the guilt for not believing Katie was making her overcompensate now that Katie was dead. “I had nothing to do with it, I swear. You need to shut her down.”

“Well I can’t, can I?” Aaron fired up. “She won’t stop going at me until she finds something out.”

“Yeah, well if she keeps digging, the only thing she’s going to find out is that you invited Katie up there!” Robert warned. Aaron dropped his gaze from Robert’s. The older man had said that the other day too, when he was begging Aaron to help him. He had been so clearly horrified over what had happened to Katie when Aaron had come to help him. Aaron was to blame for what had happened to Katie, and what both he and Robert were dealing with now.

“We need to make this all go away, alright?” Robert told him. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Robert turned and walked away.

Aaron felt even more confused and upset than he had before he’d talked to Robert. He knew he should call Adam and go help him, but instead he made his way inside and sat at one of the tables in the Woolpack. He was trying to gather his thoughts when Paddy and Chas walked in through the back, arguing. “And tell them what?” Paddy was demanding.

“He admitted stuff to her!” she said, speaking as much to Aaron as to Paddy. She had seen him when she walked in, and he knew she was trying to goad him because she was angry that he had refused to even consider that Robert was guilty of wrongdoing. 

“But you know what he’s like!” Paddy argued. “He could just as easily have been making it up about the caravan to scare her, or to make her back off.” Aaron listened in, feeling some hope at Paddy’s words. He was right about Robert. If Katie had confronted him with accusations about starting the caravan fire, he wouldn’t hesitate to try and use it to threaten her.

“And why?” Chas exclaimed. “Because he had something to hide!”

“Chas, he got married the other day. Is that the action of a guilty man?”

She sighed in frustration, turning her face away from Paddy and looking straight at Aaron. “I’ve got this gut feeling,” she said. “And it won’t go away. No, I need to go to the police right now and tell them what I think. Because at least then I’ve done something!” Aaron stared at her, panicking. She’d do it, he knew she would.

Aaron jumped to his feet. “No, Mum,” he begged, choking up as she and Paddy looked at him in surprise. There was no backing down now. He had to say something, or neither of them would let it go. Aaron couldn’t think of a single lie that would both explain his obvious anxiety and get Chas to back down. He had to tell the truth, or at least some of it.

Swallowing hard, he said, “Robert had nothing to do with Katie’s accident.” Chas rolled her eyes, but Paddy was staring at him in concern. Paddy always saw deeper than his mum. He had clued into the fact that Aaron was hiding something. Breath coming raggedly, Aaron added, “Because he was with me.”

Chas straightened, expression turning serious as she realized she was about to hear something other than his reassurances that Robert was innocent. She came around the bar, walking over to him. “Where?” she demanded.

He couldn’t think of an answer to that. Aaron wasn’t the best liar. It didn’t come naturally to him. Looking from Paddy to Chas, he shook his head. “It’s complicated.”

“Hang on,” Paddy said, walking over to him like Chas had done. Aaron could see him putting the pieces together in his head. This was why he could never hide anything from Paddy for long. “Robert’s your married man,” he stated, referencing the conversation they’d had about the secret man Aaron was seeing.

All he could do was nod.

He saw the moment his mum understood what he was trying to tell her. Horror filled her features, and she shook her head as if that simple action would somehow change the facts. “No,” she denied it. “You and… No, that’s not possible. You’re covering for him.”

“By telling you he’s been seeing me?” Aaron asked her, trying to show her how weird that would be.

She looked like she was about to be ill. Chas made her shaky way back to the bar, so that she could lean her hands against the counter. Paddy gave him a sympathetic look before following her. Aaron wanted to just leave, but that would make things worse. He approached them with reluctant steps and watched as they tried to process the news. Paddy had crossed his arms on the bar top and was resting his face on them. Chas was just staring ahead blindly.

The silence was almost unbearable. It was a relief when Chas finally shifted on her feet and nodded in resignation, as if she had finally accepted it as true. “Katie was right all along. He was cheating.”

“Sorry!” Paddy said, lifting his head from his arms and looking confused. “So Robert’s… gay now?”

The way he asked rubbed Aaron the wrong way. There wasn’t a type when it came to gay men, or women for that matter. Why was it so hard to believe Robert was into blokes? And just because he was into blokes didn’t make him gay. Of course, it didn’t make him straight either, despite how Robert seemed to think it worked. “Why have you got to label everyone? Look, it just started out as a casual thing-”

“What, then he just casually got married?” Chas demanded, suddenly looking furious.

“You told me you loved him, this bloke. Robert,” Paddy said, probably making things worse judging from his mum’s expression.

“So him investing in your business is all just a cover?” Chas asked. Aaron looked away, suddenly feeling wrong for having accepted the investment. But he’d done it because he loved Robert. And even though Robert had gone and married Chrissie anyway, he was sure the other man had feelings for him too. He was just too homophobic to acknowledge them. It wasn’t wrong, what he’d done, accepting Robert’s investment. Looking back up at her, Aaron nodded once. She looked away for a second, like she couldn’t stand what she was hearing. “Oh, Aaron, you idiot! He’s using you! And Chrissie, poor cow!”

“I-I tried to stop him yesterday! I met him, and tried talking him out of marrying her-”

“You deserve better!” she shouted, pointing her finger at him. “I knew his car hadn’t broken down,” she said, and it was almost scary how quickly she pinpointed the day he and Robert had started up.

“So he was with you, and then what?” Paddy asked, bringing them back to the point.

“Er, th-then he went to the church,” Aaron lied.

Chas gave him a strange look, then drew nearer. “Did Katie know you were the other woman?”

“She’d have told you,” Paddy said.

“No! Not if she wanted to confront him first. What did you two argue about last week?”

Why wouldn’t she just let this go? He could feel himself tearing up from nerves and stress. “Robert didn’t even see Katie yesterday. I told you, he was with me, but that needs to stay between us!” Robert had told him to make sure Chas backed off about Katie, but he wasn’t going to be happy if Aaron threw her off the scent only to have her come back and out him.

“Oh, great! My best mate was telling the truth all along, and I can’t say anything!” Chas shouted, more furious than he’d seen her in a long time. “They all think she was deluded, Aaron, off her head!”

He was done trying to justify his actions to her. “Yeah, well maybe she should have kept her nose out!”

She slapped him, beside herself. She couldn’t know that the sharp pain in his left cheek was like some kind of sick reward to him. He deserved it, for all he’d done. He welcomed it, feeling himself teetering on that edge, so close to breaking. Turning to face her, panting from the pain and from unshed tears, he said, “You can hit me all you want, but you can’t tell anyone.” With that, he rushed out, hoping that her loyalty to him would be enough to keep her silent.

*****

**11 February 2015**

Aaron was drowning. His sleep was filled with nightmares again, making him feel like nowhere was safe. Not when the demons plaguing him came from within. He dressed in sweats once more and ran. This time he paced himself better. He was able to go further, and between the run and the limping walk back, Aaron was gone for hours. His head was still a mess though, and the last thing he wanted to see was Paddy and Chas sitting at the kitchen table together because it meant his mum hadn't let it go yet.

“Oi! Stop there!” Chas called out when he tried to walk through the room quickly.

“I don’t need this,” he lashed out, instinctively trying to get her to back off.

“No, I decide what you need,” she said. “He was here earlier. To check on Andy, but my guess is he was hoping to see you.”

“Right, well you better not have said owt.”

“Not yet I haven’t,” she said, tone not at all reassuring. “But we all know he had it in for Katie.”

Aaron scoffed, finding himself defending Robert yet again. “I’ve already told you! He was with me when she died.”

“Oh, and you are as honest as the day is long.”

“You really think I’d lie about a thing like that?” he demanded. He had to lie, and it made him cling to what he thought he knew. Because if his mum was right… No, she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. “I know Robert! He’s not a killer; he hasn’t got it in him. If I thought he had- come on, give me some credit!”

“I thought Cameron was the archangel Gabriel!” Chas pointed out. Her history with men spelled it out clearly that sometimes love blinded you to the faults of the one you were with.

“Maybe I’m a better judge of character.”

“Right,” Paddy interrupted them. He used both hands so he could point at each of them, like it would make them listen. “The _police_ thought it was an accident.”

“Yeah, it was,” Aaron agreed.

“I don’t know,” she insisted, not backing down even a little bit.

Furious at her, Aaron said, “Robert’s gutted! Give him a break!”

“Oh,” she mocked, “now you want me to feel sorry for him! I wonder what Chrissie will say to that?”

“You can’t tell her.”

Chas stared back at him, unrelenting. “He was late to their _wedding_. Because he was with you. I think she has the right to know what kind of man her husband really is,” she said smugly.

There was no reasonable argument he could make that would convince her to stay quiet. He had hoped that her love and loyalty to him would be enough. He should have known better. Look at how he was betraying her in turn. Aaron had only one card left to play, one threat to make. “Fine. You breathe a word, and we’re done. Seriously,” he said, watching her until the smug look had left, and he knew she understood. “Robert and Andy have had enough grief,” he told her.

Aaron left the room, going upstairs to shower after his run. He didn’t see either Paddy or Chas when he came back down, so he went through to the pub and found Robert sitting with Chrissie, Diane, and Ashley. The sight of him filled Aaron with so many clashing thoughts and feelings. He’d thrown his lot in with Robert because he loved him, and Aaron had believed that he hadn’t done anything to Katie. Chas’ constant arguments had him confused, because they seemed so believable.

It was tearing him apart inside.

Doug interrupted his emotional landslide, coming over to serve him since Diane and Chas both needed time off. “Pint?” the old man asked.

“Why else would I be here?” Aaron asked him rudely as he took a seat on one of the stools.

“Please would have sufficed,” Doug scolded him coldly. Aaron ignored him, watching Robert’s table. He sat at the bar, sipping his pint until first Chrissie left, and then Robert got to his feet. Aaron knew without having to glance at Robert’s face that the blond would be waiting for him to follow. He gave it a few seconds before he got off his stool and went for the main exit. There, he found Robert waiting for him in the vestibule between the outer and inner doors of the entrance.

“I thought you said you were going to get your mum to back off,” Robert said as soon as the door to the pub closed behind Aaron.

“Yeah, well it’s worse than that now,” Aaron told him. He looked into Robert’s face to gauge his reaction as he explained. “She knows. And so does Paddy.”

“Knows?” Robert asked, giving the smallest shake of his head as his eyebrows lowered, trying to figure out Aaron’s meaning. “Knows what?”

“About us.” Aaron saw Robert’s eyes widen, so he said, “I had no choice. She was going to go to the police, so I said you were with me.”

Robert was staring at him in shocked anger. “You outed me. On top of everything else!” Aaron felt for the man, who was clearly still struggling with his sexual identity. He sympathized up until Robert said, “If Chrissie finds out…”

“Listen, we’ve got bigger problems to worry about than that. I had to give you an alibi!” Aaron pointed out, trying to get through to him. How could the risk of being outed to his wife matter more to Robert than having Chas go to the police?

“Give yourself one, more like,” Robert said bitterly.

Aaron frowned at him, hardly believing what he was hearing. “You actually think I’m trying to save my own skin?”

“You got Katie up there! That hardly makes you innocent,” Robert told him. Aaron scoffed. So they were back to that then. It seemed that each time they spoke about what had happened, Robert was back to pointing the finger at Aaron, blaming him again for Katie being there. Aaron had never denied his culpability, but it seemed like Robert was bent on making sure he couldn't forget it. Yes, Aaron had gotten jealous and arranged for Katie to find them at Wylie’s, but he could never have known how unstable the farmhouse was.

“We’re both up to our necks in this. If your mum blabs, it’s not just me that’s going down.”

They were supposedly in this together, but every time they spoke it felt like they were circling each other warily. Was it just down to Robert feeling bitter because Aaron had broken his trust by getting Katie involved? Or was he being defensive because he had something to hide? Aaron couldn’t help but remember what his mum had said about thinking Cameron was an angel who could do no wrong. Aaron knew he wasn’t blind to Robert’s faults. He’d known from the beginning that Robert could be arrogant and petty. How far did that pettiness go?

Too far, it turned out. He confronted Robert about the caravan. Aaron refused to be blinded by his love for the other man. He watched his expressions, his body language, and saw the truth spelled out there. At least Robert didn’t try to deny what he’d done, once Aaron cornered him.

This was the man he was protecting from the police. This was the man he’d lied to his mum for. This man, who admitted to arson without also admitting to some kind of remorse or guilt for having done it.

Aaron couldn’t take it. Even though his muscles were still weak from the long run this morning, he left Robert standing there in the vestibule and went upstairs to change into sweats again. He went back outside and started a slow jog, relishing the way his feet ached with each step and his legs trembled with weariness. 

He was failing everyone, including himself. Somehow, the burn that worked up through his muscles as he ran made that knowledge a little easier to bear. With a gasp of both relief and pain, Aaron picked up speed, running even after his legs began to cramp and his feet blistered.


	2. Walk away if that’s what you’re going to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, but it's been a busy weekend for me. Promise the next one will be longer!

**11 February 2015**

Robert made his way to the garage, feeling almost as if each step he took could be his last as a free man. If Aaron dropped him in it, the cops could come for him at any moment. Not that Robert was worried he would go to the police. No, he was more concerned that Aaron would confess everything to his mum. He was under no illusions of his chances if she found out about it. Chas would put in the call the second she found out, never mind the lives she’d ruin by doing so. It wouldn’t just be Robert and Aaron affected by this if it came out. He had to think of how this would affect Chrissie, as his wife. And then there was Andy. What would he say? What would he do if he ever learned the truth?

Robert had done many things in his life that he wasn’t proud of. So many things. This was by far the worst. Every time he looked at his brother, the moment he’d pushed Katie replayed in his head. He saw her fall, over and over again. That moment was all he could think of over the past few days. Robert had been angry at her. He was furious that she’d taken the picture, and hurt beyond belief that Aaron had betrayed him. And not even by going to Chrissie. No, Aaron had gone to the one person Robert hated most, as if he had purposely searched for the most painful way he could reveal the affair.

When Aaron had left him there with Katie, Robert had taken his hurt out on her. He should never have laid hands on her, but he had been driven past the point of reason. Why couldn’t she just listen? Why did she have to care if he was having an affair with a man? Or a woman, for that matter. Katie shouldn’t have cared if Robert kept an entire harem on the side. It was none of her business. It was spite that made her target him. She was a hateful, spiteful bitch. He’d done everything in his power to make her delete that photo and leave him alone. He’d tried to reason with her, he’d tried to trick her, he’d tried to bargain with her… 

Robert could feel that same cocktail of rage, fear, humiliation, and hurt as he had that day. He’d hated Katie. Words could barely express just how much he’d hated her for all the trouble she caused him. He’d lashed out at her because of that mix of emotions stewing inside of him, and yes, when he shoved her to the floor, he had felt a small grain of satisfaction. Robert had watched Katie pick herself up off the dusty floor, and it had brought some sense of control back to him. So he had shoved her again. And again.

The floor was not supposed to break under her. That moment when it collapsed was done in freeze frame in his head. He could hear the wood cracking. Robert could feel that tension in the air as he tried to figure out what was happening. He could see the hard wood Katie was sprawled on crumble. He could see her blond hair floating as gravity pulled her down. And then there was the wave of dust and debris puffing up out of the hole, making Robert cough.

In that moment, when his mind struggled to make sense of what had just happened, it wasn’t hate or anger or pain that had been forefront in his mind. It was horror and complete panic. That’s what Robert clung to when he called Aaron to help him, and when he tried to comfort his brother and arrange Katie’s funeral. He grasped at the fact that when he realized what had happened, he had been shocked and scared. God knew he hated Katie, but he hadn’t wanted to kill her. It was an accident.

So when Aaron confronted him at the pub, asking all sorts of questions like he suddenly doubted Robert, it had struck him deep. Maybe he hadn’t been honest with Aaron, not about the details, but Robert had told the truth when he said it was an accident. But now, just because Chas was running her mouth, suddenly Aaron didn’t believe him anymore. It was the last thing Robert needed.

The worst of it was that somehow Aaron had gotten it out of him that he’d set fire to the caravan. Robert still wasn’t sure how he’d managed that. When it came to lying for self preservation, Robert was the best. Yet somehow, Aaron had looked Robert in the eyes and figured him out in a way that no one else could have done. Not even Chrissie could tell when Robert lied, and she lived with him, slept in the same bed with him, ate at the same table with him. How was Aaron able to figure him out when even his fiancee was left in the dark?

And if he had to suddenly be able to tell when Robert was lying, why now?

Robert walked up the the garage, finding the door unlocked despite it being after work hours. When he hadn’t found Aaron at the pub, he had guessed that the younger man would come here. Sure enough, Aaron was standing in the office, chugging down a can of beer like he would find answers at the bottom of it.

He was the one who had seen Katie fall, but for some reason, Aaron seemed to be taking this even harder than he was. Robert couldn’t understand it, but he could definitely see the younger man starting to crack under the pressure. But Robert wasn’t walking toward the younger man now to check on him, to make sure he was okay. He was here because of Aaron’s parting words to him earlier. “What have you dragged me into?”

Aaron might crack, but Robert would be damned if he was going to go down with him. Not for something that had been an accident. Not for something that had been almost as much Aaron’s fault as it was his. Robert may have been the one to push Katie, but he couldn’t forget that she would never have found them at Wylie’s if Aaron hadn’t betrayed him.

“Have you said anything?” Robert demanded as he watched Aaron put the beer can down on the desk in front of him.

“You mean have I fed my mum any more lies?” he asked, shoving past Robert to get out of the small office.

Robert rolled his eyes, exasperated, before following Aaron. “Look, I didn’t want Katie dead! I swear,” he said as Aaron turned to look at him. He had seen those eyes fierce with passion and soft with pleasure. They were hard with anger now, and Robert knew from experience that Aaron when he was angry was a volatile, unpredictable force. At least he was looking Robert in the face now, instead of brushing past him. “The fire? Yeah, I’ll hold my hands up to it. But I regretted it,” he said, trying to reach him.

Aaron frowned at him, giving a disbelieving shake of his head. “So why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded.

He was staring hard into Robert’s eyes, as he’d done earlier when he caught on to Robert’s lie about the caravan. It made him nervous. “B-because I was ashamed!” he said.

Those blue eyes raked over him, running up and down Robert’s form like there was nothing he could hide from Aaron. “You don’t do shame.”

He was right. Robert was rarely ashamed. It wasn’t in his nature. Still, Robert doggedly persisted. “No, I don’t go around killing people!” Aaron shook his head, face determined. “Aaron, come on! You know me!”

Aaron’s eyebrows flew up, and he looked at Robert like he’d told the biggest lie yet. “Do I?”

“Y-you saw Katie!” Robert said, getting desperate now. “You saw what she was like. She was obsessed! She wouldn’t let it drop. That’s why I set fire to the caravan, to just scare her off, but that’s all I did!”

“What, that’s all you did?” Aaron asked, mocking him. “That’s not arson then, is it!”

“Well it’s not murder! Aaron…” he begged, watching the younger man look away and take a deep breath, face set into hard lines. “Aaron, please, you can’t say anything to anyone about this.” Aaron started shaking his head. “How’s it going to look?”

“Like you wanted rid of her,” he said, refusing to be swayed.

“No, I didn’t, I was angry,” Robert told him, frustrated and starting to get scared. He needed Aaron. The younger man had already betrayed him once, but he really needed Aaron to be on his side right now. “We all get angry. It doesn’t mean we’re all psychos!”

Aaron stared him down. “I trusted you,” he growled.

Robert felt his heart speed up at that, picking up on the root of Aaron’s anger with him. He had trusted Robert to tell him the truth, and he’d lied. Well, Robert had trusted Aaron to have his back, and he’d betrayed him to Katie and then outed him to Chas. They were both hurting now, but he couldn’t let that get in the way. “I know,” Robert said. “I know, and I should have told you the truth. I’m sorry.”

Aaron looked away, and Robert suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He wasn’t listening. He wasn’t hearing Robert. If he couldn’t get Aaron on his side, then he really had no one. “I can’t take any more of this,” Robert said, feeling his throat threatening to close as his frustration and fear came to a head. “Katie’s gone, Andy’s falling apart, Chrissie won’t even speak to me! So if you think I’m guilty, fair enough. Tell your mum, go to the cops, whatever, just…. It’s not like things can get any worse.”

Aaron pushed past him again, and Robert closed his eyes, certain that he was going to go straight to Chas. But when he turned around, he found Aaron leaning against one of the cars in the garage. He folded his arms and looked off to the side, like he was thinking. Robert had no idea what was going through the younger man’s head. “Go on then,” he said, reaching the end of his patience. “Walk away if that’s what you’re going to do.”

Turning his face back toward Robert, Aaron scowled at him. “Yeah, I should!” The moment stretched out, both of them staring at each other, waiting to see what the other would do. Finally, Aaron let out a breath and uncrossed his arms, looking away from Robert for a second in frustration. When he once again met Robert’s eyes, he stood up straight, looking determined, like he’d decided what he wanted to do. “Tell me you didn’t kill her.”

“I already told y-”

“Tell me again.”

Robert stared at Aaron, realizing the younger man was giving him one more chance. This was his last opportunity to convince the younger man not to ruin everything. He took a step closer to Aaron, holding his hands out pleadingly. “My brother’s lost the love of his life. It’s tearing me apart just trying to stay strong for him. Why would I put myself through that?”

“You better not be making a mug of me,” Aaron warned him.

“You’re the last person I’d do that to,” Robert promised him, willing Aaron to believe him. They were in this together. They couldn’t turn on each other now, not at this time. “I need you.”

Aaron let out a puff of air through his nose, turning his face away like he didn’t believe what Robert was telling him. But it was true. He needed Aaron. He was the only one who knew all of what he’d done - or most of it, at least. Robert hadn’t told him about shoving Katie repeatedly or deleting the photo from her phone, and he never would. He’d take those facts to the grave with him. But everything else, Aaron knew, and if he couldn’t stand by Robert through it… who would? Who could Robert turn to when he needed help? Who could he go to if he needed to talk, or vent, or if he needed comfort?

Not wanting to see Aaron turn away from him, Robert reached out to him. He’d meant to cradle Aaron’s face in his hands and pull him close, but the younger man wasn’t having it. He pushed Robert’s hands away, leaving them once again staring at each other, wondering what the other would do. “Help me,” Robert begged him.

“I swear, if I find out you’ve been lying to me…” Aaron warned.

“I’m not.”

Aaron gave a single nod. “You can leave now,” he said when Robert lingered. It would have been nice to get more than a nod in acknowledgement, but he figured that if he pushed the issue, Aaron might lose his temper. Robert left the garage, unsure of where he stood with Aaron, but knowing this uneasy truce between them couldn’t last.

*****

**12 February 2015**

More than anything, Robert wanted to trust that Aaron could keep things in line on his end. Ultimately, he decided that the stakes were too high to gamble on Aaron’s ability to keep Chas in check. If she pushed enough, Robert feared that Aaron would tell her everything he knew. Look at how little it had taken for the younger man to out Robert once she started digging.

Robert went over to the pub to speak to her himself. He had to get a feel for the situation, see if she was a risk to him. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she was. Best not to think of that unless or until Chas became a real problem.

Pushing his way in through the doors to the Woolpack, Robert walked in to find Paddy and Chas talking at the bar. He walked in just in time to hear Paddy say, “... and I can’t get over the fact he’s gay!”

The older man had his back to the door, but Chas spotted Robert right away. She gave him a knowing look and said, “Ears burning, were they?”

Paddy glanced over his shoulder as Robert walked up behind him. Spotting him, the older man stood up straight and turned to face him. “We can make this really awkward, or we can try to have a reasonable discussion,” Robert said, keeping his voice low so that no one overheard him. “I know which I prefer.”

“Now’s as good a time as any,” Paddy said, glancing at Chas to make sure she was also fine with it. They both looked at Robert then, as if expecting him to talk right there in the middle of the pub.

Nodding toward the back room, Robert said, “Go on then.”

As soon as they were in private, Chas turned on him, making him glad there was no one around. “I don’t know what my son sees in you, but you’re a lying cheat!” she snarled.

“I thought we were going to have a reasonable discussion,” Robert said resentfully.

“This is reasonable!” Chas shouted. “The other option was calling the police about the caravan, and I don’t think you want that. I don’t think you want your family to know what a disgusting little liar you are!”

“Look, we’re just concerned about Aaron,” Paddy said, voice calm after Chas’ shouting. “He’s in love with you, you know.”

“Because he’s too blind to see that you’re using him!” Chas added.

“Cheat, user, liar, I’m not bothered by what you think about me!” he shouted, his intentions to have a reasonable discussion suddenly gone. Strangely enough, it was Paddy’s words that bothered Robert most, and not Chas’ yelling, but when he shouted, he directed it at Chas. He didn’t even know what to say to Paddy’s comment.

“Oh, you will be,” she threatened.

“Oh yeah, what about Aaron? Do you really want to risk him disappearing again?” Robert asked, thinking that if he implied her son would do a runner to get away from her judgements over their relationship together, she might back down.

“No, no, no, no,” Paddy said quickly. “If you’re on about France, that was totally different.” Robert frowned at that. Of the two, Chas was the most easily manipulated. She was passionate and her love for her son would make her say and do almost anything. Paddy had a cooler head. He wouldn’t be swayed by anything but a reasoned argument.

“I am doing this for Aaron,” Chas said. “You know what? He’s warned me keep out, otherwise that’s us finished. But I will risk that to make sure he doesn’t get screwed over.”

“I think we all know Aaron’s his own worst enemy,” Robert said. “Didn’t need the scars on his body to tell me that!”

Robert saw Paddy and Chas glance at each other then. “He’s over that now,” Paddy finally said. “And he was in a good place until you came along.”

“Yeah, and I was always with Chrissie!” Robert said, frustrated. “I’ve never pretended to be anything else.”

“What, and that makes it all okay?” Chas demanded. “Katie was onto you all along, and you made us think she was crazy.”

“Alright so you- you’re bisexual, or whatever you are,” Paddy said awkwardly. Robert looked away at that, shaking his head with a disbelieving smile tugging at his lips. He couldn’t believe this. “And I really couldn’t give a toss about your weird marriage of convenience, but I will _not_ have you breaking Aaron’s heart.”

He was on that again. Why did Aaron have to go and fall in love with him anyway? For the longest, Robert hadn’t even thought the younger man liked him. Not that way at least. Robert had thought it was just a physical thing for Aaron. He normally acted like Robert annoyed him with his smart alec comments and his arrogance. “Yeah, well funnily enough that was never the plan,” he said honestly.

“You stay away from him,” Chas warned. “Otherwise, I will blow this whole thing to Chrissie.”

He stared at her, trying to find words. “There’s no need for that!” he finally managed.

“Her husband was cheating on her before she even walked down the aisle. It’s disgusting! Insulting!” Robert grit his teeth, trying not to let her words get to him.

“I’m sure she’ll get over you,” Paddy said calmly. “No one’s that desperate.”

They were united in this, it seemed. He either stopped seeing Aaron, or Chas would go to Chrissie. At least she wasn’t threatening to go to the police about the caravan. Still, even with everything that had happened, it had never occurred to Robert to just drop Aaron. Now that the option had been presented to him as an ultimatum, he wondered why he hadn’t thought of it earlier. Maybe because he hadn’t lied to the other man last night, when he’d told him he needed him. Aaron was angry at him now, but Robert had hoped his temper would relent after a few days. He had wanted to spend time with the younger man, and maybe try to forget any of this ever happened.

Whatever he’d wanted, there was only one real option. “Yeah, well… that’s why I’m calling the whole thing off,” he finally said. It was the only way. It might even be better for Aaron this way. “You’re right,” he acknowledged as they glanced at each other again before eyeing him suspiciously. “This got way too messy.”

“Just like that?” Chas asked skeptically.

“Yeah,” Robert said, trying to get used to the idea. He may have called things off with Aaron before, but over the past two months he had spent most of his time trying to win him over. It felt almost unnatural to just let go. But that’s what he had to do in order to protect his secrets, save his marriage, and keep himself out of prison.

“And we’re meant to believe you?”

“Yeah, I’m going to talk to him the next chance I get,” Robert told her, nodding. “I never meant to hurt anyone. Least of all Aaron.”

Chas nodded, looking both satisfied and grave. “Then end it. For good.”

Robert paused for a moment, suddenly unnerved by how final her words sounded. But in the end, all he could do was walk away, and close the door behind him.


	3. I didn’t sign up to be your nanny!

**13 February 2015**

Aaron wasn’t even sure how it was possible, but things were getting worse. It was bad enough being at odds with both Robert and Chas, but now Adam was angry at him for not being around. He had tried to help out after Vic had gotten on his case the other day, but even when he was trying he just seemed to make things worse. Adam was angry and didn’t want to accept Aaron’s help.

Even though things were tense, he had still made a point to have drinks with Adam and their families to celebrate the eve of Holey Scrap’s grand opening. Maybe he hoped it would help get him interested in the business again. Only it hadn’t. Aaron’s thoughts were still wrapped up in Katie. He held back while everyone celebrated around him. His mum had noticed his dark mood and had come over to stand next to him. “Join in when you’re ready, love,” she had said, raising her eyebrows pointedly at him.

“Not sure why you’re even bothering,” he had lashed out at her, “if I’m such a lost cause.” She had grabbed her pint and moved away from him, leaving him sitting on his own at the bar while everyone else surrounded Adam, wishing him well.

Aaron knew his mum was right, even when he’d told her off last night. He should be putting in effort. Today he was determined to do right by his best mate and be at the scrapyard. He just needed a run first, to help get his mind focused. A few blisters on his feet were hardly anything to worry about. Especially not when it meant he could be there for Adam. It was such a small price to pay for some clarity of mind.

He meant to run for an hour, but three had gone by before he knew it. Aaron hurried back to the pub, dripping sweat and feeling his muscles burn. He spotted Chas and Diane with Moira at the bar, having a serious talk by the looks on their faces. Pulling out his earbuds as he went around the bar to go through to the back, he heard Moira say, “Yeah, I saw her a few days ago with the horses and, well, she wasn’t great but I didn’t realize how bad it was.”

“And now with Katie…” Chas trailed off, her voice wobbling with emotion.

Aaron stopped in his tracks, just behind her. “Mum?” he said, reaching out and touching her arm briefly.

“Well, er…” she seemed to gather herself, shoving her sorrow away somehow so she could focus on him as he stood there, hot, sticky, and still a bit out of breath. “Aren’t you supposed to be opening the scrap yard today?”

He pulled back, not wanting to have words with yet another person about how little he was paying attention to the grand opening of Holey Scrap. “Yeah, well, I’m going in a bit,” he said, and then continued toward the back.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were a sleeping partner,” Moira called out.

Aaron paused and looked back at her, but before he could answer, Diane spoke up. “Don’t you be worrying about work,” she told Chas kindly. “I’ll hold the fort here. You do what you need to do.”

He kept quiet in the background, grabbing a glass from behind the bar and filling it with tap water to give himself something to do. Aaron knew his mum wouldn’t offload if she was focused on him, and she clearly needed to. Something was bothering her. Chas sighed heavily, looking dispirited. “The last thing Lisa needs is any more stress. Belle would never forgive herself if she-”

“Chas, it won’t come to that,” Moira interrupted her, trying to comfort her.

“We all thought she was on the mend,” Chas pointed out, as Aaron tried to put the pieces of the conversation together. “You never get over someone dying like that.” Her words struck that raw nerve inside of him that had been left exposed after what had happened to Katie. But she wasn’t talking about him. Aaron sipped at his water, trying to calm the creeping anxiety down. “She thinks she’s to blame for Katie dying.”

Aaron stared at his mum in shock for a moment, then hurried through to the back, knowing if she got a look at him then that she’d want to know what was wrong. If he understood right, Belle was not only taking Katie’s death badly, but she somehow thought she was to blame. He ran up to his room, where he paced the floor, trying to think what to do. But it wasn’t really a choice was it? Adam might need him at the scrap yard, but he could manage for a little while longer.

Aaron had to go see Belle and somehow convince her that she wasn’t to blame, without telling her why he was so certain of it.

*****

All it took was a quick call to Zak, and he knew where Belle was. She was in hospital. Aaron felt a fresh dose of guilt as he followed the nurse to Belle’s room. Sometimes it felt like he’d never be free of all the guilt. He bottled it up as the nurse knocked on one of the doors and opened it without waiting for an answer. “You’ve got a visitor, Belle.”

His cousin was curled up sideways in a blue armchair, face turned away from him as he walked in. The room was uncomfortable. It was small, claustrophobic. It had white tile floors and three white walls. The fourth wall had the narrow bed pushed up against it, and it was painted in hunter green bordered by white. Someone’s attempt to make the room feel more homey. It failed miserably.

The nurse closed the door behind him, and Aaron stood there awkwardly for a moment, trying to find a way to begin. “I’d have brought flowers, or grapes, or something,” he said stupidly, “but I didn’t really know the score, so….” She didn’t respond. He felt like it might help if he could just see her face. But then, the medication she was taking had been making her feel disconnected, hadn’t it? Who knew how much she was capable of feeling right now, or how well he’d be able to read her expressions.

All he could do was try again, and again, until something he said reached her. “It’s alright in here though, isn’t it?”

“Have you brought mum and dad with you?” she asked, taking pity on him. Her voice sounded almost spacey.

“No, I haven’t,” he said, walking further into the room. He sat on the tidy little bed, figuring he wouldn’t bother her there. She could still have her face turned away from him if that’s what she wanted. “I just… I heard about what happened, and I wanted to check you were alright.”

“Guess everyone’s talking about it, then?” she asked, voice so soft he could barely hear her.

He sighed, knowing how hard it was to feel like your problems had become everyone’s business. “Look,” he said, “I know what it feels like, to have someone’s death on your conscience.”

“Jackson was different,” she told him. Aaron paused at the sound of that name. No one brought him up much, although Aaron knew why. “He wanted to go.”

He struggled with his words. “Bad stuff… happens all the time, Belle. And nobody’s in charge of any of it. Katie’s accident had nothing to do with you.” She finally turned her face so that he could see her in profile. She looked exhausted, and drained.

“How do you know that?”

He hesitated, and she turned her face away again. He looked down at his hands, where he’d clasped them tightly between his knees. “You can’t take responsibility for everything that happens, Belle,” he said, looking up again. “You’re not in charge of the universe.”

“I never said I was.”

“Just don’t beat yourself up over stuff that you can’t control, is all I’m saying. Life’s going to give you a big enough kicking without you helping it and all.”

She didn’t say anything, but he figured he’d done all he could. For now. He’d come back every day if he had to, and tell her the same thing over again. None of this was her fault. The sooner she realized that, the sooner she could go home.

It was just past noon by the time he got to the scrap yard. Adam was out, and the lorry was gone, so Aaron figured he’d gone out for a pickup. There were two cars sitting in the yard. Spotting the “scrap” sign Adam had shoved under the wiper on one of them, Aaron decided he might be able to redeem himself a bit if he got straight to work. He stopped in the portacabin just long enough to put on a bright orange work vest over his black sweater, strap on some safety goggles, and shove his hands into work gloves before he went out and started taking apart the car. He might be late to work on their very first day open, but he’d make up for it. He had that car broken down in record time.

“Oi!” someone shouted. Aaron looked up from his work, seeing an older man hurrying toward him with his wife behind him. Aaron reached up to pull his goggles up off his face, letting it rest atop his grey and black knit hat. “Oi!” the old man yelled again, red faced and out of breath as he rushed over. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Sorry?” Aaron said, irritated at being shouted at by a complete stranger.

Luckily Adam drove up then, the lorry’s engine grabbing the stranger’s attention. “What’s going on here?” he called out after parking and getting out of the lorry.

“He,” the man said, pointing accusingly at Aaron, “scrapped the wrong car!”

Both Aaron and Adam looked at the two cars in question. Obviously the one that had been scrapped was newer, but it had the sign on it… He watched as Adam rubbed his face with his hand, and he could hear him swearing under his breath.

The old man pointed his finger at Adam. “I hope you’ve got some decent insurance!” he yelled at both of them. “I’m telling you now!” he warned.

“Yeah, of course we have,” Adam said. Aaron placed himself a bit behind Adam, letting him take the lead. He knew what his skills were, and none of them involved dealing with angry customers. “We’ve got two of us driving.”

The man stared at them, temporarily rendered speechless he was so angry. Finally, he reached over to the scrapped car and grabbed a long piece of metal from it, brandishing it at them. “I was talking about medical insurance!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” his wife spoke up. “Put that down right now!”

“Look, just calm down,” Adam said, hands held out like he was trying to soothe an angry animal. It seemed to work, because the old man tossed down the piece of metal, no longer bent on attacking them. Adam reached into the left pocket of his jacket, pulling out a small wad of folded money. “Look, I’ve got a couple of hundred here, and we’ll settle the rest later.” The old man seemed to be considering, and Aaron nodded his support of the plan, trying to back Adam up. Until he turned and spoke to Aaron quietly over his shoulder, that is. “It’s coming out of your share.”

“Oh right, yeah, how did you work that out exactly?” Aaron demanded. He gestured toward the cars and said, “You’re the one who put the sign on the wrong car!”

“I know where I put it!” Adam said, still quiet, trying to keep the argument between them.

Frustrated, Aaron walked over to the car and pulled the sign from under the windshield wiper. He held it up for Adam to see before he slapped it back down on the car emphatically. No way was he taking the blame for this! Adam looked over at the other car, as if surprised not to see the sign on it. “Yeah, well… maybe if you were here when you were supposed to be, there wouldn’t be any room for confusion, yeah?”

“Right, of course, because it’s all still my fault,” Aaron said.

“Never mind whose fault it is!” the old man interrupted. “Who’s paying for my car?”

Adam glared at Aaron before walking away a short distance, clearly still blaming him and trying to get a handle on his temper. “We’ll sort it,” Aaron told the angry customer. “Leave us your information and we’ll settle up. Like Adam said.”

“I’m just supposed to leave here, empty handed, and believe that the two of you are going to do the right thing?” the man demanded. He shook his head, jowls wagging angrily at the gesture. 

“Yeah, we’ll make good,” Aaron said, frustrated. “I said we would, didn’t I?”

“That car was worth two thousand! A few hundred isn’t going to cover it!”

Adam turned back to them, rejoining the conversation with his temper on a tight leash. “We’re good for it. It was our mistake, and we want to make sure we settle things without any problems.”

The old man was less than pleased, but what could he do? The damage had already been done, both to the car, and to the business. And, quite possibly, to his friendship with Adam.

*****

Aaron had no right to have a go at Adam after abandoning him for the past few days, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to. He didn’t know why Adam had to go to the pub for a pint if all he was going to do was ignore Aaron. The other man stood at the bar with Moira and James while Aaron sat nearby, listening to his mate tell the older man what had happened at the scrap yard.

“Two grand?” James asked, pursing his lips as he thought about that. Aaron rolled his eyes in irritation and took a drink from his pint, feeling the need for something to stop him from shouting. He had done nothing wrong, and on top of everything else, the last thing he needed was everyone thinking he was a screw up.

“Yeah, what else could I do?” Adam asked resentfully. “I had to compensate him somehow, didn’t I? He had us over a barrel.”

“Adam, you better keep an eye on the time,” Moira reminded him.

“Yeah, no worries, I’m going after this,” Adam said, lifting his pint glass. He glanced over his shoulder at Aaron, giving him a very pointed look. “I can’t afford to stay out, even if I wasn’t on curfew.” Aaron bit his lip, trying to not rise to the bait. He could tell Adam was spoiling for a fight. When he didn’t respond, Adam turned toward him and said, “Well, I’m just going to say it how it is, mate. Your head’s not in it and it never was. I’ve invested everything I had in that yard, and I honestly thought I could rely on you.”

That’s it, he was tired of Adam trying to make him feel worse about his absence from the business than he already did! Aaron set his pint aside, temper flaring. “Oh, so what? I’ve never done anything for you now?”

“Oh, here we go again!” Adam cried out, frustrated, already knowing where Aaron was going with that. “What are you going to do, chuck that in my face every time we have a row?” He asked as if it had been a small favor Aaron had done him, and not confessing to arson and having to escape to France for two years.

Aaron got to his feet, feeling his mum come up behind him supportively. “Listen, Adam, I didn’t sign up to be your nanny! If you can’t manage on your own for five minutes, then we’ve got a real problem, haven’t we?”

“So come on then, where’ve you been the last couple of days, eh? What’s been so flaming important?” he demanded.

All Aaron could do was bite his tongue and glare at Adam. He didn’t know. He didn’t know that Aaron had been carrying on an affair with a man who refused to love him back. He didn’t know that Aaron had helped Robert hide the fact that Katie hadn’t been alone when she fell. He didn’t know that Belle, Aaron’s own blood, was in hospital blaming herself for Katie’s death when it was all on him! He didn’t know that Aaron was having to lie to Chas’ face about her best mate’s death. He just didn’t know! Not one thing, and it was driving Aaron mad!

“Yeah, I thought so, mate. You’re a waste of space,” Adam said, sounding so disappointed and certain that he was right. The sad thing was, he was sort of right.

“Hey, it’s only a chuffing scrap yard!” Chas spoke up, coming to his defense when Aaron couldn’t find words that didn’t include “It’s my fault Katie died.” Chas had her arms crossed, standing steadfastly by him despite how much they had argued recently. “Try standing on your own two feet for once!”

“All he’s saying is stop messing him around,” James spoke up. “Your boy’s out of line.”

Chas stared at her boyfriend for a moment, clearly not expecting him to go against her. “And a little bit of perspective could go a long way. That’s all _I’m_ saying!”

“Yeah,” James said, standing up straight from where he’d been relaxing against the bar, “and a little hard work now and then might just do your boy some good.”

“All right then,” Moira interrupted, getting between them all. “Let’s get you home,” she told her son.

“I’m going anyway,” Adam said, joining James in glaring at Aaron. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? If you’re not too busy. Or maybe you need to start looking for a new business partner - and a new best mate.”

Aaron watched him leave with Moira and James. Even with his mum standing right there at his shoulder, he couldn’t help but feel more alone than when he’d started the day.


	4. Until then, you don’t even look at me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the angst! I don't know about you, but I could use a break from all the sadness... so I inserted a little scene to help us all get through it with our sanity intact. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> As always, I appreciate the kudos and the comments =)

**13 February 2015**

He’d been married for a week, and all he’d done since the wedding was push Chrissie away. It was time to play the loving husband. No, not play! He _was_ her loving husband, he just needed to show her that now. Aaron was right when he’d told Robert he didn’t deserve Chrissie, back in December before they had started their affair. Despite the fact that her wedding had been ruined, she was stepping up. She had helped Robert with Andy, as his brother struggled with his wife’s death. The least he could do was stand at her side during a simple dinner meeting with Alicia and David.

So he went to the kitchen to pour four glasses of red while Chrissie answered the door for their guests. He shook David’s hand and kissed Alicia’s cheek. He gracefully accepted the cheap bottle of wine David passed over to him as Alicia self consciously worried over its quality. And then he raised his glass with them. He struggled to get into the moment and set his worries aside as he tried to find something to toast. “I guess all we can say is… er, thanks for putting up with Lachlan,” he said, raising his glass.

Unfortunately Chrissie had just walked in and heard him. Her smile stayed in place as she reached for her own glass, but she avoided looking at him as she said, “Yeah.” He knew she was sensitive about her son. He couldn’t blame her, with Lachlan being such a creep. “Well, come through,” she said, leading the way into the dining room.

“So he’s not here, then?” David asked as they filed out of the kitchen, Robert bringing up the rear.

“Er, no,” Robert said, knowing he’d have to do better than this tonight. “He’s conned his granddad into taking him to the cinema.”

“Oh, he’s a good kid, really,” Alicia spoke up, probably endearing herself forever to Chrissie for saying so.

“Yeah?” Chrissie asked. “Some people find him quite challenging.” Robert knew that was a dig at him. He’d gotten upset the other day and had taken it out on Lachlan after the boy had started asking creepy questions about Katie’s body when she’d been found dead. Sometimes Robert thought he wouldn’t be surprised if the boy turned into a serial killer psycho in the future.

“That’s just teenagers for you though, isn’t it?” Alicia asked as they gathered around the table. David and Alicia stood next to each other, so Robert walked around them and stepped in close to Chrissie, placing his left hand possessively on her waist while holding his glass in his right.

“Cheers,” they all said in turn.

Chrissie turned toward Robert, stroking her hand down his chest in a way that let him know he was forgiven. “Do you know, I can’t wait!” she told him. “I’m going to have to say something.”

“Go on,” he whispered, starting to get a bit amused by her clear excitement. He knew she liked Alicia and David, or she wouldn’t have proposed this meeting with them. Still, her excitement over it took him somewhat by surprise.

“Okay, I known how good you are with people,” Chrissie started. “Let’s face it, you put up with us lot. And you’ve also got good business acumen, so we were kind of wondering if you might want to expand your business.”

Robert saw that Alicia looked pleased, but David was a bit more reserved, hiding his expression for a moment by taking a sip of wine. “You’ve got the experience, we’ve got the capital,” Robert said.

His words made David laugh a bit, as if he wasn’t sure this was a joke. “You want to sell groceries?” he asked doubtfully.

“Yeah,” Chrissie said. Then she added, “Well, top end stuff. Everything under the Home Farm umbrella, so it’s all very exclusive.”

“And you want us to run it for you?” Alicia asked.

“Yeah,” Chrissie said, smiling.

“We couldn’t think of anyone better,” Robert told her, knowing she always responded well to flattery. She was a bit like Chrissie that way. “You could run a little shop up here. There’s plenty of corporate dollars to be bagged from our clients.”

“And we could stock some products in your shop if you can find us the space,” Chrissie said. She then reigned in her excitement a bit. “Please don’t say yes if you think it might affect our friendship. I mean, we were worried about even asking,” she said, gesturing toward Robert to include him in her worries.

“You don’t have to sign anything in blood right now,” Robert assured them, seeing David was still on the fence. “But what do you reckon? I mean, I think we could make some pretty decent money together.”

Alicia and David looked at each other for a moment, then she shoved her glass into his free hand and turned back toward Robert and Chrissie. “Thank you!” she exclaimed, overpowering whatever David started to say. She threw out her arms and came at Robert, hugging him first and then moving on to Chrissie.

Robert looked at his wife’s happy face. She hadn’t had many opportunities to smile since they got married. He would make sure she didn’t ever regret marrying him. Raising his glass to his lips, Robert swallowed down his bitter wine and tried to be as happy as his wife was.

*****

**16 February 2015**

Diane had called him over to the Woolpack to talk about Andy. What she told him was discouraging. It had only been just over a week since Katie had died, but Robert had really hoped that Andy would start to pull himself together a bit after the shock started to wear off. “He won’t eat,” Diane told him as he followed her through into the living room. “He doesn’t sleep! He wakes up in the small hours crying his heart out.”

“Is there anything I can do? Anything that he needs?” Robert asked her, not sure how to help but knowing he had to. Considering his part in Katie’s death, it was really the very least he could do.

Diane opened her mouth to answer, but looked over his shoulder and changed her mind. “Coffee, Andy?” she asked.

Robert turned and spotted Andy at the door to the stairwell, obviously just having come downstairs from his room. “How’re you doing, mate?” Robert asked as Andy grabbed his jacket from one of the coat hooks in the stairwell.

“I’ll grab something at the cafe,” he answered Diane. “I’ve already slept in.”

“You’re not going back to work already?” she asked, dismayed. “I’ve told you, Ashley’s coming over. We still have to sort out… the arrangements.”

“Katie’s funeral. You can say it,” he told her softly.

“We really need you here this time,” Robert told him quietly.

Andy gave the smallest shake of his head and said, “Whatever you decide is fine by me.”

Just as he turned back toward the stairwell to leave through the side door, Marlon burst in through the door that lead to the pub and the pub’s kitchen. He was carrying a bright reddish-pink two tier cake on a silver platter. “I know Valentine’s Day was cancelled-” he cut himself off when he spotted Andy. He looked down, clearly guessing it might be hard for Andy considering his wife had just died. “Sorry.”

Andy stared at the cake or a tense second before saying, “Doesn’t matter. Life goes on, eh?” The three of them watched him walk out, standing awkwardly until the door closed behind him.

“I didn’t think,” Marlon said miserably.

“Do you ever?” Diane asked. Marlon let himself back out of the living room, probably going back to the kitchen. Turning to Robert, Diane plead with him. “I can’t get through to him! Please, see what you can do? This funeral has to be sorted today.”

Robert nodded, but he wasn’t at all sure what he was supposed to do. He headed over to the cafe, since Andy had said he’d stop there for a coffee. He must have skipped it, because he was nowhere in sight. Robert drove out to Butler’s Farm and found him working in one of the barns. He was unloading bales of hay off the back of a lorry.

“Need a hand?” Robert called out as he walked over. Andy glanced over at him, then tossed the bale he was holding in Robert’s direction. It struck his chest as he caught it, making his breath puff out sharply. He’d asked, but more as a way to let Andy know he was walking up behind him. Robert was sure his brother realized that, but had taken him up on the offer because he knew a personal chat was coming, and this was his way of preemptively getting back at Robert, who he knew hated farm work of any kind.

Robert found a spot on the floor for the bale of hay and dropped it there before walking back over to Andy. He tugged his jacket straight as he said, “You know, it’s not fair to ask Diane to do all this funeral stuff on her own.”

“So help her then,” Andy told him as he continued to unload the hay.

He was being stubborn. “You owe it to Katie.” That name got him to pause and face Robert. “These things matter, Andy.”

“No they don’t! Not to you. You hated her.”

“No, I didn’t,” Robert protested, frowning as he glanced down. Well, he kind of had. Shaking his head, he looked back up at his brother as Andy stood on the back of the lorry. “But even if I did, it doesn’t matter. I love you. And Dad’s not here, but you know if he was he’d say the same.” Andy just looked at him silently. “Please, just do the right thing,” Robert told him. Deciding that was all he could say for the moment, he left the barn.

Heading back to the pub, he spent a bit of time with Vic and Diane in the back before Ashley showed up. He walked in with Andy, who immediately sat down at the table with the vicar and answered funeral arrangement questions as Ashley asked them. Robert helped Diane get some tea in the kitchen. “Thank you for whatever you said to get him here,” she whispered.

They joined Ashley, Andy, and Vic at the table. Robert was a bit alarmed by how drained his brother looked. “Are those hymns alright?” Diane asked Andy as she set down a cup of tea in front of Victoria.

“And the music, as people sit and wait in church?” Vic asked him.

“Vic said she loved that song,” Robert added helpfully.

“Yeah, she does. She did,” Andy corrected himself.

There was an awkward moment, but Ashley pushed forward. “Diane suggested that we ask everyone to avoid wearing black on the day.”

“Chas reckons it’s what Katie would have wanted,” Diane explained.

“And we wondered if you’d like to say a few words about who Katie was,” Ashley said. “What she meant to you.”

“I know it’s tough, Andy,” Diane said, reaching out to touch his arm briefly as he sat there quietly.

“But it needs to be right,” Vic told him kindly. “What Katie would have wanted.”

Andy shook his head at that. “Katie’s not bothered,” he said, annoyance breaking through the numbness from a second before. Diane hid her face in her hand as he said, “She’s stuck in a fridge at the undertaker’s.”

“You’re not the only one who’s ever lost someone you know,” she told him, lifting her face so she could look at him. “How would you have felt if I said, ‘Oh, just shove Jack in the ground!’”

Andy took her words in, sitting there quietly for a few seconds. “Lilies,” he finally said. “No lilies. She hated them, said they stank of death.”

Ashley scribbled a note down. “Er, we’ll need six pallbearers to carry her into the church, then to the committal. Do you think you’ll be able to manage that?”

“The last time we were in church together, I was standing there waiting for her to marry me,” Andy said, voice wavering with emotion. “And now you want me to carry her back in? In a box?”

“Andy,” Diane said.

He shook his head. “I can’t.” Robert watched him stand and walk away. Really, given the state of him, Andy had answered more questions than Robert had thought he could.

Hearing his phone signal a text, Robert fished it out of his pocket. Aaron. Robert felt his heart kick up in his chest. He didn’t even know why. Was he nervous? Scared? Excited? He couldn’t even tell, but he knew he’d lost his composure judging by the curious looks Vic and Diane were giving him. “Sorry, I’ve got to go,” he told them, excusing himself from the table. Robert hurried outside before looking at his phone again to read the text.

_"Come to the scrap yard."_

Robert stood just outside the Woolpack, rereading the text a half dozen times before pocketing his phone. He should go back inside to help with the funeral arrangements. He should go back home to be with Chrissie. He should go back to the office and do some work. It was a Monday after all, and clients had been leaving him messages. Robert walked across the street where he’d left his Audi and got in. He started the engine and shifted it into first.

It took him just a few minutes to get to the scrap yard.

Letting himself into the portacabin, his eyes immediately found Aaron where he sat at one of the two desks inside. It was dimly lit, and the younger man sat there like a piece of shadow dressed all in black. Plus a bright orange work vest. The pop of color drew Robert’s eyes toward him, and he watched as Aaron raised his eyes to stare at him. He had been sitting there with his chin resting against his fist as he propped his elbow on the desk, making him look contemplative.

“I got your text,” Robert told him as he closed the door behind him lest Adam return from wherever he was.

Aaron got to his feet and came a few steps closer. “I just wanted to see you,” he said as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his black jeans.

“Yeah, well I promised your mum I wouldn’t see you again,” Robert told him.

“What, you’ve talked to her?” Aaron asked, looking irritated.

Robert nodded, realizing that Chas and Paddy must not have told him about their meeting. “She wasn’t happy,” he said. “She reckons if we’re ever in the same room again she’s going to go straight to Chrissie.”

“Yeah, well I… I’ll sort it. I- I’ll tell her we’re finished, we’ll just be more careful.”

Robert hadn’t been certain they were still a “we” after the way their last conversation had gone. He found a tightness in his chest loosening, allowing him to think on other things. Aaron really hadn’t known that she’d threatened to reveal the affair. It made Robert simultaneously relieved and angry. He was glad Aaron seemed to have forgiven him about the caravan, and that he didn’t seem to want to blow the affair. Robert was still smarting that the younger man hadn’t found a better way than to out him to Chas to get her to stop asking questions about Robert’s involvement in Katie’s death. Chas wouldn’t have anything on him if Aaron hadn’t told her in the first place!

“Oh, until the next time you drop us in it?” Robert asked him. “Or Chas gets drunk and lets it slip? Do you have any idea how much I stand to lose?”

Instead of giving him a fight, Aaron looked into his eyes and said, “I can’t do this on my own. Robert, I can’t! I can’t sit around and watch everyone fall to pieces over Katie. And I know you can’t either!”

“Okay,” Robert soothed him, responding to the pain evident in Aaron’s voice. He had to try to make this all work. He needed to convince Chas he was making good on his word to avoid Aaron so they could be together. “Okay, but… We have to call things off for a while. I just- I don’t see any other way.”

Aaron was shaking his head, clearly not happy with that. “For how long?” he asked.

How long? How long was long enough to make it safe for them to start seeing each other again? The truth was, it would never be safe. He wanted to keep seeing Aaron, but there was no denying it would be easier to just end it now. If he ended it, Chas would no longer be a problem, and maybe he could finally put Katie behind him. Maybe he needed to stop doing this and do what was best for himself. He needed to focus on Chrissie. He needed to be there for Andy.

Robert opened his mouth, half certain that what he would say was that they should break it off. “I don’t know,” Robert told him, looking away for just a moment before meeting Aaron’s eyes again. “But until then, you don’t even look at me.”

Seeing Aaron’s shocked expression at his words, Robert let himself out.

*****

**17 February 2015**

He thought about Aaron that night. Or morning, rather, since he couldn’t sleep.

After he left the portacabin and had dinner with Chrissie, Robert went to bed and made love to his wife. She fell asleep soon after, satisfied. Oblivious. He laid awake beside her until the clock on the bedside table showed it was after midnight. Still feeling wide awake, Robert got out of bed and took a quick shower. He kept the water hot, letting the heat soak into him, relaxing tense muscles.

Toweling off, Robert put on fresh boxers and went back into the bedroom. The faint smell of sex still rode the air. He stood there by the bed, looking down at Chrissie’s calmly sleeping form. Robert grabbed his dressing gown and wrapped it around himself before heading downstairs. He couldn’t get back into bed, not yet.

He found his way through the dark, climbing down the stairs as thoughts of Aaron filled his head. He made his way to the living room and headed straight for the bar where he poured himself a double shot of bourbon. The woodsy taste of it on his tongue burned away any last traces of Chrissie’s kisses and skin from his mouth.

Robert had no idea what to do about Aaron. From the beginning, it seemed, he’d been caught up in the younger man’s gruff appeal. His current troubles all seemed to have started when he decided to kiss Aaron on the side of a quiet country road. It was so easy to believe that if he fixed his mistake by ending things permanently with Aaron, then somehow things would get better. Certainly some things would. He unquestionably did not need Chas taking Katie’s place as a troublesome busybody trying to sniff out his affair.

But realistically, could he really break things off? He and Aaron were in this together. If he wasn’t there to keep watch over the younger man, how long would it be before he ruined everything for them? He knew well how ridiculously honest Aaron was. Except for the fact that he’d had an affair, Aaron always acted with integrity. He had a conscience that pushed him to do the right thing.

Robert’s memory flashed back to shortly after they had met. Aaron - or Ross, really - had robbed Home Farm, and Chrissie’s mother’s ring had been taken. Despite the fact that Robert had been standing there while the robbery took place, and he knew very well who had done the thieving and who would have the loot, he had chosen to trail Aaron and corner him alone in the toilets at the pub. He’d been drawn to the younger man even then! His attraction did at least lead him to the one person who would not only hear him out, but help him, even though Aaron didn’t need to. Robert hadn’t expected his request for the ring to actually work, but that was Aaron for you. He hadn’t returned the ring for Robert, but because he had known Chrissie was missing that piece of her mother.

Despite having a checkered past, Aaron was a decent bloke. He was good, in a very nontraditional way. And while that curious streak of nobility had intrigued Robert and drawn him in, now it was a liability. Their futures were hanging on Aaron’s conscience. It was a question of whether he wanted to be honest more than he wanted to be free. Robert knew that if he wasn’t there to coax Aaron into being reasonable, sooner or later the younger man would decide honesty was more important than making sure he didn’t get in trouble for tampering with evidence and obstructing justice.

The affair would continue. He was certain of that now. It was still a terrible idea, but the alternative was worse. And bad idea or not, Robert couldn’t deny he was glad he could ignore his promise to Chas. He would not be staying away from her son. He planned on getting very close to him.

He pictured Aaron then, as he had been when they spent the night at the hotel, before things got complicated. Robert remembered the taste of him on his lips, the feel of his beard scraping down Robert’s body, his hot mouth sucking on his nipples, calloused fingers tracing along his thighs. Robert set aside his tumbler of bourbon, letting it clatter recklessly against the surface of the small bar. He made his way across the room to sit on the sofa near the unlit fireplace, feeling himself hardening quickly.

Trusting that no one but him would be up at this time, Robert settled down on his back against the soft cushions. He closed his eyes as he untied his plain grey dressing gown, pulling it open to expose his bare chest. Calling to mind how he’d found Aaron sprawled on the bed when he’d finally made it to the hotel room, Robert smirked. Seeing Aaron asleep, he’d gotten into the shower for a quick wash, just as he had tonight. But that time, he’d prepared himself for Aaron. He’d given in to his desire to have the younger man push inside of him, a desire he’d been ashamed of. While Aaron slept, he’d slid his fingers inside of himself, stretching, preparing. And then he’d crawled onto the bed with him and woke him with eager kisses.

Now, Robert trailed his hands over himself as he remembered how Aaron had rolled on top of him and lavished attention on the same two nipples Robert began tracing with his fingers. It was such a small thing to bring Robert so much pleasure. His nipples were so sensitive, but it was something Chrissie always ignored, as if she forgot men had them too. But Aaron… he had sucked on Robert’s nipples, nibbling at them deliciously, taking his time with them until Robert thought he would come from that alone. But he’d held onto his control, taking Aaron’s hand and guiding it down to his entrance. Aaron had stared down at him, blue eyes burning with intensity as his fingers found Robert loose and ready for him.

Sliding his hands down his abs as he laid on the sofa, Robert reached the band of his boxers and rolled it down over himself. He felt almost painfully swollen with remembered pleasure. Kicking off his boxers, he finally reached down and touched himself. His fingers slid easily along his shaft as precum spilled down from the head. There was almost too much, and Robert spread his legs and exposed himself. He hooked one knee over the back of the sofa to spread himself further. He reached down with his left hand, gathering his own precum and using it as lube to circle the tightened muscles around his hole, then slide a finger inside of himself, bringing a gasp to his lips.

Closing his eyes tight, he pictured how Aaron had torn at his own belt and fly, pushing his pants down to his thighs and rolling a condom on. He didn’t take the time to undress fully before he’d crawled onto Robert and shoved inside of him, too turned on to be gentle or go slow. Robert slid a second finger into himself, groaning at the burn and imagining it was Aaron plunging into him as he had that night at the hotel.

Fingering himself with one hand, jerking himself off with the other, Robert came to the vision of Aaron braced above him, thrusting so hard into him that the slap of flesh filled the room. For a moment he forgot himself, forgot that he was in the living room at Home Farm. He lost himself in the memory of Aaron fucking him in that hotel room. When he came, Robert cried out, not bothering to hold back his moans as his cum shot across his chest and his muscles tightened around his fingers.

He sprawled on the sofa, panting as he opened his eyes and found himself alone and spent. The insane desire to hunt for his phone to call Aaron made him sit up before he remembered that the younger man was probably asleep. And hadn’t he already told him that they should lay low for a while? If Robert called now, and Aaron answered, they’d pick up right where they’d left off before he’d gotten married. As much as he wanted to do that, Chas would notice. She would be watching them closely for some time before she finally let her guard down.

It took him a moment to gather himself enough to stand up and draw the dressing gown closed around his nakedness. Grabbing up his discarded boxers, he shoved them into his pocket and walked over to the bar. He clasped the tumbler he’d left there and tipped his head back, gulping down a couple swallows of bourbon, finishing it off. He deposited the glass in the kitchen before going back up to bed.

Sneaking quietly into the master bedroom and into the ensuite, he quickly rinsed himself off with a second shower. He’d made quite a mess of himself, which wasn’t the norm for him when he was solo. But then, the memory he’d jerked off to was one of his favorites. Once he was clean again, Robert headed for the bed, not bothering with clothing. He slid under the sheets, making sure not to disturb Chrissie, and closed his eyes. This time, he fell asleep without trouble.

*****

Robert woke more relaxed than he had since before he’d gotten married. He should have known it wouldn’t last. He’d met Lawrence at the pub that afternoon, only to have his father-in-law start pressuring him to have a word with Andy. It seemed everyone wanted him to have a word with Andy these days. This time it wasn’t about the funeral. Instead, Lawrence wanted him to discuss the sale of Wylie’s with his brother.

He couldn’t very well say no, as much as he might want to. As out of his depth as he felt having these sorts of talks with Andy, he understood the need from a business perspective. Lawrence couldn’t just hold the sale indefinitely. So for the second day in a row, Robert headed over to Butler’s Farm. This time he caught his brother when he was about to go on break, so he followed Andy into Barton cottage.

“What are you doing here?” Andy asked as he opened the door leading into the kitchen.

“Well, I came to see how you were doing.”

“Just please don’t let this be about the funeral,” Andy said as Robert shut the door behind him. “I can’t deal with it, Rob.”

“Right, well I’ll start the kettle for us. Where is…” he glanced around the kitchen and spotted the kettle on the kitchen counter. Grabbing it, he went to the sink to fill it with water. “I was hoping we could talk about Wylie’s,” he said, trying to sound casual as the water ran. “Lawrence wondered if you’d made any decisions.”

“Well, how could I?” Andy asked, sounding uncomfortable.

Robert turned toward him, finding his brother looking at him helplessly. He truly was lost without Katie. “Well… no one wants to push you,” he reassured him gently.

“That place was going to be where we were going to build our lives together.”

“Yeah,” Robert acknowledged, trying to busy himself with the tea making process for a moment before turning back to his brother and taking a couple steps toward him. “Yeah. You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s too soon.”

“I haven’t been back there since it happened,” Andy told him, voice soft and introspective as he seemed to stare at something unseen by Robert. “I keep going over that moment that… I found her.”

“Andy,” Robert said gently, wishing it had been anyone else but Andy who had found Katie that night. “It’s okay, mate. There’s no pressure. I promise.”

His brother finally looked up at him, eyes bright with emotion. “I don’t know. Maybe I should….”

“Should what?”

“Go there. See how I feel.”

Surprised, Robert took a deep breath, trying to think of what to say to that. “Don’t put yourself through anything you don’t have to,” he finally said, starting to back away and turn toward the tea kettle. Making tea was a hell of a lot easier than having this conversation. “It’s fine.” Robert would just need to get Lawrence to back off for a while, that’s all.

“Well I’ve got the kids to think about,” Andy pointed out. “You know, it was their future too.”

“Yeah, well… when you’re ready,” Robert told him. “Yeah?”

“Would you come with me?” Andy asked him. Robert froze, back toward Andy as he stood over the kitchen counter. “Today?”

Feeling a bit sick to his stomach, Robert swallowed hard before turning back to Andy. He tried to sound normal as he agreed. “Yeah. Sure.”

Tea was forgotten as Andy headed straight for the door. Robert hesitated, reluctant. It would be his first time going back since that night as well. It brought back the panic, confusion, and desperation he’d felt that night. He really didn’t want to go, but he couldn’t leave Andy to face Wylie’s alone. Robert forced himself to walk, shuffling his feet unenthusiastically and getting in Andy’s beat up Land Rover where he buckled himself in. The drive was tense and quiet, except for the loudness of the engine working.

When they finally reached Wylie’s, Andy put the car in park. They sat there for several seconds, a fine flurry of snow falling down around them. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” Robert told him, hoping he’d change his mind about going in.

“Yeah I do.” He stared out the windscreen for a moment before turning to look at Robert. “I can’t do it without you.” All Robert could do was nod, feeling his heart speeding within him and his breath coming in short gasps. Robert turned to face forward, hoping Andy wouldn’t see how freaked out he was getting. “You know I’m grateful, right?”

Robert nodded, clearing his throat quietly before saying, “Yeah, no problem.” And then Andy was opening his door and getting out, shoulders upright as he closed the door and started walking toward the farmhouse.

He had never felt less willing to do something in his entire life. But Robert eventually pulled it together and got out, hurrying to catch up with Andy.

Wylie’s was just as cold, shadowy, and broken down as he remembered. He found Andy standing a few meters from the spot where Katie had been found. “We shouldn’t stay too long,” Robert cautioned. When Andy looked over at him, he added, “I- I just don’t want you getting upset. That’s all.”

Andy slowly started moving forward, walking around exposed beams. “We were going to have the rest of our lives here. Makes you realize what a short time we have, you know?”

Robert could tell from his brother’s voice that it was affecting him being here. It was affecting Robert too, although not in the same way. The closer they drew to the spot where Katie had died, the tenser he became. “I guess you just… You have to be thankful for the time you had.”

Andy glanced over at him, eyes wet. “I’m sorry, Rob.”

“What?” he asked, with real concern. Andy didn’t sound right.

“For ruining your marriage.”

Robert stared at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“My time with Katie was so short. And already I’ve dumped over yours pretty much from the off.”

Robert couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Andy was seriously blaming himself for complicating Robert’s marriage? He’d already done more to complicate his relationship with Chrissie than Andy could ever do. “Andy, you can’t-” He shook his head, almost speechless with the absolute wrongness of this moment. It was Robert who should be apologizing to Andy for ending his marriage permanently! “Please, don’t apologize to me.”

Andy looked over to the spot Robert had been avoiding glancing at, then started toward it. “This is where I found her,” Andy reminded him.

Robert needed no reminders. He reluctantly looked at the spot, staring in horror at some nameless splotch on the cleared floor. Was that… old blood? “Oh god,” he whispered under his breath, coming over to stand near his brother. He let out a shaky breath. “We should go,” he desperately urged Andy.

“I didn’t want to believe it,” Andy murmured brokenly as Robert stared at the spot on the floor, transfixed. “I mean, everything she meant to me, I just knew! I knew it was over.” His voice dropped to a tortured whisper, “I lost her. After everything!”

“Andy, it’s not good for you being here,” Robert told him, tearing his gaze off the floor and looking at his brother’s profile. His features were wrecked with grief.

“I’m not leaving.”

“Andy, we have to get out of here!”

“If you can’t handle it, go!” he shouted.

It was too much for him. He didn’t know what to do for Andy, and he couldn’t bear standing next to that spot any longer, not knowing if it was Katie’s blood or something else. He left, though he wasn’t proud of himself. He regretted not driving his own car to Wylie’s. He set off toward Barton cottage on foot, which was at least closer than the pub. He was freezing once he got to his car.

Robert knew he should go back to Wylie’s and try to talk sense into Andy. Instead, he made his way to the Woolpack, where Lawrence would be meeting him to discuss the sale of Wylie’s. Instead of Lawrence, he found a woman pestering Diane over the sale of Katie’s house. She just wouldn’t let it go, even after Diane told her it wasn’t a good time for it.

Finally, his temper exploded.

“Did you not hear her?” Robert asked, gesturing toward poor Diane. “Did you not hear what she just said? She said not now!”

“Easy,” Diane cautioned him.

“No, because she’s not listening though, is she!” Robert shouted, staring the woman down. “I mean, do you not speak English or something? We’re a family in grief!” he yelled into her face. “Alright? Or are you too flaming stupid to understand that?”

“Alright, Robert! Back room. Now,” Diane told him. Knowing he was out of control, Robert stormed around the bar and went through to the back. He paced for a moment before finally resting his backside against the kitchen table, too restless to sit in one of the chairs.

He wasn’t surprised when Diane came in a short while later. She closed the door behind her and started toward him. “Alright, what happened? Between you and Andy?” She handed him a tumbler with a shot of something in it. Robert grabbed the glass from her, looking down. “I’m guessing that’s what that was all about.”

“I took him there,” he told her, looking up at her face. She was slightly taller than him while he sat on the edge of the table like he was. “To Wylie’s,” he explained. “He wanted to go. I just planned to talk to him… but he- to make a decision, but he wanted to go up there.”

“Oh Robert,” Diane said, voice sympathetic.

“I- I just feel so… useless, Diane. I just freaked out!” Robert looked back down at the glass in his hands, ashamed of himself.

“Of course,” Diane said knowingly. “She meant something to you as well.”

“What?” Robert asked, looking up at her sharply.

“Come on! Last time we talked about it, I could tell you were troubled.”

“I was just upset for him. For Andy.”

“Really?” she asked him, looking into his eyes. Her own gaze was soft, like a mother’s would be. “What happened between you and Katie was a long time ago. But when someone dies, it’s not just those closest to them that feel the pain. You’ve been so solid for your brother, but… what’s happened is bound to affect you as well!"

Robert felt his throat tightening at the obvious kindness and gentleness she showed him. She wasn’t entirely correct with what she was saying, but it was true that he’d accidentally caused the death of a woman he’d loved at one point, even though he’d come to hate her. He had never felt so much like leaning on Diane for support. Instead, he shook his head and tried to swallow down his tears. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine, honestly.”

“But you’re not, though, are you?” Diane asked, resting her hand on his shoulder. He looked away from her, struggling not to cry. “But I’m here for you if you want to talk it through. Let it all out, shout, scream - whatever! I know you’re married now, and what’s past is past, but if there’s anything more to it, get it off your chest! There’s nothing you can say that’ll shock me!”

Robert opened his mouth, struggling with himself. He so badly wanted to believe her, to believe that her love was unconditional and she would not turn away in horror at what he’d done. But he was no child to believe that his step-mum could make it all better. Maybe Aaron… But no. He couldn’t tell everything to Aaron, either. This was something he had to keep to himself forever.

“I’m fine,” he finally told her, nodding. “Thanks, but I’ll be fine. Honest.”

Diane had no choice but to let it go. He let her make him some tea before he left to find Lawrence and tell him that he was still no closer at finding out Andy’s plans for the sale of Wylie’s Farm. He felt raw and alone as he left the pub. Before he knew what he was doing, he had his phone out, searching his contact’s for Aaron’s number. Frustrated with himself, he locked the screen and shoved the phone back in his pocket.

He couldn’t call Aaron yet, not unless he wanted Chas all over him and running to Chrissie. Soon, though, he’d have to do something to convince Chas it was over between him and her son. Aaron might not know all of what happened at Wylie’s, but he knew more than anyone else did, and the younger man was struggling too. Maybe they could help each other past this. He hoped so, but for now, they were still on hold. There was no other way.


	5. I'm already dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put warnings in the tags to this fic, but here's another one. Please do not read this if the topics of suicide, self-harm and depression are triggers for you. For everyone else, enjoy. As always, thank you for reading =) Meant to post this earlier, but I did a lot of editing and revision on this chapter. I wanted to make it good, considering the difficult topics.

**19 February 2015**

2:00 PM

He couldn’t even remember standing. Aaron had sat there in misery caused by guilt, hunched over with his face in his hands while Ashley said the mass, and then when Andy spoke. Then he was suddenly on his feet. His head was spinning, and it was as if he wasn’t even in the church anymore. For a second, Aaron was alone at Katie’s funeral, the people around him obscured from sight by the tears that had filled his eyes. And then they trailed down his face, and suddenly he could see again. He could see the faces turned toward him now.

Aaron felt pain in his chest. It started with the flutter of his heart as it rose to reside in his throat, each surge of the muscle flushing blood through his veins. Fear. Anxiety. His throat tightened, choking off his breath, making him swallow convulsively in an attempt to clear it. The length of his cheeks on either side of his face was heating up, stained red by the turmoil of emotion clamoring through him.

Everyone was turned toward him, arranged in rows, huddled together on the pews. There was sadness on their faces, and confusion. They all seemed strange to him now, in this moment, like he’d never met them before in his life. They were strangers who thought they knew him, only he was a stranger too. He’d done something that not a single one of them would forgive him for if they knew. Except for Robert. That face that Aaron had come to love so much was staring up at him, fear so evident on those handsome features it was insane that no one else could see it.

Aaron could feel his mouth move as he struggled to speak. He just couldn’t get enough air. His heart gave a thick, heavy beat that shoved against his ribs, contracting painfully in his chest before releasing, pushing more blood through his veins. It was so painful he wondered if he was going to be sick. He’d felt his heart flutter before, but never had there been this awful throbbing. The pain didn’t come just once. The next heartbeat was the same, and the next, and for a moment he forgot about the fact that he was supposed to be confessing. He was more alarmed at the pain in his chest than anything else. It felt like he was having a heart attack!

Before he knew what he was doing, he was stumbling out of the pew and rushing for the door. The cold air outside the church hit him hard, and then he was coughing, hunching over as bile bit the back of his throat. He was shaking all over, so badly that his legs gave out from under him. Aaron’s knees struck the gravel beneath him. It was the small white rocks jamming into his kneecaps that jarred him enough to snap him out of it.

It was a panic attack. He wasn’t dying or having a heart attack. He’d panicked. In front of all those people, when he should have been telling them the truth, he’d been driven out by complete panic. Kneeling there on the rocks, crying like the pathetic excuse for a man he was, Aaron knew he’d failed Katie. He had his chance to tell the truth, and he’d blown it.

This time.

Next time, he would not waiver. He would not fail. He’d spoken to Chas just that morning, and she had finally showed him that he had to tell the truth, that he had to stop being selfish and thinking only about himself.

*****

9:30 AM

Aaron meant to skip the funeral entirely. It was the worst kind of hypocrisy to join the others in mourning for Katie. How could he mourn her when he had left her broken and dead at Wylie’s, where he had lured her with promises of getting concrete evidence that Robert was having an affair? He couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t do it.

He dressed for his morning run, tugging on his black sweats and his grey and black ski hat. Aaron ran for a couple of hours, just long enough to work up a sweat and that good burn that cleared his head up a bit. But whatever good the run had done for him was ruined as he jogged back into the village and spotted Andy talking to Victoria. He couldn’t hear a word they were saying with his earbuds in, but even from a distance he could see how miserable and lifeless Andy looked. The sight added just one more drop to the buckets of guilt he was carrying inside of him these days.

Aaron was in no fit mood when he let himself in through the side entrance of the pub. As he entered the stairwell, James was leaving the living room and closing the door behind him. Aaron nodded to him and let James pass him as he pulled out his earbuds. Suddenly he could hear Chas and Vic talking about plans to set off fireworks for Katie that night, after her body was finally laid to rest. As Chas spoke, he could hear the love and the grief in her voice as she remembered Katie dancing to Katy Perry’s song “Firework” on her hen night before marrying Andy.

He took a seat on the stairs and just listened to her. Aaron couldn’t help but wonder how her voice would change if he told her the truth. Would the love seep out of it? Would she hate him? His musing was interrupted by Vic opening the door to the living room so she could leave through the side entrance in the stairwell. Aaron got to his feet and started climbing the stairs, but he wasn’t fast enough to avoid Chas.

“Going like that are you?” she demanded. Already her tone had hardened. She was angry at him because of Robert, but how much worse would it be if she knew the part Aaron had played in Katie’s death? It was just one more reason to avoid her, and push her away, because if he let her in, then he’d end up telling her everything and it would never be the same between them.

“No, er…” Aaron came back down the couple of stairs he’d climbed and leaned his back against the wall. He shook his head at her. “I’m not going.”

“Right,” she said, then cleared her throat in a way he recognized. She did that when she was trying to hold back her anger. “Why?”

“Because I can’t be there with you watching over him and me,” he admitted. He’d either fly off the handle because of the stress, or confess to everything. Robert would hate him forever if that happened.

“Hey, you know what, Aaron?” she said, voice raised as she gave in to her frustration. “You just do what you like! If you want to make Katie’s funeral all about you and Robert…”

“No, I’m not,” he objected, taken by surprise. Of course he knew the funeral wasn’t about him!

“Of course you are! You’re still sulking at me and the rest of the world, so you can’t be bothered to mourn a friend! My best mate!”

“Mum-”

“You know, I used to talk a lot to her about you,” she told him as he stared at her, feeling worse than ever about the pain he saw on her face. “About you messing up. Coming out. Jackson.”

“Y-yeah I know that-”

“And she was always there for me. Always. But now she’s gone. Who am I supposed to talk to now,” she asked him, “when my own son can’t even stand to be in the same room as me?”

He felt like she’d taken a knife and plunged it into his heart. Of course he’d been avoiding her. He’d had to, in order to keep his secret. But even though he knew he had betrayed her, and that he’d failed to support her, it was somehow different knowing it and hearing it straight from her lips. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

Aaron had never felt sorrier than he did when he turned his back on her and went up the stairs. He was abandoning her yet again. It made him feel sick to his stomach, so much so that he actually ran to the bathroom, bending weakly over the toilet as he gagged. It was as he collapsed on the bathroom floor, trembling and ill because of the guilt eating him up inside that he decided to do the right thing. If Katie’s funeral passed him by while he continued sitting on the truth, he was going to lose it. He’d lose Robert if he confessed, but what kind of life was this anyway? Robert wouldn’t even talk to him, let alone see him, so it was like Aaron had lost him already. He had abandoned Aaron just as Aaron had abandoned Chas. It was time to stop running and trying to hide. It was time to face up to what he’d done, and see if he could still look himself in the mirror after everything.

He still felt horrible, even after deciding he would do right by Katie and his mum. But maybe that had to do with the fact that he knew before he confessed, he’d have to go see Robert. He had to look into Robert’s face and tell him what he was about to do.

*****

12:00 PM

Aaron cleaned himself up, washing the sweat, tears, and blood from his body before dressing himself in the same suit he’d worn to Katie and Andy’s wedding. His mum was right. Today should be about Katie, not about him. And yet… as he buttoned his pristine white shirt, he couldn’t help but think about himself. And Robert.

Yes, the last time Aaron had worn this suit, it had been for Katie’s wedding. But what he remembered most about that day wasn’t the ceremony, it was Robert. The older man had made a right mess of his brother’s wedding. Aaron couldn’t help but think how sorry Robert had been afterwards, and how unwilling everyone was to hear his apologies. But Aaron had recognized the genuine regret in Robert, and he had felt for him as he’d been left stood out in the cold, unwelcome among his own family. Just hours before that, Aaron had written him off for good, tired of Robert’s selfishness and arrogance. But seeing him brought so low had shown Aaron that Robert might say and do some terrible things, but underneath all of that he was good. He felt regret. He wanted to change.

So Aaron had taken him home and lead Robert up to his bedroom. The older man had never looked so vulnerable as he had then, standing in his burgundy suit in Aaron’s room. It made Aaron gentle with him to start with, walking over and smiling when Robert had automatically reached out to place his hands on Aaron’s waist to pull him in closer. He had laid a quick, gentle kiss on Robert’s mouth. He followed it with another tender brush of lips, and then another, until Robert was on him, deepening the kiss.

Robert had torn at Aaron’s clothes as they rushed to undress. Even now when he did up the shirt, the threads holding the buttons in place felt loosened. He should probably replace the shirt or ask his mum to sew it up for him, but for now it was all he had that wasn’t black since they were all avoiding that color for Katie’s funeral. And besides, the memories the shirt brought were still sweet. If Robert reacted as badly as Aaron thought he would when he told the older man that he was going to confess, then memories might very well be all he had of Robert. The blond would probably see this as a betrayal.

Tucking his white shirt into his trousers, Aaron did up the fly, trying to ignore how just the memory of Robert was enough to get him half hard. Maybe it wasn’t simply remembering Robert that was sweetly torturing him, but that specific memory. It was the first time he’d topped Robert. It was the first time anyone had topped Robert. Maybe he was kidding himself, but Aaron had felt like that night was the first time the other man had really let go with him. As Aaron had prepared him with his fingers, and then slipped inside of him, he’d felt like Robert was putting his trust in him, letting Aaron do what he’d let no other man do to him before. He had felt honored by that trust.

Now, Aaron felt burdened by Robert’s trust.

If Robert hadn’t trusted him above all others, Aaron knew he wouldn’t have called when he had panicked after Katie had fallen. How ironic that the trust Aaron had treasured as a sign of how close they were becoming was now something that brought him only misery. It was enough to bring all of his worries back, effectively killing his arousal and making him focus. Aaron finished dressing, then left the pub and got in his car to drive to Home Farm.

He spent the short car ride readying himself for the confrontation. He couldn’t back down when he spoke to Robert. It was so easy to give in to the older man, but this time Aaron would stand his ground for what was right. When he pulled up the drive and parked his car, he was filled with determination. He walked up to the house and tried the doors until he found one that was unlocked. Throwing the door open, Aaron walked in as if he owned the place. As luck would have it, Robert was there, standing in the kitchen and buffing his shoes.

“Oi!” Robert exclaimed as Aaron walked in. He’d been leaning against one of the counters, but now he was quickly walking toward Aaron. “What are you doing? Chrissie’s next door!”

Aaron swung around to face Robert. “You know, I wasn’t even going to go today. I was just going to stay away,” Aaron told him. 

“I’ve told you, you can’t be here,” Robert said, glancing behind him toward the door Aaron had walked in through. How typical. He was just worried Chrissie would walk in and start asking questions. Well, Aaron was going to give him something else to worry about, and screw it if Robert told him they were over because of this!

“You know, I don’t care anymore,” Aaron said, feeling completely done with all of this drama. Something in his tone caught Robert’s attention, making him look Aaron straight in the eyes. “My mum’s in bits over this.”

“Now let’s just calm down,” Robert said reasonably.

“No. I can’t stand there today holding her hand, knowing we were there when Katie died.” He watched as Robert glanced away. He was familiar enough with the older man’s expressions now that he could read the uneasiness there. See, there was some decency buried underneath all that self-interest. Robert knew, deep down, that none of this was right. “And you can’t do that to Andy.”

“Robert!” Chrissie called from the other room.

Robert looked over in the direction her voice came from. Whatever hint of decency had been there a second ago was gone at the sound of his wife’s voice. Once again Robert proved that his ambitions outweighed everything else. “Listen,” Robert said, standing close to Aaron and lowering his voice as he looked him steadily in the eyes. “I’m begging you, let’s just talk.”

Aaron was already shaking his head before Robert even finished his sentence. “No,” Aaron said again, not allowing himself to be swayed. “We’re done talking. We’re telling them; both of them. Today. If you don’t, then I will.”

He let that sink in for a second, and then he walked around Robert, brushing past him to get to the door. Aaron was still scared of what his mum would say when he told her, but he could already feel some of the darkness he’d been carrying with him easing back a bit. He still felt weighed down by the guilt, but this was better. He was finally going to do the right thing.

*****

2:00 PM

The church bells had been ringing, calling everyone out to Katie’s funeral. He’d already dressed for the service, but he knew he was cutting it close by the time he stepped out of the pub. The anxiety and stress was getting to him. He’d had to run to the bathroom, retching as his stomach clenched unhappily and he broke out into a cold sweat. Aaron took the time to wash his face and brush his teeth before heading out, his hands trembling when he closed the door behind him and Chas looked back at him over her shoulder.

She had just started walking toward the church with James, but when she saw him, Chas had James go on without her. Aaron watched his mum walk over to him, and he took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. They stood together for a few seconds as Aaron looked toward the church and the people gathering there. “Mum, I’m sorry,” he finally said. He was apologizing for more than just hurting her when he’d told her he wasn’t going to go to the funeral. She’d know soon enough what he was apologizing to her for.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, eyes wide and wet with unshed tears.

“I mean it,” he told her, hoping she’d remember this after he told her the truth. “I hate hurting you.” He shook his head as she struggled to hold back her tears. “I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

Taking another deep breath, Aaron walked his mum to the church, letting her lean on him, supporting her like he should have done from the beginning. He saw Robert standing with Adam up ahead, and he gritted his teeth, knowing Robert would try to talk him out of this. Chas soon spotted Robert as well, and she took her arm from Aaron, her steps slowing. It gave Robert the chance he was looking for. He rushed toward Aaron, putting a hand on his chest to try and stop him as Robert spoke quickly under his breath. “Please, tell me you haven’t told her!”

Aaron pulled away from Robert, moving around him. “Don’t talk to me,” he warned the other man. He knew his mum was probably wondering what that was about, but he couldn’t worry about that now. He was acting as one of the pallbearers, and he headed toward the hearse. Of course Robert was one too. He soon joined Aaron, taking the spot just in front of him as the six men shouldered the coffin.

“Aaron, have you told Chas?” Robert demanded over his shoulder. Aaron glared at the back of his head. Even now, when they should all be bearing Katie’s coffin in respectful silence, Robert was scrambling to save his own skin. “Aaron?”

“No.” Before Robert could get too comfortable, he whispered, “I’m going to tell her at the wake.”

That was his intention anyway. He didn’t count on how difficult it would be to sit there in church, listening to Ashley talk about Katie. The worst was when he said how saddened they all were that they were unable to prevent what had happened that day. But Aaron could have. If he hadn’t been so angry at Robert for deciding to go through with his wedding… “Such sadness,” Ashley continued, “at such a senseless accident is perhaps inevitable. But also futile; as is any guilt or regret.”

He sat hunched forward, elbows on his knees and face in his hands as Ashley spoke. Oh, how wrong he was! There certainly was guilt to be felt, and regret. Those two emotions had been Aaron’s constant companions since the day Katie had fallen. He felt guilt for getting her involved. He regretted trying to save both himself and Robert from suspicion, accusations, and hate from Andy and Chas over the part each of them had played in Katie’s death.

If Ashley’s words were bad, they were nothing in comparison to Andy’s. He stood up there, reading a letter Sarah had written about her step-mum. And then he went on to thank Robert, actually thank him, for all the support he’d given his brother while Andy tried to cope with the death of his wife. It was almost enough to make Aaron ill again. He just couldn’t take it anymore!

And that’s how he found himself on his feet, dizzy and sickened, struggling to get the words out. He wanted to tell everyone that he was to blame, that they could stop feeling guilty or at fault for anything they had done or didn’t do. He wanted to tell them why she had gone to Wylie’s that day. He wanted to answer the questions that had been troubling his mum and keeping her awake at night.

Instead, his body betrayed him. It gave in to the stress and turmoil that had been building up inside of him. He had a panic attack right there in the middle of the church, his heart clenching painfully in his chest and making him rush outside to try and get some air. Once the panic died down, he knew he would go back to his original plan. He would tell his mum at the wake, because if he didn’t, this was going to kill him.

*****

3:30 PM

This entire day was a nightmare. It had started bad enough, but it got worse after Aaron came to see him and tell him that he was going to confess. Only two days ago, the day after he’d met Aaron at the scrap yard, he had told himself he had to keep an eye on the younger man, make sure he didn’t convince himself to do the “right” thing. Even so, Robert had stayed away from Aaron, worried about what Chas would do if she saw them together, or if she noticed Aaron leaving to meet him.

He regretted his inattention now. All it had taken was three days, and the Aaron who confronted him at Home Farm was a far cry from the Aaron who had texted him to meet at the scrap yard, and begged Robert not to leave him to deal with the guilt over Katie’s death on his own. Robert felt like kicking himself. He had still been upset with Aaron then, for revealing the affair to Katie, and to Chas and Paddy. He knew he had been cruel when he told Aaron they had to stay away from each other for a while. “Don’t even look at me,” he’d told the younger man. And instead of apologizing when he had seen how shocked and hurt Aaron was, Robert had just walked out.

Now he was at the wake, watching Aaron switch between pacing restlessly and then sitting down at the bar quietly, his demeanor intense and unreadable. It was like watching a wild creature that had been caged. There was no predicting what the younger man would say or do next, and it was driving Robert insane. He knew he should be trying to act normal for Chrissie, but he hardly heard her when she spoke to him. He could hear voices around him, but they could have all been talking another language for the amount of attention he paid them. All of his focus was on Aaron, watching him, waiting for him to act.

He felt his attention sharpen when Aaron stood again. The younger man moved closer to where Chas stood, and he stared at her intently. Robert had no doubt he was building up to it now. He would soon tell her, and then everything would be ruined. He made himself listen to the conversation that had been going on without him so that he could find a way to excuse himself. Diane was talking about Andy, and how he’d gone to lie down. Vic offered to go check on him, providing Robert with the perfect opportunity.

“No,” he told her. “I’ll go.”

“At least give him five minutes,” Diane said. “I think he needs some space.”

Robert bowed his head, using the movement to mask the fact that he was looking over at Aaron again. The younger man turned away from Chas, starting to pace again. When Aaron turned around to face her once more, Robert put himself in his path. “Aaron.”

“I have nothing more to say to you,” Aaron told him.

“Except the one thing that’s going to hurt your mum and Andy all over again?”

Aaron shifted his weight on his feet and looked over at Chas. For a moment Robert hoped he was reconsidering, but then he shook his head and looked back at Robert. “I can’t live with this anymore.”

He had asked Robert for help in coping with all this, and Robert had turned him away. Maybe if he could support Aaron, he’d give up on this idea that the only way to make himself feel better would be to blab to Chas. “Aaron, five minutes. Just live with it for five minutes more. Please?” Aaron looked back over at Chas. “Aaron, please?”

He started walking, and for one moment Robert was sure he was going straight for Chas. All he could do was breathe a sigh of relief when Aaron walked out of the pub. He followed him out, and started talking right away. “Just think about it,” he begged. “This won’t bring Katie back. This won’t help Andy. It won’t help Victoria, it won’t help your mum. It’ll just bring more pain.” He saw Aaron take a big breath and shake his head, looking down at his feet. “You heard what people were saying today! People have so many positive memories of her. Don’t take that away! It won’t help anybody.”

Aaron looked at him then. “Yeah, well it’ll help me.” Robert stared at him, hardly believing this. Aaron, his noble Aaron, was just being selfish now. Why couldn’t he see that telling the truth at this point was only going to hurt everyone? “I’ve kept secrets before, and it just makes things worse!”

“Right. So you admit it then?” Robert asked angrily. “You’re just being selfish! As long as you feel better?”

Aaron shook his head. “No, Robert, what I’m doing is telling the truth.”

“So you don’t care about anybody else? You just forget about everybody else as long as your conscience is clear?”

Giving an incredulous laugh, Aaron turned away for a moment like he couldn’t believe what Robert was saying to him. When he turned back, he looked as angry as Robert felt. “My conscience is far from clear!” he hissed. “What we did, Robert, was wrong! It was sick! And that’s why I’m not running away from it anymore.”

He started to shove past Robert, but he got in Aaron’s way, stopping him. “Wait! Aaron… just wait!” he said.

They were standing so close to one another now. Aaron looked up into Robert’s face, and he could see the younger man’s determination. “I’ll tell them all it was me,” Aaron said, as if that would somehow make this better. “I’ll say that she fell, and I panicked. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran.” Robert could hardly believe what he was hearing. God, how confused Aaron had to be about this to think he could make things better by telling more lies because he was insisting on telling the truth! It just didn’t make any sense, and he was clearly too cut up about this to see it. “Andy knows how messed up I am!” Aaron continued. “They all do, so they’ll believe it!”

“Oh, yeah, because that’s what you do isn’t it? Take the blame? Makes you feel good, doesn’t it?” Robert asked. It was just so Aaron. Of course he’d want to take the blame, like it would absolve him for betraying Robert yet again.

Aaron gave him a look, like he thought Robert was the one being idiotic. “No,” he said.

“No, I think it does. Playing the martyr. I mean, that’s why you cut yourself, isn’t it?” He knew he was taking this too far, he could tell from the sudden intensity in Aaron’s expression. But this was what Robert wanted. He was coming to realize that if he wanted to knock Aaron free from all the guilt, and grief, and regret he was locked into that was making him behave like this, Robert had to get him angry. He had to give Aaron an outlet for his emotions. “You get off on it,” he continued, watching Aaron struggle to maintain control. “All this suffering? Poor, tragic, messed up Aaron. Only what you don’t realize, is that it’s not just you you’re hurting. You’re hurting everyone around you! Everyone!”

He could see it on Aaron’s face now, he was at the breaking point. Robert was preparing himself for the younger man to lash out, but just then they heard tires screech. Andy’s car roared past them, engine rumbling as he sped down the street. Robert glanced over at Andy’s place. Was the door open? He walked away from Aaron, getting close enough to make sure. Hearing Aaron’s footsteps behind him, Robert glanced back at him and beckoned him over.

Robert walked into the house, looking around. “Why’s he left the door wide open?” Robert wondered. “Hello?” he called out as he went further in. As he walked into the dining area, he saw a row of envelopes laid out on the table. One of them had his name written on it. Grabbing it up, he opened it and read it.

_Dear Robert,_

_I don’t need to tell you why I’m doing this. All these years I thought I could live without Katie - turns out I can’t. No happy endings this time. Please look after Diane and Vic. I did it somewhere only you’d know about because I didn’t want them to see. Remember the quarry where we used to chuck rocks off the edge? Back before we hated each other. I’m so sorry we wasted so much time._

_I love you mate_

_Andy X_

“Oh god, no,” Robert said, feeling his heart lurch in his chest.

“What is it?” Aaron asked softly, standing beside him.

“It’s a suicide note,” Robert told him. He hastily gathered up all the letters Andy had left, then rushed back out the door. He didn’t need to look to know that Aaron was right behind him.

*****

5:00 PM

The engine of Andy’s old, silver Land Rover revved as Aaron threw himself in front of it. He slammed his hands on the bonnet to grab Andy’s attention. Aaron could feel the car shuddering under his hands, ready to take off. They were only a couple yards from the edge of the quarry. If Andy gunned it, there was no way Aaron would have time to save himself.

Andy at least stopped revving the engine, and Aaron watched Robert lunge for the passenger side door and quickly get in. He knew Robert was trying to talk his brother down, but their voices only reached him as muffled murmurs. He did hear it when Andy yelled at him. “Aaron!” he shouted frantically, revving the engine again warningly. “Move! I swear to god I’ll run you over!”

He shook his head at Andy.

At any moment, Andy could decide that he just didn’t care anymore. He could drive the car off the edge, taking Aaron and Robert with him. His life was completely in Andy’s hands. The thought should terrify him, but it didn’t. He just felt numb now, broken down and drained. It was almost a relief, knowing that it would all be over. That he wouldn’t be around to hurt anyone else.

Robert had been right earlier. Aaron constantly hurt those around him. He couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t a burden to the people who loved him. Even as a child, he’d been too much for his parents. Chas had divorced Gordon because of him. She couldn’t handle him, and she’d gone off. And Gordon… well, he’d grown tired of Aaron’s misbehavior too. Eventually Gordon had kicked him out, and since Aaron had come to live with Chas, all he had done was hurt her. And then there was Paddy. He’d stolen from him, fought with him, beaten him. Yet Chas and Paddy still loved him and supported him.

It would never end. There would always be something that Aaron did or said that would hurt them. It was what he did, how he was. And if they ever got tired of all the pain he caused them, who would be there for him then? Robert? Robert couldn’t even admit that he wanted to be with Aaron, let alone that he loved him. If Chas or Paddy ever turned their backs on him, there would be no one who’d stick by him then.

Aaron found himself turning around to face the edge of the quarry. It was a long drop, the chasm so big that the wind whistled through it, sending back a hollowed sound. It sounded empty, like Aaron felt inside. Andy’s voice carried in that emptiness. “My life… it’s nothing! It’s nothing!” he cried out, and it was like he was taking the words straight from Aaron’s own head. “I’ll do it, I don’t care anymore!” The engine revved behind him, and Aaron felt the air come easily into his lungs. The guilt he’d been carrying always made him feel like there was a weight on his chest, leaving him struggling to breathe. It only ever went away when he’d been running until he had blisters on his feet and his muscles were sore all over. Or when he was cutting himself. The thought that he could die at any second made him feel almost calm inside.

He turned back to face the car when the engine stopped revving, and without the loud sound he could hear them more clearly. “Robert, get out,” Andy snapped, tears thick in his voice.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Aaron saw Robert look away from his brother and out the window at him. Their eyes locked as Robert said, “If you’re doing this, then we’re doing it together. After everything I’ve done to you, maybe this is how it should end.” Those words were meant for Andy, but they were said to Aaron. Then he turned back toward his brother and said, “Maybe I deserve it.”

Andy looked out at Aaron then, and revved the engine once more. This was it. All three of them would go together. The thought just didn’t bother him in the way that it probably should have. When the engine quieted again, Aaron felt the horrible guilt and depression he’d been struggling with creeping back in to haunt him. He found himself reaching absently into his pocket, grabbing onto his keys with his right hand and squeezing them tight.

The jagged metal bit into his palm, the same one he’d sliced up with a shard of glass at Robert’s wedding reception. The deep cut had since scabbed over, but it had been slow to heal because he kept messing with it. It throbbed angrily as he tightened his fist around the keys. The pain usually helped him think straight. Tonight, it was like he barely felt it. He couldn’t feel anything besides the emotions tearing him up inside. Even when the scab broke, and hot blood slicked his palm, it was like his hand belonged to someone else.

He took a step away from the car, and then another, numbly walking away from the drama unfolding inside the Land Rover. Aaron came to the edge of the quarry. He was gripping the keys so tightly that his hand was trembling, blood seeping out. The pain used to make him feel better. Now, it was the sight of the bottom of the quarry that delivered some kind of peace. Eyes filling with hot tears, Aaron took a deep breath. He inched closer to the edge, his shoe kicking a rock down. Mesmerized, he watched it fall. The distance to the bottom was so great that it seemed to take the rock longer to hit the water below than it should have. Despite the fact that it was falling, the rock almost seemed to defy gravity. Like it was floating down gracefully instead of plunging sharply to the bottom of the quarry.

Aaron shuffled closer to the edge. His toes were over it now, and he felt a gust of wind pushing against his back. The strong breeze sang hollowly through the quarry, and if he closed his eyes it was like he was the only one there. Aaron tipped his head back, letting the cold air freeze the hot, anguished tears on his face.

He was going to do it.

The decision filled him with relief, like he could finally rest easy. Aaron opened his eyes, and he was staring up at the sky. It was a clear black dome above him. A boom sounded, and the sky sparked fiery red and gold. Fireworks.

Chas. He’d forgotten how his mum had made arrangements to go and set off fireworks with Leyla and Vanessa, for Katie. Because she was missing her best mate. Because she was so cut up about Katie's death that she could barely manage. Aaron looked down, saw his toes hanging off the side of the quarry. Would she set off fireworks for him?

He saw it then, saw how he was once again about to do something that would hurt others more than it would ever hurt him. If he jumped, he’d just be dead. That was it. It was an escape. But what about his mum? And Paddy? They would be left behind to mourn him, and wonder why he’d done it. All the guilt he had piled on himself because of Katie’s death wouldn’t disappear. It would go on to live in them, as they struggled to figure out why he had done it, and wonder what they could have done to stop him.

Fresh tears streamed down his face, and gasping, he tore himself from the edge, stumbling back to safety. He fell to his hands and knees, weeping because there was no end to this. He had to keep on, no matter how much it hurt. “Aaron?” he heard Robert call out, voice worried. He couldn’t answer, too miserable to speak. Aaron heard a car door open, and then Robert was yelling, “Andy, no, Andy!”

Aaron moved from his hands and knees so he was sitting on the dirt, facing the quarry. He saw that Andy had taken his place on the edge, looking down for his own answers. Robert had gotten out of the car, and was standing with his hands pressed to the bonnet. “Andy, no!” he shouted, as if that alone would make him stop. “Please, I’m begging you!”

Aaron struggled to his feet again, staggering to the car and leaning against the back of it, out of sight. But it was like Andy knew he was there. “How did you feel when you lost Jackson?” he called out.

Aaron slowly shifted around the back of the car until he was propped up against the side. He wiped at his eyes, as Robert said, “Aaron? Please don’t let him!”

“So come on then,” Andy said, still staring down over the edge. “Get me through this. Surely you’ve got something to say, some reason I shouldn’t do it?”

But Aaron was shaking his head. He’d barely had reason not to do it himself. “This is your decision,” he finally said. “You make it.”

“But it wasn’t with Katie, was it?” Robert asked Andy, voice raised and wild with worry. “Your decision? You couldn’t have done anything! None of us could!” Aaron looked away at that, feeling that crushing weight descending on him again. Robert would say anything to keep Andy from jumping. He’d say any lie. “Do you think Katie would have chosen to see you hurt like this? Well?”

Andy finally looked up from where his gaze had been trained to the bottom of the quarry. “No,” he moaned so quietly that the wind passing through the quarry seemed to carry the sound away.

“Then come home!” Robert urged him. “Don’t run away; live your life!”

There was a tense silence as Andy made his decision, just as Aaron had moments before. “I don’t need to kill myself,” Andy finally said, sounding numb. He paused again, and he cried as he added, “I’m already dead. I died with her.”

He turned and walked away from the edge, heading toward Aaron, who wept as Andy passed him. Whether the older man knew it or not, Aaron had done this to him, had brought him to this point. Aaron had brought them both to this point.

In a way, they had both died with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that wasn't too depressing!
> 
> And in case anyone was wondering, yes, severe anxiety can sometimes feel like you're having a heart attack. I've described my own symptoms to people before who thought I was exaggerating or speaking figuratively. Believe me, I wish I was =/


	6. I deserve better than you

**20 February 2015**

Robert was completely out of his depth. He knew it as he made tea that morning and carried two cups to the living room where his brother sat waiting for him. He had thought that last night had been the difficult part, when he had desperately talked Andy out of killing himself. The morning after was proving to be worse. A bit like a one night stand, he thought to himself as he approached his brother. The night before, everyone was caught up in the moment. The morning after was when you had to figure out what to say to the other person. The main difference here was that a one night stand was at least fun while it was happening. There was nothing about yesterday that Robert cared to repeat.

Setting one cup down on the low table in front of the sofa Andy was seated on, Robert backed up a couple of steps, as if having some space might do his brother any good. He tucked his free hand in his pocket and tried to think of something to say. “How are you feeling this morning?”

Andy stared at him, short hair mussed from running his hands through it a million times. He looked pale and tired.

“That’s a stupid question,” Robert acknowledged.

Thankfully, Andy didn’t leave him struggling to fill the silence. He glanced down for a moment as he thought. “I guess I should be saying I’m sorry,” Andy told him before looking back up.

“No, there’s no need,” Robert told him. He was just happy to have Andy sitting there in front of him, alive. They had so many difficult years behind them, but as much as Robert found himself resenting Andy and sometimes hating him, that didn’t mean he wanted his brother dead. It’s why he had saved Andy from the wreckage after they had stupidly played chicken after one of their many fights ten years ago. It’s why he had fought so hard to talk Andy off the edge last night. “We all know what you’ve been through; what drove you to it,” he comforted his brother, thinking he might be a bit embarrassed about it all this morning.

“I didn’t mean sorry for what I was going to do,” Andy told him. Robert frowned at that. “I nearly took you with me. And that would have been unforgivable.” The silence stretched between them, and Robert could hear a clock in the room ticking as he tried to process the fact that Andy was clearly still not okay. “You’ve got a new wife. A whole future ahead of you. Yesterday I knew exactly what I wanted to do,” Andy said softly, staring listlessly at the floor. “Now I just feel numb.”

Robert realized then that he’d made a mistake when he spoke to Diane on the phone this morning. He had ignored her first three calls, and it was only once Andy had dozed off for a brief time that he had called their step-mum to reassure her that all was well. She had gotten worried after trying to check on Andy and finding him out. Robert had only told Diane that he and Aaron had talked Andy up at Home Farm last night, because he’d been so down after the funeral. He had wanted to give Andy the courtesy of letting last night remain a secret between the three of them, thinking his brother wouldn’t want a fuss made over him after a momentary lapse in judgement.

After Robert convinced Andy not to jump, he’d thought he had gotten through to him. It was clear now that him trusting that Andy was all better now had been wishful thinking. It might take days, or even weeks for his brother to get well. He might even need to see a professional to help him through this. There was nothing for it - Robert would need to tell Diane and Vic what Andy had tried to do last night.

He urged Andy to drink some tea and then lie down. Except for dozing off for about an hour in the early morning, his brother hadn’t slept at all. Exhaustion finally got the better of him, and he nodded off quickly. He stayed just long enough to be sure Andy wasn’t faking it just so Robert would leave him unwatched. The last thing he wanted was for his brother to try and kill himself while Robert was gone. He grabbed his jacket and went out for a quick walk, just needing fresh air and some time alone to think.

There were a lot of things on his mind. Andy, obviously. All Robert had thought of since Andy stepped away from the ledge was his brother. He’d watched him, talked to him, worried about him… What Robert hadn’t done was think about Aaron. So much had happened last night, but one of the worst moments from the night before was when he had looked over to where he had last seen Aaron standing too close to the edge, only to find him gone. He knew Aaron wasn’t thinking right. In that moment, unable to spot him anywhere, Robert had been certain he’d jumped.

Robert barely had words to describe that moment. He’d been afraid. Horrified. He didn’t know what he would have done if he’d had time to react. Andy hadn’t given him time, though. All Robert had been able to do was call out Aaron’s name in despair, and then his brother was running from the car toward the edge of the quarry. Robert couldn’t spare even a second to struggle with his complete and overwhelming fear and regret. He had to focus on getting Andy to safety.

There was no time to deal with his fear that Aaron was gone forever. There was definitely not enough time to deal with the almost crippling regret that filled him. Because the moment he looked up and found Aaron gone, possibly lying dead and broken on the floor of the quarry, Robert realized he’d been stupid and blind. The other man had been right about one thing he’d said at Wylie’s Farm, the day of Robert’s wedding. Aaron had said he loved Robert, and was sure Robert felt the same.

He was right.

Robert knew it as soon as he looked down from the dark sky, the shadows of fireworks still dancing in his eyes, and found that Aaron had disappeared. When he connected the dots and realized that Aaron had jumped, the very first thing he’d been aware of was his heart breaking. Only after that did he feel the fear and regret. Somehow he’d fallen in love with Aaron. Robert didn’t know when it had happened, or why. He just knew it was true, and now he had to figure out what he was going to do about it.

He didn’t think it was physically possible to take a long enough walk to allow him time to really think things over. Robert kept it short, deciding that what he had to do right now was be there for Andy. As much as it pained him to abandon Aaron yet again, he felt too confused and shaken when he thought about the younger man. He had to be strong and stable if he was going to help his brother. Robert was going to treat this in the same way a doctor would triage the wounded. Andy needed his help more right now. He had to trust that Chas and Paddy would take care of Aaron while Robert focused on Andy.

So he went straight back home to check on his brother, and found him still sleeping. Relieved, Robert headed toward the kitchen where he heard Chrissie and Lawrence talking. “Where’s Andy?” Chrissie asked him.

Robert came to join her at the kitchen counter, resting his hands on the cool surface. “Well he’s finally gone to sleep. I think he’s exhausted.”

“You didn’t get any sleep last night either,” Chrissie reminded him. How could he? He’d been too worried about taking his eyes off of Andy for even one second. “Maybe you should get your head down for a couple of hours,” she suggested.

“No, not yet.” He straightened up, and Chrissie saw his attention move from her to the kettle behind her. They both moved across the kitchen toward it. She turned it on, clearly wanting to do something for him.

“You’re still worried about him?” Chrissie asked.

Robert sighed, still feeling out of his depth. “I just don’t know what he might do,” he admitted as he leaned his backside against the counter near the kettle, waiting for the water to heat. “I think it’s safest if we have someone with him all the time.”

Lawrence didn’t look very thrilled as he sat at the kitchen table, but Chrissie was nodding. “Well, Dad and I are quite capable of keeping an eye on him, so you can go and get some rest. I can cancel all my appointments for today.”

“Thanks, but it’s not just today that I’m worried about,” he told them. He could see from Lawrence’s face that the old man knew where this was going and didn’t like it. “I think Andy should move in with us for a while,” Robert said, looking at Chrissie. If she agreed to it, then Lawrence would too.

Predictably, the old man was the first to speak up. “Are you sure that’s what he needs?”

“Well, we can’t risk a repeat of last night! His head’s all over the place.” Robert once again turned toward Chrissie, reaching out his hand to run it along her arm. “I have to help him in every way I can.”

“Well then… that’s what we’ll do,” she agreed, glancing over at her father. “We need to support you whatever it takes.”

“Thanks,” he said, letting his hand drop. He stood up straight again and started heading back out of the kitchen. He had things to do that didn’t involve sitting there drinking more tea. “He should sleep for a while, give me time to go down to the village while you keep an eye on him.”

“Anything you need in the village, we can handle that,” Chrissie reassured him, clearly still wanting him to get some rest.

“Er, no… This has to be done by me. Diane doesn’t know what’s happened yet, and I reckon I’m the one that has to break the news.”

Lawrence pushed air past his lips strongly at that, a sound that seemed to acknowledge the difficulty Robert faced. “That’s not going to be easy,” he said. The old man was not entirely unsympathetic, but Robert knew from experience with him that he never cared deeply about anyone or anything unless it was him, his daughters, his grandson, or his business.

“It has to be done,” Robert said, pausing to glance back at them. “I’ll see you later.”

Robert couldn’t help himself. He had to glance in on Andy one more time before he left the house. His brother was still sprawled on the sofa in the living room, softly snoring. Reassured, he went out to his car and made the quick drive into the village. Robert entered the Woolpack and went around the bar and through to the back, giving a brief nod to Alicia who was working the bar. Robert was about to knock on the door when he heard Diane say Andy’s name.

“I thought Andy handled it all better than I expected,” she said.

“Didn’t go to the wake though,” he heard Chas point out.

“No. He said he wanted some time on his own. And it must have worked because he went off to Home Farm with Robert and Aaron.” Robert rolled his eyes. No doubt Chas would be thinking about the promise he’d made to her and Paddy that he’d never speak to Aaron again.

“Robert and Aaron?” Chas asked sharply.

He turned the handle on the door and pushed it open, letting himself in. No good would come from letting that conversation continue. He didn’t trust Chas to control herself and not say anything to Diane, and he was going to be giving his step-mum enough to worry about shortly. He entered and found Chas sitting at the table, with Diane standing next to her. His step-mum turned toward him and started walking over as she asked, “Where’s Andy? I thought he’d be back by now!”

Knowing there was no easy way to go about this, Robert tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket and took a deep breath. “He may not be back for a while.”

“Maybe you should tell us what’s been going on,” Chas said, giving him a knowing look as she sat there with a cup held in both hands. The look on her face grated on his nerves. Why did she always have to be so insufferable? He knew she was thinking about the fact that he’d been with Aaron when he promised he’d stay away, but she didn’t know he’d overheard the conversation. It gave him leeway to ignore what she was hinting at, so Robert chose to ignore her and focus on Diane instead.

“Is Andy alright?” Diane asked, already sounding worried.

“I’m- I’m really sorry, Diane, but he… He tried to commit suicide last night.”

Diane gasped, hands shooting up to cover her mouth as she stared at Robert in shock. “Oh! Oh no!” she choked, voice wavering with emotion.

“What!?” Chas demanded, sitting up abruptly. It was very clearly not what she had expected Robert to say. He felt a split second of anger. So, what had she expected? For him to tell her he wasn’t through with Aaron? That he wanted to keep seeing him, despite everything? That he’d fantasized about the younger man just a few nights ago as he jerked off, and came so hard he was practically seeing stars! Or maybe that he was in love with Aaron and didn’t know what the hell he was going to do about it.

This wasn’t the time for it though. Robert helped Diane to the sofa. “We got to him just before he drove his car into the quarry,” Robert explained.

“I thought he was getting better!” Diane shook her head, looking down, eyes distant as she tried to think. “How could I have missed this?” she wondered.

“No, don’t start blaming yourself!” Chas told her.

“It’s not the first time he’s tried!” Diane cried. “If he was feeling that desperate, I should have known! I should have been there for him.”

“R-right, y-you said that you stopped him from driving into the quarry?” Chas stuttered, apparently trying to put things together. “How did you know to find him there?”

“I found a note he left for me,” Robert answered her as Diane sat there with a hand over her mouth, still in shock.

“Does Debbie know?” Chas asked him.

“Not yet.”

“Ugh,” Chas sighed. “I better get over there,” she said, standing up and heading for the door that lead to the stairwell, presumably so she could grab a jacket off the coat hanger placed there. Robert was glad to see her go, even if he was annoyed that she hadn’t even asked after Andy. But then, she was a Dingle and Debbie was family.

Once she was gone, he relaxed enough to take a seat across from Diane, sitting sideways on one of the kitchen chairs so he could face her. He was wearing the same jacket from last night, and the suicide notes were still in his pocket. Robert pulled them out and found Diane’s. “He left a note for you too,” Robert told her, passing it along to her.

She reached out slowly and took the note from Robert. Diane stared at her name printed on the front for so long that he thought she might not read it. But eventually she broke open the envelope and read the note Andy had left for her. Diane read it only once before she folded it back up and ripped it in half. She set it aside on the low table that sat between them before she said, “I just have to hope that he doesn’t get into that state again.”

“There’s letters for Victoria and the kids too,” Robert told her, feeling tired. “What should I do with them?” he asked, just wanting someone else to make decisions about Andy for now.

“Destroy them. No one else needs to read that!” she said, looking back down at the note she had torn up. “Me and Victoria were just beginning to think he was coming to terms with it! And all the time he was planning to….” She broke off, rubbing her forehead with her hand while she tried to compose herself. “Thank god you got to him in time! I wonder if… Do you think he might try again?”

She looked so worried as she stared at him that Robert almost wanted to lie. But Andy was going to need more support than Robert could provide on his own. He’d need Diane and Vic. “The truth is, I- I don’t know.”

“Then you shouldn’t have left him on his own!” she worried.

“No, he’s fine now, he’s sleeping,” he reassured her. “Chrissie and her dad are looking after him. I think it’s best if he comes and stays with us for a while.”

He could hear the sound of a pair of high heels hurrying in from the pub. Bernice appeared from the door that Robert had left open. It was clear she already knew. She must have run into Chas. “Oh, mum, I just heard!” Bernice said. Diane stood and hugged her daughter, the two of them giving one another comfort. Something about watching them hug, and seeing the love between them made Robert feel sad. “I came to see if there was anything I could do,” Bernice said.

Robert looked away from them. He should have been thinking about Andy, but it was Aaron that occupied his thoughts. Robert excused himself. Bernice would look after Diane, and he needed to tell Vic what was going on. If explaining the situation to Diane was bad, this was going to be ten times worse.

He was right. It was. Vic wept and clung to Robert, going between anger and grief and back again so quickly he didn’t know what to say. Thankfully she had apparently made plans to meet with Adam, because he showed up unannounced. Robert would have been upset at the way Adam shouldered him aside, except he had absolutely no clue how to help Vic. Adam seemed to have the magic touch. He wrapped his arms around her, and Vic finally quieted down. Once again he was excusing himself from the room, leaving somebody else to comfort someone he loved.

Robert got back in his car, ready to drive back to Home Farm. He would comfort his brother, as Adam had comforted Vic, and Bernice had Diane. He grew irritated at himself when he couldn’t stay focused on Andy. He kept wondering where Aaron was. Robert realized then that he had unconsciously expected to run into Aaron at the pub. In the same way that Robert hadn’t been able to fight the urge to check on Andy one last time before leaving Home Farm, he couldn’t leave the village without attempting to reassure himself that Aaron was okay. He decided to drive by the scrap yard before heading home.

Slowing his Audi as he went past the yard, Robert looked and found no sign that Aaron was there. It looked closed. He wanted to go in and check the portacabin, but it’d only make things worse if Chas spotted him. Who knew what she would do then? At best, she would yell at Robert and warn him off again. At worst, she’d go to Chrissie and tell her all she knew. 

Frustrated at himself, Robert pulled into the scrap yard despite his better judgement. He got out of the Audi to check the portacabin, only to find it locked. Robert quickly walked through the yard, just to make sure Aaron wasn’t working on something and just hadn’t heard Robert drive up. Going back to his car, Robert struggled with himself some more before deciding that Chas was very likely still with Debbie. He made his way back to the pub, sneaking in and heading upstairs. Robert knocked on Aaron’s bedroom door, but there was no answer.

Taking a deep breath, Robert turned the knob and pushed the door open just enough to allow him to poke his head in. His eyes immediately went to the bed, which was rumpled and empty. At this point he should have backed out and left, but Robert found himself walking in. He sat on the mattress and grabbed one of Aaron’s pillows, bringing it to his face. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t creepy at all to enter his lover’s bedroom while he was gone and just hug his pillow close. It especially wasn’t creepy when accounting for the fact that for a short time, Robert had thought Aaron was dead.

He allowed himself to hold onto the pillow for a full minute before setting it aside and leaving the room. Hugging Aaron’s pillow wasn’t as good as hugging the man himself, but it would have to do. Robert went back out to his car and drove to Home Farm. Aaron would be fine. He had to be. Robert pushed back his worry for the younger man, returning to his earlier resolve to focus on Andy. He had to remind himself that Aaron had Chas and Paddy. It wasn’t as though Aaron would even appreciate Robert’s concern. Unless he was mistaken, and he didn’t think he was given Aaron’s recent behavior toward him, they were on the outs at the moment. Robert wasn’t sure how long that would last, but he had to give Aaron some space. If the younger man needed him, he could call at any time. Until then, Robert would be a rock for Andy to lean on, and not worry about anything else.

Robert parked his Audi on the drive in front of the house, taking note of the strange car parked there already. When he let himself inside, he found Diane and Vic standing near Andy while Debbie stood across from them. It was immediately clear that she was angry. Robert walked into the living room to find her going on passionately about Sarah, and what Andy was potentially teaching their daughter by giving up on life.

Taking one look at Andy just sitting there, hunched over, elbows to knees with his chin resting against his folded hands, Robert could see that Debbie wasn’t getting through to him. “I think it’s time you left, Debbie,” Robert said from behind her.

“Why?” she asked, straightening her shoulders while continuing to glare down at Andy. “He’s scared of the truth?”

“No, but maybe you could remember what he’s just been through,” Robert told her, feeling protective of Andy. “What he’s lost,” he added. Robert may have hated Katie, but Andy had loved her and had lost her. And Robert was responsible for it, although he’d take that to the grave with him if Aaron was finally willing to let it be.

“Well it seems like he’s got the rest of you for that,” Debbie said, tone unforgiving. “I remember what our little girl went through. And no matter how bad it got, not once did she give up like this!”

Unable to hold back, Diane cried out, “But if you push him over the edge again, the children might really lose their father!”

Robert stepped up closer behind Debbie. “So why don’t you just go home, and you can continue this conversation when everyone’s feeling a bit calmer.”

Debbie took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling as she apparently tried to calm herself. Robert watched as she then came over to sit on the table in front of Andy, putting their faces at an even level. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you give up,” she said, and it was the first thing Robert had heard from her that showed she was hurting for Andy, and not just for her kids. “I care too much about you for that. Just think about your kids: how much they love you; how much they need you. That’s all I ask.”

She actually managed to make Andy listen. Robert could tell by the way his brother looked at Debbie before she stood and stormed out of the house. Still feeling protective, Robert stepped closer and said, “I’m sorry about that.” He probably should have anticipated that Debbie would rush over here to have a go at Andy. She was a Dingle after all, and Robert knew from personal experience that their tempers ran hot.

It took some time for everyone to settle after Debbie left. Finally though, Robert and Diane went into the kitchen to make tea while Victoria stayed with Andy in the living room. He had a perfect view of his siblings as Diane did most of the work preparing their brews. “He seems a bit calmer now,” Diane commented, drawing his attention.

“There’s still a long way to go,” Robert cautioned her. He had also fooled himself into thinking the worst was over just that morning. Now, he was certain that a few hours, or a single day wasn’t going to be enough time for Andy to get through all of this.

“He wouldn’t even have got this far without you,” Diane said, gazing at him earnestly. Robert looked away from her. “It’s the one good thing to come out of all of this.” Looking back at her, he found himself wondering if maybe, somehow, there was a point to all this. Maybe Robert and Andy would never have truly mended things between them if Katie were still alive. “I was wrong about you Robert. When you came back to the village, I kept remembering all the fights between you and Andy when Jack was alive.”

“I’m sorry for all the grief I caused you,” Robert apologized. He could barely remember a time when his temper hadn’t always riled everyone up. Not that he never had justification. Robert didn’t get upset unless there was reason. But he recognized that his temper and tendency to hold grudges had created rifts between him and most of everyone he’d ever loved.

“When it mattered, you were there for him,” Diane reassured him. Robert needed to hear those words. He knew it didn’t make up for everything, but he was trying his hardest to be the best brother he could be, in light of what had happened to Katie. “I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. If it wasn’t for you, he’d be dead.”

Robert wasn’t much of one to feel guilty over things he couldn’t change, but he tried to redirect the conversation, suddenly uncomfortable. Yes, maybe Andy would have died if not for Robert, but it was also because of Robert that he’d tried to kill himself in the first place. “I don’t deserve your thanks, I haven’t saved anyone. Truth is, he could try again at any time,” Robert said, glancing back out toward Andy and Vic. Diane followed his gaze. He could see how Vic had rested her head on Andy’s shoulder, eyes closed as she held onto her brother. Andy, on the other hand, looked untouched, emotionally removed from the moment as he gazed off at nothing.

“At least we can all work together now,” Robert commented, feeling closer to his family than he had in a long time, even if the circumstances were less than ideal. “We can’t leave him alone, because if we take our eyes off the ball, we could lose him for good.”

*****

**23 February 2015**

Despite his words to Diane, Robert was feeling the strain of caring for his brother after the weekend. Vic and Diane were constant visitors at Home Farm. He knew he couldn’t have managed without them. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be there for Andy. He just didn’t know how to be. Talking at Andy wasn’t helping. Listening didn’t work either. He could hear crickets every time he tried to get Andy to open up and speak about what had happened. Andy wouldn’t leave the living room either, except to go up to bed. He just sat on the sofa, despite Robert’s best efforts to get him up. Andy even refused activities that didn’t require him leaving the sofa, like watching television or a movie.

Robert was in the kitchen making coffee for Diane and Andy when he heard his phone go off. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled it out. Aaron had texted him. _We need to talk. I’m at home._

Taking a deep breath, he sent a message back. _I’ll be there as soon as I can._

Trying to act normally, Robert finished making the coffee. He walked over to Andy and Diane, handing them each a cup. “I’m just going to pop into the village quickly. I’ll be right back,” he told them. He grabbed his jacket and drove to the pub, trying to prepare himself for anything. Hopefully, Aaron just wanted some support. Robert could be there for both Aaron and Andy. He’d make it work. He was just crossing his fingers that Aaron wasn’t going to start threatening to spill their secrets again. Robert really didn’t think Andy could handle that, in his current state.

Robert walked through the Woolpack and went around the bar. He let himself in through the back and immediately spotted Aaron sitting at the table. Glancing around quickly to make sure they were alone, Robert came a bit closer. Aaron was looking straight ahead, not even sparing him a glance. He was dressed in his customary black, from his zipped up hoodie to his jeans. Robert couldn’t help but notice how fit he looked, although he’d be a bit more at ease if Aaron would just look at him. “I got your text,” he said cautiously. “A bit dicey here though. I thought we weren’t supposed to be seen in the same room.”

“Yeah, well I needed to talk to you. I’m getting bored of sitting around wondering how many more lives we’ve ruined.”

Aaron was clearly still affected by what he’d seen at the quarry. Robert nodded, and tried to reassure him. “Andy will pull through. I’ll make sure of it.”

“You hope.” Aaron stood up and turned to face him, expression set. “Look, I have to live with what I did. But I don’t need reminding why by seeing you.”

Robert tried to swallow, feeling his mouth go dry. He knew where Aaron was headed with this, but he wanted to be clear. “Meaning?”

“Meaning we’re done,” Aaron said firmly. “Whatever this was?” he said, shaking his head. “It’s over. I deserve better than you.”

“Is that right?” Robert said immediately, suddenly angry. “And us packing it in, that’s going to change what exactly?”

“Who knows. I might be able to live with myself, for a start,” Aaron said, emotion finally peeking through his tough exterior. “Because right now, I’m struggling.”

Hearing Aaron say those words immediately brought to mind that horrible night, when he’d looked up and thought that Aaron had jumped. Robert drew in a shaky breath. “You know, the other night at the quarry… you just stood on the edge. Just staring.” He looked at Aaron, but he was staring at Robert’s chest now, not meeting his eyes. “I saw you.”

Aaron gave a shake of his head, still not looking Robert in the eyes. “I was just clearing my head.”

“Oh really? Is that what you were doing?” Robert said, not willing to let this go. Aaron finally looked at him, but his expression was too firm, too unyielding. He was trying too hard to convince Robert, when it was so obvious he was lying through his teeth. “These last few weeks have been enough to mess with anyone’s head,” Robert said, trying to get him to just admit what they both knew was true.

Aaron went on the defensive. He glared at Robert, like he was the enemy here. “Don’t pretend you actually care about me.”

“Oh, and you know what’s in my head, do you?” Robert demanded, actually hurt this time. How had Aaron gone from being so certain of Robert’s love for him that he’d begged him to call off the wedding, to now being convinced that Robert didn’t care?

“I know you’ve got a perfect little life, and I’m not in it.” Aaron may as well have pulled Robert’s heart from his chest and stomped on it. It was painful because he knew that up until a few days ago, he’d have agreed with Aaron. He’d have told Aaron that he meant nothing to him. Now Robert knew how much he stood to lose, and the younger man was throwing it in his face. “Go back to your wife, Robert.”

“And you’re not going to be texting me the minute I’m out that door, saying that you made a mistake?” It had happened before between them. One or the other would call things off, only to come crawling back.

The look Aaron gave him was resolved. The other times the younger man had called things off, he’d been angry, and fierce. Now he just looked done. Silence gathered between them for a few agonizing seconds, and then Aaron nodded once, as if to acknowledge that Robert had good reason to ask that question. “You won’t be hearing from me. Not anymore.”

Robert watched his face, searching for a trace of hesitation. There was none. Hardly able to believe that this was it, he started to back up. He was unwilling to take his eyes off of Aaron, hoping that the younger man would give in, or say he didn’t mean any of it. When Aaron remained silent, Robert had no choice but to turn and go. He slammed the door behind him, furious and hurt beyond belief.

The ride back to Home Farm was a bad one. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. It was almost a relief to get back home and relieve Diane of her duty to watch Andy. Robert went out of his way to be helpful to his brother, caring for him until he finally laid down for a kip. Dreading being alone, he lit up when he spotted Chrissie coming down the stairs.

“How’s Andy?” she asked.

Pleased that her first thought was for his brother, Robert said, “He’s gone for a lie down.”

“Why don’t you do the same?” Chrissie asked as she finished walking down the stairs and came over to him. “You must be shattered.”

“You’re amazing, do you know that?” Robert asked her, suddenly overwhelmingly aware that if he’d just appreciated her a little more, he could have saved himself a world of hurt. If he’d just tried more with her, and been more forgiving, he’d never have kissed Aaron in the first place. He was sure of it. He’d never have started up the affair, he’d never have had something to hide from Katie, and he certainly would never have ended up at Wylie’s Farm on his wedding day. Andy would still have his wife, and Robert would never have had to talk him down from a ledge.

If he had appreciated her more, he’d never have known the taste of Aaron in his mouth. He would never have seen how the younger man’s face flushed when he was at the height of passion. He would never have heard Aaron’s voice low and raspy with desire, or hoarse from crying out in pleasure. He would never have felt the push of Aaron inside of him, doing to him what he had never let another man do before.

It was a bitter heat that traveled through Robert’s body as he thought of the younger man. Thoughts of Aaron were usually enough to get him heated, but it was hurtful now. Robert focused his attention on his wife, who had been nothing but loving and supportive. “You’ve not complained once,” he said, stepping into her space, “about any of this, despite us not having five minutes together.” Reaching out, Robert gripped Chrissie’s arms, feeling her black leather jacket under his fingertips. “Since the wedding? Missing out on our honeymoon?”

Chrissie broke out into a smile. “It is so nice to have my husband back!” she joked.

Pulling her in close, he let his hands travel down her back to rest on her behind. “I say we kick off this marriage properly. Nothing’s getting in the way this time,” he murmured. 

She playfully held back, not letting him kiss her. “You mean the whole let’s go to bed bit, don’t you?” she asked, somewhat apologetically. Robert pulled back just a bit, as she said, “Only I need the can we talk bit right now.”

“Okay,” he agreed, letting go of her and trying to think of maths to distract his mind from his growing problem. “Why, what’s wrong?”

“Lucky,” she said, and Robert tried his hardest not to roll his eyes. He should have known. When wasn’t she worried about her son? “David said something to me earlier, and I’m really not quite sure what he was getting at,” Chrissie said, playing with her wedding ring as she thought about it. “You don’t think Lachlan might be gay?”

It was maybe the one thing she could have said that would have surprised him. He expected this to be about the boy taking photos of another girl, or spending too much time on his computer, or following Belle Dingle around again. Robert couldn’t help but laugh. “Hardly! After the kind of porn we caught him watching?” he said, lowering his voice so as not to be overheard by anyone who might walk in.

“That’s supposed to reassure me? That we saw him watching stuff like that?” she asked incredulously. She turned away from him, heading toward the kitchen and talking to him over her shoulder as she walked. “What with all the legal highs, him not making any friends, and don’t forget the business with Belle!”

“He’s a teenager,” Robert protested as he followed her. “Your parents approving kind of defeats the point.” Chrissie was, once again, overreacting. He’d just wanted to take her up to bed, not have to deal with more reactionary comments about her son.

“What about this person he’s supposed to like?” she asked him, turning to face him again as Robert wondered who she was referring to. Had she skipped something in the conversation, or had she talked to him about this at some other point? He tended to tune Chrissie out when she started obsessing about her son’s antics. “How can I relax after what happened last time?”

“Being weird and mysterious is his thing, isn’t it?” Robert pointed out. “You’re worried about nothing. Trust me.”

He could tell by the look on Chrissie’s face that she wanted to believe him. Robert took advantage of that, moving in close once more and capturing her lips in a kiss. She allowed him to distract her, following when he grabbed her hand and lead her back upstairs. He let himself drown in her, trying to erase Aaron from his memory forever. It wouldn’t work, of course, but feeling her hands on his skin did help to dull his pain. Chrissie made him feel loved and wanted. She was balm on the wounds Aaron had inflicted on him.


	7. There’s lots of stuff I wish I’d done... or hadn't done

**11 March 2015**

It had been two weeks since Aaron had last spoken to Robert. He’d hoped cutting ties completely would somehow make things better. It had worked in a way. He didn’t feel as divided, because he no longer felt like he was betraying Chas like he had right after Katie died. He felt better now that his mum knew Katie hadn’t been crazy. He felt better knowing that he could be there for her when she needed him.

Yet, without Robert, there were no distractions. His days were filled with memories of Katie, and of all the mistakes he’d made because he fell in love with the wrong man. His only relief was running. Aaron was at no risk of killing himself, not now, but he still couldn’t handle it. He had sent Katie to her death, and he had to find a way to live with that. It was not an easy task. It wasn’t something he could bounce back from. He was locked into a pattern of guilt that he couldn’t break free of. It was especially difficult because he didn’t think he deserved to break free of it.

He had so much to atone for, and to feel bad about. The one thing that he should actually feel good about was that he had come to his senses and broken it off with Robert. He just couldn’t believe he’d let it go for that long. Aaron tried to be proud of that as he got ready for his first run of the day. He dressed himself and then crept down the stairs so Chas wouldn’t notice him if she was up. He would spend some time with her after his run. Right now, this was what he needed to clear his head of Katie and Robert. Then he would come home and be a good son to her, or as good a son as he knew how to be.

Aaron pulled the door shut quietly behind him, and then began to jog away from the pub. Later, when exhaustion weighed down his limbs, he could enjoy being too tired to think anymore. But at the beginning of each run, his thoughts were usually a mess inside of his head. This morning, as he broke into motion, his mind went back two weeks ago to the day he’d broken it off with Robert. He replayed that day in his head over and over, reassuring himself that it was for the best.

He just wished that being smart felt better.

*****

**23 February 2015**

He was walking down the stairs when he heard Chas and Paddy talking. Recently, those two only ever talked alone together like this when they were discussing him. He slowed his steps until he came to a standstill at the closed door that lead into the living room and kitchen, eavesdropping shamelessly. Why shouldn’t he know what they were saying about him behind his back?

“It turns out that he was with Robert, at the quarry, when they found Andy,” Chas said, sounding like she was a barrister laying out evidence for the jury at court.

“Is he seeing him again?” Paddy asked. Aaron didn’t have to see the older man’s face to picture the concerned expression that would be there.

“He swears he isn’t, but I don’t know what to think.”

“If he says he isn’t, then you should believe him,” Paddy said without hesitation. “You know what happens if you push him.” Aaron spared a split second to wonder what he meant by that. Was he just talking about Aaron’s temper, or was he implying something about Aaron self-harming?

His thought was interrupted by what Chas said next. “Robert’s got this hold over him. Aaron just can’t see it. I want him to be happy, Paddy, but how’s that going to happen when Robert obviously doesn’t give a toss about him?”

Her words stung. He could list any number of examples from the past couple of months with Robert to prove the other man did care. Yet for every example he had of Robert being loving or caring toward him, he had two for how inconsiderate and selfish the blond could be. Aaron wanted to dismiss Chas’ words as untrue, but his most recent experiences with Robert only seemed to be proving her right. Robert had been avoiding him since Katie died. And when Aaron had reached out to him, looking for support as he drowned in his own guilt and depression, Robert had brushed him off. He’d told Aaron he’d be there for him, but not now. Not yet. They had to lay low, pretend they meant nothing to each other. Aaron wasn’t even to look at Robert until Robert decided it was time. It was always about Robert deciding whether or not he had time to spare for Aaron.

It was probably a good thing that the door leading outside opened behind him just then. He wanted to hear more, but wasn’t sure he could handle it. He was both irritated and grateful for James walking in. “Alright?” his mum’s boyfriend asked when he spotted Aaron standing by the closed door to the living area.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be,” Aaron said dismissively, reaching for the doorknob and walking in to find Paddy and Chas standing in the kitchen.

“Hey!” James called out as he followed Aaron in. “You up for a bit of breakfast?” he asked Chas as he went around Aaron to get to her.

“No, I’m going back to bed,” she said, resting her hand briefly on James’ chest before walking past both him and Aaron on her way toward the stairs. “Unless anyone can convince me there’s actually anything worth celebrating today.”

It wasn’t until then that he remembered it was her birthday. And here he was thinking black thoughts about Robert for always being so selfish and inconsiderate. He was guilty of the same, if for different reasons. Robert had always been arrogant, and Aaron had known that going into the affair. Aaron was being selfish by letting his part in Katie’s death be a constant excuse for not supporting his mum. His own guilt over what had happened was making him lose sight of what mattered.

After his mum went up to bed and Paddy had left, Aaron drove into Hotten to get his mum a gift. He knew exactly what he should buy her. She had been talking nonstop about an upcoming concert before Katie had died. It was easy enough to buy the tickets and a birthday card. He couldn’t afford very good seats, but he didn’t think she’d mind. When he got back to the Woolie, he found her sitting with Paddy in the pub. He could only wonder if they had been talking about him again.

He didn’t let the thought irritate him. Instead, he slipped back the hood he’d worn against the freezing drizzle that had started up outside. “Heya,” he said as he walked over to their table. Aaron unzipped his black hoodie halfway so he could reach in and grab the card from inside, where he had tried to protect it from getting wet. “Happy birthday,” he said as he passed it to her. She accepted it, looking a bit surprised that he’d gotten her anything. He watched nervously as she opened her card. “It’s those concert tickets you were banging on about. I thought maybe I might go with you. You know, leave my self respect at the door, that kind of thing.”

Chas looked up at him, and he could tell from her expression that she was genuinely pleased. “Thank you,” she said simply, smiling for what seemed like the first time since Katie had died. “A lot.” It threw him for a moment, seeing her look so happy. Finally he ducked his head, and made his way around the bar and through to the back, somewhat embarrassed. It’s not like he’d done anything special. But if such a small effort on his part had such a big effect, it just confirmed that he really hadn’t done enough recently to support her.

That had to change. Which is why he sent a text to Robert, asking to meet him. He had to end this. Aaron couldn’t see any other way to make his mum happy. She was still suspicious of them, like she knew the two of them were just waiting until she became inattentive before starting things back up. Aaron knew why she was suspicious. Hadn’t Chas done the same thing with men over and over again? She’d fall out with them, get smart, and then go right back after convincing herself that the man she was with had changed. Aaron had hated her for it when he was younger. He had especially hated it when her poor decisions regarding men had made her cheat on Paddy, the one decent bloke she’d ever been with who had stepped up to be a father to him. It had worked out in the end, with Paddy taking Aaron in as his own while Chas continued to fool herself about Carl.

Chas knew the pattern of breaking up and making up because she’d done it so many times herself. Just the other day, she had confronted him about Robert. She’d heard Aaron had been with him when Andy nearly drove off the quarry. To get her to back off, he’d thrown her past in her face. “Listen, just because you’ve had problems in the past giving up on men doesn’t mean I do!” he had told her.

He had denied being like her, but he was. How many times had Robert disrespected him and belittled him? How many times had Robert pushed him away, as if Aaron meant nothing to him? How many times had Robert picked Chrissie instead of him? And how many more times would he do those things before Aaron stopped making excuses for him? As much as he had hated Chas for putting her relationships first, wasn’t he doing the same thing now?

Aaron knew that he was being smart, for once. And yet, when he saw the hurt on Robert’s face after he realized Aaron wasn’t going to change his mind, he wanted nothing more than to go over and hug him. He wanted to kiss Robert and lose himself in the other man. Instead, Aaron held firm, remembering his mum’s face when he’d handed her the birthday card and concert tickets. He remembered what Chas said to Paddy, when Aaron had listened in on them. She had said that Robert had a hold on him, and Aaron was blind to it.

Well, he wasn’t blind anymore. Robert did have a hold on Aaron. Despite everything, Aaron still loved him. That’s why it was so hard for him to watch Robert leave the room after he broke things off. He felt torn as Robert slammed the door and left him alone. In the end, he had to let him go, because he definitely would never forgive himself if he ran after Robert to take it all back.

It helped when Aaron remembered that Robert wouldn’t thank him for chasing after him to make up. He’d lose it if Aaron went after him in front of the entire pub. Well, he’d save Robert the embarrassment of trying to explain why the local gay lad was chasing after him like a lovesick puppy. Aaron made himself sit down on the sofa and turn on the telly. He stared blindly at the screen for a good long while, trying to feel happy or proud of himself that he’d made the right decision by being smarter about his love life than Chas had ever been about hers.

*****

**11 March 2015**

He was sweaty and beginning to feel the burn after running for an hour. He had just circled back toward the pub, thinking of getting a shower and a light breakfast before heading to the scrapyard. Aaron spotted his mum standing in front of the pub, bundled up in a coat as she spoke to Brenda and Bob. She was also holding a bouquet of colorful flowers.

Chas glanced over when she heard his running footsteps. “You look knackered,” she said as he slowed to a stop nearby. Aaron rested his hands on his hips, taking deep breaths as his heart beat strongly in his chest. He nodded at Adam as he walked up to join the group, wearing his bright orange safety vest over his jacket. “Come on,” Chas said, reaching over to grab Brenda’s hand. “Let’s go see her. Five minutes!”

“Those for Katie?” Adam asked. Aaron took a deep breath, waiting for Chas to say something.

It was Brenda who said, “No, for Gennie.”

“Ah,” Adam said as the two women began to walk away. Aaron watched his mum go, the bright flowers she carried waving sadly in the wind. “You alright, mate?” Adam asked. “Do you want a lift back to the scrapyard?”

Aaron felt the guilt eating at him once again, as familiar as it was tiring. “No, I’m not finished yet,” he said, reaching up to put his earbuds back in.

He ran for another hour before making an appearance at the scrapyard. Aaron hadn’t had breakfast yet, but he didn’t want to fall out with Adam again for not pulling his own weight in the business. Luckily it was his turn to do paperwork. He got to sit at his desk for a couple of hours and munch on an energy bar while his muscles recovered. By the time he headed to the pub for lunch, Aaron’s limbs felt less like limp noodles.

“Heya, love,” Chas said when he walked in. “Pint?” she offered. He nodded and came to stand at the bar near to Cain. Someone had left a newspaper on the counter, and he began leafing through it as he waited.

Adam walked in then, announcing himself by calling out loudly, “Yes, Cain, just the man! I need a reconditioned engine.” Aaron glanced at his friend in surprise. They didn’t have any cars at the yard worth rebuilding.

“Why?” Cain asked.

“Just blagged a mini off some bloke, haven’t I,” Adam said. Aaron licked his finger to moisten the tip and turned the page of his paper. He had a feeling this was going to end in Adam asking him to help with the rebuild. “I’m not going to lie, the bodywork’s a little bit dodgy, but I reckon we can do it up, you know?” Aaron tried to ignore him, flipping another page and pretending he hadn’t heard Adam say “we” just now. “We can give it to Vic as a surprise birthday present! What do you reckon?”

Adam nudged Aaron with his elbow, refusing to be ignored. “What?” Aaron demanded harshly, irritated.

“Come on man, keep up,” Adam said, frowning at him over his tetchy outburst.

He didn’t even know why he was so irritated with Adam. It could have been that his mate was so wrapped up in his new romance with Vic that he barely had time for Aaron anymore. Or it could be that he disliked Adam just assuming he’d be available to help rebuild a car that was probably better suited to scrap. Or maybe he was just hungry and tired. Aaron was done trying to figure himself out. Giving an annoyed shake of his head, he closed up the newspaper he’d been trying to read as he said, “I’m going for a run.”

“What, again?” Adam laughed, surprised. “All you do is run and work! You’ve forgotten how to have fun.”

“Well not everything has to be fun, does it?” he pointed out, aggravated.

“Aaron!” his mum called out as he turned to walk away. He’d forgotten about the pint she was pouring for him.

Aaron was in no mood to have a drink, so he kept on walking. He was still within earshot as Adam spoke to her. “There’s no talking to him at the moment. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to hear about my surprise for Vic. Must be a nightmare being single!”

He could only wish that was the biggest problem on his mind right now.

*****

**12 March 2015**

“Get this down you before you go,” Chas said as Aaron sat on one of the kitchen chairs and tied his running shoe.

He looked over his shoulder as Chas walked up to the table carrying two plates. She set the bacon sarnie down by him. The sight of it made him want to vomit. “What, and have a stitch about half a mile in? Yeah, you’re alright, thanks.” He knew he sounded cross, but he’d had a bad night. He can’t have slept more than a few hours, and he’d woken up late because of it. He wanted to get a quick jog in before he had to be at the scrap yard.

“What’s all this running anyway?” his mum asked. “You got your eye on someone?” He didn’t bother answering that. The less she had to do with his love life, the better. Aaron stood, grabbing his grey and black ski hat from the table and tugging it onto his head. “Only I hope so, because the sooner you stop thinking about Robert flaming Sugden, the better,” she said with a forced grin.

He sighed, exasperated with her as he folded up the bottom of his ski hat and made sure it covered his ears. “How many more times? It’s over! Has been for ages!”

“It’s not though, is it!” she pointed out as he lined up the ends of his jacket’s zipper. “Not in your head! I saw the way you were with Adam yesterday.”

“Oh yeah, and what’s that got to do with anything?” he asked as he pulled the zipper up, making sure not to catch the cord of his earbuds in it.

Thankfully Diane walked in then, effectively ending the beginnings of an argument. What did Chas want from him anyway? He was doing everything he should be. He had ended things with Robert, and he was putting in a real effort at the scrap yard. He was spending loads of time with her, and she’d had no complaints over the past two weeks until just now. Why couldn’t she ever just let things go?

“I can’t get Andy to answer his phone!” Diane said. “And I’ve tried knocking. I’m going to have to call Robert,” she said as she shrugged off her coat. Aaron rolled his eyes at the name. He wasn’t sure what was happening with Andy these days, but he could bet Robert was suddenly playing the doting brother. He found Chas looking at him, knowingly, as if she knew exactly how bothered he was by the mere mention of his former lover. Diane was oblivious to it, though. “Get him and Victoria together and see if we can come up with any bright ideas. Might have to be dinner time though,” she said apologetically, clearly not wanting either Chas or Aaron present.

“Oh, we’ll cope, it’s fine,” Chas said, holding a hand up to stop Diane from apologizing for kicking them out of their own home.

“Oh, thanks,” Diane said feelingly, looking bothered by whatever was kicking off with Andy. “It’s about time he chucked Tracy out and started facing reality!”

“Well, let’s hope you do better than me and Debbie, then.” So Diane was upset over Andy taking up with Tracy? To his way of thinking, if she was giving him something to think about other than driving off the quarry, so much the better. They were making a fuss over nothing. “Aaron,” Chas called out warningly as he headed for the door.

He swung around quickly to face her, completely fed up. “Mum, you’re wrong! I don’t know what else you want me to say!” he told her. He didn’t bother waiting for her to respond. Maybe his temper had been a bit short lately, but he’d given up Robert for her! What more could she ask for?

*****

**13 March 2015**

It wasn’t until the next day that he realized maybe his mum was kicking off about Robert because she had something bigger on her mind.

He walked into the pub after his afternoon run, tugging off his hat and pulling his earbuds out as he approached the bar. “You alright?” he asked, glancing up at her to find she had barely even noticed him.

“At last, a distraction!” she exclaimed, standing up straight from where she’d been leaning her elbow on the bar. He followed her gaze down the bar and found Andy sitting there with Tracy.

That again? Why was she so bothered over Tracy anyway? “Pour us a water would you?”

“Please,” she said.

Looking away from the couple, Aaron turned back to Chas. “What?” he asked, confused.

“Oh, you know what, everyday I thank my lucky stars that I had the money to send you to finishing school,” she snarked as she grabbed a pint glass from under the bar. 

He sighed, shaking his head tiredly. It had been a long run, and he didn’t have the energy to figure her out. “What are you talking about?”

“Will tap water do?” she asked, holding up the glass.

“Yeah,” he breathed gratefully as she began to fill it for him. He was still short of breath, and her bad mood was making his head hurt.

“Been for a run?” Tracy called out from the other end of the bar as Aaron coughed, his throat painfully dry. He shrugged and answered dismissively, not interested in having a conversation with her. Particularly not when she asked questions with obvious answers, and most especially not when Chas was in a mood and likely to take offense if he so much as gave Tracy the time of day. Tracy didn’t seem to mind the brush off. She ran her hands up Andy’s arms to clasp them behind his neck as she said, “I love a man who takes care of himself.”

“Yeah, we’ve noticed,” Chas said wryly, waves of dislike seeming to come from her as she looked over at the blonde woman.

“Can’t help it if it’s the honeymoon period!” Tracy gloated obnoxiously.

“With a bloke who’s just lost his wife,” Chas pointed out, forgetting about Aaron. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling as he waited on his water. Chas had only managed to fill the glass halfway before getting distracted.

“You’ve said your piece,” Andy said calmly as Tracy sat with one arm still draped on his shoulder, smiling smugly at Chas. Aaron couldn’t deny she was annoying, but he still figured she was doing Andy more good than harm.

“Yeah, and it’s not my fault she died, is it?” Tracy pointed out with a catty grin.

Chas pointed warningly at the younger woman as she walked over, not inclined to let it go. “Oh, you’re out of order there, love, you know that.”

“Chas!” Andy protested.

“No!” Recognizing all the signs of his mum getting into a temper, Aaron walked closer to the couple, ready to back Chas up if he needed to. She wasn’t wrong about this last part anyway. Tracy was out of line, and his mum was grieving still. “I will not have you taking advantage of someone I care about!”

“Is that right?” Tracy demanded. “Just because James is the first fella you’ve kept for more than five minutes?”

Aaron shook his head. Now she was just goading Chas. “I’m sorry?” his mum said, voice lowered and threatening.

The stupid cow didn’t even realize she’d gotten into dangerous territory. She continued, confident as she sat there running her mouth. Maybe Tracy thought she was impressing Andy, who knew? “Yeah, I’ve heard all about you. Desperate old slapper!”

“You are barred!” Chas said, losing her patience with the blonde woman.

Tracy laughed at that as Andy took a big swig of his pint, his expression annoyed as if he knew this had gone too far. “Bar everyone who’s having a better time than you! The place will go bust.”

“Get out!” Chas shouted. Aaron readied himself to do something. He wouldn’t hesitate to grab her and escort her out, forcefully if he had to.

“Oh, shut up! I’ve just come in for a quiet drink,” Tracy protested, still hanging all over Andy.

“Well drink this then!” Chas yelled, finally remembering the glass of water she had started to fill for Aaron. She flung the water straight into Tracy’s face. She’d had it coming, and Aaron enjoyed her shocked expression for just a split second before he hurried around the bar to get to his mum.

“You stupid cow!” Tracy gasped, finally letting go of Andy and jumping to her feet.

“Say that again!” Chas shouted, looking ready to throw herself over the bar to deck the younger woman.

“Don’t worry, we’re going,” Andy promised angrily as Tracy protested, voice climbing up several octaves as water dripped off her face to land on her tight red dress. “Get out, now!” Andy told her as he grabbed their things.

Aaron had gone around the bar to stand behind Chas. As the couple headed out, he said, “You need a break.”

“I’m fine!” Chas shouted.

“I wasn’t asking you,” he told her, wiping the sweat off his forehead as he looked over his shoulder to make sure Andy and Tracy were doing as they were told. They were already at the door, Tracy still voicing high pitched complaints that had gone beyond the point where Aaron could even understand what she was saying. He had never been more glad to be gay, if that’s what straight blokes had to sometimes put up with.

Aaron followed Chas through to the back. “Next time I see her, she’s going down,” she promised as they made it into the living area. 

He shut the door behind them in case Chas started yelling. No need for everyone sitting in the pub to hear her. “She was out to wind you up,” he told her as she leaned a hand on the back of one of the dining chairs. “Look what’s happened,” he pointed out, gesturing at her as she stood there tensely.

“Right, so you can just sit there and watch while she stamps all over Katie’s memory?” Chas demanded, turning to face him. Aaron suddenly understood why his mum had let the whole Tracy and Andy thing get to her. This wasn’t about Tracy, it was about Katie. “Andy is heartbroken!”

“Yeah, well we can’t tell him how to live his life, can we?”

“Why am I even expecting you to understand?” she asked, voice raised as she was clearly still upset. “You were carrying on with Robert while Katie was driving herself mad trying to prove it!” He looked down, knowing he had no good defense for his actions. His head shot right back up at her next words. “Oh, and I saw Robert, by the way. Yeah, I told him to stay away from you.”

“What, even though I told you nothing was going on?” he demanded. She raised her eyebrows at him, unapologetic and spoiling for a fight. Well, if she was looking for a fight so badly, she’d found one. “What happened to trusting me?” he asked her.

That quick, the fight left her. He shook his head and walked out, disgusted. “Aaron!” she called out after him. He let the door slam behind him. Yeah, maybe this whole thing with Andy and Tracy trampling on Katie’s memory had her on edge, but why did the smallest thing always make her focus on him instead of the problem? He hadn’t done anything to warrant her constant suspicion. What was worse, her interference had probably only convinced Robert that Aaron was pining after him when he wasn’t. He wouldn’t be surprised if sometime soon, Robert came poking around, trying to see if Aaron still wanted him.

He knew it would happen, because Robert might be confused and pigheaded, but his actions spoke louder than words. Aaron hadn’t forced the blond to have an affair with him, and keep coming back for more. Robert had kept up the affair because he wanted to. He’d asked Aaron to continue the affair even after he married Chrissie because he didn’t want it to end. Robert wanted Aaron, however much he might like to deny it. Maybe it wasn’t love, as Aaron had once hoped, but at the very least it was lust and attraction.

Chas had butted in, trying to warn Robert off. Aaron knew she had just managed to do the opposite of what she had intended.

*****

He didn’t see his mum again until later. He was reclining on the sofa, feet propped on the coffee table as he read a magazine when she came in, probably taking her break. “I’m making a brew. You want one?” she asked.

Aaron hesitated for just a second, not wanting to fight with her anymore. But if she was offering to make him a brew, she was probably ready for a truce. “Yeah, go on then,” he said as he sat up to rest the magazine on the coffee table. He continued to read as she started the kettle.

“Look, I’m sorry,” she finally said. “What I said about Katie,” she added, correctly guessing that despite his anger at her for talking to Robert, he’d been more bothered by her bringing up the fact that his secret affair with Robert had driven Katie mad. “Ignore me! I was just getting emotional.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her, staring down at his magazine so she wouldn’t see the guilt on his face.

“It wasn’t your fault that she was there!” Chas continued, making Aaron cringe. “You couldn’t have done anything anyway!”

It felt difficult to get a proper breath in all of a sudden. “There’s lots of stuff I wish I’d done,” he said, being as honest with her as he could be. “Or hadn’t done.”

“The older you get, the more there’ll be.”

Aaron sighed at that. “Great.”

“Blimey, you are keen!” Chas commented after a few seconds of silence. He glanced up to find that she’d moved closer and was looking at the magazine that lay open on the coffee table. He’d been reading about the upcoming Yorkshire Run half marathon.

“It’s something to do, isn’t it,” he said as she walked around behind the sofa to sit on his other side.

“Well yeah, doing it’s one thing. Reading about it is sad.”

“Says the woman who doesn’t do either,” Aaron pointed out, relieved that they were back to talking normally. 

She laughed at his cheek and said, “Some of us are just naturally fit!” He smirked at that, and she reached over to slap the back of his shoulder. “Hey, I can start coming with you!”

Aaron looked over at her. “You’re joking aren’t you? You can’t even run for a bus.”

“I’ll have you know I was in the top five of all of my fitness tests in the army!” she bragged. Aaron gave her a disbelieving look, enjoying the banter.

“A long time ago now that, though.”

“I’m fitter now than I was then!”

He gave her a steady look. “Oh, yeah, of course you are,” he agreed easily, humoring her. He looked back down at the magazine, enjoying himself for the first time in ages.

“Nice chance for us to spend more time together,” she continued.

Amused, he looked over and found her forcing a smile, not willing to admit how out of shape she was. “Yeah?” he asked. She nodded, not backing down from her claim. “Alright,” he said, grabbing the magazine and holding it up for her to see properly. “Do this for me then.”

“Run the half marathon?” she asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I thought so,” he said as he set the magazine back down.

“No, I’m game if you are,” she said with a nod, sounding more certain than she looked.

“Really?”

“Mm-hm,” she agreed with another nod and a smile. “Go ahead, sign us up! Before I change my mind!”

He couldn’t really say he wanted Chas tagging along on his runs, but maybe this would help them. He had been spending time with her since he had officially dumped Robert, but Chas had still been broken up about Katie. Except for the plans they were making to go to the concert for her birthday, they hadn’t really done anything together. The half marathon was something to look forward to. He had his doubts that she would do all the training she should. Aaron was sure she’d make an effort to start with, but soon enough he’d be running by himself again. Then he’d taunt her until she agreed to run the half marathon with him, and he could make fun of her afterwards when she was hobbling around, all sore because she hadn’t practiced.

It was already lightening things up between them. After her break was over, he followed Chas to the bar where she poured him a pint. “You’re afraid I’m going to be faster than you, aren’t you?” she asked as she stood in front of him.

He gave a laugh at that. “Yeah right, give it two days and I bet you say you’ve got a problem with your ankle, or you’re needed at the pub because it’s busy. You won’t make that start line, not in a million years.”

“Oh! I’ll be there! And I’ll be ahead of you all the way.” Aaron snorted at that. “Then we’ll see where that smirk goes, won’t we?” He had no doubt how this was going to end. He accepted the challenge, knowing she’d be eating her own words soon enough.

*****

**16 March 2015**

Monday morning, Aaron woke up early at the sound of his alarm. He quickly silenced it before it could disturb anyone else, then got dressed in his running gear while Chas slept on. They had agreed that she’d start training with him today starting at 9:30, but he knew he was unlikely to make the time, distance, and speed his body had gotten accustomed to in the past few weeks. Aaron crept outside and began his customary route.

He felt better for getting in the extra workout, and he wasn’t as impatient as he otherwise would have been as he waited by the pub for his mum to join him. Aaron was resetting the tracker on his phone, which was strapped to his upper arm when Chas finally made her appearance. “Alright, ready?” he asked, glancing up at her distractedly.

“I thought we were going later,” she said in surprise. He looked back up at her and found Chas standing there with a lidded coffee cup in hand.

“Oh, so you’re bottling it? Fine, I’ll go on my own,” he said, eager to head back out. His feet were aching and sore and his legs were tired, but he felt like he could run for hours yet.

Chas made an indignant sound, then protested, “I’m not bottling it! Alright? I’m just... letting my brekkie go down! You know? You can wait, can’t you?”

“Er, no,” he said unapologetically, not letting on that he was somewhat amused she was already making excuses on the first day. “I’ll come around at dinner. Be ready,” he told her, reaching for his phone again and starting the tracker.

Not waiting for her to answer, he began running again, gritting his teeth as his feet immediately began to throb. It would get better once he found a rhythm. Aaron breathed through the pain, pushing himself past it.

*****

“Ugh!” Chas groaned, bent over and holding a stitch in her side once their lap had circled back to the pub. She was gasping for breath, looking tortured. “Thank god, can I throw up now?” she panted.

“Yeah, you can. I’m going to carry on for a bit.”

“What?!” she exclaimed, head shooting up so she could stare at him in disbelief as she stood there bent over, clearly done in. “We’ve just done three miles!”

“You do know how long a half marathon is, don’t you?” he asked her, brows furrowed as he looked her over. She sighed and waved him off, so Aaron continued on his way.

As he had anticipated, running with Chas had slowed him down. He had checked the tracker app on his phone and found that he had run less today than he had yesterday. Aaron had seen a great improvement in his endurance since he’d started running. By pacing himself, he could run for longer periods of time instead of running flat out and exhausting himself in a few minutes. These days he was clocking in at roughly eight minutes per mile. He’d run for an hour in the morning and then again in the evening, so most days he ran about fifteen miles. Today he’d only managed ten.

Not wanting to waste any more time, he headed out once again. He decided to do another hour, even though it meant running more than he was used to. Having Chas along had been distracting. He liked just being able to completely zone out as he moved. Aaron figured that running had become a bit like meditation for him. It was a chance to not think anymore. While Chas ran with him, all he was doing was thinking. He had to constantly remind himself to slow down, he had to struggle not to snap at her when she complained… It hadn’t given him the sense of peace that usually came after he’d been pushing himself to his limits for an hour.

His legs were cramping by the time he circled back to the pub, and his shirt was soaked with sweat. Aaron tried to hide the fact that he was limping when he headed for the sofa and spotted his mum sitting at the dining table. “You’ve not been running all this time,” she stated, not bothering to phrase it as a question. 

“No, I stopped at the scrapyard on the way back,” he lied, painfully lowering himself onto the seat cushion. “I’ve only done a few more miles. I see you’re struggling though,” he added, nodding to indicate that he’d noticed the way she was massaging her calf as she propped her foot up on another dining chair.

“Er, just a bit sore, that’s all. It’ll pass” she said, like it was no big deal.

“Yeah? Same time tomorrow then?”

“Ha! Try and stop me,” she said bravely. “All I need is a… good soak and a lie down,” she said, not sounding completely certain that it would be enough. She tried to mask a groan as she got to her feet, trying to pass it off as clearing her throat. He watched in amusement as she tried not to hobble on her way to the stairs.

Glancing over his shoulder to make sure she was closing the door, Aaron scooted forward until he was sitting at the edge of the sofa. It hurt to lift his left leg high enough that he could loosen the laces. He pulled at the shoe, trying to peel it off of his foot. It felt like it was glued on, pulling at old and new blisters. Aaron hissed as he finally got it off, and winced as he grabbed his foot and turned it enough so that he could see the underside. He found the bottom of his grey sock coated in red blood.

He had run until his feet were blistered and raw.

Aaron stared at it for a moment before grabbing his shoe and shoving it back on, shivering as his foot throbbed. He couldn’t leave bloody footprints leading up to his room, could he? At least without his mum there to see him, there was no need to hide the fact that he was in pain. Aaron got up and limped his way up the stairs, relishing the sharp sting of each footstep. He knew others wouldn’t be able to understand it, but each painful step he took was like atonement for all the wrong he’d done. He knew there was no real way to make things right, but this was all he had.

It was cold comfort, but this was better than doing the only other thing that he knew could help him. At least he wasn’t cutting.

*****

**19 March 2015**

“You coming?” Aaron asked impatiently as he went through to the living area. He’d expected Chas to be by herself, and was unprepared to find Vic, Diane, and Andy. He came to a stop, standing behind Chas as she faced the three Sugdens gathered around the dining table. The sight of Andy standing there, pale and tired looking made the urge to start running kick in stronger than ever.

His mum didn’t answer him. Instead she spoke to Andy, asking, “Is she using food to try and bribe you to move in?”

“The very idea!” Diane protested. Aaron looked at the pies sitting on the table and felt his stomach turn. He didn’t even want to imagine eating that before his run.

“Yeah,” Andy said, “but I reckon it’s already crowded here.”

“Well, you know there’s always room at mine,” Vic told him.

“What, you’re sure that Betty wouldn’t mind?” Andy asked, referring to Vic’s roommate. Aaron shifted on his feet, just wanting to pull Chas out of there so he could start moving again.

“She’s not back for ages!” Vic reassured him.

“Well there you go then,” Chas said. “That way you get all the pie without her nagging!”

“Oi!” Diane exclaimed.

“Actually, we wanted to ask you something,” Chas told Andy. Knowing where she was going with this, Aaron watched the other man nervously before looking down at his feet. “Wasn’t there a charity that Katie was involved with a while back?”

“Yeah, the disabled riding thing,” Andy said, looking more than a bit confused when Aaron looked back up at him.

“Yeah! Well, we thought we could use the half marathon to raise some money. You know, in her name, if you don’t mind?”

“Great idea, yeah. Thanks,” Andy said, looking pleased. “Thanks, Aaron!”

He nodded at the older man in acknowledgement, but he knew he deserved no thanks. Not only was the idea to raise money for charity in Katie’s name not his, but he’d fought his mum on it. He had no right to do anything in Katie’s name, not after what he’d done. Chas wouldn’t let go of the idea though. The only thing Aaron could think of when she’d asked why he was so down on the idea, he’d told her that Andy might not approve. Now that Chas had gotten his approval, Aaron had no choice.

When he ran the half marathon, it would be for Katie.

Whatever hope he’d had of enjoying the event was ruined. He’d be thinking about her dead body covered in dust and broken bits of wood the entire time.

“Right, er, are you coming?” he asked Chas.

“You know what, love?” she said, glancing over her shoulder at him briefly before turning back toward the pies on the table. “You go ahead. There’s a party thing in a bit, and apparently there’s booze, so really I should line my stomach.”

He could wish that she’d made her excuses before this, but Aaron just nodded once and hurried back outside. He’d only just started running when the loud beeping of a car caught his attention. Paddy was in his car, trying to get Aaron to pause. In answer, he gestured at Paddy to move along.

“Oi!” Paddy cried in indignation. Aaron continued jogging past him, so Paddy pulled the car around to come up in front of him. “Oi! Come here! Stop doing your scowly thing and talk to me.” Aaron came to a stop by the car, glaring at Paddy while he stood there with his hands on his hips, waiting for the older man to come out with it. “You’ve barely said two words to me the past couple weeks.”

“Right, well I’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, running! Which, by the way, is the most antisocial past time in the world, apart from fishing. You haven’t got a rod have you?”

Aaron gave a shake of his head. “I’m training for a half marathon,” he pointed out.

“You know, you’ve just done two full runs this morning, I’ve seen you!”

“Right, so I’m getting good at it! What’s your problem?” Aaron asked, voice raised as his temper flared.

“Nothing,” Aaron waited as Paddy pressed his lips together, as if struggling not to say anything else. As always, it was a losing battle for him. “As long as you’re just doing it to keep fit. Not to bury your head in the sand because you still can’t get over Robert.” Unbelievable! Aaron shook his head in disbelief. So Paddy was siding with Chas on this one. They both thought he was pining after Robert. “There’s clearly something on your mind,” Paddy pressed.

“Well, it’s not that!”

“But there is… something?” The concern in Paddy’s light blue eyes made Aaron want to crawl under a rock and never come out. This is why he’d been avoiding the older man. He knew he could fool Chas, but Paddy was always too perceptive.

“Paddy, I’m doing it to keep fit! And I’m actually quite enjoying it, or I was until you started pecking my head!” He went around the bonnet of the car and began to jog away, unsettled and feeling frustrated after the confrontation.

Today it took longer to reach that point where he could escape his tiring thoughts and worries. It felt like every day it was harder to reach that point. The more accustomed his body got to the grueling pace and the long distances, the less it helped. Aaron worried that running would soon stop bringing him the relief he sought. When it did, he had no idea what he was going to do.

Filled with despair, Aaron threw himself into motion, desperately trying to outrun his thoughts.


	8. He's not that irresistable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been over a week since I last posted. I've been working overtime, and after coming home and falling asleep at my desk twice this past week, I decided sleep was more important than writing lol. I woke up nice and early this morning and sat down for four hours straight to write this!
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Finally some Aaron/Robert interaction in this chapter, even if it is brief.

**5 March 2015**

“I’m collecting Lachlan from school now, then we’re coming back here and packing our bags.”

“Going where?” Robert asked Chrissie, confused.

“That’s still open to discussion. I’ll ask Lucky.”

“You’re running away?” Robert asked his wife, lowering his voice and getting closer to her in an effort to keep the conversation private while Sam lurked by the door. The three of them were standing in the home office. Robert had spent a very quiet morning in there getting work done. Then, as if they’d planned it, he was interrupted first by Andy, then Sam, and now Chrissie. The one he really wanted to talk to was his brother. Robert was worried about something he’d just said, but Andy had ducked back out before Robert could talk to him about it. Sam had walked in and distracted him, and Andy had taken his chance to escape. And now here was Chrissie, trying to arrange a hasty vacation because her son had landed himself in more problems.

Just a few days ago, Alicia reported Lachlan for sexual assault. In response, Chrissie accused Alicia of taking advantage of the lad. There wasn’t enough evidence to prove either story. Robert had no doubts as to which version of events was true. Alicia was a good woman, and Lachlan had proven he was disturbed on more than one occasion. Robert was aware that Chrissie could be very protective of her son, so he would have kept his opinion to himself if not for Andy. When the topic came up, his brother made zero effort to hide the fact that he was siding with Alicia. Chrissie was upset with Andy, but she was absolutely livid when she tried to get Robert to support her and he’d responded by suggesting counseling for Lachlan. Apparently she wanted him to just agree that her son was the victim in all of this. When he hadn’t, she’d told him to pick sides. Either he agreed that Lachlan was a helpless victim, or he agreed with Andy that Alicia had been assaulted. Chrissie had warned him that if he sided with his brother, then both Sugden men could find somewhere else to live. He’d had no choice but to eat his own words and start behaving like he was a gullible idiot who believed Lachlan’s lies without question.

On Monday, Lawrence had tried to bribe Alicia to keep quiet. It hadn’t worked, and it made it look like the Whites were concerned about the truth. Chrissie had been furious, but the three of them had talked afterwards and decided as a family that the best way to handle the heated situation in the village was to remain strong and united. Lachlan had a history with girls that would almost certainly turn the village against him, and they had all agreed that if they acted like they had nothing to hide, people would realize that they all supported Lachlan and believed his version of events. Now it was Thursday, and here Chrissie was, frantic to pack their bags and run away. “Call it what you like,” Chrissie said coldly, clearly not liking the implication that she and Lachlan were being cowardly.

“That’s what people will say,” he told her, not wanting her to think he was including himself among those people. “And now that your dad’s…. You know.” Sam was still standing by the door, apparently not cluing into the fact that this was meant to be a private conversation. He couldn’t very well mention Lawrence’s attempt to bribe Alicia to keep quiet in front of Sam, so he gave Chrissie a pointed look and nodded in the direction of the lurking caretaker. “It doesn’t look great, does it?”

Chrissie twisted around to glare at Sam. “You can go now,” she told him. Sam ducked his head and let himself out. “I don’t care what it looks like, and I don’t care what people say! It can’t be worse than what they’re calling him now.”

Robert sighed at that. “Sticks and stones,” he said dismissively. It’s not like a bit of name calling was going to hurt the lad.

“Yeah, well I don’t think we’re far from that!” Chrissie retorted. “So, are you coming with us?” Robert took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. Of all the times to decide to pack up and leave, why did it have to be today? “Only you gave me the impression you were on Lachlan’s side,” she pressed, tone giving him a clear warning. Like he could forget that she had threatened to end their marriage and kick him out if he didn’t side with her pervert son!

“I am,” he reassured her. “And… I’m also on Andy’s. And he’s not exactly doing great, is he?”

“He’s got friends and family all over the village!” Robert shifted on his feet uncomfortably, resting his hands on his hips as he scrambled for a way to tell her no that wouldn’t lead to her threatening him with divorce. “You’re not coming, are you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“I don’t see that I’ve got a choice!”

“You do. But thank you for supporting your stepson for the brief time that it lasted,” she said, walking past him to the door Andy had already used to run away from him.

Once he was alone, Robert let out a frustrated groan.

He hated the fact that Chrissie was being so difficult. He was worried that Andy had hit a setback in recovering from his grief. Robert had convinced himself that things would get easier for him now that he wasn’t with Aaron anymore. Ending things with Aaron had never been his first choice, and he had resented Chas when she forced him into a situation where he felt he had to give Aaron up. Even so, a part of him had always been certain that without the hassle of trying to hide an ongoing affair, and without the difficulty of having to worry over Aaron, everything else would fall into place for Robert. He should have had more time to dedicate to helping Andy get better. Robert should have also had more energy to focus on improving his marriage to Chrissie.

Somehow it didn’t work out that way. Maybe things were better for a couple of days, but then it went downhill. After Aaron had broken it off with him, Robert had fallen into Chrissie’s arms and focused his efforts on making her happy. That lasted for maybe two days before Lachlan had to go and ruin things by adding sexual assault to his resume as the most disturbed boy in Emmerdale.

Lachlan’s actions had lead to Andy taking a firm stand on Alicia’s side, and Robert getting stuck in the middle of what he believed was true, and what he had to tell Chrissie to keep her happy. He’d pretty much failed at keeping her happy, if this conversation was anything to go by. Still, Robert couldn’t turn his back on Andy. Not now. Not after what had happened just minutes before Chrissie walked in. 

Robert had been working at his desk in the home office when the door opened and Andy walked in. “Hey, you’re alright, stranger,” Robert had said, glad to see his brother finally dressed for more than just lounging in bed or on the sofa. Instead of sweats, Andy had walked in wearing blue jeans and a grey shirt, and just that minor improvement had made Robert optimistic that Andy was starting to ease out of his depression. “You’re down for breakfast?”

“Why, what time is it?” Andy had asked, sounding a little out of it.

“It’s close to lunch, now that you mention it,” Robert had said, getting up from his office chair and going around his desk to get to Andy. “How are you doing?”

“Have you got anything to drink?” Andy had said, not bothering to answer the question.

“What, in the whole house?” Robert had teased him, tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Yeah, I think there might be. A cup of tea?”

“Anything stronger?”

Robert had practically heard warning bells going off in his head, but he had played dumb. “Coffee?”

“Beer.”

And there it was. “Well,” Robert had said as he tried to think of a response that wouldn’t immediately alienate him from his brother. “Bar’s not open yet, mate.” Andy had looked away, possibly embarrassed, or maybe just frustrated. “How about we get a cup of tea and go for a walk, yeah?”

Robert had heard the door behind him open, the one leading directly outside that was usually only used by clients. When he glanced over his shoulder, he had found Sam walking in. “Alright?” the man had greeted them. “Er, garden’s tidy,” Sam reported. “I know you said to mow the lawns, but-”

Robert had turned back to his brother, only to find him making a hasty exit. “Andy!”.

“I’m going to my room,” his brother had called out, shutting the office door behind him. Robert had frowned in disappointment, knowing that it could have gone better. Andy had finally showed signs of wanting to do something other than lay around, only it had to be drinking. It was one of the few things he could have taken an interest in that Robert couldn’t be pleased about.

Once Andy had closed the door, Sam picked up where he left off. “... But I still think we should wait a week or two.” 

“Just do it!” Robert had snapped, frustrated.

That was when Chrissie had let herself in through the client entrance, walking in just in time to hear Robert. “Something wrong?”

“Robert wants me to mow lawns, but I was just saying-”

“Oh, do what you think,” she had interrupted him, waving her hand dismissively. And then she had proceeded to try and convince Robert to pack up his things and leave town with her and Lachlan.

So now Chrissie was mad at him, Andy was probably going to try to avoid him, and Robert didn’t even have Aaron to turn to. He was only now beginning to realize that between bouts of hot sex, he actually spoke to Aaron quite a bit. Robert had gotten used to telling the younger man about his day while they laid together in the afterglow. Aaron normally wasn’t much of a talker, but he had a good knack for looking at problems in a straightforward way. Robert would mention something that was bothering him, and Aaron could break it down into it’s simplest form, which always made it seem more manageable.

Robert sat down at his desk and tried to think of what to do. It’s not like he would have asked Aaron’s opinion on Chrissie, even if the affair had continued. Aaron tended to get upset when Robert mentioned her, not that he could blame the younger man. This was an issue that he would have had to figure out on his own anyway, so Robert tried to put Aaron out of his mind and just think.

He spent the next few minutes at his desk, trying to figure out a way to make his wife happy while not jeopardizing Andy’s continued recovery. It didn’t take long for him to reluctantly decide that the only thing he could do about Chrissie was give her time. She and Lachlan could take their vacation from the village, and hopefully once they returned she would be in a more forgiving mood. As for Andy, Robert remembered how Debbie had managed to reach him the day after he’d tried to kill himself. She had reminded Andy about his obligations to their children, and that had seemed to break through his apathy in a way that nothing else had.

Robert grabbed his phone and gave her a call. He convinced her to come and talk to Andy, although really, Debbie didn’t need much convincing. She quickly agreed to come, and Robert waited impatiently for her to arrive. He was so impatient for her to get to Home Farm that he couldn’t help but stand outside until he finally saw her car pulling up the drive.

“Where is he?” she asked as she got out of her car, then slammed the door shut. Her blond hair was tied back, away from her face, and she was bundled in a warm coat against the chill. Robert was freezing in his blue jumper, having originally just stepped out to check and see if she had arrived yet. His impatience had made him stay outside to wait for her.

“He’s inside, but he’s not expecting you,” Robert explained as she walked over to him. He pushed the front door open for her and followed her in. “This way,” he directed, leading her into the living room. “Just wait here while I go get Andy. And please… don’t mention that I called you, yeah? I don’t want Andy to think I’m interfering.”

“Just go get him,” Debbie said, crossing her arms impatiently.

Robert nodded and went upstairs to knock on the door of the guest room. “Andy are you awake? Debbie’s come by to see you.”

For a moment he thought his brother was going to pretend he was asleep, but after a second round of knocking the door opened. “Why is she here?” he asked, frowning.

“I don’t know,” Robert lied, giving a shrug before tucking his hands in his pockets. “She’s waiting for you downstairs.” He followed Andy down the stairs, then nodded toward the living room to indicate that Debbie was waiting for him in there. Robert wanted to go right in with him, but instead he made his way to the kitchen to give Andy some measure of privacy. Robert lasted all of one minute before he couldn’t help himself. He let himself in the living room and found Debbie and Andy standing there, facing each other in what looked to be a battle of wills.

“Thanks for telling me the state that he’s in,” Debbie told him as Robert crossed his arms and looked at his brother closely, trying to see if she had made any headway with him.

“You know he’s standing there, right?” Robert pointed out, somewhat annoyed. He’d asked Debbie not to mention that he’d called her over, afraid that Andy would view it as meddling. It didn’t look promising when Andy walked around Debbie and then past Robert to get to the door. “Where you off to now, mate?” Robert rushed to ask before Andy could walk out.

“To find some peace.”

“You’re upset, Andy,” Debbie said, turning toward them. “More than I know, and I can’t do anything about that feeling. But your kids are upset too, and you can change that! Just by turning up.”

Andy stared at her for a second while Robert waited to see what he’d say. “I’ll try.”

“So you’ll come?” Debbie pressed.

“I said I’ll try,” Andy told her, and then he walked out of the room, leaving Robert with Debbie.

“He’s not going to turn up,” Debbie said, eyes lowered in disappointment.

“Well, he’s dealing with it his way,” Robert told her, coming over to stand in front of her.

“What, by cutting himself off from everything and everyone?”

“If that’s what works,” Robert said defensively, although he didn’t actually believe it would work.

“Why? Do you think it’s working?” she asked him, giving him a frown and a look that clearly expressed what she thought of Robert’s statement. He could only look away at that, because it was clear Andy was not okay. He just wasn’t sure how to help his brother, and it was beginning to drive him mad.

*****

**9 March 2015**

“Oh! Hello,” Tracy said, giving Robert a smile. He’d nearly collided with her on his way to the kitchen for breakfast. The blonde woman was in a large bath robe, and her hair was tangled. It was very clear she had spent the night at Home Farm, and it was just as clear what must have happened. There was no way a girl like her was here for Lawrence, so Andy must have had her over for the night.

“Morning,” Robert greeted her, giving a laugh as she went around him to get back upstairs to Andy. He couldn’t help raising his eyebrows and giving a shake of his head. He couldn’t say Andy’s choice in bed partners was to his taste, but the sight of Tracy still filled Robert with some hope. His concern for Andy had only gotten worse when he’d found his brother passed out on the sofa Friday afternoon, with a can of beer and his wedding album on the coffee table next to him. This had to be a sign that Andy was finally moving on.

In a better mood than he’d been in all week, Robert walked into the kitchen and found Lawrence standing at the kitchen island. He clapped the old man on the shoulder once as Robert passed him and headed for the kettle to switch it on. “I will not have this place used as a knocking shop,” Lawrence said, voice unhappy and stern.

Robert turned to look at him in surprise. “Come on, Lawrence,” he said, trying to get the old man to be reasonable. “From driving off a cliff, this is definite progress.”

“Oh, it’s healthy is it? Bedding the local bike?”

“Well, if it stops him from thinking about Katie, then-”

“She’s been dead a month! Where’s your respect?” Lawrence hissed, leaving Robert staring at him in shock. “You will inform him that this in unacceptable behavior.”

That was the last thing Robert wanted to do. “It’s just sex, Lawrence! Cheap, dirty, gratuitous sex! Highly recommended as a quick fix from reality. You can’t say you haven’t been tempted.”

“Lachlan will be back in a matter of days. The last thing he needs is a half naked tart in the kitchen!” With that, the old man turned and walked out. Unfortunately, Robert couldn’t argue with his point. He wasn’t worried about how Tracy’s presence would affect the boy, but he was somewhat concerned about Tracy’s safety.

Robert put off talking to Andy about Tracy, partly because they had disappeared into the guest room together, but also because Robert wasn’t sure of the best way to bring the topic up. As was often the case, he felt pressured by the Whites to go against his own wishes. Because of Chrissie, he had to side against Alicia, who had to be one of the most genuine people in the village. Because of Lawrence, he had to step in and tell a grown man who he could and couldn’t invite over. Not only was Andy too old to be told what to do, but he was also in a very fragile state. Robert worried that discouraging him now would undo whatever progress his brother had made.

The decision of when to speak to Andy was taken from Robert. He was working in the office while Lawrence met a client in the living room. Hearing raised voices, Robert set aside his work and hurried over to the kitchen. He found Andy standing protectively by Tracy as they faced off against Lawrence. When the old man spotted Robert, he said, “Last warning! I’ll have my home respected, or he’ll have to go.”

“Is he for real?” Tracy said once Lawrence had left to return to his client.

“I’ll talk to him,” Robert told Andy, setting his hands on his hips as he tried to think of what he could say to Lawrence to get him to back off. “Okay? I’ll buy him a bottle of scotch.”

“Don’t worry,” Andy told him. “I’ll ship out.”

“Where to?” Robert asked, dismayed.

“I’ve got plenty of options,” Andy said with a shrug.

“And, you’ve got room for me, right?” Tracy asked. Robert saw what she was up to right away. She had come to stand close to Andy, resting her hands on his shoulders and using a persuasive tone when she asked that question. She sounded less like a woman who wanted to spend time with someone she was very attracted to, and more like a woman who needed a place to stay. Robert wondered if she’d been kicked out of wherever she was staying.

“Andy,” Robert cautioned. “Come on, it’s… it’s too soon,” he said, aware that Lawrence had essentially said the same thing that morning. Robert was so eager to have his brother back to normal that he was willing to accept almost any kind of behavior from him. He’d been willing to overlook the fact that it might be unhealthy for Andy to jump into bed with the first available woman he met, but that was when he thought it was a one off. Tracy sounded like she was ready to move in with his brother! “You’re still not right,” he added, trying to get Andy to see that he was throwing himself at Tracy for all the wrong reasons.

“I’ll decide that. You’ve done enough,” Andy told him. Robert watched helplessly as his brother grabbed hold of Tracy’s arm and pulled her after him as he left the kitchen.

*****

**12 March 2015**

He could hardly believe it when he heard that Andy had changed the locks on Katie’s old home, leaving Vanessa and Leyla, the current lodgers, with nowhere else to go. Robert found out from Victoria that after Andy left Home Farm, he had gone straight to Tug Ghyll Cottage, which had been owned by Katie before she died. Robert hadn’t had cause to think about it before, but the property had fallen under Andy’s name now that Katie was gone. It was within Andy’s rights to evict Vanessa and Leyla if he wanted, but Robert worried because it just wasn’t like his brother to do something like that.

It was the talk of the village. Everyone now knew that Andy was shacking up at the cottage with Tracy. If Lawrence had just let Andy stay, this rebound with Tracy could have been kept mostly private. Now all of Emmerdale knew that Andy was trying to erase Katie from his memory by indulging in meaningless sex. Robert wasn’t exactly judging Andy for his current arrangement with Tracy, but he had to agree with Lawrence that it seemed a bit disrespectful to Katie’s memory. It had everyone gossiping and voicing their opinions on the issue.

That’s why Robert agreed to meet Diane at the pub when she suggested they discuss Andy’s situation. He sat with her at the dining table, waiting on Victoria. His sister finally came in through the door leading out front to the bar. “This better be good!” she said as she walked over to rest her elbows on the high back of one of the dining chairs. “Finn might be about to cop off through there, and that doesn’t happen very often.”

“It’s about Andy,” Robert told her, trying to fight down his immediate burst of jealousy. The last time he’d seen Finn “about to cop off” while out with another bloke was a few months back when the lad had met Aaron at the Woolie. As soon as Vic spoke, Robert’s thoughts immediately went to Aaron. He pushed back his irritation, because there really was no point to it, was there? Aaron had ended things between them, so even if he was out there snogging Finn, it was none of Robert’s business.

“What’s he done now?” Vic asked in concern, moving around the chair she had been leaning on so she could sit down at the table with them.

“Nothing,” Diane said, sounding resigned. “That’s the problem! He’s still shacked up with Tracy and refusing to talk. We’ve got to work out what to do.”

“That’s easy enough; leave him to it,” Robert suggested. The damage had already been done, after all. Everyone already knew about Andy and Tracy.

“But she’s taking advantage,” Vic pointed out. They were all in agreement that Tracy was only with Andy because she needed a place to say. Robert had his suspicions before, but since Monday he’d learned that Tracy had been bouncing around from place to place.

“Yeah,” Robert agreed, “and there’s nothing we can do.”

Diane didn’t care for his reasoning. “You might not care, but I’m worried sick!”

“Of course I care!” Robert told her, sitting up in his chair and leaning forward earnestly. “But… he tried to kill himself. At least this way no one’s getting hurt.”

Vic shook her head at that. “He’ll end up hating himself, though.”

“It’s better than driving off a cliff,” he pointed out, hoping he could get through to them. They were just going to drive Andy away if they attacked his relationship with Tracy.

“So… we pretend it’s not happening,” Vic stated, clearly unhappy with that option.

“I don’t know if I can,” Diane said.

“You know how stubborn he is! The more people who try and tell him to ditch her, the longer it’ll last. He’ll come to his senses at some point, and when he does, we’ll just make sure we’re there for him.”

Diane sighed. “I suppose.”

It was a good thing they had come to an agreement. Chas walked in on their family meeting, looking almost apologetic for interrupting. “Sorry. Er, I need to change a barrel. Can you cover for a sec?” she asked Diane.

“I think we’re finished anyway,” Diane said as she got to her feet. Robert and Vic followed her example, and the three Sugdens headed for the door.

Robert was forced to a standstill when Chas put herself in front of him. He had been furthest from the door and was bringing up the rear, so it was easy for Chas to block his way without Diane or Vic noticing. She stood in front of him, one hand resting on the door as if she was ready to slam it closed if he tried going around her. Robert tucked his hands in his pockets, exasperated. He didn’t need her going after him right now, he really didn’t.

“Is this about what I think it is?”

“I know it’s over, okay?” she told him. “Only you need to make sure it stays like that!”

Robert sighed, wondering what he’d done to make her think he was chasing after Aaron. Maybe the younger man was with Finn at the bar, and Chas was warning Robert off in case he decided to make a scene when he saw them. “He’s not that irresistible,” he assured her with an arrogant smirk.

“He’s going to end up doing himself damage the way he’s going!” she said. The concern in her voice was obvious.

Robert shifted his weight on his feet, realizing that this was about more than just Aaron possibly moving on with Finn or some other bloke. “What, hurting himself?”

She paused noticeably before she said, “No, look, he just needs a clean break. Stay away. You got it?”

“Yeah,” he said softly, with a nod. Chas turned and walked out, presumably to change out that barrel like she had told Diane she would do. He was left there on his own, trying to process not only what Chas had said, but what she didn’t say. His concern for Andy was shoved to the side as he carefully considered his brief conversation with Chas.

Aaron was not coping well. That had to be it. He’d done something or said something to worry his mum, and Chas had come to warn Robert to stay away because she clearly needed to feel like she was doing something to help her son. Robert couldn’t help but wonder if it was their break up that had hit Aaron so hard. Was he missing Robert? Did he regret ending things between them?

It was almost disappointing when he walked through to the pub and found Finn with some random. At least if Aaron had been with the lad, Robert could have seen him with his own eyes. He was sure that if he could at least see the younger man, he would know if Aaron still wanted him. It had been two weeks since Robert had last seen him, and he was aware that a lot could have changed in that time.

If Aaron had changed his mind about their affair, would Robert even want to go back?

The thought weighed heavily on him as he drove back to Home Farm. Maybe his life hadn’t immediately gotten easier once the affair had ended, but it would certainly get more complicated if things started back up. Not just because Robert would be back to sneaking around and lying. When he thought Aaron had jumped to his death the night Andy tried to kill himself, Robert knew he had fallen in love with the younger man. Now that he was aware of it, it became clear that starting up an affair with Aaron would be about more than just really good sex.

In all honesty, he wasn’t sure he could handle it. Aaron had driven him to distraction before Robert was aware that he’d fallen in love with the younger man. How much worse would it be now that he knew his own feelings? His fascination with Aaron had already lead to Lachlan overdosing, and Katie falling to her death. Wasn’t that enough? Hadn’t he learned his lesson? It was better if Robert just stayed away.

He was in a pensive and dark mood when he arrived at Home Farm. Looking to avoid Lawrence, Robert came in through the kitchen door leading out to the garden, thinking the old man would most likely be in the home office. He found Lawrence pouring himself a cup of coffee from the French press. “Coffee?” he offered as Robert shut the door.

“Yeah,” Robert agreed, feeling worn out from worrying about Andy and Aaron. Walking in, he went to one of the cabinets and reached up for a cup.

“What a day!” Lawrence exclaimed. “Nicola’s only come up with some half baked scheme to go and live in Dubai expecting us to keep her job open for her like she’s doing us some big favor.”

Robert placed his cup down on the kitchen island, and Lawrence reached over to pour him some coffee. He waited for it, sighing and placing his hands on his hips. “Fascinating.”

“Oh,” Lawrence said, eyeing him speculatively. “Pardon me for trying to be civil.” Robert ignored him, grabbing his cup and going around Lawrence. He had plenty of work to catch up with. “How’s Andy?” Lawrence asked.

Robert paused and turned to face him. “Please,” he scoffed.

“What?”

“Just spare me the false concern.”

“Look, he couldn’t live here forever.”

Robert wasn’t sure if he had ever felt so much like decking Lawrence before. If he had, he couldn’t remember when. He placed his cup of coffee down on the island, not trusting himself after he pictured tossing the contents at Lawrence’s face. “He’s my brother. And now I’m having to watch him make a complete idiot of himself with Tracy.”

“I feel for him. I really do,” Lawrence said.

“But not enough to help him out.” Robert waited, but Lawrence could make no reply. Disgusted, Robert grabbed his cup of coffee and walked away. He paused just outside the kitchen, in the foyer, and fished his phone out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket. Turning on the screen, he swiped to unlock it and opened up his contacts.

His thumb hovered over Aaron’s name as Robert struggled to make up his mind.

He had come to rely on Aaron at moments like this. Whenever he got upset or frustrated, or if he just wanted him, Robert would call Aaron and meet him. Sometimes they would talk after falling on each other. But sometimes it was just enough to spend time with Aaron, and be in the same room with him. Robert had been in love twice before, with Katie and Chrissie, and neither of them had ever made him feel relaxed. It didn’t mean he loved Chrissie any less, but he constantly felt like he had to prove himself to her. With Aaron, they could just be together. It was easy in a way Robert had never experienced before. It wasn’t better, just… different. A different kind of love.

Robert locked his phone, watching the screen go black. Whatever Chas said about Aaron’s state, the fact was that he hadn’t reached out to Robert. When Aaron had ended their affair, he had told Robert to go back to his wife. He had also promised Robert that he wouldn’t hear from him again. So far, Aaron had stuck by that. Robert had to do the same.

His marriage to Chrissie had no room for Aaron in it.

*****

**17 March 2015**

Robert felt like he was waiting in limbo. Andy was still making a fool of himself with Tracy. Chrissie was due back any moment, and he wasn’t sure where they stood. She had been furious with him before she left, and had barely spoken to him while she and Lachlan were on holiday. All he could do was wait and see if her temper had cooled. Aaron hadn’t called him, which meant that Chas was wrong when she decided to warn Robert off again. Apparently Aaron wasn’t missing him, and Chas could rest assured that her son was getting the “clean break” she had wanted for him.

It was all so frustrating, so when he got a call requesting sick leave for one of the Home Farm employees, Robert was not in any mood to grant it. “I don’t care if his leg’s fallen off! If he’s not coming in, he’s not getting paid.”

Robert hung up on the man just as Chrissie’s voice came from behind him. “You’re all heart,” she said, sounding almost amused. He turned toward her, wondering if that meant she was no longer angry.

“Hey, welcome back!” he greeted her warmly. She had found him in the kitchen, where he had been about to make himself a brew when he got distracted by the call. He went to her and reached out to place his hands on her shoulders. “How was it?”

She shrugged him off before he could kiss or hug her. “It would have been better if you’d been there,” she told him, going to the refrigerator and opening it up.

“Well, I couldn’t leave Andy, could I,” he said, trying not to feel disappointed that she was still being difficult about this. Really, Andy was a risk to himself. It wasn’t like Lachlan needed Robert, not in the way that Andy did.

She closed the fridge then and looked at him. “I suppose it was too much to ask for there to be something to eat. I’d better go down to the supermarket.”

Robert was just beginning to grow tired of her attitude when Lachlan walked in. “Can I take Dog for a walk?” the boy asked.

“Fine, just don’t go too far,” Chrissie instructed.

“Why, what do you think is going to happen?”

“No, nothing, I was just looking forward to us having a nice lunch together, that’s all.” Robert struggled very hard not to roll his eyes.

“Aw, like one big happy family?” Lachlan mocked her. Robert sometimes wondered who Chrissie thought she was fooling when she tried to pretend like this family was anything close to normal or happy.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Come on Dog,” Lachlan said, wrapping the leash around his hand and heading for the front door. Chrissie watched her son go, and Robert could tell by her soft expression that she was still lying to herself about Lachlan. He knew she wasn’t this stupid. Deep down, she knew the truth. She was just burying her head in the sand, reluctant to admit to herself that her 14 year old son had assaulted a woman. Chrissie didn’t want to admit it, because she was afraid it would reflect poorly on her parenting if she had raised a pervert.

When she caught him watching her, Chrissie raised her eyebrows and looked down her nose at him. “I’m going to buy some food.”

“I’ll come with.”

Unsurprisingly, she said, “Don’t bother. You should have done it earlier.” He waited until she left the kitchen before taking a deep breath and raising his eyes to the ceiling. Robert was going to have to exercise extreme patience until she either forgave him for putting Andy’s needs first, or she came to her senses about her son.

*****

**23-24 March 2015**

In light of Chrissie being so cold toward him and Andy not wanting to speak to him, Robert decided to schedule a business trip that he’d been putting off for close to a month now. The trip was largely uneventful, but it felt good to disconnect from the drama that had overtaken his life. It was a shock to then return to Emmerdale and find that the limbo state he’d left things in had suddenly descended into hellish pandemonium.

Chrissie had called him home early from his business trip after the situation with Lachlan had blown up. The boy had gone missing. Robert was quick to make arrangements to return home. Before he’d even got there, she called him again to tell him that in her search for clues of where Lachlan had disappeared to, she had checked his browser history and discovered a kissing tutorial that was identical to the story he had fed her about his first kiss with Alicia. The blinkers were taken off, and Chrissie finally had to admit her son was in the wrong.

Robert was completely behind her when she told him she was reporting her son to the police. He had to rush home to support her because Lawrence was not making things easy for her. Robert could see that for himself when he walked in through the door and Chrissie threw herself into his arms. “I came as quickly as I could,” Robert told her, dropping his travel bag onto the floor.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” she said, burying her face against Robert’s chest.

“Has she been telling you what’s going on?” Lawrence asked.

“That’s why she needs my support,” Robert told the old man, glaring at him. It felt good to stand against Lawrence. He still hadn’t forgiven the old man for running Andy off. And hadn’t Robert told him the situation would work itself out? Andy was no longer with Tracy, and he was sure he could have gotten his brother to come to his senses much sooner if Andy had still been living at Home Farm.

“I do,” Chrissie said, tightening her hold around Robert’s waist as he stroked her back comfortingly. He couldn’t help but enjoy the way she had turned to him, and the way Lawrence looked almost appalled at the way his daughter was clinging to Robert. She finally pulled away, saying, “Half the village despise me because of what we did to Alicia, and now my own son and father are united against me!”

Robert grabbed both her arms, holding her as he met her eyes. “You don’t have to face them on your own anymore. Okay? I’m here for you.”

Chrissie took a steadying breath, resting her hands against Robert’s chest as if she was trying to find her balance. “Thank you. Even if it is my own fault, even if it is my own mess to clear up-”

“Hey, you’re doing your best,” he reassured her, giving her a gentle shake to get her attention. “At least you’ve been there for him, unlike his dad.” She took another deep breath, and fell into his arms once more. Robert held her close, comforting her.

The tension at Home Farm was almost thick enough to cut. Lachlan kept to his room, and Lawrence seemed to be his designated emissary. The morning after Robert returned from his business trip, Lawrence strolled into the kitchen as Robert placed a cup of tea on the kitchen table in front of Chrissie. “I’ve managed to persuade him to come down,” Lawrence said. “I’ve never known him so quiet. Even for a teenager that specializes in one word answers.”

“Well he was hardly going to take this on the chin, Dad,” she said, frustrated. “Actions have consequences. Now, I need to know that that’s getting through to him.” It was nice for Robert to finally have Chrissie talking sense again. Her willful blindness to Lachlan’s guilt had been wrecking their marriage.

“You don’t think that the risk of prison is too harsh a consequence for your own son?”

Robert decided to wade into the conversation then. He didn’t want Chrissie rethinking her stance. “Well that’s hardly going to happen, is it. Shouldn’t you be backing Chrissie up? She’s trying to make Lachlan understand what he’s done.”

“And if you’d done something wrong? You’d rather she dropped you than stood by you?” Robert couldn’t help but think of what had happened to Katie. For the most part he was moving past that, knowing that he hadn’t meant for her to die. The worst part was seeing what it had done to his brother, but Robert would constantly remind himself that it had been an accident. If Chrissie ever found out what he’d done, she would call the police, regardless of how accidental Katie’s death had been.

“Look,” Chrissie said, before Robert’s speechlessness could become awkward. “He is my son, so the buck stops with me.”

Robert and Chrissie were both turned toward Lawrence, so neither of them saw Lachlan approaching until he spoke. “It’s not your name that could be going on the weirdo list, though, is it?”

Chrissie shifted in her seat at the kitchen table so she was sitting sideways on the chair and could see Lachlan as well. “I’ll need your laptop and your phone, please.”

“You’re joking!” the boy said, crossing his arms and looking around at Lawrence and Robert as if he expected them to talk sense into her.

“Seeing as you won’t accept or apologize for what you’ve done, no I’m not! I mean it, Lucky!”

“Fine,” he said. “I don’t want you calling the police on me again.” It was clear to Robert that those words were a ploy to make Chrissie feel guilty. She stood firm, turning back toward her dad to give him a look after her son stormed out. Lawrence didn’t say anything, he just followed his grandson out of the kitchen.

Robert was still feeling a bit rattled by Lawrence’s comment, but he came to stand in front of his wife. “Please tell me I’ve done the right thing,” she begged.

He reached out to cradle her face in his hands. “You did. Of course you did,” he told her softly before leaning down to kiss her as she sat there looking miserable. When he stood back up, Chrissie pressed her face in against his stomach and wrapped her arms around him. He rested his hands on her head, stroking her hair to comfort her.

*****

With Chrissie so vulnerable, he hadn’t been sure that he would get a chance to go see Andy. Thankfully, she hadn’t slept well the night before, and he was able to convince her to lay down to get some kip. He called his brother and arranged to meet him at the Woolpack. It was only after he saw Andy waiting outside of the pub for him that Robert felt himself relax, if only slightly. He had been that worried about his brother while he had been away on business, and Victoria’s updates hadn’t exactly put him at ease.

There had been an incident after Robert left. Andy had dragged Tracy along to see his daughter’s play, and Debbie had taken exception to having her there. According to Vic, Tracy had tried to leave, only to have Andy roughly grab hold of her arm and order her to stay. After the way he had abused his ex wife, Jo, everyone had been justifiably concerned when Andy got too aggressive.

The good thing was that Tracy broke it off with Andy after that. They both moved out of Tug Ghyll cottage, allowing Leyla and Vanessa to return to their home. Andy went to stay with Vic while her roommate was out of town. It was an arrangement Robert was happy with. He had wanted Andy to stay at Home Farm because he didn’t think he was well enough to be on his own. Victoria would keep an eye on Andy as long as he was living with her.

All things considered, Andy looked better than Robert had expected. They walked inside the pub together. Robert found them a table near the bar while Andy put in an order for their drinks. He took a deep breath when he saw that Chas was serving today, not Diane. Worse, Paddy was there with her, and they were both already giving him looks. Robert kept his eye on them as Andy came to join him at the table. Instead of pouring two pints for him and his brother, Chas was having a quiet discussion with Paddy, and she looked upset. He had no doubt that they were talking about him.

He was still eyeing them, wondering what they were saying, when Aaron walked in through the back room, coming up behind his mum.

It had nearly been a month since Robert had seen him. The moment Aaron walked into the room, Robert felt like the air had been sucked out of his lungs. That first glimpse of him was nothing compared to how he felt when Aaron’s eyes, which had been lowered, finally glanced up and shot straight to his, as if he had somehow known exactly where Robert was sitting. When their eyes met, Robert felt like a shock went through his system. He couldn’t tear his eyes off of the younger man, but Aaron’s eyes immediately slid away as he went to grab a bottled water from behind the bar, as if he was unaffected by Robert’s presence.

Aaron looked ready to duck back out of the pub after he grabbed his water, leaving Robert desperate to find a way to stop him. Luckily, Paddy did it for him. “Alright, Aaron!” the older man called. Aaron paused, looking at Paddy expectantly while Robert tried to adjust to his ex-lover’s sudden appearance. He looked wonderful. His hair was mussed, as if he hadn’t bothered to brush is today. It reminded Robert of how it looked when they woke up in bed together at the hotel. Aaron looked different out of his customary black. Today he wore a white undershirt with a light grey hoodie. He had left his hoodie unzipped, and Robert’s keen eyes readily spotted the indent of Aaron’s nipples against the thin white cotton of his undershirt.

“Fancy a pint?” Paddy asked him, stealing Robert’s line straight from his thoughts. “It’s lunchtime, or…” the older man trailed off awkwardly. Awkward seemed to be Paddy’s default setting.

Aaron frowned. “Do I look like I want a pint?” he asked, seeming annoyed at Paddy for even asking. The sound of his raspy voice was at once familiar and strange after so many weeks of not hearing it.

“Aaron!” Andy called out. The younger man’s blue eyes shifted away from Paddy, and Robert stared at him, trying to will him to look over again. He and Andy were sitting so close together that it should have been difficult for Aaron to avoid looking at him. Yet Aaron’s eyes remained stubbornly on Andy as he said, “Katie would be impressed with all the training you’re putting in for the half marathon.”

Robert couldn’t take it anymore. “Yeah, nice one, Aaron,” he said. When Aaron still wouldn’t look at him, Robert tried again. “Are you taking any sponsors?” The younger man finally looked at him, but all Robert got for his efforts was a dark scowl before Aaron turned away and went through to the back without bothering to say a single word to him.

He wasn’t angry at the clear rejection. No, Robert was concerned. There was something off about this. It wasn’t like Aaron to completely blank him. Robert wouldn’t have been surprised if Aaron had mouthed off, insulted him, told him to drop dead, or even faked a civil response while his eyes said, “Fuck you.” All of that would have been a normal response from Aaron. But nothing? Not a single word?

He thought back to a week and a half ago, when Chas had warned him to stay away. He had asked her then if Aaron was hurting himself, and she had said no. But he remembered now that she had hesitated before answering. Robert had noticed it at the time, but hadn’t thought about it too much. Maybe Aaron wasn’t cutting himself, but there was clearly something going on.

Robert worried as he sat with Andy and shared a couple of rounds with him. It did nothing to improve his mood when he saw Paddy and Chas glancing over at him every few minutes. He was a little surprised that no one else had noticed! Robert tried his best to focus on Andy, knowing he had to continue to be a support to his brother. It was a relief when Andy had to get back to work.

He didn’t bother getting to his feet and following his brother out of the pub. He had a hunch that Chas and Paddy wanted to speak to him, so he was prepared when Paddy stood up from his stool at the bar and approached Robert’s table. Before the older man could say anything, Robert got the jump on him. “Yes, I do mind you staring over every two minutes, if that’s what you’ve come to ask.”

“Oh, right, right,” Paddy said dismissively, placing his pint down on the table and taking a seat without bothering to ask permission. “Right, well seeing as we’re getting things off our chests, I mind you messing around with Aaron’s head.”

Robert was unbothered by the accusation. He settled back in his armchair, trying to look nonchalant because he figured his carefree act would rub Paddy the wrong way. He wanted to play it cool and try to get as much information as he could from the older man. “I’ve been away,” Robert pointed out innocently. “I haven’t been anywhere near him.”

“That’s great,” Paddy said, his act of being a pleasant buffoon as fake as Robert’s indifference. “I’m glad to hear it. Because you’ve seen the state of him, haven’t you? The way he’s fixated on this marathon training?”

Robert’s interest sharpened at that. “Well, you know exercise isn’t something to be afraid of, Paddy,” he said, hoping the older man would explain his comment.

Paddy laughed, but it was no more real than his cheery demeanor. He then cleared his throat and gave Robert what he was looking for: information. “He’s overdoing it. Chas can see it, and so can I. It’s classic Aaron. He’s pushing himself rather than dealing with things.”

“Oh, and I’m one of those things?”

“Yeah, you are. Yeah. He was fine until he got mixed up with you. So just- just stay away.”

Robert was done with all the fake cheer in Paddy’s voice. And he was done with both him and Chas warning him off. He’d done it their way, and look what had happened to Aaron- he’d gotten obsessive and strange. Robert had listened to them, and to Aaron when they all told him to stay away, but it wasn’t fixing anything! Robert didn’t bother to hide the animosity in his own tone when he said, “You know, I have enough upset in my own family without worrying about Aaron, as it happens.”

“Good.” Paddy got to his feet and started to turn away. He swung back around to face Robert, his own pleasant demeanor finally gone. His tone was sharp when he spoke next. “Well, it’s not good, is it? But let’s just try to keep it that way.”

He watched as Paddy returned to the bar, where Chas was waiting for him. Robert didn’t miss the way she looked over Paddy’s shoulder at him, lip raised slightly in disgust, as if just the sight of him sitting at one of the tables in her bar was upsetting. Well, there was no love lost there. He disliked the pair of them as much as they did him.

Finishing off his pint, Robert left the pub. He wasn’t sure yet what his next step was going to be, but one thing he was certain of was that he was done keeping his distance. If all it was going to take to make Aaron better was Robert staying clear, then he’d be better off now than he was the last time they had spoken. If anything Aaron was worse, and that was saying something since Aaron had broken things off with Robert after he’d nearly decided to throw himself off a cliff.

*****

**25 March 2015**

Robert hadn’t spent much time at the pub in the last few weeks. He had wanted to avoid Aaron as much as possible. He was upset, and he kept fluctuating between being glad the affair was over to being angry about it. All Robert had wanted to do after Aaron broke things off with him was focus on his wife and his brother, and making things right with them.

Now he wanted to make things right with Aaron too. Even if the younger man had no interest in starting up with Robert again, he couldn’t just leave Aaron to suffer like this. Robert had been taken by surprise when he saw Aaron yesterday. He’d been too caught up in how good he looked to see how bad he looked, if that made any sense. Today it was obvious, and he wondered how he had missed it before.

Robert was sitting in the Woolie having a pint while he waited on his lunch. With his back to the front entrance of the pub, he missed the moment Aaron walked in. He only realized it when Chas said, “Aaron, love, if you’re going for another run, you need some food.”

He paused as his mum spoke. It seemed accidental that Aaron had stopped right next to Robert’s table. The younger man only seemed to notice him belatedly, when he looked away from his concerned mum. Aaron looked tired, like he hadn’t slept in days. His beard needed a trim. His skin was pale, and dull. When Aaron registered that Robert was sitting there, looking right back at him, he didn’t even bother to scowl, like he didn’t have the energy for that. Aaron just started walking again, moving around the bar to disappear through the back.

Aaron may not have jumped at the quarry, but he looked about two-thirds dead to Robert. 

Paddy had described Aaron’s running as an obsession. He’d talked about it like Aaron was just doing it to avoid thinking about things. Chas had said that he wasn’t self harming. Robert was willing to bet anything that neither of them had guessed the full extent of Aaron’s issue. They knew he was overdoing it, but they had failed to realize that running had taken the place of cutting. Aaron was self harming again, and he was doing it right under their noses. Robert was sure of it, because a man didn’t end up looking that exhausted from overdoing it just a few times. Maybe Robert hadn’t been around to notice, but he was dead certain that Aaron was overdoing it every day, more than once a day. He was hurting himself and passing it off as exercising.

Robert ate his lunch and returned to Home Farm. He put in a few more hours in the office, ate dinner with his wife and her family, and then told her he was going to spend some time with Andy. When he drove back to the village, he did it in one of the Home Farm cars, aware his Audi would stand out, even at night. He parked within eyesight of the pub, knowing without a doubt that Aaron would be out there somewhere, hurting himself. Eventually he would come home, and Robert simply had to wait it out.

He sat in the car for about an hour before he finally saw Aaron jogging back to the pub. Robert could see how heavy his steps were. Worse, when he reached the pub Aaron started coughing, then leaned against a dumpster and began to retch. Suddenly furious at the younger man, Robert turned on the headlamps, putting him in the spotlight. As he got out of the car, he saw Aaron turn toward him, throwing his arm up to shield his eyes so he could see.

When he saw it was Robert walking toward him, Aaron held his arms out at his sides, like he was showing himself off. “Come to have a look?” The headlamps were bright, and he could see that Aaron had sweat through both his shirt and his hoodie. He had clearly overexerted himself. Aaron’s face was slick with sweat, his dark hair soaked with it. He was flushed, but that only made it clear that the parts of him that weren’t reddened from the strenuous exercise were bone white from the exhaustion.

“Is this your new way of punishing yourself?” Robert demanded. “Still cutting as well?” Aaron shook his head, not willing to listen. He didn’t bother to reply, just turned away from Robert to get to the nearby side entrance. “You can’t just keep ignoring me!” Robert said, following at his heels.

“Drop dead,” Aaron told him as he swung the door open, giving Robert a glimpse of the staircase.

“If you don’t first!”

The door slammed in his face, and his chance to talk to Aaron was gone. The younger man wasn’t going to make this easy on him, but Robert knew he couldn’t stop trying to reach him. He now knew, without a doubt, that if he were to give Aaron space like he had been over the past few weeks, then that boy was going to either irreversibly or fatally harm himself.


	9. I love you, and I can’t watch you suffer

**26 March 2015**

Aaron was standing at the kitchen sink, washing the gathered sweat from his morning run off of his face when he heard the door open. He grabbed a towel and began to dab his face dry as Adam called out, “Aaron, I’ve got a problem!”

Lowering the towel and using it to wipe the water from his hands, he said, “I could have told you that years ago.”

“Ha, funny guy. No, I mean with the billing. You couldn’t give us a hand could you?” Adam asked as Aaron tossed the towel onto the counter and finally turned to face his mate. He found Adam dressed for work, bundled up against the cold with his bright orange safety vest buttoned over his black jacket. He had his hands full with a binder, some papers, and what looked like some kind of manual.

Grabbing the glass of water he’d set aside for himself before he stopped to wash his face, Aaron took a quick gulp. These days it felt like he was always thirsty. It was the running, and the buckets of sweat that he worked up each time he went out. It was normal now for his throat to feel dry and scratchy from thirst, which sometimes lead to coughing fits if he didn’t drink enough water.

“What, like I’ve got nothing better to do?” Aaron asked after he lowered the glass from his cracked lips.

“Alright, cheers, that’s the spirit,” Adam quipped with a smile. Aaron watched as his mate tossed the binder and paperwork he’d come in with onto the table until he was left carrying a book on Minis - probably a manual or something for the little scrapper car Adam was trying to fix up as Victoria’s birthday present. “You know, I thought you’d be pretty pleased with yourself. I hear you’ve smashed your fundraising target.”

Aaron squinted at that, confused. “I didn’t set a target. What do you mean ‘smashed it?’” he asked, leaning one hand on the counter to help take some of the weight off his blistered feet.

“Well, I’d look at your donation page, mate,” Adam suggested. “You’re doing about two grand better than you were yesterday.”

Aaron stared as Adam walked away from the table - and the billing he’d deposited onto it - to sit on the sofa. He’d done his best not to think about the fact that Chas had made the marathon all about Katie since it stole away any chance he had of enjoying the run. He hadn’t set a fundraising goal, and he hadn’t even known there was a donation page he could check his progress on. If anyone had asked him how much Aaron thought he and his mum would raise, he might have guessed two or three hundred quid. He figured if two dozen or so people who knew Katie pitched in a tenner it might bring it up that far. He certainly hadn’t expected to raise two grand! And certainly not overnight.

“Is this a wind up?” he asked as Adam laid the manual down on the coffee table, opened it up and began leafing through it.

“No; one generous and anonymous donation, my friend. Left no name or anything.”

“Yeah, I know what anonymous means, Adam,” he scowled, as he started putting two and two together.

“Any idea who it is?” Aaron shook his head so he wouldn’t have to lie to his friend. “Well crack a smile,” Adam said as Aaron stood in the kitchen frowning. “Someone out there clearly believes in you!”

Not trusting himself to keep up the appearance of being clueless, Aaron turned away and rested his hands on the counter as Adam entertained himself by reading about Minis. He was a bit surprised Adam hadn’t worked it out for himself already. There weren’t many people who had that kind of money to just give away. The top three names on the list all lived at Home Farm, and neither Chrissie or Lawrence had ever shown interest in much of anything going on in Emmerdale. It should have been obvious to Adam that it was Robert who had donated the two grand. It was more than obvious to Aaron. Despite the donation being “anonymous” it had Robert written all over it.

Finishing off his glass of water, Aaron poured himself another before turning back toward Adam. “So did you come here to read up on cars, or did you come here to do some actual work?”

“Alright, mate,” Adam said, closing the manual. “I didn’t realize you were so keen to help me with billing.”

“If I left it all to you, the scrap yard would be done for.” Adam laughed at that, shrugging off his safety vest and jacket, then settling down at the table to work.

Aaron looked over Adam’s shoulder for a while, answering his questions. Once it seemed like he had gotten over the part that was confusing him, Aaron grabbed his glass from the counter and carried it over to the sofa. He placed it on the coffee table as he took a seat and waited to see if Adam had any more questions. It was boring just sitting there doing nothing, and his mind soon returned to Robert and his big donation.

Ever since Chas had told him that she had gone and warned Robert to stay away despite Aaron telling her the affair was over, he’d been expecting the blond to turn up. That had been nearly two weeks ago, and Aaron could remember being annoyed at Chas because he was sure that the warning would have the opposite effect from the one she intended. He knew how Robert thought, and having Chas randomly tell him to stay away from Aaron when the two men hadn’t spoken in ages would only convince Robert that Aaron was pining after him.

He wasn’t surprised when the older man had tried to grab his attention two days ago when Aaron had come through to the bar from the back room to grab a bottle of water. Robert had been sitting at a table with Andy when his brother thanked Aaron for putting so much effort into training for the marathon. Only now did Aaron recollect that when Robert had tried to get some kind of response from him, he had asked Aaron if he was accepting sponsors. This donation was clearly another attempt the get Aaron’s attention. And then just yesterday Robert had sat for who knew how long in a car outside of the pub, waiting for Aaron to return from his run. What had the blond said before Aaron slammed the door in his face? “You can’t just keep ignoring me.”

£2,000 was a ridiculous amount of money to throw around just to make Aaron notice him.

“Oi, you’re running, man,” Adam called out, making Aaron resurface from his thoughts.

“What?”

“That,” Adam said, stabbing the paper he was writing on repeatedly with the pen he held in his left hand, doing it in time with the movement of Aaron’s leg. It was only then that Aaron realized he was shaking his leg restlessly. “It’s doing my head in.”

Aaron had been hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together. When he stopped shaking his leg, he felt the familiar urge to run fill him. Sitting up just a little, he took a deep breath to try and curb his bad temper. “You know, you don’t have to do that here. That’s what the cabin’s for.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, mate. Just thought you’d help me out for once.”

Knowing Adam was just pulling his leg, Aaron grabbed his glass of water and took a sip before getting to his feet. He headed for the kitchen to dump the rest, then smirked when he looked at his friend. Adam was staring down at the page he was working on, tongue sticking out as he concentrated. “Do you know you stick your tongue out while you’re adding up?” he asked his friend, reaching out to grab at Adam’s tongue jokingly as he passed him on his way to the kitchen.

Aaron looked over his shoulder when he heard Robert say, “Well, at least you can add up, right?” The blond looked as arrogant and self-assured as always. He had let himself in through the side entrance without bothering to knock. It was quite a bold move from the same man who had promised Chas he’d stay away. How did he know she wouldn’t be there to see him?

“Yeah, exactly,” Adam laughed as Aaron placed the glass down on the counter. “Oh, if you’re wondering why he’s looking a little bit more cheerful than usual, well, it’s because someone donated two grand to his fundraiser!”

He looked away, irritated. Aaron knew Adam was still just poking fun at him for not getting excited over the donation, but he couldn’t have chosen a worse time for it. “Yeah, I know,” Robert said. Aaron looked over and found Robert standing in the middle of the room. His hands were tucked in the pockets of his dark blue jeans, and his eyes were downcast as he smirked, making him appear smug while attempting to be modest.

“As if you won the lottery,” Adam laughed as he gathered up the binders and papers from the tabletop, still not clueing into the fact that Robert was the donor.

“Well, I don’t think I could help with that,” Robert said when Adam got up and walked closer to him. He’d taken off his jacket and safety vest earlier, so they were resting across the back of the sofa which Robert was standing beside.

“Eh?” Adam inquired, grabbing up his jacket and vest. Aaron watched as Adam looked at Robert, probably only now noticing the self-satisfied smile just begging to be wiped off his face. “You… no way,” he said, looking over his shoulder at Aaron, who in turn looked down at his own feet to avoid having Adam see how displeased he was to have his suspicions confirmed. Robert just couldn’t wait to come over and brag about the donation, could he?

“What can I say? It’s for a good cause. Katie’d be touched,” Robert said. Aaron knew before he glanced back up that he would find Robert’s eyes on him despite the fact that he was talking to Adam.

“Yeah. Yeah, you know I reckon she would be,” Adam said softly. “Top man, Rob,” he said, reaching out to give the blond a friendly clap on the shoulder. He then looked over his shoulder at Aaron as he headed for the door Robert had left open. “Alright, I’ll see you in a bit, mate.”

Robert had turned to watch Adam leave the room. As soon as the door closed, he swung back around to face Aaron expectantly. “So what, you think you throwing your money around is going to change anything?”

“Well,” Robert sighed as he sat down on the sofa, leaning back comfortably. “At least you’re not ignoring me now, are you?”

Aaron stared at him for a second before shaking his head. He had been leaning his backside against the counter behind him, but now he straightened up and began walking toward the door. If Robert wanted Aaron’s attention, then he wasn’t going to give it to him. Unfortunately, he had to walk past the sofa to get to both doors leading out of the room. Seeing that Aaron was intent on leaving, Robert hastily got up and put himself in the way. It left them standing closer to each other than they had been in about a month.

“You know, I wasn’t expecting you to thank me. I’m not that daft.”

“Good,” Aaron said, giving a nod. “Because I don’t want your money.”

“It’s for the charity.”

“Yeah, because you care so much, don’t you?”

“You’ve got to let go of all this anger,” Robert told him. “All this guilt!”

Aaron scoffed, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. Did Robert really expect him to fall for this act? Did he really expect Aaron to believe he cared? “Shut up,” he said, shaking his head.

“You’re a mess, and everyone can see it!” Robert said, staring intensely into Aaron’s eyes.

“So?” Aaron said, not buying it.

“Talk to me! Whatever you’re feeling, you need to let go of it. You need to let it out.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s making you ill,” Robert told him flatly.

Aaron nodded, giving an unhappy smile as he looked at that earnest, concerned expression on Robert’s face. He’d been fooled by Robert before. Not so long ago, Aaron would have believed he cared. Now, he felt like he was watching a prize performance. “No. Because you’re scared I’m going to crack. That’s the real reason you’re here,” he said, seeing Robert shake his head. “You’re terrified I might tell someone the truth about Katie.”

“No. It was an accident. That’s the only truth there is, so stop beating yourself up.” Aaron looked down at his feet for a moment, avoiding the intent stare being leveled at him. He wasn’t falling for the act, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t affected by the concern so evident on Robert’s face. He only needed a second to collect himself before he met Robert’s gaze again. “People are really starting to worry about you.” Aaron gave a shrug and shook his head, wondering what Robert wanted him to say to that. “Me included,” the blond added.

“Yeah?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah,” Robert agreed, blue-green eyes steady on Aaron’s face.

“Well, I’m not your concern,” Aaron told him, meeting look for look. “So don’t bother.” With that, he shouldered past Robert and let himself out through the side entrance, leaving the door open to give the other man the hint that he wasn’t welcome to stay.

He headed for the scrap yard and immediately got to work, grateful that Adam was in the cabin talking to Vic so he could have some time to himself. It wasn’t long before he was interrupted by a sporty white car pulling into the scrap yard. For a split second, when he caught sight of the car out of the corner of his eye, he was sure it was Robert’s Audi. But when he turned to look, he saw it was an unfamiliar BMW. He could immediately tell that his day was about to get worse than it had been already. That was Ross behind the wheel, and Aaron had no doubt that the car was stolen.

Walking over, he met Ross as the other man got out of the car. “What do you want?”

“To make some quick cash,” Ross said, gesturing toward the car as if Aaron could possibly have failed to take note of it. “Interested?”

“No. See you later,” Aaron said, making to turn around and go back to work.

“Oh, don’t be daft!” Ross said impatiently.

Aaron turned back to him, finding the thought of indulging in a fight with Ross actually appealing. He felt aggravated and unsettled, and he knew Ross could hold his own against him. “Yeah, because I’m the daft one! Where’d you pick this up from?”

The door to the cabin opened up, and Adam came out to see what was going on, Victoria close behind him. “What are you doing here?” Adam asked, sounding as unwelcoming as Aaron had when he’d asked Ross what he wanted.

“What? I come baring gifts!” the other man said, giving them a bow. “Listen, we can split the profits, although you’re going to have to be quick.” He gave a joking grimace before saying, “I’m in a bit of a rush.”

“You are kidding me? This is a legit business, mate,” Adam told him while Vic stood beside him supportingly. “Please tell me this isn’t stolen!”

“I didn’t win it in a box of cereal,” Ross mocked him.

“Do you want us to call the police?” Vic asked him.

They needed him gone before anyone spotted the flashy car there. “You’d better go now,” Aaron said, the threat clear in his tone.

Vic turned to Adam and said, “Rob will hit the roof if it’s anything dodgy.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Adam agreed before looking over at Ross. “You’re an idiot, mate.”

Ross glanced at Aaron and said, “I can see who’s in charge around here.” He tsked, shaking his head sadly at them all as he made to get in the car. “See you later, ladies! Oh, and you, Victoria.” With that, Ross shut the car door shut and drove off, leaving them alone.

“Are you two looking to land yourselves back in prison?” Vic demanded.

“Course not!” Adam reassured her. “How daft do you think we are?”

Vic thankfully did not answer that question. Aaron was pretty sure her opinion of them was quite low at the moment, despite the fact that neither of them had asked Ross to come by with a stolen car. Anyway, Aaron didn’t have much room to judge. He’d been Ross’ partner in crime not so long ago. He was just glad that Adam didn’t seem worried or suspicious that Aaron might have known what Ross was up to this time.

Victoria, however, wasn’t inclined to be so trusting. “Aaron, are you sure you didn’t know about this?” she asked after he’d already gone back to what he was doing before.

“Why would you even ask me that? Do you think I’m that keen to go back to prison?”

“Aaron knows better than to work with Ross,” Adam defended him. Aaron had to wonder if his mate had ever told Vic that Aaron had helped break down cars before. He didn’t think she knew, not with the way she easily backed down, seemingly reassured.

“Well, I’ve got my shift at the pub. Please just stay out of trouble,” she told them. Aaron saw her give Adam a kiss before she added, “I’ll be seeing you later.”

Hoping that was the last problem of the day, Aaron got back to work, trying not to think about Ross or Robert.

*****

Robert hadn’t been optimistic that his generous donation would be enough to help Aaron, but he had hoped for a better response from the younger man. According to Paddy, the half marathon was all Aaron thought about recently. Robert could see that for himself when he caught Aaron being sick outside of the pub last night after pushing himself too hard. He was clearly obsessing about the run, and Robert had hoped that meeting his fundraising goal for it would help Aaron shift his focus to something else. And if that something else happened to be Robert, so much the better.

His first attempt to help the younger man was definitely a failure. Robert made his way into the Woolpack for lunch and a few drinks, trying to think of what to do next. He had to find something that Aaron cared about enough to snap him out of this self destructive cycle he was in. The easiest way to do that was to hop into bed with him, but Robert was pretty sure Aaron would deck him if he tried. Unfortunately, it was both the most appealing option that had occurred to him as well as the only one he could think of at the moment.

Robert was sipping ale at the bar when his sister made an appearance. She was dressed in her uniform, and had clearly just started her shift in the kitchen. Vic spotted him sitting there and came over to lean on the bar in front of him. “Adam told me about your donation to Aaron’s half marathon. A bit flashy even for you,” she told him.

He had been slouching, one arm resting on the bar. Now he sat up as he said, “Yeah, er, it’s supposed to be anonymous.”

“Well, can’t keep anything secret around here,” she said apologetically. “Which reminds me, actually, Ross was up at the scrap yard before with some dodgy car, up to no good. Aaron was fuming!”

Robert’s eyebrows went up as his interest was caught. “Really?” he asked her, leaning forward, eager to hear more.

“Yeah. I mean, he soon told him where to go, but I just thought you should know.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he hurried to say, wheels already starting to turn in his head.

“Adam’s only out on license. And he’s supposed to be getting his tag taken off today. One wrong move and he could end up back in prison!” Honestly, Robert didn’t give a toss about Adam. He spotted Ross entering the pub, heading over to the vacant stretch of bar between Robert and the next punter. “And Aaron, come to think of it,” Vic added.

Hearing Aaron’s name managed to make Robert look at her again. “Don’t worry about it,” he reassured her. Giving a pointed glance at Ross, he said, “I’ll have a word.”

She seemed willing to leave him to it and head back to the kitchen, but before she could, Ross snapped his fingers at her and pointed demandingly at the tap. Vic rolled her eyes, but she grabbed a glass and began to fill it for him. Robert carried his own pint over so he could have a quiet chat with the other man. Ross glanced over at him questioningly as Robert took a sip from his pint before setting it down on a coaster and leaning his arm against the bar casually.

“What’s up?” he asked, enjoying the way Ross appeared so confused at having Robert come up to him. “Still got that car?”

“What car is that?” Ross asked with a shrug, playing it cool.

“Yeah,” Robert said with a laugh. “Let’s pretend we’ve gone through all that and cut to the chase. I’ve got a proposition for you.”

He appreciated the way Ross weighed his options and then simply said, “What’d you have in mind?” Robert might not like him, but he could appreciate that Ross was a man who understood money and negotiation.

“See, I think Aaron is turning his back on a good opportunity here. You’ve worked with him in the past. The two of you make quite the little team when you’re both cooperating.”

Ross shook his head. “It won’t work. He turned me away before Adam and Victoria even showed up. You don’t know him like I do. Take it from me - once he decides not to do something, it’s hard convincing him. Like a mule, that one.”

“Leave Aaron to me,” Robert told him, smirking because he had no doubt that he knew Aaron far better than Ross would in a hundred years. “Where’s the car now? Can you drive it to the scrap yard without being seen?”

“It won’t work,” Ross said again. Robert actually agreed with him, but he couldn’t care less if Aaron took a crowbar to the stolen car. Robert had bigger plans, and the car was just the means to an end. There was only one man he was trying to help right now, and it wasn’t Ross.

“What have you got to lose? You still need the car off your hands, don’t you? Let’s try Aaron one last time, and if he says no again, you’re no worse off than you already are.”

“Thanks for that,” Ross griped, but he went along with it.

Half an hour later, they were pulling into the scrap yard with Robert tailing the stolen car in one of the nondescript Home Farm vehicles. He figured it would draw too much attention if they drove around in two flashy sports cars, so he had traded out his Audi for the employee vehicle. Robert’s gaze was immediately drawn by the bright orange safety vest Aaron wore, and he watched the younger man pace over to them.

“It’s your lucky day!” Ross told Aaron as he stepped out of the stolen car. Robert turned off the lorry he was driving and got out, feeling more confident of his current plan than he had of his idea to donate to the fundraiser. Aaron had never been impressed by money, after all. Ross tapped the top of the stolen BMW as he said, “I’m giving you another chance.”

“Is that right?” Aaron asked, but he was looking at Robert as he spoke.

“Yeah, it is,” Ross said as Robert walked around the front of the lorry so he was within easy speaking distance of the two men.

“Don’t expect him to be grateful,” Robert told Ross, deliberately trying to be annoying. It was something he was quite good at. He leaned his arse against the bonnet of the lorry, crossing his ankles nonchalantly. He was going for boundless confidence with a touch of sex appeal. If Aaron’s expression was anything to go by, he was succeeding with the first at least. “He’s got a real chip on his shoulder, this one.”

He could already tell he was getting under Aaron’s skin. The younger man licked his lips and nodded, like he was already trying to hold back an angry tirade. “You do know that car is stolen, don’t you?”

“Stolen!” Robert exclaimed, as if shocked. “I’m appalled!” Ross played along beautifully, throwing his hands up to cover his mouth in mock horror. Uncrossing his ankles, Robert pushed away from the lorry and took a few steps closer to Aaron. “You know, I sank ten grand into this business. Ross turns up with an opportunity like this to make some real money, and what, you just turn it away? That was pretty stupid, wasn’t it? Well, it’s happening whether you like it or not.” Robert caught Ross’ gaze over Aaron’s shoulder and gave him a nod. “Get it done!” he ordered, as if he expected both of them to hop to. Ross saluted him, probably angering Aaron further.

Robert got back in the lorry and began backing out of the scrap yard as Adam came out of the cabin. He sighed. Now there would be no way to keep this from getting back to Victoria. He could wish his sister stayed in the dark about this, but he had greater concerns than Vic getting wound up.

Once he was able to get the lorry turned around, Robert drove away from the scrap yard. As expected, he spotted Aaron’s car far behind him. Good. Everything was going to plan so far. Robert picked up his speed a bit and drove to a quiet lay-by. He hadn’t chosen this spot randomly. It was the same lay-by where he had parked his Audi back in December, when he’d called Aaron and faked car troubles. It was where they had shared their first kiss.

Robert pulled over and turned off the lorry. He wasn’t expecting any kisses this time. No, he wanted Aaron angry. Getting out of the car, he once again posed at the bonnet, ankles crossed and hands tucked in the pockets of his jacket. His heart kicked up a notch as a small black Volkswagen pulled up in front of him.

Robert watched as Aaron stepped out and slammed the car door shut loudly. The younger man was completely focused on him as he stormed over to confront him. “You are so arrogant!” Aaron snarled, eyes a livid blue.

Nothing would aggravate Aaron more than staying calm in the face of all that anger, so Robert made sure to sound blithe and carefree when he responded. “It’s been said.”

“You know, not everything goes the way you want it to go. Stop trying to control me! You can’t tell me what to do.”

Despite his decision to act unaffected, Robert found it difficult. Is that what Aaron really thought? That Robert was just trying to control him? “I’m trying to help you,” he said, making Aaron draw back in disbelief. “But you’re not exactly making it easy!”

“Help? What, you call this help? I don’t want anything from you!”

In his plan, he hadn’t expected to be hurt by Aaron’s obvious rage at him. Still, this is what had to happen. If he was going to help Aaron, he needed him angry. He needed him to vent, to offload all his anger so he could finally get over it. Robert had tried to provoke Aaron before, on the day of Katie’s funeral. He had pushed and pushed, even stooping to taunt Aaron about his cutting. It had almost worked then, but Andy’s car shooting past them had distracted Robert. Maybe, if Andy hadn’t gone to the quarry to try and kill himself, then Robert and Aaron could have had this out between them then. Instead, all of this guilt and anger had been left to fester inside of Aaron.

“I’m not just going to watch you fall apart,” Robert told him, making it a promise.

“Oh really? This isn’t about you,” Aaron said, voice gone dark.

“Yeah, you keep saying that.”

“It’s about Katie.” Robert could hear a change in the other man’s voice at her name. He watched as Aaron’s eyes turned bright with emotion. “... And the guilt that I have to carry with me for what I did. Not you, not us - me!”

Robert nodded, speechless for a moment. He could feel his own throat tighten. This is what he had driven Aaron to. He wanted to hug him, to comfort Aaron as he had when the younger man had struggled to deal with Cain being in hospital back in January. Even if Aaron would let him get that close, Robert couldn’t offer him comfort. Not yet. “Go on,” he said, as if unaffected by the other man’s suffering. He was standing so close to Robert, giving him a front row seat as hurt filled Aaron’s face at Robert’s callous response.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Aaron asked him, the rage on his features being replaced by a lonely, pained expression. “I wiped away our footprints.” The emotion was so naked on Aaron’s face that Robert had to look away, unable to face it. It didn’t stop Aaron’s words from reaching his ears, leaving Robert feeling shattered. “And then I stood there, and I saw the life drained from that poor girl’s dead body.”

“It’s okay,” Robert told him, desperate to make it so.

“No it’s not okay!” Aaron shouted in his face.

“I wish we could… take back what happened,” Robert said, struggling with the words. “But we can’t! You just have to let it all out.”

It was the wrong thing to say. He knew that immediately. Aaron let out a sobbing breath, shaking his head and wearing a look like he was upset at himself for expecting Robert to understand. He turned his back on Robert and began to walk away from him. No, he couldn’t let Aaron walk away from this. If he did, the younger man would keep bottling things up until he turned to cutting again.

Robert scrambled to uncross his ankles and rushed after him before he could get in his car. He grabbed hold of Aaron’s arm to slow him down, then pushed himself in front of the younger man, placing his hand against Aaron’s chest to stop him. “Hey, hey, hey, come on, you’re angry, alright?” Robert said, as he dropped his hands so he was no longer touching the younger man. Aaron had looked away, as if struggling not to grab hold of Robert and shove him out of the way. “Come on, take it out on me.”

Aaron pinched his nose for a second before moving threateningly toward Robert. Everything about his body language screamed out with barely controlled violence. This… this was what Robert had been angling for. “Get out of my way,” Aaron ordered him.

“No. No, not until we’ve dealt with this once and for all.” Aaron stood there before him, fists clenched at his sides and face straining with barely repressed fury. “Look at you! I thought you were tough. You’re falling apart over a stupid accident!”

He was slammed into the side of the black Volkswagen so fast he wouldn’t have had time to defend himself even if he had wanted to. Aaron’s body was pressed tightly against his, his right forearm cutting across Robert’s neck, pinning him in place. Aaron was gasping, face contorted with rage. “Come on then,” Robert whispered, their faces so close he knew he’d be heard. “It’ll make you feel better,” he softly urged him.

But once again he’d said the wrong thing. Maybe he should have insulted Aaron again. The younger man packed it in, pulling back roughly and storming away. “What are you doing?” Robert asked, stepping away from the car he’d been shoved against. He started following the younger man when it became clear that Aaron had no intention of stopping. Aaron wouldn’t give him this chance again. He’d avoid Robert like plague. And then what would happen? He’d run himself to the ground? He’d cut himself up? “Don’t walk away! Aaron, please!” he called out, feeling the moment slipping away.

Aaron swung around, face tortured. “You can’t possibly know how I feel! What I’ve done is going to haunt me forever! And I can’t live with that.”

Robert watched helplessly as the younger man started walking away again, hearing those last words resounding in his head. “I can’t live with that. I can’t live with that.” He thought back to that night at the quarry, when he had looked down from the distraction created by fireworks going off in the night sky. Aaron had been standing so close to the edge, and when Robert looked back, he was gone. Vanished. Those moments when Robert thought Aaron had jumped had been among the worst moments of his life.

“Yeah, well you’re wrong!” Robert called desperately after him as Aaron walked away. “I know exactly how you’re feeling! Because what happened to Katie… I- It was my fault. Alright? I did it!” Aaron’s steps had slowed, and at that, he came to a standstill. His back was still to Robert, bright orange vest brilliant against the stormy grey skies and half dead fields around them.

“I killed her!” Robert shouted in anguish.

At that, Aaron turned to face him.

*****

For a moment, if felt like Aaron’s heart had stopped. He stared at Robert, struggling to make sense of what he was hearing. They were such simple words, but the concept or the idea behind them was too big for him. “I killed her,” Robert had said. He’d killed her. It was like a giant puzzle piece trying to fit into a small slot.

Aaron started walking toward the blond, feeling almost disconnected from his own body as the shock filled him. “You’re not the only one to blame,” Robert said, looking gutted. “I’m the one! I-I’m the one with all the guilt. More than you know. So please, stop torturing yourself,” he begged.

“What do you mean you killed her?” Aaron asked, coming to a stop in front of the taller man. Robert looked away, face pale. “I don’t understand. What did you do, Robert? Tell me!”

“I lied to you,” Robert said, looking right at him.

It sounded like the truth, but it explained absolutely nothing. Aaron still felt like he was drowning in a sea of unknowns. “About what?”

“About me and Katie making up. We didn’t.” He had to look away as he took in those words. When she fell, Robert had told him that he’d spoken to her, and they had come to an understanding before Katie had stepped on weak floorboards and fell to her death. Aaron bit his lower lip as Robert finally told him the truth of what happened that day. “You saw what she was like. She wasn’t going to let it go! She finally got the proof she needed… There was no way she wasn’t going to use it.”

Aaron felt like he’d been sucker-punched in the gut as he rearranged everything he thought he knew in his head, fitting it all into place. “We got into a big row,” Robert continued. Aaron looked up at him as the blond swallowed hard, face now flushed with emotion. “...And she fell,” Robert said, but there was no way Aaron was letting him leave it at that. They had a big row… and then she fell? He was suddenly certain there was a whole story being left out.

“What about the photo?” He felt his stomach clamp down on his backbone when Robert stayed silent. “You said she deleted it.” Aaron watched him, seeing his lips move as he searched for words before looking away guiltily. “Did she delete it or not?” Aaron demanded.

“No,” Robert answered reluctantly, almost angrily. “Alright, Aaron? No, she didn’t. I deleted it. I did it.”

Aaron drew in a shaky breath, raising a hand to cover his mouth as the terrible truth finally came out. He couldn’t say how long he stood there like that, trying to come to terms with what he’d heard. “Say something,” Robert begged.

Aaron shook his head. He walked past Robert, thoughts buzzing in his head as he slowly went in the direction of the cars. “I’ve replayed that day in my head over and over again,” Aaron said, punctuating the word “over” by angrily pointing at the ground repeatedly. “It’s on repeat, a-a-and now you’re telling me it’s all a lie?”

He stopped walking and turned to look at Robert. “No, not all of it!” he hurried to say.

“You worked out your cover story, and I fell for it. Every single word! You used me again, and I was too thick to know it!”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“She was out of the way, the photo was gone, and you had your wedding to go to.” His own words suddenly struck him, and Aaron stepped back, away from Robert. He felt sick to his stomach. “You left me on my own up there to tidy up after you like nothing had happened, like she was nothing!” He ignored the way Robert shook his head the entire time, trying to deny Aaron’s words.

“I panicked!” Robert burst out. “I’m not going to deny that! And yeah, I needed you to cover my back!” Aaron nodded, taking that in. Robert had panicked and needed Aaron to cover his back… so he could go get married, and never mind what it would do to Aaron to stay behind and clean up after him. “I’m sorry, Aaron,” Robert finally said, hands held out at his sides helplessly. Aaron turned, trying to walk away from this and that pitiful excuse for an apology.

Swinging back around, he threw his fist into Robert’s perfect, chiseled jaw.

His fury was pure and sweet after so many weeks of tortured guilt and haunting depression. It erupted inside of him, hot and all consuming. Robert fell onto the road at the impact, and Aaron threw himself on top of him. He barely felt his own pain as his knuckles bashed into Robert’s face, over and over. If the other man had taken even one swing at him, Aaron wasn’t sure he could have held back. Instead, Robert curled his arms up in front of his face as best as he could, trying to protect it before Aaron could break his nose or dislocate his jaw for him.

Aaron forced himself up off of Robert, gasping for air. For the first time in over a month, the air came readily to his lungs without him needing to hurt himself to take that overwhelming weight off of his chest. He stared down at his lover as Robert curled up on the road, his clothing covered in mud. Aaron watched Robert struggling to get to his hands and knees, and asked, “Was my mum right about you? Did you murder her? Did you!” Aaron screamed.

“No!” Robert shouted, finally managing to get to all fours. 

“You admitted it! You said you’d killed her!”

“She fell,” Robert said, out of breath. He looked up at Aaron, head at an awkward angle as he knelt there on the road. His face was battered, already bruising, bleeding where Aaron’s fist had hit him so hard the skin had split open. “It’s like I said, it was an accident.” Aaron felt tears coming to his eyes, turning the whole violent scene blurry as he panted and raised his arms to clasp his fingers behind his head. He hardly knew what to do with himself.

“It’s still my fault,” Robert insisted. “I wound her up, I threatened her, I made her life miserable!” Aaron unclasped his hands from behind his head, lowering his arms and looking away from Robert. He felt too sad and angry. When he looked away, Robert drew his attention back. “I never wanted it to end like that, I swear I didn’t! All I wanted was for her to keep her mouth shut!”

It was too much. Overwhelmed, Aaron backed away. He felt his pockets for his keys, needing to get away. Robert had managed to stumble to his feet when Aaron reached the door to his car, opening it up. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. I-I was scared to tell you the truth!” Robert called out as Aaron closed the door, trying to shut out his words. He turned on the car and reached for his seat belt as Robert came up to the passenger side of the car and thumped his hand against the windscreen to get his attention. “Aaron, wait!” He stepped on the gas, tires slipping in the mud before catching. “Aaron, what are you going to do? Aaron!”

He pressed down the clutch and jumped a gear, pushing the car to greater speeds until Robert was a speck behind him. Aaron wasn’t sure how long he drove around for. His head was reeling. For over a month, he’d been convinced that he was entirely to blame for what had happened to Katie. He had even felt guilt for having put Robert through this! He’d worried over how Robert had had to witness Katie falling. Apparently, he’d done it with more calm than Aaron had imagined. He’d actually capitalized on Katie’s death by grabbing her mobile off her dead body and deleting the photo before calling Aaron to handle the clean up.

His hands grasped the steering wheel tightly, white-knuckled. Aaron glanced at his hands and found the knuckles of the right covered in blood - Robert’s blood. He had to get home and wash up before anyone saw him like that. They’d ask questions, and at the moment, Aaron didn’t feel like covering up the truth.

He pulled into the Woolpack’s car park and entered through the side entrance to avoid everyone in the pub. Aaron went straight for the kitchen sink to run cold water over his hand. He watched the water flow down the drain, dyed pink with blood. His anger was mostly gone now, leaving him feeling numb. It was easier to simply focus on his bruised knuckles and the way his hand was beginning to swell a bit. He hadn’t pulled his punches when he hit Robert, and he was feeling it now.

He heard a door open, and he knew it was the one leading out to the pub because of the increase in ambient noise before whoever it was closed the door. “Aaron?” Vic called out.

“Here,” he said, rolling his eyes. Didn’t anyone ever knock anymore? He hadn’t really minded when Adam let himself in, but Robert and Vic seemed pretty comfortable walking in whenever it pleased them.

“I start to think I know him, and then he goes and does this!” she said. Aaron turned off the water, holding his throbbing hand still as it dripped. Clearly Adam had called Vic to complain. Aaron had left him to deal with Ross while he went after Robert, and Adam must have thought to call Vic to have her help set Robert straight.

Grabbing a hand towel, he gently laid it over his hand as he turned toward Vic. “He does the exact opposite of what a normal person would do! Adam’s only got his tag taken off today…” She trailed off as Aaron leaned his backside against the kitchen counter and continued to softly pat down the towel over his hand. “What have you done?” she demanded.

He took a deep breath before saying, “You don’t want to know.” He knew Vic wouldn’t be able to leave it, so he started to walk past her, just wanting to be alone at the moment.

“Adam said you went after Robert,” she said as he went around her. “What have you done to him, Aaron?” He came to a standstill, looking up at the ceiling as his heart clenched. What had he done? The better question was what had Robert done! “He said you were mad, but I didn’t think… Is he okay? Where is he? Aaron, how bad is it?”

He felt her hand on his arm, as she tried to grab his attention. He whirled around to face her. “Just shut up, Vic!” he shouted, overwhelmed again. She stared at him, wide-eyed, worry written all over her face. He had to tell her. She thought he’d gone out and beaten Robert up because of Ross and the stolen car. It was bigger than that, though. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“But he’s going to be okay. You haven’t left him for dead?” she asked.

Aaron nodded, feeling an odd sort of dark amusement at her words. “Oh, he’ll be fine. He’ll make sure of that.”

“Good,” Vic said, relieved, completely missing the subtext to Aaron’s words. Robert was slime. He would stop at nothing to get his own way.

“You won’t be saying that when you know what he’s done.”

“What do you mean ‘what he’s done?’”

Before he could tell her the truth about her brother, the door to the stairwell opened behind him. Aaron looked over his shoulder and found Robert letting himself in. Aaron couldn’t help but smile darkly at that. Of course Robert would show up right before Aaron could drop him in it. He had a knack for saving his own skin. Aaron moved further into the room, away from the other man so he wouldn’t be tempted to start hitting him again.

Aaron moving out of the way gave Vic a clear view of her brother. “Rob, are you okay?” she asked, concerned.

“Yeah,” he answered, sounding distracted.

“What’s wrong with you? Look at the state of him!” she exclaimed as Aaron took a seat at the dining table. His feet were covered in healing blisters, and standing for any amount of time was painful unless he could focus completely on some task like working at the scrap yard or running.

“Yeah, well he had it coming,” Aaron said, not in the least bit sorry to see Robert’s face all cut up and slightly swollen.

“It’s not that bad,” Robert reassured her. “It looks a lot worse than it is. Promise.” He looked almost uncertain as he stood there all battered, glancing over at Aaron worriedly as he tried to calm Vic. He was probably bricking it, wondering what Aaron was going to say now that he knew the truth.

“You must not have looked in a mirror,” Vic said. Aaron rested his left elbow on the table and set his mouth against his fist, waiting to see how Robert would crawl his way out of this. He had no doubt he was about to hear a brilliant example of storytelling.

“I could have gotten them both arrested, lost the business… I got off lightly.”

“Why did you even do it?” Vic asked, sounding truly puzzled.

“It was an impulse.” Robert sighed then and added, “It wasn’t my best idea. But, I’ve not been thinking straight - all that stuff with Lachlan.” Aaron couldn’t help it. He pulled his mouth away from his fist and smiled incredulously at that perfect lie just rolling right off Robert’s tongue.

“Is this going to keep on happening? Because I don’t want Adam getting caught up in whatever it is you’ve got going on!”

“No, no it’s not going to happen again,” Robert swore. “I promise.”

“Alright, well it better not. Listen, I’ve got to get back to work, but is it even safe to leave you two together?”

Aaron gave a considering frown at that and a shrug, not willing to make any promises. “Yeah, we’ll be fine,” Robert said. “Please, don’t tell Chrissie.”

“I think she’s going to notice,” Vic pointed out.

“Yeah, well I made an excuse. She was all set to get the police around, and… well, that wouldn’t be good.” Aaron closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead with his left hand, elbow still resting on the table as he slouched in his chair. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard a bigger understatement in his life.

“Alright, fine,” Vic gave in. “As long as you play nice from now on.”

“You’ve got my word,” Robert assured her as she headed toward the door leading back out to the pub and the pub’s kitchen.

Aaron had been avoiding looking over at Robert since he’d arrived, but as soon as the door closed he turned his head to face the other man. “The lies just keep coming, don’t they?” Robert looked away at that, almost as if he were ashamed. Aaron didn’t believe that for a second. He watched as Robert placed his hands on his hips, like he was going to wait there for Aaron to say something else. Well, for Robert’s sake, Aaron hoped he wasn’t expecting an apology, because he was going to be standing in that spot forever waiting for one. “Why are you here?”

“You just ran off! I didn’t know what you were going to do.”

“You were worried I was going to blurt it out, more like. Because I nearly did, you know? I was going to tell Vic.”

“Do you have any idea how bad that would have been?” Robert demanded, dropping his hands from his hips and walking over to stand near Aaron where he was seated at the dining table. “For both of us?”

“I don’t care anymore,” Aaron said softly, feeling tired of all of this. He stared down at his left hand resting on the table top rather than look at Robert. “I just want it all over with.”

“I wish we could change what happened, Aaron, but we can’t!”

“I can. By telling people the truth.”

“And that’s going to make it better?” Robert asked, taking a seat on the closest dining chair. “Andy’s just going to say thanks? Because he’s not! The only thing we can do is try to live with this.”

Aaron nodded at that, unsurprised by Robert’s advice. “That easy, is it?”

“No! I didn’t say it was, but it’s got to be better than this!” Robert leaned forward earnestly, trying to get Aaron to listen. “I’m the only one you can talk to, Aaron, the only one who understands this. You’re not alone, Aaron. If I had to take a beating to get through to you, then it was worth it. I don’t want you ending up on the edge of a quarry again!”

God, if this was all fake concern, then Robert was the best actor on Earth. The worry and care so evident in his voice left Aaron feeling torn open and raw. He refused to meet Robert’s eyes, staring down stubbornly at his hand resting on the table so he wouldn’t throw himself at the other man, trying to find comfort. “You can go now,” Aaron said, voice low.

“No, I’m not going until I know you won’t do anything. Because if I lost you… Because if I lost you, Aaron, I couldn’t handle it.”

He’d hate himself if he started to cry in front of Robert right now. Aaron swallowed thickly, feeling his throat get tight. “You’ve got Chrissie,” he said.

“It’s not enough.”

Aaron frowned at that, those words taking him by surprise. Robert usually went out of his way to tell Aaron how wonderful Chrissie was, and how much he loved her, and how she was what he needed. He finally looked at Robert, finding his face closer than expected. For a moment Aaron thought he meant it, that he was finally admitting that he cared for him as more than just some bloke he liked to have sex with. Then he thought of how easily Robert had lied to Vic. He was just playing Aaron, and once again he was falling for all the lies because despite everything, he still loved the man.

Frustrated at himself, Aaron looked up at the ceiling and gave a laugh at his own stupidity. Did he never learn? He pushed off of the chair, getting to his feet with the loud sound of the legs scraping against the wooden floorboards. He’d made it halfway to the door when Robert spoke.

“I love you.”

Aaron stopped, unable to help himself. Those words hit him, pulling him around to look at Robert. He was sitting as Aaron had left him, facing the now empty chair, so that all he could see was the back of that blond head. After a few tense seconds, Robert got to his feet and turned to Aaron. There was not even the slightest hint of falseness about him as he looked at Aaron and said, “I love you, and I can’t watch you suffer.” They stared at each other, Aaron surprised into speechlessness, and Robert appearing almost defeated, as if he had given up fighting with himself. “So if you want to go tell Andy, or Chas, about what I did, about Katie, then…. Then go ahead. It’s your choice.”

Without another word, Robert let himself out, leaving Aaron standing there alone.

If Robert had stayed to plead his case, to try and convince Aaron to keep quiet about everything, then Aaron would have known for sure that this was just an underhanded ploy. After the way Robert had lied to him over and over again, he found it next to impossible to believe anything he said, even when he really wanted to. Especially when it came to this. How long had Aaron longed to hear those words from Robert? He’d been in love with the man since January, at least. He’d wanted Robert for himself, without having to keep their affair secret or agonize over having to share him with Chrissie. He had wanted them to go out for drinks whenever they felt like it, and make love in bed without worrying that someone would begin to wonder why Robert was always visiting him.

When he had asked Robert to meet him at Wylie’s, he had wanted Robert to tell him then that he loved him back, that he wanted those things too.

Now, those words were tainted by Robert’s earlier confession about Katie. Was this a trick? Was Robert trying to use Aaron’s feelings to manipulate him into keeping their secrets? He wanted to be happy at finally knowing that Robert not only cared about him, but he was in love with Aaron. He’d feel like a complete fool if this turned out to be the biggest lie Robert had told him yet.

Aaron finally unwrapped the kitchen towel from his right hand and tossed it onto the table before going through to the bar. He needed a drink. Aaron ordered a pint for himself, then carried it to a table so he could sit by himself. He slouched in his chair, much as he had in the back room, placing his left elbow on the table so he could rest his mouth against his hand while he thought about things.

Only a minute had gone by before Adam walked in and greeted Vic. When he spotted Aaron, he called out to him. “Heya, Aaron! Did you go see Robert?” Aaron simply nodded, somewhat absentmindedly. “And?” Adam prompted him, walking over to his table.

“He did what Aaron does best,” Vic answered for him, having followed Adam over.

“Oi, is this going to come back and bite us?” Adam asked, probably worried about the scrap yard.

Aaron finally lowered his hand and looked up at Adam. His relationship with Robert had gone through many ups and downs over the past few months, but he had never worried that Robert would pull his investment. Because he had always been certain that Robert wanted him enough to keep coming back for more. Aaron had always trusted that the other man would never dissolve their business partnership, because doing so would mean completely cutting away that last tie Robert had to Aaron.

“No, I’ve sorted it,” Aaron told his friend.

“Alright, if you say so,” Adam said. Aaron appreciated anew how Adam always took him at his word. “Do you want a pint?”

Aaron huffed. “I’ve got one,” he said dismissively. He caught sight of the grin on Adam’s face before he went to order at the bar. They were still solid, despite the stress of having Ross come by the scrap yard with a stolen car, and Aaron battering their business partner.

Vic sat on the chair across from him. “I’m not forgiving you, you know,” she said. “For what you did to Robert. Even though I can kind of see why you did it.”

Aaron nodded, but Vic just sat there looking at him. “Well, if you want me to say sorry or whatever, it’s not going to happen.”

“Will you just give him a break?” Aaron rolled his eyes at that. Robert could worm his way out of anything. He didn’t need Aaron to give him a break. “I know how he comes across, and today was a prime example of him at his worst,” she said, gaze steady and tone serious. “But… deep down he’s actually alright. And he’s a pretty awesome brother, but nobody gets to see it because he doesn’t let people in.”

She left him then, with more to think about than when he had first sat down with his pint. When Aaron had started developing feelings for Robert, he remembered thinking that there was more to the man than most people saw. It was easy to write him off as an arrogant twat who cared about no one but himself. But if that were true, he wouldn’t have tried so hard to mend fences with his family. He wouldn’t have rushed out to the quarry to talk his brother off the ledge. He wouldn’t have invited Andy to stay at Home Farm with him so he could keep an eye on him and make sure he didn’t try to off himself again.

Aaron spotted Adam carefully making his way over with a full pint. He’d spend some time with his mate and try to relax a bit. Then he would message Robert. Aaron wanted to speak to him one more time before telling Chas anything.

*****

_Meet me at mine._

Robert read the message a few times, wishing it gave some clue as to what Aaron was thinking. He couldn’t even begin to predict what the younger man was going to do at this point. He was afraid that when he got there, the police would be waiting to question him. A small part of him even felt like he might deserve it. He knew what had happened to Katie was his fault. He felt guilt for what he’d done. But what good would it have done anyone if he had confessed? If he had laid out the truth from the very beginning, who would have benefited from that? The police would have locked him up for accidentally killing his sister-in-law, Andy would have hated him, and Chrissie would likely have left him.

The only person he’d hurt with his lies was Aaron. But Robert could never have known how hard he would take it. He couldn’t have known that allowing Aaron to think he was solely to blame for Katie’s death would drive him to the point where he’d almost killed himself. Robert wanted to make it up to him, if Aaron would let him.

If Aaron hadn’t already told Chas and Andy the truth about Katie’s death.

Robert drove to the Woolpack and let himself inside through the side entrance. Aaron was sitting on the stairs, waiting for him. Taking a deep breath, Robert closed the door as Aaron resettled himself sideways on the stairs so his back was pressed to the banister. “I expected a lynch mob,” he said, feeling a bit weak in the knees with relief that he didn’t have to face Andy yet.

“You still came.”

“Well, if it’s out, it’s out,” Robert said, trying to sound reasonable about it. He had known when he confessed to Aaron that he was taking a risk, but it was worth it if it stopped Aaron from hurting himself.

“Well, it’s not,” Aaron said. Robert took in a shaky breath, his relief so great it was indescribable. “You got my attention. You got me to offload, but… if you thought it was going to make a difference, you were wrong.”

“So nothing’s changed for you?” he asked.

“Did you really expect it to?”

“Well, yeah, actually. At least now you know you’re not on your own.” Aaron nodded and looked down. Not having eyes on him made it a bit easier for Robert to speak. “Look, I feel the same, I just - I don’t show it. So if you ever want to talk, if you ever need me, just find me. I’ll be there for you because… well, you know.”

“Did you mean it, or were you just saying it?” Aaron asked, looking back up at Robert.

He gave a very small laugh at that. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. You know me better than that.”

“Say it again.”

Robert left his spot in front of the door and moved closer to the stairs, pressing his back against the wall. He felt his heart suddenly pounding in his chest as he gazed down into Aaron’s eyes. “I love you.” Robert watched as Aaron bit his lip, then shook his head and looked down again. He bent down over the younger man, placing his left hand on one of the stairs for balance as he brought his face in close to Aaron’s. He wanted those blue eyes on him. He wanted all of Aaron’s attention. “You’re not going to say anything back?”

He felt his abdomen tighten when Aaron met his gaze, their faces so close together. “You’ve heard it.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t ready for it.”

Robert waited, barely taking a breath. “That’s not my problem is it?” Aaron asked, voice a low rumble.

“Fair enough,” Robert acknowledged, seeing that familiar, playful look in Aaron’s eyes for the first time in months. Even before Katie had died, they had been at odds with each other. The last time he felt this connected with Aaron was when he was inviting him to a second stay at a hotel, which had unfortunately ended disastrously.

“I can wait,” Robert promised with a grin. He wanted to close the distance between them, but he didn’t want to make Aaron feel like he was rushing him. Robert straightened up and pressed his back against the wall once more. “So, er, me and you… We’re okay?”

“As long as there’s nothing else,” Aaron said, gaze earnest as he looked up at Robert. “And I mean nothing. No more secrets, I can’t deal with it.”

Robert nodded, knowing he would do whatever it took to keep Aaron safe. He wouldn’t let Aaron get to that point again, where he couldn’t deal with things anymore. “I swear on my life, you know everything.”

Aaron stared up at him for a few seconds before giving a nod. He got to his feet, and with Aaron standing, Robert was suddenly very conscious of how close he was. He found his hands automatically reaching out to grasp Aaron by the waist, pulling him in close. He really hadn’t meant to grab at him, but the younger man didn’t seem to mind. He let Robert draw him in, and then Aaron raised his face and pressed their mouths together. It was a soft brush of lips, both of them being careful of the split lip that Aaron had given Robert earlier.

“Upstairs?” Robert asked hopefully.

Aaron shook his head. “My mum will be home soon. You should probably go or she’ll catch you here.”

Robert nodded, trying not to feel too disappointed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” He couldn’t resist giving Aaron another kiss, even though the soft touch was still enough to hurt him.

“Tomorrow,” Aaron agreed, stepping back. Robert let his hands drop away from the other man’s waist and let himself out before Chas could come home and make a scene. He licked his lips as he walked back to his car, trying to find any lingering taste of Aaron on his mouth. If he didn’t get Aaron on his own soon, he’d go mad. They had a lot of time to make up for.


	10. When I get you on your own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!

**27 March 2015**

_"You’re seriously texting me with Chrissie and Lawrence in the room with you?"_

_"They’re watching me while I’m thinking about you. Where are you now?"_

_"In bed."_

_"What are you wearing?"_

_"Just my boxers."_

_"Wish I was there with you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all morning. I’ve barely gotten any work done."_

_"Yeah? I’m picturing you now…"_

_"Tell me more."_

_"We’re alone. You’re sitting down at your desk, legs spread while I stand between them."_

_"Stand? What if I want you on your knees?"_

_"Since when have I ever done what you want me to do? I’m standing between your legs, pressing up against you while I kiss you hard."_

_"I love having your tongue in my mouth."_

_"I’m going to undress you slowly, starting with your-"_

“Vigilantes. That’s what we’re dealing with. They know we can’t go to the police.” Robert frowned, annoyed as his wife’s voice interrupted the image forming in his mind as he read Aaron’s message. He and Lawrence had been at work, sitting at their desks in the home office when Chrissie had come in to distract them. Not that Robert wasn’t already feeling distracted. He had barely been able to put down his mobile since leaving Aaron’s last night. They had to have exchanged over a hundred texts today, and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet.

“Then it’s a good thing they jumped me and not Lucky,” he said, not bothering to look up from his phone, trying to concentrate on the last text he’d gotten from Aaron.

“Well how do you know they won’t?” she demanded.

Robert scowled. She wasn’t going to let it go. He had been sitting facing the wall behind his desk, with his back to Chrissie and her dad. Now he swiveled around so he could see her sitting on the edge of Lawrence’s desk. “I took the beating for all of us. That’s how it works. From now on they’ll leave us alone.” The group of boys Chrissie thought had beaten him up were completely fictitious, and he could guarantee that they wouldn’t come to bother her son. It was just frustrating because he couldn’t very well tell her why he was so certain that Lachlan was safe.

Robert looked down as his mobile vibrated in his hand, and he saw a second grey text box pop up in the message thread. _"I’m going to undress you slowly, starting with your jumper. I’m going to pull it up over your head, then I’m going to kneel down and take your nipple into my mouth. I’ll start with one, sucking on it while I use my fingers to play with the other."_

Robert was starting to feel a bit too warm. He hurried to message Aaron back. _"I love when you do that. I want you so bad. Glad to see I finally have you on your knees ;)"_

“I’m sure you gave as good as you got, Robert,” Lawrence said, sounding somewhat amused, or perhaps a bit proud that Robert had taken a beating for the family.

“Oh, what is this? Fight club?” Chrissie asked her dad, sounding irritated. “He’s been assaulted! Even you with your recent allergies to the police should see that’s a bad thing!”

“There are times when discretion is best, and this is one of them,” Lawrence insisted. Chrissie had turned her head away from her dad as he spoke, giving Robert a clear view of her unyielding expression. “Look, I think we can all do with a holiday. How about a few days away?”

Chrissie’s features softened a bit at that, and Robert watched as she hesitantly turned back toward Lawrence. “I thought that’d be the last thing you’d want.”

“Yeah, and then something like this happens,” the old man said, gesturing toward Robert. They were both eyeing him now, probably taking in the sight of his cuts and bruises. Aaron had done a real number on him. “What do you think?” Lawrence asked him.

Robert hated the idea. “Well, we can’t. It’s Vic’s party tonight. I’m paying for most of it,” he explained. He couldn't very well miss his sister's birthday party!

“Well that’s okay,” Lawrence said. “It’ll give you time to get something booked for tomorrow.”

He couldn’t leave town now, not after just making up with Aaron! Robert knew the younger man wouldn’t understand, and that he’d see it as a slap in the face. Besides that, Robert still felt uneasy leaving Aaron on his own. If there was one thing he’d learned from watching Andy struggle after Katie’s death, it was that a person didn’t get better overnight. He had to make sure that Aaron was really going to stop overdoing it with the running.

“Lachlan can’t travel abroad, not until after his court date,” he was quick to point out.

“If we run away the minute things get difficult, how’s that going to look?” Chrissie wondered.

“Well,” Lawrence said, “it might save Robert from another beating. Or worse.”

That seemed to convince her. “It might be just what we need. Okay, let’s do it.” Chrissie was beaming, pleased with the new plan. Why was she always the one deciding where they would go and what they would do? He knew they’d start asking questions if he protested too hard, so Robert gave her a fake smile, playing along for the moment.

He looked down when he got another text. _"You never give up, do you? Yes, I’m finally down on my knees in front of you. I bite at your nipple, hard, but I know you’re enjoying your punishment as much as I’m enjoying punishing you."_

Robert cleared his throat. Aaron knew he had a thing for having his nipples played with. Robert excused himself from the office, leaving Chrissie and Lawrence to discuss their holiday while he found a more private place to continue sexting Aaron. The Whites could plan as much as they wanted, but there was no way he was leaving Emmerdale with them. He just had to think of a good excuse for why he couldn’t go. Like Aaron had said in his text, Robert never gave up. He’d find a way to make this work in his favor.

*****

Robert was prepared for questions when he walked inside the pub with Chrissie. The bruising and the cuts on his face were too obvious to be overlooked. As soon as he stepped in, he heard Chas say, “I’ll just have to make do with Freddie Kruger here.”

He had no idea what she had been talking about before he entered. At her words, Diane and Vic turned toward him, so that all three women behind the bar were staring as he and Chrissie came over. Vic, of course, had seen the damage already and knew Aaron had caused it. His step-mum was unprepared, and he watched her jaw drop at the sight of him. “What the heck happened to your face?” she asked, stunned.

“I got jumped by some randoms,” he explained.

“You’ll have to translate,” Diane told him, wanting more information.

“Well, it was an unprovoked attack,” Chrissie said. He didn’t doubt that she had hurried to speak so that Robert wouldn’t trot out his tale about how he’d been beaten up because her son was a pervert. “We have no idea who they are.”

“Really,” Chas said flatly. Robert glanced at her curiously. She didn’t sound very convinced.

“Really,” he confirmed.

“What did the police say?” Diane asked. “You did go to the police?”

“No, and I’m not going to. It’s over. Nobody died, and tonight’s not about me.” Robert smiled at his sister, where she stood quietly next to Diane, clearly still unhappy about the whole Ross thing. “Happy birthday, Vic.”

“This is from all of us,” Chrissie added, taking a purple envelope from her handbag. “Me, Robert, Andy, Dad, and Lucky,” she listed before noticing Alicia and Leyla walking over. The tension between them was noticeable. “Oh wow, okay, taxi for Chrissie,” she said awkwardly, clearly wanting to make herself scarce.

Surprisingly it was Chas that spoke up for his wife. “Look, you stuck up for him like any mother would. I mean, heaven knows I’ve been there enough.” Robert didn’t say anything, but he had to disagree. He’d heard a bit from Aaron about the kind of trouble he used to get up to, and Robert didn’t doubt that Chas had had to defend her son’s behavior many times in the past, but Aaron had never sexually assaulted anyone. 

Alicia proved herself to be the bigger person by not holding a grudge against Chrissie for making her life hell in the days after Lachlan assaulted her. “Yeah, no one wants to spoil Victoria’s night, do they?”

“If Alicia’s alright with it, so am I,” Leyla said.

Thankfully Vic provided a bit of a distraction. She had opened her gift and was grinning with excitement. “A weekend at the cookery school with celebrity chefs? This is brilliant!”

Robert smiled at her genuine happiness, even though it hurt his split lip. Diane moved in closer to Vic to look at the gift certificate while Chrissie made herself scarce, still uncomfortable around Alicia. Chas took advantage of everyone’s distraction to lean over the bar toward Robert. She lowered her voice so his step-mum and sister wouldn’t overhear. “You can’t kid a kidder, kid,” she said, just as Aaron made an appearance. The younger man walked in through the back, and Robert found his eyes drawn toward him. He tried to focus on Chas so she wouldn’t check to see who he was staring at. The last thing he needed was her catching onto them. Even though he had his eyes trained on her, he kept track of Aaron out of the corner of his eye as he went around the bar to mingle. “Don’t even try and tell me that’s not his fist imprinted on your face.”

As always, she had to do very little to grate on his nerves. He took immediate dislike to the pleased little smile she wore at figuring out Aaron had decked him. “Prove it,” he said with an insincere smile.

“Here’s a thought: why don’t you sell him your share in the scrap yard and get out of his life before you really get him into trouble.” With that, she turned away and went around the bar to join her son. He was left standing there, gritting his teeth in irritation. Robert didn’t stand there for long though. It was his little sister’s birthday, and he was determined to make it a good one for her. He put himself in a better mood for the party by thinking of the messages Aaron had been sending him all day. 

Searching for the right moment to approach Aaron proved to be a complicated little dance. Every time he started toward the younger man, someone got in the way. Sometimes he spotted Chas hovering near her son, making Robert change directions abruptly before she could notice him. Other times he was caught in conversation with Chrissie, Vic, or Andy. His moment to talk to Aaron came when Chas was busy changing the music. Adam had whisked Vic off to see something outside, and Chrissie had headed for the toilets.

In that moment when anyone who would take notice of who he was speaking to was distracted, Robert found Aaron standing at the bar, hands resting on the counter. He looked as surly as ever, but Robert had always found that appealing about him. He sidled up to the younger man and sat his champagne glass on the bar. “Your mum’s worked out that this,” he said, gesturing toward his face, “was you.”

Aaron glanced at him and gave a small shrug. “She’s not stupid, is she,” he pointed out. After a moment, he spoke again, sounding just a little apologetic. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Robert assured him, not wanting Aaron to feel bad about it. His face still hurt like mad, but he could stand a little pain if it meant that they were okay now. “I will be… when I get you on your own,” he added before grabbing his glass and lifting it to his lips.

He’d actually managed to get Aaron to crack a smile, but the moment was ruined when Chrissie approached him. “Dad’s just texted. He’s found a cottage by the sea. It might be just what we need. It’s free for tomorrow.”

“Great,” he said with a smile. The smile quickly faded when Aaron shoved past him, clearly not happy with Robert. He watched, frustrated, as the younger man made his way down the bar so he could sit on a stool as far away from Robert as he could get.

Before he could figure out a way to go check on Aaron without being too obvious about it, Vic and Adam came back inside. His sister heard Ed Sheeran playing slowly in the background and pulled Adam to a stop. “No, this wasn’t on my playlist! Chas, no it’s not this one, it’s-”

“Yeah, she knows,” Adam interrupted Vic, grabbing her hands in his. Everyone was turned toward the young couple, waiting. Roberts eyes slid over to Aaron as he sipped some ale before he turned his attention back to Vic. “This song, ages ago... I told you it said everything I felt about you, Vic.”

“We were just going to get the keys,” Vic reminded him. She looked around at everyone and announced, “He’s bought me a car.”

She had to be the only one in the pub surprised when Adam took out a jewelry box. “This is your real present.”

“Another one?” she asked weakly.

“Well, open it,” he urged her excitedly.

Robert grinned when he saw his sister look around at everyone. She was clearly nervous at all the attention. Vic took the box from Adam and opened it up to gaze at the engagement ring nestled inside. “Oh my god,” she said softly, looking up at Adam in surprise.

The entire pub was silent as Adam got down on one knee. “Please, Vic. Will you marry me?”

Robert saw his sister take in a nervous breath, glancing around at everyone before returning her attention to Adam. “Me and you… married?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” he told her, laughing a little at her obvious shock.

“The thing is-” she broke off what she was about to say, looking around again briefly. The seconds seemed to drag on as Robert waited with everyone else to hear her answer. He started to wonder if she was going to turn Adam down when she finally smiled at her boyfriend and said, “Of course I will.”

Adam got to his feet, laughing happily before leaning in to kiss her and hug her tightly. Robert grinned, truly happy for his sister as he joined everyone else in applauding. “I thought you were going to turn me down, babe!” Adam exclaimed, lifting Vic right off her feet in an excited embrace. Robert shared a pleased look with his wife, who stood beside him clapping. Reaching out to her, he laid his hand on Chrissie’s shoulder and gave her a nudge toward Vic and Adam. They should be the first to congratulate Vic properly, along with Andy and Diane.

He was in a good mood by the time the rest of the crowd managed to push their way past him and Chrissie to get at the newly engaged couple. Robert ended up at the bar, not far from where Aaron still sat on his stool. Robert supposed that the younger man must be waiting out the crowd before going over to congratulate Vic and Adam.

“We’ve shown our faces, so can we leave now?” Chrissie asked, standing to his right. Robert looked at her in surprise before swinging his head around to the left, where Aaron sat drinking his ale. Robert had wanted to talk to him, and possibly make arrangements to meet up, but he hadn’t had the opportunity yet.

“The party has hardly started yet,” he told her, frowning.

“We are so obviously the pink elephant in the room. Everyone is going to have a much better time without us,” she said stiffly.

Robert was saved from having to think of an immediate response by Diane walking over to stand on his left. “Her face when he pulled out that ring! Priceless!”

“Yeah,” he agreed, thinking quickly. “Er, we’re going to go, Diane.”

“Already?”

“Yeah,” Chrissie answered. “But we’re hoping she has a good night.”

“Say sorry to Vic,” Robert told her. “We’ll celebrate tomorrow, yeah?”

He and Chrissie were headed for the door when Diane called out after him. “She’d rather have you than your cash, Robert!” He didn’t bother responding. Diane was upset now, but she would forgive him later when he managed to drop Chrissie off at home and come back to join the party. It was incredibly selfish of her to ask him to leave Vic’s engagement party because she felt stupid for having defended her son so strongly, when he had been guilty of assaulting Alicia all along. Even if he hadn’t wanted a chance to speak to Aaron, Robert would have been upset by this.

The car ride to Home Farm was quiet and uneventful. It wasn’t until they got home and joined Lawrence in the kitchen that she started speaking. While her dad was preparing dinner, Chrissie immediately went for the cabinet that housed the wine glasses. “Everyone was perfectly pleasant to our faces, but I know what they were thinking,” she told Robert and Lawrence. “Thank god we’re going away tomorrow!”

Robert watched her pour herself a glass of white wine and take a gulp from it. He figured now was as good a time as any to maneuver himself out of taking part in this trip. “You still think that’s a good idea?” he asked her, resting his hand on the back of one of the white leather kitchen chairs.

“It’s the best one dad’s had in ages,” she told him.

“Only this morning you were saying it’d look bad if we ran away when things got tough.”

“We’re just taking ourselves out of the equation until things settle down,” Lawrence spoke up.

“Well someone needs to stay, prove it’s business as usual, and run the place now that Nicola’s defected to Dubai.” He, for one, was not sad to see Nicola go, but it did mean that he would have more work on his hands now that she was going off to explore other opportunities.

“We’re not going without you,” Chrissie said.

Robert actually hadn’t given that idea much thought, but now that she had brought it up, he rather liked it. He hadn’t thought past convincing Chrissie that it wasn’t in Lachlan’s best interest for them to go. But if he could get them to leave without him… With the Whites gone, he’d have Home Farm to himself. He and Aaron would have the run of the house instead of having to sneak around in barns and cars.

“Look,” Robert said, trying to sound reasonable as he looked at his wife. “The three of you, you all need space, as a family.”

“You are family,” Chrissie insisted.

“You need time to sort things out, and you’ll do that much better without any distractions.”

“You’d be willing to do that?” Lawrence asked him, setting aside the dinner preparations for the moment.

“I just want Chrissie to be happy, that’s all that matters,” Robert said, tucking his hands in his pockets. “And the way you two have been… I’d give anything to have my dad here right now, and say the things I never got to say to him. You two have got that chance. Take it,” he urged them. The best lies were the ones with some truth in them, so his words came out sounding earnest even to him. Vic’s engagement had definitely brought up some feelings of wistfulness, just not as much as he was letting on.

“Maybe a few days on our own will do us some good,” Chrissie said, looking over her shoulder at her dad. Robert struggled to keep a straight face instead of prematurely celebrating his victory.

“Thanks, Robert. I appreciate it,” Lawrence said warmly. The pair of them had clearly accepted his reasoning, seeming to forget that the initial reason they had wanted to get away was so that none of them risked a beating. The Whites, as ever, were primarily concerned for themselves. The thought of spending some father-daughter time in a cottage by the sea immediately overrode any concerns they had for Robert’s safety.

“I’m going to miss you,” Chrissie told him.

“Just make sure you come back sorted,” he ordered her.

“And you keep in touch,” Lawrence told Robert, going back to the meal he was preparing. “Any more trouble, and we’ll be straight back,” the old man said, brandishing the cutting knife in his hand for emphasis.

Robert couldn’t believe how easy that had been. He ticked that task off his list and moved on to the next. “I’m more at risk of being battered by my sister,” he told them, shifting his tone from reasonable and earnest, to somewhat joking, but making sure he sounded a bit bothered underneath it all. “She’s not happy we left so soon! It’s a big night for her. Me and Andy are all she’s got.”

“Oh, go on!” Chrissie said, giving him permission as she reached over for her wine glass. “I’ll have supper with dad.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, brightening up.

“Yes.”

He smiled, walking over to her and cradling her face in his hands. “I won’t be long,” he promised. “I love you.”

Robert shared a kiss with her and then hastily made his exit before she could change her mind. When he got back to the pub, he was greeted very happily by Vic and Diane. Andy gave him a nod before returning to the conversation he was having with Adam. Robert looked around the busy pub, searching for Aaron without any luck. He almost pulled out his mobile to give the younger man a call when he thought to check the toilets.

He pushed his way through the door and found Aaron leaning his hands on the basin, clearly lost in thought. At the sound of the door, he glanced over his shoulder to see who had walked in. Robert leaned his shoulder against the wall, trying to be casual when what he really wanted to do was jump Aaron. Those texts from earlier were still on his mind, and he was eager to get his hands on the other man and maybe start enacting some of those messages.

Aaron’s head was clearly on different matters entirely. When he saw it was Robert standing behind him, he straightened up abruptly and turned around. “So what was all that about yesterday?” Aaron demanded, sounding angry. “You think I’m stupid or something?”

Robert frowned, completely thrown. “I meant everything I said.”

“And that’s why you’re backing out of the scrap yard is it? And now you’re going away with her?”

He realized that of course Aaron had overheard Chrissie talking about the cottage by the sea. The two men had been standing right next to each other when she had brought it up! As for the scrap yard, it was clear that Chas was trying to get between them. First she had told Robert to sell his share of the scrap yard, and then she had convinced her son that Robert wanted out.

“I’m not going away! I talked them around. I’m staying here to be with you,” Robert said. He could see the anger slip away, leaving Aaron uncertain. “And the scrap yard is your mum’s idea. I’m only doing it to keep her off our backs.”

Aaron seemed to take that in for a couple of seconds. “Seriously?” he asked, looking unsure.

Robert nodded, a smile beginning to tug at the corner of his lips. “They’re going away. We’ll have the place to ourselves. Nobody else,” he said, hoping for a better reaction from the other man. When Aaron just bit his lips and gave a small nod, clearly still not entirely believing him, Robert walked over to him, hands still tucked in the pockets of his trousers. He didn’t stop until they were standing scant inches apart, and then lowered his face a bit when Aaron kept looking straight ahead instead of lifting his chin to look up at Robert.

“I told you I wanted you,” Robert murmured, watching Aaron’s eyes finally move up to meet his. “On your own.” It was impossible to resist the pull of Aaron standing so close. Robert kissed him, wanting to sink in against him. He went in for a second kiss, but the sound of loud laughter coming from outside made them both draw back. Robert walked backwards, putting more space between them before he could give in to his urges and shove Aaron into one of the cubicles for some privacy. After almost two months of not having had him, Robert wanted to take his time. He wanted to explore Aaron’s body with his hands and mouth in the comfort of his bed at Home Farm.

“Tomorrow then,” Aaron said.

“Tomorrow.”

*****

**30 March 2016**

On Monday morning, Aaron broke his routine for the first time in over a month. Instead of immediately getting into sweats and going for a run before anyone else in the village was even awake, he took advantage of the fact that Chas, Diane, and Doug were all still in bed. He closed himself in the bathroom for about an hour, preparing himself to see Robert that evening. It would be hours before it was time to head over to Home Farm, but early morning was the only time of day he could get ready without raising eyebrows because of his atypical behavior.

Today, he took extra care with his appearance. Normally, Aaron wasn’t the type to fuss over himself, but he was oddly nervous about seeing Robert. He knew it was mostly a useless endeavor to spend an hour scrubbing down and grooming himself, since a day at the scrap yard would likely undo most of his efforts. Yet just going through the motions made him feel more prepared. Once he was finished in the bathroom, he closed himself in his bedroom and got dressed. He stopped short of putting on anything special for his date, or whatever this was, but only because he knew that if his freshly groomed appearance didn’t tip his mum off that something was up, dressing too nicely would certainly clue her in.

He kept it casual so Chas wouldn’t catch on, and so Robert wouldn’t think he was trying too hard. He wore his customary black jeans and a black hoodie, with a light grey t-shirt underneath. When he finally made his way downstairs, he found his mum in the kitchen making breakfast. “Morning,” she said. “Going into work soon? I’ll drive you,” she offered.

He sighed, but didn’t argue with her. She had spent the entire weekend going on about buying Robert out of his share of the scrap yard. Chas was frustrated that Aaron wouldn’t even consider it as an option. It had been difficult trying to give the impression that he was over Robert, and the only reason he wanted the other man in the business was out of convenience.

Aaron sat down to eat with her, but regretted doing so immediately. She started in on the topic as soon as they were both sitting, and continued the discussion on the ride to the scrap yard. He was relieved when they got there and he was able to get out of the car. Adam was already there, working on the Mini for Victoria. “How’s it going?” Aaron called out, shutting the car door.

“Yeah, I’ll soon be good as gold, my friend. Ha, see what I did there!” Adam said, tapping the bonnet of the Mini. The car was a faded, rusty gold in color.

“Yeah, hilarious,” Aaron told him as Chas also got out of the car. He had been hoping she would stay in it and drive away. “I’ll give you a hand.”

“Alright, mate,” Adam said distractedly as he continued to work on one of the parts under the bonnet. 

Aaron headed for the cabin as Chas traded pleasantries with Adam, but she was soon hurrying to catch up with him. “Hey!” she called out.

“Thanks for the lift,” he said quickly, turning around and raising his right hand in a stopping gesture. “I’m alright from here.”

“Eh? Don’t I even get a brew for driving you in?” she asked hopefully.

“I can do without you bending my ear.”

“What’s wrong with lending you the money to buy Robert out?” she demanded.

“Nothing. You’ve just been banging on about it since breakfast.”

“Wouldn’t your life be a damn sight better if you just paid him off?”

Aaron shrugged. “It wouldn’t make a difference! Me and him are over anyway. He was only ever a silent partner in the first place.”

“Yeah, but you could have him a lot more silent. As in completely out of the picture.”

“I just don’t see why you should be out of pocket for his benefit. Let him wait for the cash. It’ll drive him crazy.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Mum! I can handle Robert. I promise you.” He was about to go inside the cabin when she handed over his lunch. He accepted it from her, but grimaced when she used their grips on the container to pull him closer so she could kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you,” he told her, and then went into the cabin.

He paused at the open door to watch her walk away. He did feel guilty for lying to her about Robert, but he was also feeling better than he had since Katie died. He knew it was because he and Robert were finally on the same page again. Most people, if they only knew, would call him ten kinds of stupid for continuing the affair. Maybe he was, but since making up with Robert, he hadn’t been kept awake with nearly so many nightmares about Katie. He was running less and eating full meals again. Those were all good things, and they hadn’t even done more than talk and text. The Whites should have headed out on Saturday, but there had been a delay and they were only leaving Emmerdale this morning. He and Robert hadn’t had a chance to do more than kiss a few times since Vic’s party on Friday, but he already felt more grounded inside.

His mobile went off, and Aaron pulled it from his pocket to read the text. _"Can’t wait to see you tonight."_

Aaron smiled, feeling ridiculous little butterflies fluttering in his belly. He needed this, and what Chas didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. He put his phone away and got to work. Aaron focused primarily on paperwork today. He preferred working outside and doing the actual scrapping, but at least this way he could guarantee he would stay clean for tonight. Of course he knew that Robert wouldn’t mind if he turned up at Home Farm with a bit of dirt under his fingernails. Aaron had never asked the blond, but he’d gotten the impression after the first few times they’d been together that Robert liked him being a bit rough around the edges.

It was difficult waiting all day. He took it in turns to feel nervous and excited, sometimes both at once. When it finally came time to close up the scrap yard, Aaron sent Robert a text and went out to see Adam. “You seeing double yet?” Adam asked him when Aaron left the cabin and squinted in the daylight. The cabin tended to get quite dark.

“Just about.”

“Want to go for a pint?” Adam asked.

“I would, but I’ve got some paperwork to run over to Robert’s. He asked me to drop them off at his so he can take a look. And, er, if you happen to see my mum around, don’t tell her I’m going to Home Farm. She’s been on about wanting me to buy Robert out of his share in the scrap yard.”

“What? Why?” Adam asked, looking confused.

“She doesn’t like him on account of how it was with him and Katie. It’s gotten worse since the accident at Wylie’s. Anyway, it’s not a big deal, but she’s starting to do my head in.”

“Alright, mate,” Adam said. He reached out and clapped his hand against Aaron’s shoulder. “I’ll steer clear of the pub so she doesn’t start in on me when she can’t find you.”

“Cheers.” Aaron waited until Adam drove away before going back into the cabin for a change of clothes. He kept a few extra t-shirts and hoodies there, which was fortunate since Adam had left grease spots on him when he'd touched Aaron's shoulder. He switched out his grey t-shirt for a black one, and his black hoodie for a dark purple one. Once he was ready, he got in the lorry they kept at the scrap yard and drove to Home Farm.

*****

“Come on in. Make yourself at home.” Aaron stepped inside the large house as Robert made his way toward the kitchen. He shut the door carefully behind himself before tucking his hands into the pockets of his black jacket and looking around at the place as he followed Robert. It was very… big. Some people might find it impressive, but Aaron was more aware of how much empty space there was. How much room did four people need, anyway? He lived quite comfortably at the pub with three other people in about a fraction of the space.

Robert had said to make himself at home, but this was as far from homelike as he could imagine. When he saw Robert had turned, waiting for him to hurry up, Aaron raised his eyebrows at the blond and joined him in the kitchen.

“What?” Robert asked, noticing Aaron was uneasy.

“Nothing, just… I don’t normally get through the front door without a balaclava on,” he joked. It was impossible to forget that the first time he’d stepped foot inside this place, it was because Robert had hired him to burgle it.

“Do you want a drink or something?” Robert offered as Aaron freed his hands from his pockets so he could grip the back of one of the kitchen chairs, fingers squeezing the padded white leather. “Tea? Coffee? Beer?”

Aaron took a deep breath, trying to soothe his nerves. “Beer would be great, yeah.” He looked up at the ceiling as Robert opened up the fridge to grab him a bottle, then decided it was pointless trying to act like he was comfortable standing there in Robert’s house, sharing a drink while Robert’s wife was out of town. He glanced over at the blond as he opened up a bottle, and gave him an apologetic look. “It is a bit weird though.”

“What?” Robert asked, holding out the bottle to him.

Aaron grabbed it as he said, “You and me. Here.”

“I didn’t think you’d find the prospect so horrible,” Robert told him as he opened up a second bottle for himself.

“No, I don’t,” Aaron said, feeling like Robert was deliberately missing the point. He felt even more awkward now, and not knowing how to put it into words, he just looked at Robert and gave a small shrug.

“I’m sorry,” Robert told him. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s a bit of a default setting for me sometimes, being a smart-aleck.”

“Yeah. Vic reminded me of that the other day.”

“Oh yeah, good ol’ Vic. You can always rely on her to pick me up.”

Aaron realized that now he was the one putting his foot in it. Robert must think his sister had been talking badly about him behind his back. “Well you don’t need it,” he reassured the older man. “She thinks you’re alright, on the inside. It’s kind of why I’m here.”

“Yeah. Look, I know it’s a bit strange, but this could be a gift for us. For the first time we get to have a go at being normal, alright? And we both need that.”

Aaron frowned at that before asking, “What’s normal?”

“Just… having a beer together. Watching a DVD, ordering in a pizza - just hanging out in general.”

Aaron had to look down for a moment, rolling his lips in and biting at them to keep from reacting to that. Robert was describing a relationship. It was the first time the other man had ever acknowledged openly that he wanted to spend time with Aaron doing something besides just having sex. Granted, the sex was always fun, and Aaron had never been with another bloke who somehow seemed to naturally know exactly what he wanted and what he liked. But there were so many things that Aaron had wanted from Robert over the past few months that went beyond a warm body to have fun with. The passion was enjoyable, but he had been missing the intimacy of being closer to someone than any other person could be. Spending time together just because they enjoyed each other’s company. Eating meals together. Talking.

“No pressure,” Robert added when Aaron didn’t immediately respond. “It’s got to be worth a go, surely?”

Aaron finally looked up at Robert, smiling a bit when he caught the concerned expression on his face. Did Robert seriously think Aaron would turn him down? “Yeah, when you put it like that,” he told the blond, giving him a nod. He could tell then that Robert actually had been worried about how Aaron would take his request. Robert gave a relieved laugh and reached out to tap his beer bottle against Aaron’s in a toast.

Raising his bottle to his lips, he took a sip to hide the grin that wanted to escape him. Maybe neither of them had used the word, but he was pretty sure Robert had just asked him to be in a relationship with him, and Aaron had agreed. It wasn’t quite dating, but it was more than just an affair. Yes, it surely was worth a go.

“Come on,” Robert told him, reaching for one of the white leather chairs and pulling it out for Aaron. “Sit down. I’m making dinner.”

“Are you any good at cooking?” Aaron asked curiously, having a hard time picturing Robert doing something so domestic.

“I’m no Vic in the kitchen, but I know what I’m doing,” Robert reassured him. Aaron could tell by the cockiness of Robert’s grin that the older man felt like he was understating his own skill. Now he was just begging to be taken down a notch.

“Maybe we should just order in,” Aaron suggested with more concern than he actually felt, taking the seat Robert had pulled out for him.

“Are you saying you don’t trust me?” Robert demanded, amused. He rested his hand on the back of Aaron’s chair, looking down at him. “I’m probably better at cooking than you are.”

Aaron shrugged, having a bit of fun now. “That’s not saying much. No one in their right minds lets me near an oven.”

“I’ll have to remember that,” Robert murmured. The soft tone was intimate, and Aaron realized the other man was standing quite close. Aaron held his breath as Robert bent down over him, bringing their faces close together. “I think you should forfeit something if you enjoy this meal. And if you hate it, I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Deal.” He figured it was a win-win situation. Robert leaned in the rest of the way, giving him what was probably supposed to be a chaste, close-mouthed kiss. Aaron felt the other man’s lips brush against his softly, fleetingly. It was a short kiss, but then Robert came in for a second, and a third; quick pecks that left Aaron wanting more. Robert’s hands rose to cradle Aaron’s face, holding him in place as he deepened the kiss. He parted his lips, shivering as his tongue caught that first taste of the other man.

Aaron didn’t want to pull away, but he did anyway. If they didn’t stop, this was likely to end with them on the kitchen table, or the counter, or the floor. As good as that sounded, he couldn’t help but want something more. Like Robert had said just a short while ago, this night was supposed to be a gift for them. It was meant to be about more than just the sex. So Aaron backed off, even though he wanted to rip Robert’s clothes off (why was the man wearing not only a blue jumper, but a brown body warmer on top of it? Did he really need all that covering him up?).

“You’re afraid you’re going to lose, aren’t you?” Aaron joked, a bit breathless. “That’s why you’re trying to distract me.”

Robert straightened up. With him standing while Aaron remained sitting, it was impossible not to notice the blond had grown hard. The front of his trousers was noticeably tighter, and sitting at crotch level gave Aaron quite an eyeful. Robert - damn him - knew very well what Aaron was staring at, and made no attempt to move away or try to hide his state. “I’m going to win this little contest, and then I’m going to collect.”

“Yeah, well if you’re not careful you’re going to poke my eye out with that thing, and then we’ll never know who would have won this contest.”

His words seemed to catch Robert by surprise. The blond stared down at Aaron for a moment before he started laughing. He backed up a bit, putting some room between his groin and Aaron’s face. “We can’t have that,” Robert agreed, grinning. “Although I might not mind the look so much if you cover it with an eye-patch. Like a pirate or something.”

“Well, now that I know you have a thing for pirates, if I come out of this evening with an eye-patch, I’ll make sure you have a hook for a hand. Or a peg leg, maybe.”

Robert held his hands up in surrender. “For both our sakes, I’d better start with dinner before we start maiming each other. We’re having marinated chicken and vegetables.” Aaron watched Robert open up the fridge again and start to pull out ingredients. “Can you chop?” Robert asked him.

Aaron nodded. “Hand it here, then.” He stood up and went to the sink to wash his hands. Robert set him up at the island with a cutting board and a sharp knife. They talked as they worked, first about pirates, then about pirate films, and then about films they wanted to watch together. If Aaron ignored the fact that he’d never choose to live in a fancy place like this, he could almost imagine they were just any regular old couple making dinner together. It was nice. More than. And he was determined to cherish every second of this, not knowing when they would have another chance to be like this again.

*****

“Anyway, my mum hasn’t gone off the idea of buying you out. Not yet at least. It might take a while for her to let it go,” Aaron was saying. After dinner, they had moved to the parlor where Robert kept a full bar. They were sharing a bottle of red, which Aaron was taking on faith was a good label. Robert had been proud of it, at least, and Aaron hadn’t had the heart to tell him that all that talk about vineyards and grapes was beyond him. Aaron preferred a good ale, or whiskey if he wanted something stronger. Wine was lost on him. White was usually too sweet, and red too bitter. But if Aaron had to drink a glass of it, he had to agree that this wasn’t too bad. It tasted a bit better than other reds he’d tried in the past, so maybe Robert really did know what he was talking about when it came to wine.

“I’m not sure giving up is in your mum’s vocabulary,” Robert said, standing at the bar to refill his glass. They had been sitting together on the sofa near the electric fireplace, which was turned on and filling the room with a soft crackling sound as the orange flames licked at the fake logs. Robert had left the overhead lights off so that the fireplace was the only source of light. The bright flames flickered over the area directly around the fireplace so that the sofa Aaron sat on was well lit, but the corners of the giant room were completely dark. It made the living room look smaller, and more intimate.

“Well, she’d better learn quickly. She actually gave me a ride to work today so she could talk my ear off about it,” Aaron said as Robert came back to the sofa and took the seat on Aaron’s right. 

“So what did you end up telling her?” Robert wondered, taking a sip of his wine before reaching out to set the glass on the coffee table.

“Just that she shouldn’t worry, and that I can handle you,” Aaron said, letting go of his glass when Robert reached out for it. He watched the blond place it next to his own on the coffee table before resettling himself on the sofa. Now Robert was sitting sideways on his seat, so he was facing Aaron. It didn’t escape his notice that Robert had also gotten closer.

“I think we can both agree that dinner was a success and you liked your meal,” Robert said, seeming to change the subject. He reached out for Aaron’s right hand, giving his fingers a squeeze before pulling it onto his lap. Aaron held onto Robert, breath picking up. He let Robert guide his hand so that it lay flat on the other man’s thigh. “I’d like to collect now that I’ve won our little contest.”

“What did you have in mind?” Aaron asked softly, fingers already running back and forth along Robert’s leg.

The blond leaned in close, placing his mouth at Aaron’s ear so he could whisper into it. “You said you could handle me,” Robert reminded him, grabbing Aaron’s hand again and pulling it further up his leg. “I like the sound of that,” he murmured, breath warm against Aaron’s skin. When his fingers finally reached the bulge under Robert’s trousers, the blond gave a small gasp, sending Aaron’s blood rushing down to his groin at that sound. “Mm, I want you to handle me,” Robert urged, using his hand to press Aaron’s down onto him. “Just like that.”

When Robert let him go, Aaron shifted closer. He massaged his hand against the bulge under those tight trousers as he leaned in and smashed his lips against Robert’s. All the waiting - first for the Whites to finally leave town, and then for evening to come so he could leave work - all of it was finally over. He licked and bit at Robert’s mouth as he reached down between them with both hands to undo Robert’s trousers and shove them down his hips. The other man raised up off the seat cushion so Aaron could push them all the way down.

Robert turned his head to the side, gasping for air as Aaron nibbled along his chiseled jawline. “Bed?” he gasped.

Aaron thought about it for maybe a second before he reached down and freed Robert from his underpants, wrapping his hand around that hard, hot length. He recaptured Robert’s lips with his, just wanting to drink him in. It had been months since he had Robert like this, bucking against him and gasping for breath as sweat broke out along his hairline. There was no way Aaron was waiting one second longer than he had to. They could try the bed later. For now, the sofa would do just fine.

He slid off the sofa to the floor and positioned himself between Robert’s knees. When his face was finally even with Robert’s erect cock, Aaron lowered his lips eagerly, taking Robert into his mouth. He didn’t bother with a slow build. He figured both of them were past that at the moment. Aaron moaned as Robert shouted out his name, fighting his own gag reflex to take him in as far as he could. He bobbed his head up and down, setting a fast pace as he showed Robert just how well he could handle him.

Aaron wanted to feel hot cum shooting into his mouth, but Robert pulled Aaron up off of him before he came. “Wait, wait,” Robert moaned. Aaron looked up at him, hands wrapped around his bare calves. The blond looked thoroughly debauched, slouched on the sofa, legs spread, cock jutting out proudly, glistening from his own precum and Aaron’s mouth. His top half was still covered up with his blue jumper and brown body warmer, and his boxers were caught around his ankles. Robert had never looked sexier than he did then, panting and trying to hold himself together.

“I thought you wanted me to handle you,” Aaron said, voice rough. He watched Robert’s cock twitch at that, but when he unwrapped his right hand from Robert’s calf to touch him, the older man grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“I want to see you,” Robert told him, sitting up to kiss him. Aaron felt hands tugging at his purple hoodie as soft lips ate at his own. Without hesitation, Aaron unzipped his hoodie and pulled it off. Robert broke the kiss, slouching back on the sofa, blue green eyes heated as he watched Aaron get to his feet and unfasten his jeans. The blond kicked his boxers off from where they were still caught at his ankles. He reached down to grab hold of the base of his cock as Aaron pulled his jeans off, leaving him in his black t-shirt and black boxer briefs.

“Lose the t-shirt,” Robert ordered. Aaron pulled it up over his head so that he was now almost completely nude. “Come here,” Robert said, stroking himself as Aaron came over, standing between Robert’s knees. He reached forward to place his hands on the back of the sofa to either side of Robert’s head, steadying himself as he straddled Robert’s hips and lowered himself onto the other man’s lap. The blond kept one hand on himself, stroking, and reached up with his left to cup the back of Aaron’s neck and pull him forward for another searing kiss.

Aaron melted into the feel of those lips against his. He tugged at Robert’s body warmer, and the other man had to let go of Aaron’s neck and leave off stroking himself so Aaron could pull it off his arms. Aaron followed with the blue jumper, so that Robert was now completely starkers as he sat there on the sofa with Aaron on his lap. The blond settled his hands on Aaron’s waist and held him in place as he asked, “Do you remember that text you sent me?”

“Which one?” Aaron asked with a smirk. Robert’s hands trailed down from his waist so he could grip Aaron’s backside, fingers digging in.

“The one where you were picturing me at my desk,” Robert reminded him.

Aaron knew exactly which text he was talking about. “Yeah? What was I doing to you?” he asked, running his hands up Robert’s abdomen slowly. The older man held his breath, but Aaron stopped just short of his pecs.

“Aaron,” Robert groaned. “You know!”

“Do I?” Aaron taunted him. He traced his fingers over the other man’s chest, calloused skin sliding roughly over those smooth, freckled muscles. Robert shivered under him when Aaron let his fingers get teasingly close to those small, pink nipples, which were hardened with arousal. Taking pity on the blond, he slipped his fingers over the left nipple, rolling that tiny nub between his thumb and pointer as Robert bucked underneath him, swearing. The reaction was instant, and filled Aaron with satisfaction to see the other man trembling. Dipping his head down low, Aaron took Rob’s other nipple into his mouth, sucking on it until the blond was beyond words, moaning and writhing. Aaron positioned himself over the other man so that they could grind against each other, Robert’s cock sliding against the front of Aaron’s boxer briefs.

It was quick and messy. He didn’t hold back on Robert, knowing how much the older man enjoyed nipple play. Soon, hot cum was splattered all over Aaron’s stomach and underpants. There was enough of it that Aaron knew Robert couldn't have been with Chrissie recently. Even though Aaron hadn’t come yet, just knowing that he was getting what Chrissie hadn’t filled him with a keen sense of satisfaction, and he moved his lips from Robert’s chest to his mouth, kissing him eagerly. The older man finally released his grip on Aaron’s backside and slipped one hand around the front to feel Aaron still hard.

He let Robert maneuver them until Aaron was laying flat on his back on the sofa, with Robert positioned over him. He lifted his hips up as the blond pulled at his boxer briefs. Aaron had been waiting for this moment all night, when Robert would get to see him naked. He’d spent time preparing this morning, and when the boxer briefs finally came off, it revealed him fully shaven. “Fuck, yes,” Robert breathed, pulling Aaron’s legs apart so he could lie down between them. Personally, Aaron preferred to simply trim, but he’d noticed that Robert seemed to like going down on him. He thought the older man might appreciate the extra effort, and it seemed he was right.

The feel of Robert’s fingers brushing over him had Aaron’s breath quickening. Fingers wrapped around his shaft, and then a wet tongue circled over his head, making his hips jerk upward. Robert sucked on his tip before lowering his mouth over Aaron. It was hot and wet, and Aaron gripped the cushion under him as he struggled not to thrust up into that mouth. He fought with himself to stay still, and let Robert do the work. The slide of that tongue against his shaft as Robert moved up and down it had Aaron tossing his head back, panting as his stomach twitched. And then Robert pulled up off of him and held his cock aside so he could draw his tongue along the line separating Aaron’s balls.

It was amazing. Robert sucked first on one of his balls, and then the other, taking his time without the urgency of his own needs to rush him. He urged Aaron’s legs further apart, and rose up briefly so he could grab one of the throw pillows and place it under Aaron so that his hips were elevated. It gave Robert more room to work with, and he used it well. Aaron moaned as Robert’s mouth explored his perineum - that stretch of skin between his balls and his hole. It left Aaron a quivering mess, aching for his own release. He reached down, tugging on Robert’s hair to pull him up where he wanted him, tightening his fingers in those blond locks as Robert once again took Aaron’s cock into his mouth. Aaron’s balls tightened and then he was coming, moaning as Robert swallowed him down.

“Fuck!” he breathed, looking down his own body as Robert pulled off of him. The sight of the blond’s reddened lips made Aaron shiver. Robert crawled up his body, laying his weight down on Aaron and kissing him. The taste of his own cum was strong in Robert’s mouth, and incredibly sexy.

They rested like that for a few minutes before Robert spoke. “You know, a few weeks ago I came down here in the middle of the night. I sat on this sofa and touched myself while I was thinking about you.”

“You did what?” Aaron laughed, running his hand through Robert’s shaggy hair. “You live with three other people. Weren’t you worried they’d walk in on you?”

“It was really late,” Robert explained. “And I figured if someone was up, why would they come in here?”

“So what kind of touching are we talking about here?” Aaron asked. It was kind of flattering to think that even while they’d been off with each other, Robert had been thinking of him. Not just thinking of him - he’d wanted Aaron.

“I pulled out all the tricks,” Robert confessed. “I wanked off with a finger up my arse.” Aaron started laughing, and Robert nipped at his collarbone playfully. “Seriously. I was thinking about that one time in the hotel. When I came in and found you sleeping?”

“Mm,” Aaron acknowledge, eyes fluttering shut as Robert’s lips moved against his skin.

“Remember?”

“Course I remember,” Aaron murmured, feeling himself start to stir. Robert noticed, pressed against Aaron as he was.

“Maybe we should move this upstairs?” Aaron waited until Robert got off of him before sitting up. He started to gather his things, but Robert grabbed his arm and started pulling him along after him. “Leave it.”

They made their way upstairs, completely starkers. Aaron followed Robert to his room, seeing it for the first time. He looked around curiously as the older man turned on one of the bedside lamps. The room was light and airy, done up in pale neutral colors. He was very aware that this was the bed Robert shared with his wife every night, so it was a relief that there wasn’t anything overly feminine about the room. He watched Robert get onto the bed and lay down on his back, sprawled out as he waited there for him.

He didn’t wait for Robert to invite him over. Aaron walked to the bed and crawled onto the mattress, and the man that waited for him on it. Tonight, all of this was his. This bed was his, and so was Robert. Aaron claimed it all for himself, sliding his body along Robert’s and holding onto him tightly. He could feel the eagerness of the blond’s response, feel the way he reacted to his touch, and he knew that this was the way it was supposed to be for them. He was just glad that finally, finally Robert seemed to realize it as well. There would be no going back from this, for either of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In an effort to make my writing more authentic, I've been reading up on some of the differences between American and British English. I didn't know this until recently, but in British English vests are called waistcoats. I like it =) I also learned that the word vest is used to refer to undershirts. Sorry, but when I mention undershirts in my writing, I'm going to continue calling them undershirts. The image that comes to mind when I try calling an undershirt a vest is just wrong. I start picturing men wearing waistcoats under their shirts.
> 
> I also learned that the word pants is only ever used to refer to underpants. When I was writing Part 1 of this canon fic, I thought using the word trousers as opposed to pants was just about preference. I didn't realize that in British English they're not the same thing lol. Eventually I'm going to have to go back to Part 1 and change all my references to pants! I still occasionally slip up and forget to call them trousers when I write, but I hope I'm catching most of those minor details in my writing.
> 
> *EDIT: I just learned that in British English, a waistcoat is only worn over a shirt. All my references to Robert wearing a brown waistcoat have now been changed to a brown body warmer. Thanks, Simon, for commenting and explaining the difference! Lol across the pond we can get away with calling any sleeveless overgarment a vest, then toss in a descriptor if we feel the need (like a sweater vest, for example).


	11. Must be something in the air

**31 March 2015**

He woke with Aaron sprawled out next to him.

Even before Robert opened his eyes, he knew it was Aaron and not Chrissie that lay beside him. He couldn’t even say exactly how he knew. In that moment when he passed from sleep to wakefulness, he simply felt it. He wasn’t surprised when he opened his eyes and found the younger man fast asleep beside him in the bed that Robert normally shared with his wife.

Aaron lay on his stomach, his face turned toward Robert. At some point during the night, Robert had managed to steal all the covers. He was rolled up in them, nice and warm, while Aaron was left naked. As if in retaliation for hogging the covers, the younger man had taken up most of the bed. He had one arm folded under his head to act as a pillow, while the other arm extended out across the mattress so that his fingers hung over the far edge. The leg nearest Robert was curled up, so that Aaron’s knee was pressed against Robert’s upper thigh. The other leg was stretched out straight, toes pointed down toward the foot of the bed.

Robert admired the other man for a minute, a smile tugging his lips at how young and carefree he looked like this. Then he began to notice small details that soon had him frowning. Despite being asleep, there were still bags under Aaron’s eyes. Even as Robert watched, some dream Aaron was having made him twitch in his sleep, and the smallest hint of a frown passed over his features.

Shifting onto his side, Robert propped himself on his elbow so he could look at Aaron properly. It was early morning now, and the soft light of dawn had filtered in through the windows so he could easily see the younger man. Robert reached out, running his fingers over Aaron’s ribs. He might be mistaken, but he could have sworn Aaron hadn’t been so skinny before. Maybe all the running had slimmed him down? Robert looked him over carefully, trying to figure it out.

That’s when he spotted Aaron’s feet. They looked darker, for some reason. Robert sat up to get a closer look. He took in a sharp breath, hissing through his teeth when what he was seeing finally registered. Aaron’s feet were covered in blisters. The skin was so reddened and bruised that even in the dim light, the difference in coloration between his feet and the rest of him was evident. Robert didn’t even want to think how far the younger man had to be pushing himself to manage that amount of damage.

He wanted to wake Aaron and start yelling at him. He wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be alright. Robert rubbed a hand over his mouth, trying to get a grip. Yelling and getting angry wouldn’t help anything. Telling him never to do this again wouldn’t work. Flipping out or making a huge deal out of this would only make the other man start avoiding him, and that was the last thing Robert wanted. All he could do was be there for Aaron, like he’d told him he would be from now on. 

Eventually he laid back down and spread the covers over both of them. Aaron reacted by moving closer. They ended up on their sides, facing each other, pressed in close together. Robert wrapped his arm around Aaron’s waist as the younger man burrowed in against his chest, unconsciously trying to warm himself with Robert’s body heat. He stroked his hand up and down the chilled skin of Aaron’s back, knowing it was more for his own comfort than anything else.

He didn’t think he’d be able to go back to sleep, not after that disturbing discovery. It was the sound of Aaron’s steady breathing and the feel of his body growing warm against his that finally relaxed Robert enough to close his eyes and rest.

*****

_”Where are you?”_

Aaron read the text from Robert, smiling as he imagined the other man’s indignation when he woke to discover himself alone. He hadn’t meant to sneak out on him, but unlike a certain well-to-do blond he could name, Aaron didn’t have the luxury of shifting his schedule around whenever he felt like it. He had no choice but to turn up at the scrap yard, ready to put in a long day. He and Adam had a big job scheduled to remove old equipment from a farm. Adam couldn’t do it all on his own. Well, he could, but Aaron would be fielding angry calls from him all day.

He would have preferred to stay in bed with Robert, hands down. And that was even though he’d woken this morning to find himself sweating and half suffocated. Robert had all but climbed on top of him as they slept, as if he knew Aaron had to get up for work, and he was doing his best to stop him. He’d given the other man a few soft nudges to try and gently wake him. When that didn’t work, he’d called Robert’s name. The blond had remained stubbornly passed out, so Aaron was forced to wriggle his way out from under him.

Deciding he’d worn the other man out last night, he didn’t try to wake him before leaving Home Farm. He wanted Robert well rested for tonight. So Aaron bathed and dressed himself, and then checked on the other man one last time before he left. He’d stopped at the pub to pack a bag for himself, and had only just now bought himself breakfast at the cafe when he received the text.

_”If you don’t come back now, I’ll make you pay for it later.”_

Aaron snorted in amusement at that. “Share the joke?” Bob said, placing Aaron’s plate on the table in front of him.

“Er, yeah right.”

“Alright, no offense,” Bob said cheerfully, walking away. Aaron took a bite of his sarnie before grabbing his mobile again so he could text Robert.

_”So you’re finally awake?”_

_”Clearly.”_ The response came quickly, as if Robert had been holding his phone, waiting for Aaron to contact him. _”Where did you go?”_

_”Some of us have to work for a living. I tried to get you up before I left but you were dead to the world, mate. Did I tire you out?”_ Aaron smirked after hitting send, knowing how much value Robert placed on his stamina. And to be fair, the man could go for hours. Aaron had no complaints.

He was able to eat a couple bites of his sarnie before his mobile vibrated against the tabletop, signaling a reply from Robert. Wiping his hands off on his napkin, he finally picked it up and swiped to unlock the screen. He nearly dropped it when he saw the text.

Hurriedly lowering his mobile, Aaron looked around to make sure no one was close enough to glance over his shoulder before he dared to look at the text again. He held up his phone carefully, like a poker player trying to make sure no one peeked at his hand. Robert had decided to send him a picture. Not just any picture. It was a dick pic.

Aaron bit his lip as he stared at the photo of Robert’s hard cock, remembering quite vividly how he’d had his mouth wrapped around it just last night. He wanted to call Adam and tell him to cancel the job today so Aaron could run back to Home Farm where Robert lay waiting for him. He didn’t, but only because he knew they had all week to enjoy themselves. It wasn’t like before, when he had to wait until Robert had a moment to spare for him, when Chrissie wouldn’t get suspicious.

Besides, Aaron couldn’t drop everything and spend the week in bed, or he’d have Chas on his case, asking questions. He had to act like nothing had changed, when really, everything was different now. If he needed proof of just how much things had changed, he had it on his phone now. Robert hadn’t just sent him a dick pic. He’d sent him real, hard evidence that he did love Aaron - pun intended. The Robert of two months ago would never have trusted Aaron enough to send him any incriminating photos. Today’s Robert had sent him a picture that Aaron could use against him if he ever wanted to blow the affair.

Realizing the amount of trust Robert was placing in him, he almost felt like thanking him. But that would be weird, to thank him for sending a picture of his cock. Instead, he texted, _”Warn a bloke next time! I nearly dropped my phone.”_

_”It’s even more impressive in person. I wanted to show you that you didn’t tire me out last night. Why don’t you ditch work and help me take care of my problem?”_

_”Can’t. Adam and I have a job lined up today, or I’d be there with you now.”_

When he didn’t get a text back, Aaron sighed and pocketed his phone. Had Robert been annoyed that he wouldn’t drop everything? Well, if he was, then Aaron could make it up to him later. He reminded himself once again that they had time now. There was no need to rush.

Realizing that it was just after nine and Adam was probably waiting on him, Aaron made quick work of his sarnie before heading to the scrap yard. He found Adam there, leaning against the lorry. “About time, mate!” Adam called out as Aaron entered the yard. “I thought I was going to have to leave without you.”

“I’m here now,” Aaron pointed out as he approached his friend. Adam clapped him once on the shoulder, wordlessly assuring him that he wasn’t angry. Aaron took a moment to grab his work gear before joining Adam in the lorry. He took the passenger seat, since Adam was the one who knew the location of the farm.

Feeling his mobile vibrate in his pocket, Aaron grabbed it and unlocked the screen. “Christ,” he moaned when he saw the picture Robert had just sent him.

“Something wrong?” Adam asked, glancing over.

Quickly lowering his mobile, Aaron shook his head. “No, it’s nothing,” he rushed to assure him. Once Adam’s attention shifted back to the road, Aaron lifted his phone to look at the picture again. This time, Robert had positioned himself in front of a full length mirror so he could capture the image of his entire body. He was gloriously naked, his chest glistening with cum. He’d clearly decided to take care of himself after Aaron had refused to ditch work.

Robert followed up with a text while Aaron was still gawking at the picture. _”Guess I’ll just have to entertain myself until you get back.”_

“How long do you think this will take?” Aaron asked Adam, feeling almost pained as he read that text. Robert certainly knew how to torture him!

“The job?” Adam clarified. Aaron looked over at him and saw him shrug as he tried to guess. “Two, maybe three hours? Hopefully not too long, with both of us working. I want to get back in time to celebrate Vic’s birthday with her.”

“Sounds great,” Aaron said, relieved the job wasn’t going to take long. “The way you were going on about it the other day, I thought it was going to take all day!”

“No, mate, I just want to get back home on time. I’ve got this surprise for Vic!”

“What, a bigger surprise than proposing to her?” Aaron asked. “And getting her a car.”

“She’s going to love it, you’ll see,” Adam said.

Aaron gave a shrug at that. His mobile vibrated again just then, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to check his message or not. In the end, he couldn’t help himself. He checked the text, mostly relieved, but somewhat disappointed that it wasn’t another photo. It read, _”What, you’re not going to send me a photo back?”_

_”Not unless you want me to cause an accident. I’m not sure Adam would be able to keep his eyes on the road if I sat here next to him taking dirty photos of myself.”_

_”Good point.”_

_”Now stop distracting me. I’m sure you’ve got some actual work you should be doing right now.”_

_”The only thing I want to be doing right now is you, baby.”_

_”You’re not going to stop texting me, are you?”_

_”No chance ;-)”_

*****

It felt weird to let himself into Robert’s house, but Aaron had been assured that the door was purposely being left unlocked for him so he could come and go as he pleased. He walked inside, feeling even more ill at ease than he had last night. At least Robert had been there to let him in. This time, Aaron was just walking in as if he owned the place.

He poked around, searching for the blond. Aaron found him in the home office. He paused at the door, quietly watching him. Robert, it appeared, had decided to do some work after all. He was sitting at his desk, reading through some paperwork. He held the document up in front of his face with his right hand. His left was pressing a blue cold pack to the side of his face.

“Alright?” Aaron asked, leaning against the doorjamb and crossing his arms.

Robert looked up. He put down the paperwork and lowered the cold pack. His skin along his cheek had gone pink from the cold. Aaron watched the tall blond get to his feet, a charming smile on his face as he walked over. Robert grabbed Aaron around the waist, pulling him away from the doorjamb. Uncrossing his arms, Aaron grabbed hold of the grey jumper the other man was wearing, using his grip to tug Robert down for a kiss.

“I thought you had to work,” the older man teased after they had pulled apart.

“I did. Adam and I made off with a lorry full of scrap. Then he left work early to celebrate with Vic, so I figured I’d do the same with you before going back to the scrap yard.”

Robert leaned in for another kiss before saying, “I should be upset the two of you have left the scrap yard unmanned in the middle of the day.”

“You’re not though, are you,” Aaron challenged him, his hands running down the soft knit jumper. “Come on,” he said, pulling away and heading for the stairs in the home office that would lead up to Robert’s bedroom. The blond followed closely behind him.

“You’re eager,” Robert observed as he joined Aaron in the bedroom, closing the door behind him and leaning back against it. “Was it my texts that got you all fired up?”

“You mean the dirty photos or the annoying texts you wouldn’t stop sending me while I worked?” Aaron asked, walking over to press against him. Not bothering to give him a chance to answer, Aaron kissed him, hands reaching up to cradle Robert’s face. He couldn’t help but notice that Robert’s left cheek was considerably colder than his right.

Breaking the kiss, Aaron stroked his thumbs along both sides of Robert’s face. “I’m sorry, by the way,” he told the blond.

“For what?”

“Hurting you.” He lightly slid his fingers along the healing scrapes on Robert’s cheekbone. “I saw you icing it earlier. It still hurts, don’t bother denying it.”

“Yeah, well I deserved it,” Robert told him. “There’s no point beating yourself up over it. And I don’t mind a bit of pain if that’s what it took to get us here.”

Aaron nodded, biting his lip for a moment as he thought about that. “Alright,” he agreed. He couldn’t exactly argue the point, even if he did feel bad that he’d hurt the other man. Robert was right: he’d definitely deserved it. But Aaron didn’t want to think about that now. He reached down and gave a tug at the band of Robert’s trousers. “I still want to make it up to you.”

“What did you have in mind?” Robert asked, reaching up to frame Aaron’s face with his hands. He pressed their foreheads together as Aaron unzipped Robert’s fly and began sliding his trousers down his hips.

“You’ll see,” Aaron whispered against the other man’s lips, their faces so close together. He helped Robert out of his clothing, and then let the man sit on the bed and watch as he took off his own. When he approached the bed, Robert tried to reach out and pull him close, but Aaron blocked him. “I want you on your stomach.”

Robert raised his eyebrows at him, but didn’t argue. He settled down on the large bed, resting his chin on folded arms. Aaron climbed onto the bed with him, and then straddled his waist. He ran his hands up Robert’s back, then started kneading his shoulders gently.

“A back rub?” Robert asked him, sounding surprised.

“Yeah,” Aaron said, a bit embarrassed. “Unless you’d prefer if we just…?”

It was true that a massage was a bit out of the box for them. Sneaking around and having quickies in barns, the back seats of their cars, cheap hotels, or even outdoors if it was isolated enough - that’s what was normal for them. A sensual massage was a luxury they had never had time for. But that’s what this week was for, wasn’t it? Without Chrissie around, and without Chas aware, the two of them were free to just enjoy themselves. And hadn’t Robert said last night that he wanted to give them a chance at being normal?

Aaron wanted that more than anything, but it also filled him with an aching sense of vulnerability. Over the past four months, Robert had rejected him about as much as he’d chased after him. The blond always ran hot and cold. One day he’d be begging Aaron to meet him, and the next he’d be canceling so he could spend time with Chrissie.

Remembering all those times Robert had pushed him away, Aaron almost decided to stop what he was doing and leave. But after only the slightest pause as he worked through his surprise, Robert finally said, “No, don’t stop. Just… keep going.”

Aaron wasn’t sure if Robert was suddenly feeling as vulnerable and awkward as he was, but he decided to take him at his word. He didn’t think his efforts would end up helping Robert very much with any lingering pain he had from when Aaron had punched him, but it gave him an excuse to take his time and explore the other man. He took full advantage of that. Aaron trailed his right hand down the long line of Robert’s spine, relishing the way the blond shivered beneath him.

He was no masseur. He didn’t know anything about how to make a back rub feel good. He’d never been asked to give a lover a romantic massage before, and it was a bit difficult to figure out how to start. Aaron did his best, going off of Robert’s reactions. His touch was light and hesitant to begin with, reluctant as he was to accidentally hurt the other man. Robert laid there, completely still and silent, as if he were waiting for something more. Biting his lip, Aaron pressed down a bit harder as he rubbed his hands into the muscles along Robert’s shoulders. He heard the blond take in a sharp breath, and he would have pulled back except that after tensing up a bit, Robert seemed to relax even more than before.

“Is that okay?” Aaron murmured.

“Mm.” Well, it wasn’t a yes, but it was as good as. Robert was laying with his head pillowed on folded arms, his face turned to the side. Aaron could see blond lashes flutter as Robert relaxed, finally closing his eyes as he gave into the sensations.

Feeling a bit more confident, Aaron shifted his hands down from those broad shoulders to start exploring the breadth of that freckled back. Now that he wasn’t so nervous he’d do it wrong, he started enjoying himself. Aaron listened for the other man’s breathing, being more careful whenever he caught Robert holding his breath or gasping when Aaron came across a tender spot. He liked how soft and warm Robert’s skin felt under his rough hands.

Once the blond had grown completely limp and docile beneath him, Aaron leaned forward to kiss his shoulder. Robert sighed contentedly at that, so Aaron trailed his lips from one shoulder to the other as he moved his hands lower to rest on Robert’s hips. He massaged his fingers into the muscles there, that lead down to the other man’s groin. Robert gasped, his hips giving a small thrust in response. Aaron held him in place, not letting the other man roll over to face him. He kept him on his stomach so he could lightly rub his chin along Robert’s spine, knowing how much the other man liked it when Aaron teased him with his beard.

“Aaron,” Robert moaned, writhing underneath him.

“Stay,” Aaron ordered him as he reached over for one of the many pillows at the head of the bed. He tapped Robert’s backside to get him to raise up enough that Aaron was able to slip the pillow under him. It left the blond with his arse elevated off the mattress, exactly how Aaron wanted it. Nudging Robert’s thighs apart, he knelt between them and parted his cheeks, exposing his tight, pink hole.

In general, Robert preferred to be the one doing the fucking. Aaron knew he was the first bloke that the other man had ever let touch him like this. Just knowing that filled him with a possessive sort of desire as he lowered his face and laid a tender kiss upon one of Robert’s rounded cheeks before pressing his finger against that small opening and lightly rubbing it. He heard Robert gasp at the first touch of his finger.

Aaron laid down between Robert’s thighs so he could use his tongue to explore the stretch of skin between the other man’s balls and the hole that he continued to tease with small, circular motions of his finger, encouraging the tight muscles there to loosen for him. He licked and sucked the soft skin of the perineum, slowly making his way toward Robert’s entrance. Moving his fingers away, he gripped Robert’s cheeks to make more room for his face. Aaron teased Robert with his tongue, swirling it around until the other man was moaning for him. It was only when Robert began to beg him for more that Aaron gave in. He began sucking first, making Robert cry out before teasing his tongue inside of him.

When the blond was finally quivering and moaning, Aaron rose up off of him. The bottle of lube and a few condoms were still resting on top of the bedside table from the night before. Aaron got to his knees, smiling a bit when Robert gave a groan in protest at the absence of his mouth and fingers. He grabbed the lube from the table and squirt a generous amount onto the fingers of his right hand. When they were coated, he spread the lube over Robert’s entrance.

His first finger slipped in easily, since he’d worked Robert open with his tongue. He crooked his finger until he found that small spot inside the other man. Aaron gave it a stroke, watching as the other man’s entire body jerked in response. He started out slowly, not wanting to overstimulate the area. He built up to it, strokes quickening once Robert began using his hips, wordlessly asking for more.

Aaron couldn’t even begin to describe how it made him feel to see the blond thrusting down onto his finger, and to hear him moaning out Aaron’s name. Robert had started out with his head pillowed on folded arms. Now, he had his hands flat on the mattress, trying to get leverage to help him thrust his body down to meet Aaron’s hand. He could see Robert’s face in profile, see how his face had become flushed, and how his skin was starting to glow from his exertions.

When he saw Robert trying to sneak a hand between his body and the pillow his lower half was still propped on, Aaron reached over with his left hand to stop him. “No, just wait for it,” he told him. Robert nodded, gripping the sheets to either side of him as he trembled. Aaron quickened the strokes of his finger, watching as Robert writhed and panted. The moment the blond was sent over the edge was so erotic it had Aaron’s entire body quivering with need. He watched as Robert’s hips jerked, riding Aaron’s finger, hands pulling at the sheets as he cried out.

Removing his finger, Aaron grabbed the blond’s waist, holding him in place as he slipped his cock between Robert’s cheeks and thrust without entering him. He slid easily along the other man’s crack, the lube slicking Robert’s skin. Aaron moved against him, wanting to plunge inside of that warm body. Instead, he waited for Robert’s gasps to slow before backing off and inserting two fingers this time.

Robert came more quickly the second time, and it took only a dozen strokes to send him over the edge a third time. Only then did Aaron grab a condom and roll it on. When he finally pushed inside, he didn’t have to fight for room. Robert was open and ready for him. He desperately wanted to start pounding into the other man, but he held back, made himself take his time. This wasn’t just another bout of hot, passionate sex. He was going to make love to Robert, slowly and sweetly.

Keeping his thrusts slow and smooth, Aaron pressed his chest against the other man’s dampened back. He nuzzled his face in against Robert’s neck, kissing and nipping at him gently. The blond reached back so he could stroke his hand through Aaron’s hair, pulling him in closer. Taking the hint, Aaron shifted from light biting to heavier sucking. He lost his measured pace when he realized that Robert would have marks after this. For once, Aaron was going to be able to leave love bites behind.

He was marking Robert for the first time.

Aaron’s thrusts quickened as he tasted Robert’s skin, sucking on it without a care to how big a love bite he was leaving behind. He struggled to restrain himself, to slow down, to keep the best angle, and to smooth out the motions of his hips as he sank into the hot, tight depths of the other man’s body. His attempts to regain control were thwarted when his thrusts brought Robert, making the blond tighten around him, crying out as he drove himself down onto Aaron’s cock.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to keep this up for much longer, Aaron pulled out. He got up onto his knees and tugged at Robert’s waist until the other man had his arse up in the air for him, and his face still pressed against the mattress. Aaron lined himself up and slid back in, making Robert jerk as he pushed against his sensitized prostate. “Please,” Robert moaned, sounding so fucked out and wrecked that it had Aaron giving one last push to completely bottom out. Leaning forward, he reached around the other man and wrapped his fingers around his cock. He found it completely wet with precum, and his fingers slid easily along Robert’s skin as he continued to leak.

Aaron started thrusting in earnest and used his hand to jerk Robert off. The blond came before he did, shouting out at the combined pleasure of the hand job and having Aaron hit that spot inside of him over and over again. Letting go of the other man’s cock, Aaron grabbed hold of his waist and plunged into him. He looked down, watching himself slide in and out of Robert as the blond moved under him, hips jerking as he came. Aaron felt the pressure building, and he was panting as he gave one final thrust. He felt his balls and his entire stomach tighten, and then he completely blanked, feeling like he was was exploding inside and out.

It couldn’t have been more than five seconds of life shattering bliss, but he felt so clear afterward. He’d collapsed onto Robert’s back, squishing the blond under him. At least the other man didn’t seem to mind. He looked completely out of it, gasping for air and quivering as he sprawled on the bed. Aaron took a full minute just trying to get his breath back before he moved off the other man. Robert gasped as Aaron slipped out of him, his hips giving one last involuntary thrust as Aaron inadvertently rubbed against the other man’s prostate.

“No more,” Robert begged him, his voice sounding hoarse. “I think I’m going to pass out if you do it again.”

Aaron felt ridiculously self satisfied at that. He carefully removed his condom and tied it off before tossing it in the small rubbish bin tucked under the bedside table. He laid back on the bed, feeling drained in a good way. He knew he should get back to work. He didn’t regret taking his time with Robert, but he had to have been away from the scrap yard for a while now.

He tried to make himself get out of bed maybe a half dozen times before he decided that he was too relaxed to care about the scrap yard right now. Aaron didn’t give a toss if there were a string of clients knocking on the door, wanting him to go collect their scrap. Giving up on the idea of putting in more hours, he sat up so he could get under the rumpled sheet. He struggled to get it out from under Robert, who was awake but refusing to move. “Robert,” Aaron sighed, irritated that he had to slowly work the sheet out from under the other man.

“I’m not moving for a week,” Robert told him.

“Did I, you know…” Aaron trailed off, giving him a meaningful look, “...too hard?” He’d done all the prep, but it was true Robert wasn’t used to bottoming.

“Are you serious?” Robert asked him. “My arse is fine. It’s the rest of me that feels like it turned to jelly.”

“So you’re not in pain, just being lazy?” Aaron clarified.

“That about sums it up.” Aaron gave one last, hard tug on the sheet, and it finally slid out from beneath Robert. He got under it, feeling a bit chill now that the sweat had cooled on his body. He curled up on his side, facing away from Robert, and hugged the sheet close. “You’re not going to share?” Robert asked him, laughter in his voice.

“Er, no,” Aaron told him. “You’d have to move in order to get under it. I’m not going to tuck you in.” He could feel the mattress shifting as Robert finally moved, and then cool air along his backside as the sheet was raised so the other man could get under it with him. Robert molded himself against Aaron’s back, spooning him. He pressed his face in against Aaron’s neck, wrapped his arm around Aaron’s waist, and then sighed as he relaxed.

Aaron was pretty sure his brain had stopped working once he realized the other man was settling in for a cuddle.

Normally, they laid with a bit a space between them while they recovered, and then they either started up again, or they got dressed and returned to whatever tasks their rendezvous had interrupted. The closest they had come to cuddling before was that one night in the hotel. Aaron had woken in the middle of the night to find Robert’s arm thrown carelessly over his waist. He had enjoyed that, but it’s not like Robert had been aware of what he was doing. This, right here, was different, because the other man was awake. 

He found himself speechless, so he laid there quietly, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. Feeling hopeful and terrified all at once, he reached for the hand that Robert had curled in against Aaron’s belly. He wove his fingers in with Robert’s, throat tight as he waited for the older man to pull away, or warn him off. Only he didn’t. Robert squeezed his hand once, and dozed off soon after.

It took Aaron a while to finally fall asleep, but when he did, it was with his hand in Robert’s.

*****

**1 April 2015**

“Tell you what,” Aaron said, rubbing at his eyes with his hand, “when you mess up, you really mess up.” He was standing with Adam at the scrap yard, both of them leaning against the rusty old car Adam had bought for Victoria. Adam was stood there in dark blue jeans and his dark olive colored jacket, staring listlessly ahead. Aaron was facing him, his right elbow propped on top of the Mini.

“Oh, come on. She dumped me!” Adam said, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. Apparently, after they had both left the scrap yard, his evening had gone a lot differently than Aaron’s had. For once, things seemed to be going well with Robert. They hadn’t fought once the other day. But poor Adam had tried to surprise his fiancee with an engagement/birthday cake, and had been completely blindsided by Vic telling him she didn’t want to get married after all.

“Right, that doesn’t mean you have to go sleep with the local vet, though, does it?” Aaron pointed out. “Do you think she’s going to be a problem?”

“Who?”

“Er, Vanessa!” Aaron said, thinking his mate was being a bit thick. 

“No, no, I could have been anybody, and vice versa,” Adam said, visibly unconcerned about that part, at least.

Aaron nodded as he thought about that for a moment. “So, delete it,” he finally suggested. If Vanessa wasn’t going to go running to Vic the first chance she got, then there was no problem, was there? No one else had to know.

Adam looked over at him, not understanding. “Hey?”

Rolling his eyes, Aaron spelled it out for him. “From your memory!”

“Oi, is that what you do, is it?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Aaron asked, defensive.

“I’m just saying, you sound like a dab hand at it!”

“Dab hand at what?” Victoria asked from behind them, on the other side of the Mini Adam had bought for her. Both of them turned to face her, and Aaron didn’t doubt for a second that Adam was bricking it, wondering how much she had heard.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Aaron told him after they shared a look. He headed for the cabin and closed himself inside to let Adam and Vic talk it out. He soon found himself sitting at his desk, biting at his lip as he thought about the last part of his conversation with Adam. He hadn’t thought anything of it when he told Adam to forget about his drunken night with Vanessa. It was clearly a one off, and neither of them were interested in turning it into anything else.

He hadn’t spared a thought to Vic, or even Kirin. Was that wrong of him? Adam seemed to think so, if his reaction to Aaron’s suggestion was any indication. It made him wonder if his affair with Robert had managed to skew his thinking; if running around with a married man in secret for months had changed the way he thought of fidelity and relationships. Maybe he did have a bias, but Adam’s situation wasn’t the same as his own. Vic had dumped him, so when Adam fell into bed with Vanessa, he was freshly single. Aaron didn’t think it was the smartest thing Adam could have done in that situation, but given that he wasn’t technically cheating, then no one had to be hurt by having the truth come out.

Aaron was saved from his own confusion by the cabin door opening. Adam popped his head in. He was wearing an excited, but somewhat puzzled expression. “She’s taken me back!” he announced. “We’re going for drinks at the pub. Come, if you like.”

“Well done, mate,” Aaron said, getting to his feet and heading over to the door.

Adam didn’t step back to let him out of the cabin. “I didn’t really do anything, though,” he whispered, clearly not wanting Vic to overhear. “She just decided she still wants to be with me, but she wants to put the engagement on hold for a while.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Well, yeah, but… what am I going to do now?”

“Are you two coming, or what?” Vic called from outside.

“We’ll talk later,” Aaron promised. The two of them joined Vic in the yard, and walked together to the pub. Diane and Chas were both working the bar, and James was sitting on one of the stools with a pint.

“Does this mean what I think it does?” Diane asked. Aaron could see how hopeful they all looked when Adam and Vic walked in together.

“That’s right!” Adam said, a huge grin on his face. Aaron couldn’t help but smile at that, although he hid it by lowering his face to look at the floor. “Pints for all of us! We’re celebrating.”

Aaron gratefully accepted the pint his mum passed him. Adam stood nearby, with his arm around Vic as the two of them explained everything. “It’s not that I don’t love him,” she told everyone. “It’s just that I’m not ready to get married yet.”

“So you’ve downgraded your engagement to, ‘It might happen at some point, but not just now,’” Diane clarified.

“I think that’s what we agreed,” Vic said, looking up at Adam with a smile on her face.

“Whatever she says,” Adam agreed.

Aaron took another sip from his pint as Chas smiled and said, “Now there’s a married couple in waiting if I ever heard one.”

James gave a small laugh at that. “A bit cynical, Chas,” he admonished her.

Aaron saw his mum shrug at that. “But true,” she insisted.

Just then, Rhona walked in with Vanessa and Kirin. “A bottle of red, Diane,” Rhona ordered for them as the group approached the bar. “The best you’ve got.”

“The best, eh? What are you celebrating?”

“Us getting back together,” Kirin answered, looked down at Vanessa who stood next to him.

Aaron looked over at them, surprised. Well, that was cleared up all tidy. Adam really had nothing to worry about if Vanessa was back with Kirin. He raised his eyebrows and said, “Must be something in the air.”

He took a big sip from his pint as Vic explained to Vanessa that she and Adam were back together. “Congratulations,” the vet said. She smiled when she said it, but Aaron thought she looked a bit uncomfortable. Aaron stood with Adam and Vanessa to either side of him, and they both seemed tense while trying to hide it. That was something Aaron found he could relate to. He never felt easy when Robert turned up at the pub with Chrissie.

Vanessa excused herself and headed for the toilets. Aaron tried to block Adam when he made to go after her.

“Leave it,” he whispered. There was no sense in speaking to Vanessa, not now. She was happy with Kirin, and Adam was back with Vic. This couldn’t have possibly worked out better for his mate. But Adam wasn’t interested in hearing it. He gave Aaron a look before going around him, chasing after Vanessa. Aaron saw his mate catch up to her by the toilets. The two exchanged a few words before Adam made his way back over.

Judging by the look on Vanessa’s face, Aaron didn’t doubt that his mate had just explained to her that he intended to tell Vic everything.

There was no chance for Aaron to try and talk him out of it. Adam and Vic only stayed at the pub long enough to finish their pints before heading out together. Probably to make up properly. Aaron could only hope that Adam came to his senses and realized he’d only be hurting Vic by telling her about what had happened.

He headed back to the scrap yard to finish out the day. By the time he locked up, he still hadn’t heard from Adam. He knew that Adam would do whatever he thought was best. He just hoped his friend didn't mess things up for himself. Adam was crazy about Vic, and it'd be a shame if it ended over something so meaningless.

Deciding he needed to clear his head a bit before driving out to Home Farm, Aaron made his way to the pub. "There you are!" Chas exclaimed when he made his way around the bar. "I was starting to think you lived at the scrap yard."

"No, I've just been keeping an eye on Adam," he lied. Luckily, the pub was busy and Chas was occupied with pouring a pint. He knew that if she had been focused on him, she would have spotted the lie right away.

"I'm glad those two have made up," Chas said. "He's lucky to have you looking out for him."

Lucky? Yesterday, while his mate was getting dumped, Aaron had been in bed with Robert. He couldn't feel bad about the way he'd spent his afternoon, not when he thought about how he'd fallen asleep with Robert wrapped around him, and how he'd woken from his nap to Robert kissing him. Aaron couldn't regret that, but it wasn't easy to swallow praise he knew he didn't deserve. "Right, is that all, or..." He went through to the back after she rolled her eyes at him. He felt more than a bit guilty now. Not only had he just lied to his mum, but he hadn't exactly been there for Adam when his mate had needed him.

Aaron went up to his room and changed into his sweats. It would do him some good to go for a run. He knew Robert was expecting him, so he didn't cover as much ground as he was used to. He only ran for half an hour, barely working up a sweat before coming back home and showering. By the time he'd cleaned up, he had two missed calls from Robert. Aaron smiled to see them, knowing Robert was missing him already. He was quiet going down the stairs so he wouldn't be seen by Diane or Doug, who were sharing a meal in the kitchen.

The drive to Home Farm was thankfully fast. Robert had to have been watching for him, because he'd only just gotten out of his car when the front door opened. "It's about time," Robert told him as Aaron walked over to him. "I was beginning to think you had stood me up!"

They shared a kiss before Robert moved aside to let Aaron in. "No, I just got tied up. Have you heard from Vic today?” he asked.

The blond raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised at the question. “No, why? Has something happened?”

“She and Adam had a bit of a row, but it’s all cleared up now,” Aaron told him.

“Well, if they need some time apart to cool their heads, I got Vic a gift certificate for a weekend with celebrity chefs. You wouldn’t believe what I had to go through to get that for her.”

“Oh, yeah?” Aaron asked, amused at the way Robert had suddenly gotten so excited. He reached out to wrap his arms around the other man’s waist, enjoying the easy manner in which Robert hugged him back. His worries about Adam seemed to melt away.

“She was chuffed when I gave it to her for her birthday,” Robert boasted, clearly still congratulating himself over the well thought out gift.

“You can tell me about it while we eat. Now what’s for dinner?”


	12. WHERE R U?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t updated this since November, and it’s nearly February now. Very sorry for taking so long to get back to this. **Those of you who were enjoying this story can thank Sarah for commenting and yelling at me lol!** Sarah, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I included lots of feels, since I plan on moving the story forward in the next chapter. As all of us Robron fans know, the beauty of Home Farm week just can’t last! I just wanted to linger a little bit on this part of their story because the first half of this fic was so depressing with all the Katie drama.
> 
> I really have no good excuse for taking such a long break from this. I was working overtime hours, and then I had vacation time, and of course there was the American presidential election. I’m not going to use this as a platform for political views, but I will just say that the election was hard for everyone here, regardless of whether or not their side won. Morale is pretty low in the US right now, so I am letting Home Farm week be my therapy =D

**2 April 2015**

Aaron drove up to Butler’s farm, but there was no sign of Adam by the barns. They were supposed to be shifting scrap for Moira today. Getting out of the lorry, he headed for Barton cottage and let himself in. He didn’t bother to knock. Moira was always very open with her home. Besides that, Aaron had been Adam’s best friend for ages, and he was as much a part of Adam’s family as his mate was part of Aaron’s family. He spotted the other man as soon as he walked in. Adam had his phone to his ear, and he drew his hand sharply across his throat as a signal for Aaron not to speak.

He shut the door quietly behind him as Adam spoke into his phone. “Yes, Vic, it’s me. Er, look, there’s no easy way of putting this, so I’m just going to say it how it is.” Aaron winced as he realized what conversation he’d just walked in on. He tucked his hands in his pockets as he came to stand next to his mate, giving his quiet support. “The thing is… after you turned me down, when I thought I was single…” Aaron cringed in sympathy as Adam struggled for words. “I slept with Vanessa.” Adam paused then, probably listening to Vic yell at him. “Yeah, you can call me what you want, alright? It’s not going to make me feel any worse than I already do, so… We’ll talk later then, yeah?” Aaron looked at Adam, a bit surprised that Vic would be willing to bottle it until later. Adam paused for a moment, probably so Vic could deliver some choice words, and then he said, “Yeah, well, bell me when you get this. Bye.”

Aaron frowned. He replayed Adam’s half of the conversation in his head, certain he must have heard that last part wrong. “Bell me?” Aaron asked after Adam ended the call.

Adam looked at him for a heartbeat. “Yeah. Voicemail, isn’t it?” he said, sounding distracted.

Unable to help himself, he gave a disbelieving laugh. “What - you just confessed to a voicemail?” Aaron asked. Adam gawped at him. “Oh, brilliant! I’m sure girls love that as opposed to being told to her face.”

“So why didn’t you stop me then?” Adam demanded.

Really? “Well, why didn’t you just stay away from Vanessa in the first place?”

“Oh no,” Adam breathed, a look of dawning horror on his face. “No, no! I’ve proper messed this up, haven’t I?”

“You’re a proper idiot,” Aaron told him as his mate squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head miserably.

Suddenly frantic, Adam looked up at Aaron and shouted, “Help me work it out, man! What the hell am I going to do now?”

Reaching out, he clasped the other man’s shoulder sympathetically. “You’re screwed, mate.” Adam groaned, and he squeezed his shoulder comfortingly before letting his hand drop. “Look, why don’t you tell me what your mum wants scrapped, and I’ll take care of it. Maybe you’ll think of something to say to Vic in the meantime, eh?”

Once he knew what Moira wanted hauled off, Aaron loaded the lorry and drove back to the scrap yard, leaving Adam to wallow in his own misery. He went about sorting the scrap between what was junk and what could be salvaged or sold. It kept him busy for a couple hours, and he liked the way the work kept him moving. He’d been running less, and that made it easy for him to feel restless. It was nice to get into a rhythm, hauling pieces of scrap around the yard and breaking it down when it was worth naught. Maybe it wasn’t the sort of job that would interest a man like Robert, but Aaron appreciated the simplicity of it and the constant movement.

Just as he was finishing up, his phone started ringing. He’d tucked it in the inner breast pocket of his jacket, and he had to pull the thick work glove off his right hand so he could fish his phone out before the call went to voicemail. “Hiya,” he answered.

“How’s your afternoon looking?” Robert asked.

“I’m just finishing up a job, and then I want to check in on Adam. You alright?”

“Yeah, just wondering if you’re free for lunch.”

Aaron was a bit surprised at that. He wasn’t used to Robert calling him randomly so they could eat together. It was very… normal. It was what a proper couple might do. “Er, yeah, that sounds great, actually. I’ll pop by around yours?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon.” Robert ended the call, and Aaron lowered his phone and stared at it for a moment before he put it back in his pocket. God, he could get used to this. It was nice getting a normal call from Robert. Usually, the best he could expect was the random text with a time and location so they could meet up for a quick shag. But in this past week alone, they had sexted, Robert had sent him nudes, and now he had called him to ask him round for lunch. The difference was like night and day.

Eager to get to Home Farm, Aaron ripped off his high-vis vest and thick gloves. He deposited them in the portacabin and then made his way back to Butler’s farm. Aaron figured that enough time had passed since he’d left Adam that he had to have resigned himself to the situation he’d created by now. Aaron would just pop in to make sure he was okay, and then he’d take a much deserved break.

When he entered Barton cottage, he found Adam and Victoria standing in the living room. Vic was clearly on her way out. She was wearing her khaki green jacket, buttoning it up in preparation for stepping out into the cold. “Aw!” Vic said when she spotted Aaron. “You two must have a little psychic bond!” She looked… good. Happy, even. Adam, on the other hand, gave Aaron a frustrated stare as Vic grabbed her phone from his hands. “Right, I have to go, so let yourself in and surprise me,” she told Adam, giving him a kiss.

“See you,” he said.

Aaron frowned as Vic walked past him to the kitchen and then out the door. As soon as it closed behind her, he turned to Adam. He was very clearly agitated as he said, “You muppet, man! I had the flaming phone! I was about to delete it.”

“She hasn’t listened to the voicemail yet, has she?” Aaron realized. He guessed that Adam had said he was going to call Aaron, only he’d walked in before the other man had a chance to delete the voicemail.

“No! She… she gave me the key to her place, didn’t she?” Adam said, looking tortured.

Aaron drew in a quick breath, raising his eyes to the ceiling in disbelief. He knew what must have happened. Vic had come by after Aaron had left. She’d given Adam the key to hers, probably because she still felt bad for calling off the engagement. And then they’d made up again before Adam could come clean. Of all the things Adam could have done after stupidly confessing to her voicemail, sleeping with Vic was hands down the worst. “You’re an idiot!” he exclaimed.

“I’ve got to wipe it.”

“And what about Vanessa’s memory, Adam? You are going to wipe that as well, are you?”

“No. No, you’re right.” Adam was standing behind the sofa, and he leaned forward to rest his hands on the back of it as he thought for a second. “We’ve got to get the phone, kill the message, and then tell Vanessa the confession’s off.”

Aaron scoffed. He made it sound easy, but so much could go wrong. Vic could be listening to Adam’s message right this second. Vanessa could have already confessed to Kirin. Still, it was clear that his mate was clinging to hope, so Aaron went along with it. He followed Adam out to his quad bike and got on behind him. The ride to Emmerdale was quick. As soon as the bike came to a stop in front of the Woolpack, Aaron was tugging his helmet off and passing it to Adam as he got off.

“Alright, follow Vic. Don’t let her anywhere near that phone,” Adam instructed.

Hearing his own phone chime, he tugged it out of the inner breast pocket of his jacket as Adam also got off the bike. “Oh yeah, _I’m_ supposed to do that? Where are you going?” he objected.

“To stop Vanessa!” Adam exclaimed, gesturing. Aaron followed the gesture with his eyes, glancing down the road until he spotted the blonde vet heading into her home. He sighed. Following Vic around really wasn’t what he had planned for this afternoon. He’d do it, because he knew Adam would do the same for him. Still, he needed to at least let Robert know he was going to be late. He glanced at his phone to check the message he’d just gotten from older man.

“Oh, I’m sorry, mate! Am I keeping you?” Adam mocked him. Aaron looked up to find Adam frowning at him, upset that he was checking his messages. “Can you not be a proper wing man for once in your life?”

“Oh, yeah, because this won’t be awkward, will it?” Adam ran off to speak to Vanessa, apparently in too much of a hurry to say anything else. Aaron checked his message, because a few more seconds wasn’t going to make anything worse for Adam than it already was.

Robert was getting impatient, sending him a text all in caps. _”WHERE R U?”_ Aaron pressed his lips together as he read it, wishing he was at Home Farm rather than chasing after Vic.

_”Held up. Be there soon as I can.”_

Aaron hit send, then took a deep breath and went into the pub. Chas was minding the bar, and she smiled when she saw him. “There you are, love! Everything alright at the scrap yard?”

“Er, yeah,” he said, glancing around for Vic. She must have already started her shift in the kitchen. Aaron began to walk around the bar, scratching at his chin. His beard was growing, and it was itchy.

Chas left off filling a pint so she could turn toward him as he walked around the bar. “You could probably do with a trim,” she said. Aaron just shrugged. He actually agreed, but he was growing it out a bit for Robert. “Pint?” she offered.

“No, maybe later,” he said, moving toward the door behind the bar.

She reached out to snag the arm of his jacket once he was close enough, pulling him to a stop. “You’re sure everything’s alright?” she asked again. “You’re not going to change for a run are you? Because if you’re going to run, then you need to eat first. I’m not taking no for an answer!”

“Yeah, well you can relax because I’m not going for a run. I’m just popping into the kitchen to see Vic.”

He escaped her clutches and hurried into the kitchen where he found Vic preparing food. Knowing how his mum could get, he made sure to close the kitchen door behind him so she couldn’t pretend to walk by just so she could peek in on him. Of course Vic noticed him standing there, leaning against a stainless steel prep table while he worried nervously on his thumbnail. She let him lurk there for about half a minute before she eventually asked, “No offense, but are you here for any reason?”

Aaron stopped biting at his nail and crossed his arms. “Er, no. Just… watching,” he said with an ironic laugh. It was the truth, wasn’t it? He glanced toward the kitchen door, wishing that Adam would walk through it. How long did it take to tell Vanessa not to tell Kirin about their little one off?

“Why?” Vic asked him.

He turned back to her, grateful to find that she was looking down at whatever it was she was preparing. “Er, I don’t know,” he said, glancing around and spotting her phone nearby. It was bright pink, catching his attention as it rested on a gleaming steel surface behind her. “It’s interesting, you cheffing and all that. I heard about Robert getting you that chef school thing.”

“Adam been going on about it, has he?”

Aaron’s eyebrows flew up as he belatedly realized that he’d heard about it from Robert. The soft lad couldn’t shut up about it over dinner last night, he was that chuffed about how clever the gift had been. Luckily, Vic just assumed that it was Adam who had told him about it. “Er, yep,” he agreed, nodding as he lied.

Vic glanced up at him briefly before looking back down at the food she was working with. It looked like she was making pastries. “You know, he thinks everything to do with my brother is rubbish, but it was a pretty cool present,” she said. Aaron gave a distracted nod, unable to keep his eyes from sliding over to the phone in its neon pink cover.

She teased him about his sudden interest in her cooking as he tried to devise a plan to snatch the phone without her noticing. She made some comment about putting him to work, and he responded somewhat distractedly. “No, I like scrapping, thanks. Speaking of which, I should probably check the emails, you know? Could be something urgent,” he told her, pointing in the direction of the back room where the computer was. It was only in the same general direction as her phone, but maybe she’d be so focused on rolling dough around that she wouldn’t notice him sneaking behind her to grab it?

“Go on then. You know where the computer is.”

He took a step in that direction, eyeing her hesitantly. Luckily, Adam finally made his appearance then. “No rush,” he said, scrapping the email ruse. It hadn’t been a very good plan anyway.

“Well it can’t be that urgent then,” she commented as Adam walked over to stand next to him. Aaron tried to inconspicuously nod toward the phone while Victoria turned to face them. “Ugh! You’re not here to bother me as well, are you?” Adam was saved from having to think of an answer when Vic’s phone started ringing. With her hands busy and covered in flour, she couldn’t answer it herself. “Don’t just stand there! Pass it over.”

Aaron nudged the other man with his elbow, giving the phone a significant look. This was Adam’s best chance to get in and delete that message. He was right behind Adam as his mate stepped over to grab Vic’s phone. Aaron watched as he pointed at the floor, then shouted, “Whoa, whoa! There’s a flipping rat!”

Victoria jumped, startled at his shouting. “Where?” she screamed, freaked out.

“There!” Adam yelled, pointing randomly toward an empty mop bucket. “It’s massive!” When she looked away from them, frantically searching the floor for the rat, Adam tossed her phone into the deep fryer. Vic stared, mouth dropped open in shock as her phone met a sizzling end. “Aw!” Adam moaned apologetically.

“What are you doing, you clumsy idiot!” Vic cried out, leaping forward to grab a pair of tongs and fish the melted thing out of the hot grease.

Amused at Adam’s theatrics, Aaron said, “Are you sure it was a rat? I’m pretty sure it’s a-” Adam slapped Aaron’s hand away, which he had pointed at the empty mop bucket. The two of them tried not to laugh. Vic certainly wouldn’t have appreciated their levity. She had deposited her phone on the tabletop where she had been preparing pastries.

“Adam, look! It’s totally ruined,” she said, visibly upset.

“Aw, babe, I’ll buy you a better one,” Adam assured her.

Apparently the promise of a new phone wasn’t enough to cheer her up. Vic turned on him, impatiently pointing her tongs at the door. “Out! Get out of my kitchen!”

Aaron held back a grin as Adam stared at her in astonishment. The two of them could barely stifle their laughter as they exited the kitchen, but as soon as they were in the clear, they were celebrating. “Come on, man, I owe you a pint,” Adam said as they entered the pub through the entry behind the bar.

“What’s going on back there?” Chas asked. She must have heard Adam shouting about the rat, and Vic yelling at them to get out of the kitchen.

“Adam’s just dropped her phone in the fryer,” Aaron told her as the two of them made their way around the bar. Adam tried to stop at one of the stools so he could order a couple of drinks, but Aaron kept pushing him forward. “Vic won’t be happy if she spots you out here,” he muttered. If Adam stuck around, then Chas would start asking questions if Aaron didn’t stay to have lunch with him.

“Good call,” the other man thanked him, and they both headed toward the door.

“You’re not staying for lunch?” Chas called out.

“Maybe tomorrow, Chas,” Adam told her. Aaron kept shoving at him, trying to get them out of the Woolpack as fast as possible. Once they were outside, his best mate was laughing at him. “What’s the rush? That eager to get back to work?”

“You wish! I’m taking my lunch now. You’re the one who has to put in a few hours of work, you slacker.”

“Aw, come on! Have a heart!” Adam protested.

“I covered for you this morning,” Aaron told him, already walking away. “Now you get to return the favor!” he called over his shoulder. He ignored the backtalk Adam aimed at him as he walked the short distance to his VW, which was in the Woolie’s car park. Robert was waiting for him, and as much fun as he’d had just now with Adam, he was eager to see the handsome blond waiting for him at Home Farm.

He found Robert in the kitchen, slouched in his chair with his food untouched in front of him. “There you are!” he exclaimed as Aaron walked in. He got to his feet and came around the table so he could snag Aaron around the waist and pull him in close. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show.”

“Just tying up some loose ends,” Aaron told him, curling his fingers into the front of the other man’s jumper. Robert was wearing black, the two of them matching today. Aaron couldn’t help but think that the stark color looked better on the tall blond, contrasting nicely with his golden hair. He tilted his head up, accepting a hello kiss before he gave the taller man a gentle push away. “What’s for lunch?”

“We could go upstairs and-”

“You’re joking, right?” Aaron asked, plopping down on one of the white leather kitchen chairs. “I’m going nowhere with you until I eat something. I’ve been shifting scrap all morning!”

He heard Robert sigh, but the older man walked over to the island and grabbed the plate that he’d clearly set aside for Aaron. It was a simple sandwich, but it looked fresh. “At the rate you’re going, there’s not going to be a bite of food left in the house soon. You’re lucky I like you, or I wouldn’t put up with it.”

“Yeah, right,” Aaron said. He bit into his sandwich before he could say something sappy, like, _“You don’t just like me; you love me, really.”_ Still, he was thinking it. All of this - the cooked meals, the cuddling, the waking up in bed together - just showed him how right they could be together if Robert hadn’t gone and married Chrissie. He held onto what Robert had told him on his very first night at Home Farm. This could be a gift for them. This was Aaron’s chance to show Robert that being in a relationship with another bloke didn’t have to be a scary thing.

Despite the fact that his sexuality was a taboo topic, it was very clear that Robert was struggling with that part of his identity. Aaron had been sleeping with him for months, but Robert never mentioned being gay, or bisexual, or even being attracted to other men. The most he’d ever gotten the older man to admit was that he’d had a few one night stands with men. But when he’d admitted to it, it was like he believed that the fact that he’d only ever had one offs with men was a good thing. It was like he believed that never being in a relationship with a man made him less gay and more straight.

Aaron didn’t expect him to flaunt his feelings for men, but the complete lack of acknowledgement wasn’t healthy. Normally Robert could keep his affair with Aaron in a little bubble that didn’t touch the rest of his life, as if keeping those two parts of himself separate helped him pretend that he didn’t have feelings for men. With Chrissie out of the picture and Aaron basically living with Robert at Home Farm, that bubble had been popped. Aaron was here, eating his food, drinking his beer, warming his bed, listening to him talk about his day and his family. There were no barriers between them with Chrissie gone, and Robert pretending to be out of town so Paddy and Chas wouldn’t get suspicious of all the time Aaron was spending away from home.

Yes, this week was definitely a gift for them. Aaron was going to prove to Robert that being with him was exactly what he needed. To that end, he decided to make plans with him for tonight. If Robert was up for it, they could have a movie night. It was perfect. They could cuddle on the sofa, eat popcorn, and share their favorite movies with each other. Nothing was more couple-like than movie night!

They would have so much fun together this week that Robert was going to forget about Chrissie. Aaron was going to try his best to make sure that he was the one the other man went to sleep thinking of each night.

 

*****

 

Aaron naked was a thing of beauty.

There was something about having Aaron naked in his house that hit all of the right buttons for Robert. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the element of the forbidden, or if it was simply because he liked to look at the younger man. It was probably both things. If it were up to him, Aaron would never wear clothing while staying at Home Farm. The trouble was actually getting him naked. As good as Aaron looked in hoodies, Robert was coming to realize that they managed to hide everything.

“Aren’t you warm in that?” Robert asked as he lead Aaron to the second, private living room, where the telly was. They had just finished up their evening meal and were going to have a movie night. He watched the younger man sit down on the edge of the sofa, elbows on his knees.

“No, I’m fine,” Aaron told him. Robert sighed, eyeing the black hoodie. It hid the strong sweep of his shoulders, and the defined muscles in his arms.

He’d gotten to see more of Aaron in these past three days than the past three months combined. Granted, they had been off with each other since the end of January, but even before that they rarely got to spend any sort of time together. Robert couldn’t count the number of times they had been intimate with each other since the affair started, but it was always in stolen moments. Oftentimes they met in the drafty barn, or parked off the side of the road in a car. It was either too cold or too cramped to get completely unclothed.

Now that they had all this time and space, Robert wanted to take every opportunity to look at Aaron, to touch every curve and line of his body and commit it to memory.

Of course he had always been interested in getting naked with Aaron, but he had definitely noticed a sudden intensity to that desire. It had turned into a bit of an obsession with him ever since Monday night, the first evening that Aaron had come to Home Farm. After the two of them had drinks in the formal living room, where Robert was accustomed to entertaining guests with Chrissie, he and Aaron had thrown their clothes off and had made love for the first time in months right there on the sofa. Robert had wanted to get Aaron upstairs so they could continue in a proper bed. He had been in a rush, and had told the younger man to just leave his clothes where they were.

That’s when Robert had gotten to admire Aaron walking around the house naked, bold as brass and hot as sin. The sight of muscles moving under tight skin, of Aaron blushing when he noticed the intent stare being leveled at him… Every inch of the younger man was perfect. Robert was filled with lust and the thrill of danger when he imagined the outcry if Chrissie or Lawrence were able to see them at that moment, nude and slick with sweat as they walked up the stairs and through the halls on their way to Robert’s bedroom.

After that, he just couldn’t get enough. When he woke up early Tuesday morning and found Aaron sprawled naked across the mattress, Robert had gotten a long, good look at his body, and he definitely wanted to see more of it. Then that afternoon, Aaron had come back early from the scrapyard to give him a massage. It had been sweet torture to be kept on his stomach in a position that meant he couldn’t watch the other man. Still, the experience was unarguably one of the best in his life. Robert had already felt like the sex he had with Aaron was the best repeated sex with the same partner he’d ever had, but as of yesterday, Robert was also assigning him the number one spot for best sex he’d ever had. Period. No competition.

Even now the memory of it sent a shiver down his spine. It was clear at the time that Aaron had been cautious, hands moving over Robert’s skin hesitantly, as if afraid he’d break. It was the first time Aaron had treated him like that. Their relationship was built on passion, and equal measures of pain and pleasure. But yesterday, for the first time, Aaron had been gentle. As Robert had relaxed, the younger man’s touch had gotten more confident. Rough, strong hands had found every knot and sore spot he had, as if he could somehow sense where they were.

The massage had left Robert so relaxed and passive that Aaron could have done anything with him, and he’d probably have gone along with it. He’d been eager when the younger man began teasing his entrance with his fingers. He’d been aroused when he felt that hot tongue on him, in him. And then those strong fingers had found him, expertly rubbing that spot inside of Robert, sending bursts of wild pleasure through his body. He’d come three times like that, his cock wet and leaking with need as wave after wave of pure bliss wracked his body.

Robert would have expected Aaron to be impatient when he finally pushed inside of him, but he wasn’t. That slow, easy pace he set for them had slid his cock along that spot, over and over again. By the time Robert had finally found his release, ropes of cum shooting from him, he couldn’t even see straight anymore. He was well and truly spent. Robert had just laid there quivering. He knew he’d given Aaron a hard time about not moving off of the sheets while the younger man had struggled to pull them out from under him, but for a while there, he’d actually felt like the smallest movement would set him off again, he was that sensitive.

The memory had him feeling a bit hot under the collar and ready to pounce on the unsuspecting man. But they were supposed to be watching a movie together. Robert could wait another two hours. He eyed Aaron, who was still sitting there hunched over his knees, looking closed off. He knew it wasn’t personal. Aaron had always seemed distant, and unreachable. It had been one of the first things that had attracted Robert to him. When they first met, it was a challenge getting the younger man to look at him with any measure of interest.

Robert finished setting up the movie before placing the remote down on the coffee table and saying, “Wait here, I’ll fetch the popcorn.” He saw Aaron sit back on the sofa, hands folded over his belly as he stared up at the ceiling to wait. It left his neck exposed, and Robert stared, transfixed. “I’ll be right back,” he added, still just standing there.

“Alright, mate,” Aaron said, and Robert could see his Adam’s apple move. He had to give himself a mental shake before his legs started moving, carrying him away from the temptation that was Aaron Livesy.

The popcorn was sitting in a bowl on the kitchen counter. He grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and set them down next to it. Smirking, he leaned against the counter and pulled his mobile from his pocket. Robert quickly opened up the app for the smart home system and adjusted the thermostat. Chrissie usually had it set to a reasonable 20℃, a very standard room temperature if a bit too chill for his own personal comfort. The first night she was gone, he’d turned it up to 24℃. Tonight wasn’t about comfort though, so Robert rather shamelessly turned it up to 32℃.

Soon, the house was going to be uncomfortably hot, and Aaron would have to take something off. Pleased with himself, he grabbed the bowl of popcorn and the two beers from the countertop and walked back to the living room, heading for the coffee table. Aaron sat up as he walked in, and then grabbed one of the bottles from him once he was near enough. Robert heard the sharp fizz of the cap being twisted off as he set down the bowl.

“Cheers,” Aaron said after Robert sat down next to him and opened up his own beer. “So what’s this movie you were banging on about during lunch? X-Men?”

“Iron Man,” he corrected the younger man. Then he thought about it for a moment and turned to give Aaron a look. “How did you get X-Men from Iron Man? They’re nothing alike!”

Aaron gave a puzzled frown and shook his head. “They’re both superheroes aren’t they?” Aaron asked.

“Are you serious?” he demanded. Aaron shrugged and took a sip of beer, looking unconcerned in the face of Robert’s irritation. “The X-Men are a team of superheroes! Iron Man is one person.”

“Press play, then,” Aaron told him, sitting back and propping his feet up on the coffee table. His dirty boots were scant inches from the buttery popcorn. Robert grabbed the bowl and glared at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. He picked up the remote and pressed play before settling down nice and close to the younger man. Aaron was irritating sometimes, and his manners were terrible, but he was still fit as fuck. Robert couldn’t stay annoyed for long. “Are you comfortable?” Robert asked as the production studio logos came across the telly, the actual movie not started yet. “Maybe you should take your hoodie off.”

Aaron glanced at him sideways, raising his eyebrows. “No, I’m fine.”

Well, he soon wouldn’t be. Robert could feel the room warming up steadily. He was soon regretting having raised the thermostat so high. Five minutes into the movie he had started to sweat, the skin at his hairline getting damp. It didn’t help that the opening scenes of the movie took place in a desert. It was getting hot enough that Robert felt like he was there with Tony Stark. Aaron was squirming next to him, clearly uncomfortable. The younger man uncrossed his arms, and Robert barely held a grin in check as Aaron unzipped the hoodie. He didn’t take it off though, leaving Robert hot and irritated.

He was the first to cave, sitting up and placing the popcorn back on the coffee table (away from Aaron’s boots) so he could take off his black jumper. He pulled it up over his head, temporarily blinded. When he could see again, he found Aaron eyeing his chest appreciatively. Robert was down to a white undershirt now, and he was fully aware that his nipples were noticeable under the very thin fabric. “Maybe you should take your hoodie off,” Robert told him again. “It’s pretty warm in here.”

“What is it with you and my hoodie?” Aaron asked, sounding amused. He sat up, taking his feet from the coffee table while he took it off. Robert’s eyes went to Aaron’s arms, watching how the muscles flexed under his pale skin as he tossed the hoodie aside. In contrast to Robert’s white undershirt, Aaron wore a simple black t-shirt that hugged his chest and biceps. It was sexy, but he wanted the younger man bare-chested. He fantasized about leaning in and resting his head on Aaron’s chest as they watched the movie, his cheek pressed to Aaron’s skin.

“Can you turn the thermostat down?” Aaron asked him, interrupting his thoughts.

“I don’t want to get up,” Robert told him. “Let’s just watch the movie. I’m sure the furnace will shut off soon.”

“You don’t have to get up, you have one of those little app things on your phone. I saw you using it a couple nights ago.”

Busted. Robert sighed, knowing his plan to get Aaron hot and naked was ruined. He paused the movie before he lifted his hips off the sofa so he could dig in his pocket for his mobile. He opened the app and selected the thermostat so he could turn it down. “Why’s it set to 32?” Aaron wondered, watching Robert lower it back down to 24. “No wonder it’s so bloody hot in here! I thought your furnace might be dodgy.”

“I don’t know, but you can take your t-shirt off if you like. I don’t mind,” Robert told him.

Aaron stared at him for a few seconds before rolling his eyes. “Robert, you weirdo! If you wanted me half naked, you could have just said. You didn’t have to try and sweat me out of my clothes!”

He watched greedily as Aaron _finally_ took his top off. “Trousers too,” Robert muttered, feeling only somewhat embarrassed at being caught out. Mostly he was pleased to be getting his way. He once again adjusted the thermostat so Aaron didn’t freeze, noticing how the younger man was smiling at him as he toed off his boots and pulled his socks off so he was barefoot. At least he didn’t make a big deal out of it. He just stood and unbuckled his belt without a fuss. Robert’s attention was soon completely attuned to him as Aaron unzipped his fly, pushing his black jeans down his thighs. Letting out a shaky breath, he stared as Aaron tossed his jeans onto the sofa, standing there in nothing but his boxer briefs. The tight material hugged his narrow hips and muscular thighs. It cradled his flaccid cock, and the sudden temptation to see all of him had Robert trembling as he held himself back so he wouldn’t reach out and pull away that last bit of cloth.

As if aware of how badly Robert wanted him, Aaron stepped over to stand in front of him, nudging Roberts knees apart with his legs. He stood there, waiting for Robert to come to him. If he wasn’t so turned on, it would be mortifying how quickly he sat up, grabbing hold of the other man’s hips and holding him in place so he could bury his face against the scarred skin of Aaron’s belly. Robert breathed in the earthy scent of him, the familiarity of it sparking hundreds of memories, some good and some bad. He gently bit at Aaron, enjoying the way he twitched as teeth nibbled along his scars. Yes, there were some bad memories, but this week was about creating new and better ones. And that’s exactly what Robert was about to do.

He could feel Aaron’s fingers tangling in his hair, encouraging him. Robert looked up at him as he reached for the band of those tight boxer briefs. He meant it to be a quick glance, but the sight of those blue eyes caught at him. Robert maintained eye contact as he undressed him, pushing the black fabric down his legs until Aaron could step out of them, and then his eyes shifted down to the newly bared skin. 

Robert had struggled at first, to come to terms with his fascination for a specific part of Aaron’s anatomy. It had been this way for him from the first night they were together, in the backseat of a car at the garage. He’d been with other men and had never appreciated any cock half as much as he did Aaron’s. He’d tried to hide or belittle just how much he liked the look, the feel, and the taste of him. But after spending so much time apart from Aaron, all Robert wanted to do was have every part of him, and that included this.

It struck him as crude to say he liked Aaron’s dick, no matter how true that was. He preferred to think of it as a fine appreciation for what was truly perfection. Everything about it was perfect. It was just about eight inches, and thick enough to fill Robert up when he bottomed. When Aaron was soft, his tip was a pale pink. And when he was aroused, it deepened into a rosy color. He always kept the soft dark curls around it neatly trimmed. Robert liked those curls, and burying his nose against them as he sucked along the shaft, taking in the intimate scent that was stronger there, where Aaron had hair.

Aaron had shaved before coming to Home Farm that first night. And as much as Robert liked his man with hair, he’d completely lost it when he saw Aaron shaved. Now, Robert stared at those perfect balls, completely smooth and tight. It would take far more self restraint than he had to not reach out. Before he even realized what he was about to do, he found himself cupping Aaron, the fingers of his right hand fondling him gently as his left hand gripped the younger man’s hip.

Above him, Aaron sighed, the muscles in his abdomen shifting before Robert’s eyes. He leaned forward again, tongue tracing around the younger man’s belly button before sliding down low. Strong fingers tightened their grip on his hair as Robert dipped down, gently nibbling the soft skin just above Aaron’s cock. The other man gasped, and his voice was hoarse when he said, “Guess we’re not watching the movie after all.”

Robert pressed his face against Aaron’s belly and shook his head. He drew back so he could see the the hardening length responding to the soft touch of his fingers playing with Aaron’s balls. Leaning forward, he kissed first one, and then the other, marveling at how smooth the skin there felt under his lips. Robert teased Aaron with his tongue before sucking on his balls, being gentle with him to start with until he felt the grip on his hair pulling him in closer. Realizing the other man was ready for more, he shifted his attention to Aaron’s cock.

He was using both hands now, his right still playing with his balls as he used his left to hold Aaron’s cock. He swirled his tongue over the tip, taking his time, exploring the spot just under the head. He used his hand, moving it slowly up and down the shaft. Robert took just the tip of him into his mouth, tasting him there. Sweet, with a little bit of salt. Carefully, he touched his teeth to the head, being even more careful as Aaron gasped, hips bucking. It was just a brief, teasing brush of teeth, and then Robert slid off the tip of him with a pop. His mouth slid down the side of the shaft, softly sucking the skin there.

“Robert!” Aaron moaned.

Feeling his own body reacting as the younger man called out his name, Robert looked up at him, using his grip on Aaron’s cock to rub it along his cheek. Aaron stared down at him, blue eyes dark. Robert couldn’t look away, watching as his cheeks flushed when he stuck his tongue out, running it up the underside to the very tip of him. He took him into his mouth, wanting to swallow him down. Robert slid his mouth up and down, keeping his breathing steady as he got into the rhythm. He let his right hand wander from Aaron’s balls, tracing back and forth from behind his testicles to his arse.

“Mm, Rob,” Aaron groaned, staring down at him. The hand in Robert’s hair tightened again, asserting control. He felt his own cock ache deliciously as he felt Aaron guide his own movements, pushing his mouth down Aaron’s length and then pulling him back off. “Take it,” Aaron growled. Robert opened his mouth wide for him, moaning as the younger man thrust into him, hitting the back of his throat. It made his eyes water as he stared up at him, but god, it was hot.

When Aaron came, shooting down his throat, Robert was sweating and quivering with need. He was patient though. He caught the younger man when Aaron’s knees went weak, pulling him down onto the sofa. Robert let his hands wander as Aaron reclined there on the cushions, recovering. He took his white undershirt off and tossed it aside before grabbing the remote. He tucked himself in beside Aaron, so they were both lying across the full length of the sofa as Robert backtracked to the last scene he could remember actually paying attention to.

“What about you?” Aaron asked.

“Let’s watch the movie,” Robert said. “You’re going to love it, and then we’re going to take this upstairs. I want you to run that beard of yours all over my body,” he whispered, pressing his lips against Aaron’s furry cheek as he spoke.

They settled down to watch the movie properly. They were lucky the sofa was as big as it was. Aaron laid on his back, but Robert was on his side, squished between the seat back and the younger man’s body. He didn’t mind it though. It gave him a chance to rest his head on Aaron’s shoulder, cheek pressed to his tight, hard pec. He threw his jean clad leg over the other man’s bare thighs, and let his fingers roam as they watched the movie. Robert mostly behaved himself, right up until they neared the end. Then he let his hand trace down Aaron’s stomach, and then linger there to play with the soft skin just above the younger man’s cock. He knew Aaron was getting distracted, but Robert kept his own eyes trained on the telly. When Aaron tried to touch him, he said, “Oi! Movie’s not over yet, is it?”

“I’m going to kill you,” Aaron promised him.

“No you’re not,” Robert told him, lifting his head so he could kiss the scruffy underside of Aaron’s chin. The other man merely grunted, and Robert hid a smile by snuggling back against Aaron’s chest. He tried not to think too much on how tight his own chest felt as he held onto the grumpy man. Instead, he focused on how good he was going to feel when the movie ended, and he dragged Aaron upstairs so the younger man could torture him with that scruffy beard.


	13. You’re meant to live on sugar

**6 April 2015**

Almost every part of him felt sore, but Robert didn’t care. Last night had been well worth it. For some reason, he’d thought it would be a good idea to have sex on the stairs. It wasn’t bad - he wasn’t sure it was possible to have bad sex with Aaron - but he was pretty sure he’d pulled a muscle or two. The encounter had ended with them laughing at the complete silliness of the situation.

Robert was nothing if not adventurous; he liked trying new things, he craved variety, and he loved having fun. Aaron was usually up for trying most things, and sometimes he even offered suggestions, keeping Robert interested. The younger man had never shied away from meeting him at any number of diverse places, giving a thrill to their hook ups. Having a bed available to them at Home Farm did not signal the end to excitement in their love life. Over the past week, they had enjoyed themselves in almost every room of the house. One of his favorite moments was when they had indulged in a bit of roleplay in the office. Robert had always had this fantasy of Aaron being his secretary. The younger man hadn’t been too pleased at being told to make copies and file papers, but Aaron had gotten back at him with their “maid” roleplay, where he had to wait hand and foot on the younger man.

Normally, if he was going to try something new, Robert liked to give it a little thought first. He liked to picture it in his head and think of how it might play out. Sex on the stairs had been completely unplanned. Aaron had been gone too long, and Robert couldn’t wait to have him. It was Easter weekend, and the younger man couldn’t get out of time spent with his family. He left Robert late Saturday afternoon, and didn’t come back until Sunday night - although since it was after midnight, technically it was already Monday. With the Whites out of town and Robert pretending to be tied up with business so that Chas wouldn’t get suspicious about where her son kept disappearing to, Robert had been forced to spend the time alone.

He wasn’t expecting Aaron back until Monday afternoon, but he’d been so lonely and bored that he couldn’t stop himself from sending messages, begging Aaron to make up some excuse and come back to Home Farm. Eventually he had to call it a night, and was heading up the stairs to go to bed when the door opened and Aaron had stepped in. The younger man had climbed the stairs after him, probably thinking that they’d go up to bed together. Robert had other ideas.

Mostly it involved getting them both naked and then jerking each other off. They probably would have been better off sitting next to each other on one of the steps and doing it that way. But no, Robert had been excited by the novelty of it, and he’d wanted to test it out. They had tried a few different positions, which ended with Aaron leaning on the banister while Robert stood behind him. He had reached around to jerk off the younger man while Aaron was grinding his arse against him. His hand quickened on Aaron’s cock, and then the younger man was coming, hips rocking. Aaron’s sweat slicked palms had slipped on the railing he was gripping as he orgasmed, and suddenly he was falling forward. Robert caught him around the waist, saving him from tumbling headfirst to the floor. By that point he was too close to stop, and with Aaron bent over the top rail, he could slide his cock between those plump cheeks and start thrusting. He’d kept a tight grip on Aaron’s waist as the younger man lifted his legs back, wrapping them around Robert as best he could from that angle. Aaron clung to the balusters while Robert pumped his hips until he came all over the younger man’s lower back.

It was fun, and it had them laughing over the absurdity of Aaron’s near fall. Robert hadn’t felt the strain on his arms and back until he woke this morning. He supposed it made sense, given that he’d had to make sure Aaron didn’t go over. Robert complained a bit about the soreness, angling for another sexy massage. Unfortunately, Aaron had zero sympathy for him, pointing out the faint bruises the top rail had left on his stomach after Robert had decided to keep going rather than pull the younger man to safety.

He knew Aaron wasn’t actually upset, but he’d decided they should take it slowly this morning. Robert had gotten the younger man into the bathroom, and they had indulged in a long steamy shower to loosen up their sore muscles. They didn’t make it downstairs until just after eight, bundled up in a couple of Robert’s dressing gowns to ward off the chill. He herded Aaron over to the living room, where they settled in for a cuddle on the sofa. He quite liked cuddling with Aaron. The younger man was normally so grouchy and fierce, but when they were alone together, he was soft and affectionate. Robert loved being the only one who got to see him like this.

Catching the other man yawning, Robert grinned. “Don’t tell me you’re still tired?”

“I just don’t see why you couldn’t turn off your flipping alarm for even one day!” Aaron protested. “Who wakes up at seven all the time? Even on weekends!”

“It’s called having a routine,” Robert told him.

“Yeah, well I suppose you’ve done me a favor. My mum’s expecting me this morning for a run. I have to get a few miles in today if I’m going to be ready for the half marathon.”

Robert hid his dismay. He supposed it was stupid of him to think Aaron would scrap the idea of participating in the half marathon, not after turning it into a fundraiser for Katie. He’d hoped that rekindling their relationship would help get his mind off of running. And it had… somewhat. The good thing was that Aaron was no longer running until he was pale from exhaustion and making himself sick. The worst was clearly over.

He could tell Aaron was happy, but he worried. The younger man looked fit as ever, but he was still running. That was fine, but he was doing it in secret. Robert hadn’t caught on at first, but he soon realized that Aaron was sneaking out every morning for a run. He never woke while Aaron was gone, but he’d noticed the younger man’s sweats discarded in the bathroom. He’d also noticed that Aaron smelled freshly washed every morning, from showering when he got back from his jog. It was a bit concerning that he wasn’t being upfront about it, but Robert did his best to watch out for the younger man without being obvious. He’d peaked at Aaron’s feet every night to check on the blisters, and they were definitely getting better. The bruising and rawness was almost completely gone now.

Robert sprawled out on the sofa next to Aaron, feeling worried, but also curiously warm inside because he knew that he was helping Aaron get better. Never mind that it was his fault the younger man had spiraled out of control in the first place. Robert was trying to fix the damage he’d done, and his reward was having Aaron beside him, looking warm and cuddly in one of Robert’s thick dressing gowns. His beard was getting wild, and his hair looked soft and fluffy now that it had dried after their shower without Aaron bothering to add styling gel to it. “You don’t have to go yet,” Robert told him. “I can make you some breakfast.”

“Er, you’re alright.”

“What, are you saying that you’d rather go for a run than let me cook you breakfast?” Robert asked him, amused as he watched Aaron recline there on the velvet sofa next to him, yawning again.

Aaron gave an amused snort. “I’ve seen what’s in the fridge. I’d rather do pretty much anything else.”

“It’s Easter! You’re meant to live on sugar.” Aaron gave a laugh, letting his head drop back, face turned up toward the ceiling. Robert reached out for him, grabbing a plush handful of his dressing gown and drawing him in close. Aaron looked at him, blue eyes clear and bright as Robert lowered his voice enticingly. “And I’ve had better things to do than shopping,” he said with a lusty smile, leaning in for a kiss.

When Robert pulled away, he felt a shiver run through him to have Aaron sitting there next to him, watching him with those gorgeous blue eyes. The sudden need he felt for the younger man made him feel almost raw. His smile faded from his face as they sat there, so close, breathing the same air. “You know… we could just skip both, and go back to bed,” he murmured.

Aaron smiled briefly, gaze drifting over Robert’s face. “Yeah, don’t tempt me. I have my mum on my case as it is.” Robert let go of him as Aaron stood up and started walking away.

He watched the younger man for a second, smiling at how good he looked with that scruffy beard and bedhead. “Take it steady though, eh?” he called out.

Aaron turned to reassure him. “I’m fine, I promise you,” he said, the sweetest little smile on his face. Then he was gone, headed upstairs for a change of clothes, and Robert had no more chances to try and persuade him to stay.

Hearing his phone chime, he sat up and grabbed it from the coffee table. He felt his stomach sink when he saw it was a message from Chrissie. _”Back tomorrow. Missing you C xx”_

It was like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head.

He had been mindful of the time passing, not wanting to risk being caught. It didn’t stop him from feeling like he hadn’t had long enough, like she was cheating him somehow. But cheating him of what? Time spent with Aaron? He’d had an entire week with the man: evenings spent watching movies; mealtimes spent conversing; nights spent making love; work hours spent shagging. It was more than a little surprising that they hadn’t gotten fed up with each other. Robert couldn’t remember ever spending so much time with someone before. He didn’t even spend this much time with Chrissie on a daily basis, and she was his wife!

Maybe it was a good thing that it was ending now, before their time together was ruined by a stupid fight. Robert was quite used to those. He knew that he wasn’t easy to get along with, that he had a tendency of making jokes that hurt feelings and amused no one. Not even his own sister could stand him for prolonged periods of time. It was nothing short of a miracle that he hadn’t put his foot in it this week with Aaron. At least this way, they could have memories of this week that were unmarred by any unpleasantness.

Sighing, he got to his feet and headed for the stairs. He saw Aaron as the younger man came down the stairs, dressed in his running gear. Robert gave him a distracted farewell, then headed up to his room to get dressed. His mind had already switched gears, focusing on work he needed to catch up on so it wasn’t painfully obvious to Lawrence and Chrissie that he had slacked off while they were away. He’d put in an hour in the office, then go out to the store so he could restock the fridge before the Whites returned. With those things taken care of, he could focus entirely on Aaron once the younger man came back, and they could enjoy their last night together at Home Farm.

 

*****

 

Aaron had been feeling tired lately. Good, but tired. Robert made him feel good. He liked how the older man would cook him dinner or order take away, and then they’d spend hours talking, joking around, or watching movies before falling on each other like they hadn’t seen one another in weeks. He loved the way he could feel Robert’s eyes on him every time he entered the same room. He liked how the blond was never far behind when Aaron went into another room, whether he popped into the kitchen to make some tea or the bathroom to take a shower. Robert was like clockwork, making his appearance only a few minutes after Aaron left him, as if unable to tolerate being parted from him. And when Aaron left to go to the scrap yard or to go spend time with Chas or Adam, he’d get messages every half hour or so. Robert would text him about everyday things that were somehow more touching because they were completely normal. He’d text about work, an article he read on Facebook, a client that irritated him, a conversation he’d had with Vic or Andy. Sometimes he’d send personal messages like _I miss you,_ followed by something more lewd so he wouldn’t come off as being soft.

It was difficult getting up from the sofa and forcing himself to dress for his daily run with Chas. Partly that was because he would prefer to spend the Monday after Easter with Robert, holed up in his bedroom making love. But he was also tired. It hardly made any sense why he felt so exhausted. Before his stay at Home Farm, he’d practically been running a half marathon every day, getting in anywhere between ten to fifteen miles. With Robert eating up all of his free time, that had been cut down to more like seven or eight miles a day. Aaron had to push his mum hard to get in three miles when they ran together. The rest he did in the early morning.

Aaron tended to sleep heavily the first half of the night, but he often woke early in the morning, around five. Luckily he didn’t have nearly so many nightmares about Katie anymore, which used to jar him into wakefulness. Now it was Robert kicking in bed that would often wake him. He’d go out, run a few miles, and then come back, take a shower, and slip into bed for a snuggle before Robert’s alarm went off at seven. The blond always woke up wanting him, and most days they’d indulge in slow, sweet morning sex before going down for breakfast.

Most of the exercise he’d gotten in the past week had been done while lying horizontal in bed. He thought he’d be filled with extra energy now that he wasn’t running so much, and now that the blisters on his feet had gotten a chance to heal. In the past few days he’d been feeling lazy and lethargic, but maybe that was to do with Robert keeping him up? The older man was insatiable. Aaron couldn’t remember having so much sex in his life - not that he was complaining. Personally, he’d be happy to get it once a day, but Robert seemed up for it whenever. There was something a bit flattering about having someone want him so much.

Aaron figured his body was just getting soft now that he’d let up a bit on running. He pushed Chas to try harder on their run today, getting her through five miles before they jogged back to the pub. He followed her into the Woolpack, and nearly ran into her when she came to a sudden stop just inside the pub. “Ugh!” she exclaimed. That’s when Aaron spotted Robert standing at the bar with Andy. “Haven’t seen much of you recently,” she commented as the blond turned around to face them.

“It’s been one of those weeks,” Robert said after glancing quickly at Aaron.

They fell quiet for a second, and Diane saved them from any awkwardness by entering the conversation. “You don’t look quite so worn out!” she observed, smiling at Chas who was dripping sweat. “All that training must be paying off!”

Seeing his mum’s pleased grin, Aaron decided to poke fun at her. “I was taking it easy.”

“Oh, I wondered why I could keep up.” Aaron laughed at the dismayed look on her face, as if she was wondering how she was going to get through the half marathon. “Why don’t you have first dibs on the shower?” she suggested.

“Thanks.” Aaron went around her and headed through to the back, careful to keep his eyes off of Robert. He heard his phone chime, but he waited until he’d walked through the door and out of sight before checking his text.

_”Don’t be long ;)”_

He couldn’t help smiling at the stupid little winky face, glad no one could see him as he got all soft over it. Aaron hurried upstairs to the bathroom to wash up. When he came back down, Chas was in the kitchen cleaning a glass she’d just used. “Shower’s free.”

“You were quick in there,” she noticed. “Normally you take ages. I wouldn’t have minded waiting if it meant you were in there trimming that beard of yours.”

Reaching up, he rubbed the scruff he was growing. “I’ll do it later,” he said, knowing it was getting out of hand.

“Where are you off to?” Chas asked curiously. “Not back to the scrap yard? The Monday after Easter is meant to be a holiday!”

“I’m meeting Adam. I’ll see you later, yeah?” He walked out before she had a chance to respond. Aaron felt safe in using Adam as his alibi, so to speak, knowing his friend was spending time with Vic in Hotten this afternoon. The chances that his mate would show up at the pub and blow his cover were slim.

He made his way to Home Farm and tried the front door, surprised to find it locked. In the past week, he’d gotten used to always having the door left open for him. It had made him uneasy at first, but he’d spent so much time at Home Farm that it didn’t intimidate him anymore. Instead, he found himself confused and annoyed to find the door locked. Was Robert still at the pub with Andy? He was about to try the bell when he spotted the other man through the glass door, heading toward him.

“Sorry about that,” the blond said. Aaron was about to ask him about it when hands at his waist pulled him in close for a kiss. The feel of those soft lips against his own distracted him. Aaron pushed at Robert, guiding him further into the house and kicking the door shut behind him. He backed the blond up until the heels of Robert’s shoes knocked into the bottom step of the stairs. Robert pulled back a bit, gasping for breath as Aaron trailed kisses down his neck. “Where?” the older man asked, sounding breathless. “Not the stairs again! I’m too sore.”

“Bed?” Aaron mumbled against his skin, enjoying the taste of Robert, and how he smelled like expensive cologne. He started working on the buttons of the other man’s shirt, eager to get him out of it. Robert pulled back, grabbing Aaron’s hand and leading him up the stairs and to his bedroom. He followed eagerly, shivering in anticipation when Robert closed the door and started to undress him. He tried to return the favor, but Robert stopped him.

“I’ll do all the work. You must be tired after that run.”

Aaron would never be too tired for this. He swallowed those words, feeling like they would leave him too vulnerable. He watched Robert’s face as the blond undressed him, reassuring himself as he noticed how the other man looked at him. Those blue green eyes were heated, eager as Robert pulled the black jumper up over Aaron’s head, followed by the black t-shirt. He saw past the scars on Aaron’s stomach, tracing fingers down the lines of muscle along his abs rather than the jagged paths the old cuts made across his skin. Aaron could see the other man swallow as he unbuttoned black jeans and unzipped the fly. He sighed as he fitted his hand down Aaron’s jeans, palming him through the thin fabric of black boxer briefs.

Eyes fluttering shut, he tipped his head back, enjoying how it felt to have that big hand rubbing him. He bit his lip when Robert eased his underwear down, leaving him exposed. He kept his eyes shut, experiencing everything through touch alone. It was more intense that way, without his sight to distract him from how it all felt. How it felt to have his jeans and underwear slide down his legs, bunching around his ankles; how it felt to have teasing hands stroke his body, lingering where he was most sensitive; how it felt to have that hot mouth claim his own, only to have it taken away too soon; how it felt to have that skillful tongue drag down his body and wet his nipples so they felt too cold when Robert’s attention moved on; how it felt to put his trust in Robert as the other man guided him slowly toward the bed; how it felt to be loved - because Robert did love him. Even if the older man had never admitted it aloud, Aaron would have known by touch alone. It was in the care the blond took with him, and how gentle he was as he settled Aaron onto the mattress. But in this, Aaron didn’t have to rely only on touch, because Robert had said it. He’d told Aaron he loved him, and now Aaron clung to that memory, of the two of them in the stairwell at the pub, Robert’s face close to his as he said, “I love you.”

There were tears in his eyes when he finally opened them. He didn’t struggle when Robert urged his arms up, curling his larger hands around Aaron’s to make him grip the rails of the headboard. He waited there like that as Robert left the bed briefly before coming back and snapping cuffs around his wrists, the padded metal biting into his skin as he was restrained. He gazed up at the other man, throat tight as he waited trustingly for him to do something. It was far too late to put up a struggle, or demand to be let go. Robert had him, every bit of him.

He was helpless against the other man. Completely helpless. He shuddered when Robert pulled his legs apart, cuffing his ankles. It left Aaron spread out for him, gripping his hands tightly on the headboard while he waited for Robert to make his first move. The blond crawled over him, straddling his waist and leaning in. He pressed the softest of kisses to Aaron’s lips, leaving him completely disarmed.

The older man moved off him so he could lay back at the foot of the bed, between Aaron’s spread legs. He positioned himself so Aaron could watch hungrily as Robert grabbed the lube and spread his own legs. Robert slipped one finger inside of himself, making a small noise in the back of his throat while he started to open himself up. Aaron was denied any touch at all as Robert pleasured himself, finding his prostate with slicked fingers. The blond was gasping, watching Aaron gaze at him longingly. He took his time, making sure he was open before he sat up and rolled a condom onto Aaron’s cock. “Don’t come,” Robert warned him, seating himself on Aaron.

Doing his best to obey, Aaron bit his lip, moaning as Robert rode him. He couldn’t take his eyes off the other man, drinking in every look on his face and movement of his body. He was beauty and greed, taking what he wanted while Aaron writhed under him. He shuddered when Robert cried out above him, grinding down on him as he rocked with pleasure. It was torture when the older man slid off of him, leaving him just as hard as when they had started. The condom was rolled off of his sensitive cock and deposited in the rubbish bin, and Aaron was twitching with the need to have his length shoved back inside that tight arse again.

Then lubed fingers were pressed over Aaron’s hole, and a different kind of pleasure took over. He fought against his restraints when Robert found his sweet spot, long fingers rubbing against it over and over again until he thought he would die. He moaned when Robert pulled his hand away. He might have asked him to keep going, except that the other man was now putting a condom on. He positioned himself over Aaron, using his hand to line himself up to push inside of him. The feel of his cock filling Aaron had him shouting for more. “Don’t stop!” he groaned, wishing he could wrap his limbs around the other man.

The pace Robert set was brutally slow, and there was nothing Aaron could do to urge him to go faster. Each thrust slid along his prostate, driving him mad. “Please, please, please,” he begged, hardly pausing for breath.

“What do you want?” Robert asked him, then stole his chance to answer with a long, deep kiss. “Say it,” he demanded when they parted. “Say what you want!”

“Fuck me,” Aaron whispered. He threw his head back as Robert slid slowly along his sweet spot. “God, please, just do it! Do it, do it, doitdoit! Yesss!” he hissed as the other man slammed into him. Robert quickened his hips, pushing into Aaron, taking him hard. Words were beyond him now. He knew he was making too much noise, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Unable to move his arms or legs, crying out was his only outlet. Robert’s pace was losing its rhythm as he reached between their bodies and grasped Aaron’s cock, fisting him until he was coming, muscles tightening all over while he shot his load.

He was quivering all over when Robert slipped out of him and reached up to release his wrists from the handcuffs. Aaron laid there limply as Robert tossed aside the condom, kneeling between Aaron’s legs and jerking himself off. Those eyes were frantic as they gazed at Aaron’s spent cock and semen coated belly, small needy sounds escaping Robert’s throat while his hand moved up and down his shaft. Aaron reached down to fondle himself, and that was all it took. Robert shouted as he came, ropes of cum shooting across Aaron’s messy body. The blond shuddered as he milked his cock, reaching out with the other hand to rub their seed together across Aaron’s belly.

The older man collapsed next to him, and Aaron laid there just catching his breath for a minute before sitting up and undoing the restraints from his ankles. Robert’s arms snaked around his waist, pulling him back down once he’d freed himself. Aaron snuggled into him, feeling slippery with sweat and cum and lube. He was going to need another shower after this, making it three for the day. He knew letting it dry would make him feel gross, but he was enjoying the way Robert had his arms wrapped around him, hugging him close. The shower could wait until after they cuddled.

Feeling Robert run his hand slowly along his back, Aaron tucked his face against the other man’s neck and closed his eyes. He let himself indulge in the moment, basking in the afterglow.

 

*****

 

Aaron went down to the kitchen to make some tea, leaving Robert primping in front of the mirror trying to get his hair just right. By now Aaron knew his way around the kitchen, and he was comfortable using the fancy little teapot and matching cups. He’d just poured the tea when Robert walked in, doing up the buttons of his shirt and still looking a bit damp from his shower. “I was just bringing these up,” he said, reaching out to give Robert’s arm a friendly slap before turning to the fridge and opening it up to get the milk. He found it full of food, where only that morning it had been bare. “Wow,” he said, impressed at the amount of fresh food packed inside.

“Yeah, I went while you were on your run.”

He took the cap off the milk and glanced over at the other man, who looked slightly nervous for some reason. “So, you’re cooking us something decent later, eh?” he asked, looking back down so he could pour just a bit of milk in Robert’s cup, exactly how he liked it.

“Er, Chrissie’s coming home.”

Aaron stopped pouring the milk and stared at him. “What?”

“Tomorrow.” Robert was looking at him, gaze steady as he tried to gauge his reaction. Aaron couldn’t even guess how his own face looked at the moment. It felt completely numb. Everything felt numb. The high he’d been riding made his fall back down to reality all the more painful. “She texted,” Robert added.

When had she texted? Clearly it had been before Aaron went for a run with Chas, since he’d taken the time to go shopping for food. That meant Robert had known for hours. He’d known before he sent Aaron that stupid little text with the winking smiley face. He’d known before Aaron walked through the door - a door suddenly locked, because Robert had to start remembering to lock the doors again now that Chrissie was coming back. He’d known before taking Aaron to bed. He’d known before Aaron had given himself over so completely that he’d allowed Robert to tie him down.

“What, you just didn’t think of saying anything?” he asked, setting the milk down on the island.

“We always knew this was only going to be for a few days,” Robert said reasonably.

Aaron scoffed, looking away. Fuck reasonable! Of course he’d known Chrissie wouldn’t be gone forever. He’d told himself not to get his hopes up. He’d been so guarded at first, but this past week… It had been amazing. On the very first night, Robert had asked if they could give it a go at being normal together, and they had. Everything had fallen into place. They spent almost every waking moment together, and practically every night wrapped up in each other’s arms. It was everything Aaron had always wanted with Robert. No, it was more. It was better than he could have expected. They fit in a way that was beyond understanding.

It worked because Robert had stopped trying to run from this. But now, suddenly, he was back to being the old Robert. The one who put Chrissie first every time. Aaron knew this Robert well, could see it in the way the tall blond was looking at him like he expected him to fall into line. To just go along with it. To shut up and accept what he couldn’t change. The other man reached out for him, like he would simply pull him in for a hug and that would make things better.

Well fuck that, and fuck Robert too. Aaron stepped back, away from his reaching hand. “No, don’t,” he warned, struggling with his hurt and anger.

“Don’t. Don’t ruin it,” Robert warned him.

“We just spent the week in your bed, and now you’re just going to go back to playing the loving husband? But I’m the one ruining things?” Aaron asked, frustrated as he watched the other man. Robert looked upset, but there was no guilt, and no sign that he was going to do anything but run back to Chrissie the moment she stepped through that door.

Aaron gave a bitter laugh and shook his head, pushing past the other man and heading upstairs. He gathered his things, not bothering to comb through the house to make sure he had everything. Robert would do that, so there was no risk that Chrissie would ever find anything out of place. It was probably a good thing that Robert wasn’t waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs when Aaron came back down. He didn’t trust himself not to deck the other man if he saw him.

He opened the door, then locked it before pulling it shut behind him. It’s not like he was going to need to get back in.

The drive from Home Farm to the Woolpack was a quick one, not giving him nearly enough time to sort himself out. He went inside and climbed the stairs so he could close himself in his room, where he could be alone. He ended up pacing the bedroom, going back and forth as he struggled. Eventually, he spotted his running gear folded on the bed for him. Chas must have washed his clothing after he left to go be with Robert. Aaron undressed and put his sweats on. A run would clear his head.

He grabbed his lightweight jacket from the closet and then wrapped the band around his upper arm that would hold his phone in place for him as he ran. He plugged his earbuds into his phone, and draped the white cord over his neck for later. Given his current mood, it was going to take a lot to tire him out, so he searched his closet until he found an empty rucksack. Taking it in hand, he headed downstairs to the pub’s supply room where he could load the bag with bottled water. He managed to squeeze four large bottles inside, then zipped it up and shrugged the straps on.

If he’d been thinking, he would have left through the side entrance by the car park. Unfortunately, he took the closest exit, which was through the bar. Chas was working, and she turned when he appeared through the doorway. “Hey! Where are you going?” she asked, hand placed gently on his arm to stop him.

“What does it look like?” he pointed out.

“We did miles this morning!” she protested, letting go of him as he walked away.

“Yeah, at grandma’s pace,” he said, going around the bar. He caught the concerned look on her face, but he ignored the way she watched him as he left.

He felt only marginally better when he stepped out into the grey chill. He reached for the earbuds still draped over his neck and untangled the white cord, pressing each bud into his ears before reaching for the phone strapped to his arm and starting his music up. He wanted to set a fast pace, so he chose a mix that included plenty of energetic pop songs. Once it started up, Aaron jogged through the village, heading for his favorite route, which took him through country roads that weren’t even paved, just made of packed dirt. His chosen route went through a wood, and the road included lots of bends as it climbed a steep hill. It was his favorite route because the incline was steep, and running up always tired him out.

Once he was out of the village, making it less likely that anyone would see him, Aaron picked up his speed. He sprinted toward the woods and threw himself into running up the path as quickly as he could. The muscles in his legs immediately started burning, especially along his quads and calves. His feet kept sinking into the muddy path with every step, making the trek even more difficult. Gritting his teeth against the burn, Aaron tore his way up the path, the added weight on his back making him lean forward to compensate for it.

The toe of his right foot snagged on something, and his sluggish limbs were slow to respond. He couldn’t stop himself from pitching forward into the mud. Aaron groaned, feeling his ankle throb. He must have twisted it. Digging his palms into the ground, he pushed up and struggled to his feet. The water bottles kept shifting around and sloshing, making it difficult to keep his balance. Once he was upright, he took just a moment to breathe, resting his hands on his knees and considering whether his ankle was okay to run on. The pain soon turned into a dull ache, so he gritted his teeth and tackled the run up the steep hill again, determined to continue. His ankle throbbed with every other step, but he welcomed the pain. He deserved it for being stupid enough to think he had a right to be happy.

 

*****

 

**7 April 2015**

Robert knew he should have prepared everything for Chrissie’s return yesterday. He had, for the most part. Without Aaron around to provide constant distractions, he was able to focus on work. He took care of the most urgent things so Lawrence wouldn’t have cause to yell at him, and then spent an hour cleaning up. It was a good thing he did! He found popcorn between the sofa cushions, leftover from a couple of movie nights. There were sex toys left out that Robert never used with Chrissie, including the restraints he’d used on Aaron. One of the younger man’s hoodies had fallen under his desk in the office. The dishwasher was full of more dishes than would make sense if it was just Robert in the house. Worst of all, he had to empty all the rubbish bins in the house. He and Aaron had been together in practically every room, and the number of tied off condoms hiding out in all the bins should have been embarrassing. Instead, it left him feeling sad and lonely. And, to be honest, a little angry.

He was angry at both himself and at Aaron. He’d made a mess of things when he told Aaron about Chrissie coming home. There was never going to be a good way to tell him, so instead of working his way up to it, Robert had simply blurted it out. He could barely stand how hurt Aaron had looked. He’d gone to so much effort to make Aaron happy while Chrissie was away, then with one sentence, he ruined everything.

He could wish he’d found a better way to tell Aaron, but it wasn’t like it was a secret that eventually, Chrissie was going to want to come home. That’s where his anger at himself ended, and his frustration with Aaron started. How could it have come as a shock to the younger man that their week alone together couldn’t last? Robert hadn’t lied to him. He hadn’t made out like Chrissie was going to be gone for longer than a week. So why was he left feeling guilty, like he’d misrepresented his intentions?

From the very beginning of their affair, Robert had always been upfront about what he wanted from Aaron. It was only ever supposed to be about the sex, but it had gotten complicated fast. Aaron had fallen in love with him, and he had made the already bad situation with Katie worse. The younger man’s jealousy had lead him to contact Katie, and arrange for her to catch Robert cheating on Chrissie. The accident that had lead to her fall was Robert’s fault, even if he’d let Aaron believe he was to blame for Katie being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Robert couldn’t have known that allowing Aaron to believe he was to blame would have lead to the younger man punishing himself to the point where Robert feared for him. This past week was supposed to be his attempt to fix that. Not only had he confessed to being partly to blame for Katie, but he’d also admitted to Aaron that he loved him. And he did. Robert had always been attracted to him, but it wasn’t until he thought Aaron had jumped from the cliff that he realized the full extent of his own feelings.

But never once had Robert said, suggested, or implied that he was going to leave Chrissie. Never. Of course their time together was meant to be special. With Chrissie away, Robert could focus entirely on Aaron and make sure he recovered from overdoing it with the training for the half marathon. All Robert had wanted was to prove to the younger man that he really did care. He really did love him. He really did believe they had a future together… but not at the expense of his relationship with Chrissie. Without her, he was nothing.

Couldn’t Aaron see that? Everything Robert had, everything he was, was tied to Chrissie. He lived in her home, slept in her bed, and worked for her father. Leaving her meant that he would have nothing. It wasn’t even fair, because Lawrence’s business would only be half of what it was currently worth if Robert hadn’t worked so hard to build it up. He was the mastermind behind their greatest deals, but if push came to shove, he’d be out on his behind without a penny to his name.

Couldn’t Aaron appreciate that Robert was already risking everything just to be with him? Every time they saw each other, he risked being caught. Chrissie would never forgive him for having an affair. The very fact that Robert was putting it all on the line for Aaron should prove just how much he loved him. Demanding anything more from him was unfair. Expecting this to end in Robert filing for divorce was unrealistic, and it had ruined what was otherwise a perfect week.

They should have had one last night together. Aaron should have sat across the table from him at dinner, and chased Robert up the stairs to the bedroom afterwards. Instead, Robert had spent last night alone, emptying rubbish bins of used condoms. He had double checked every single room to make sure there were no traces of Aaron left behind. By the time he was ready for bed, all Robert had left of the other man was a hoodie that he tucked in the back of his wardrobe, and the used sheets on the bed. The idea of getting into a bed that was spattered with cum and lube should have been disgusting, but he hadn’t been ready to let go of Aaron last night. He had undressed and gotten into bed, falling asleep only after he’d nuzzled into Aaron’s pillow so he could breathe in the faint smell of his sweat and shampoo.

Robert made sure to wake early this morning so he could air out the bedroom and put new sheets on the bed. He’d only just pulled the newly washed linens from the dryer and folded them when Chrissie and Lawrence returned. He was carrying the stack toward the stairs when they walked in. “Oh, hey!” he said as he walked into the dining room. He placed the sheets on top of one of the chairs. “I wasn’t expecting you back til later!”

Chrissie set her bags down on the floor. “I just wanted to come home,” she confessed, walking over to him. Robert set his hands on her arms, slightly startled at how narrow and small they felt in comparison to Aaron’s. “I’ve missed you!”

“Not as much as I’ve missed you,” Robert told her, leaning in for a kiss.

“Since when do you do washing?” Lawrence demanded, grumpily interrupting them.

“I spilled coffee in bed,” he lied. “Not that it’s any of your business. Where’s Lachlan? Don’t tell me you’ve left him!”

“I thought about it,” Chrissie said, sounding stressed. “He didn’t say a word the whole way home.”

“Can’t say I blame him,” Lawrence grumbled.

“Now he’s stropped off to God knows where,” she complained.

Thinking she just needed a bit of reassurance (or a lot - her son was a sex offender, after all), Robert hurried to say, “Well he’s a teenager. I’m pretty sure I was the same.”

“Still are,” Lawrence quipped.

“Oh, stop it now, Dad! We both know whose side you’re on.”

“He’s my grandson! And if his own mother won’t look after him, then there’s only me. Or his father.”

“Not this again,” Chrissie muttered, as Robert looked between them. That had been an odd thing for Lawrence to say.

“You can’t pretend that he doesn’t exist. Lachlan’s not going to stop asking!” Lawrence warned her before stomping out of the room.

Robert watched the old man leave, frowning as Chrissie explained, “He wants me to tell Donnie what happened.”

Looking down at her, he reached out to grip her arms again. “Don’t let them get to you,” he told her, trying to sound comforting.

“I actually don’t know how much more of this I can take,” she admitted, looking on edge. “I-I know you thought it was a good thing going away with them, but it really wasn’t. He hates me as much as ever.”

Robert only belatedly remembered convincing her and Lawrence that they would be better off without him joining them. And now look at her! She was clearly falling apart, and all because Robert had put Aaron before her. “I should have come with you,” he realized. If he had, Aaron wouldn’t have gotten it into his head that what they had could ever be more than just an affair.

“I wish you had,” Chrissie murmured, looking close to tears. “I’ve never felt so alone.” She tried to put on a brave face, brushing off his blazer and then reaching up to wind her arms around his neck. “Still, it was the same for you. All alone with no one to keep you company!”

But he hadn’t been alone. He’d had Aaron, every single day. He let Chrissie kiss him, then tug him closer for a hug. Robert held onto her, aware that he was letting both his wife and his lover down. Chrissie was a mess, although that was mostly to do with Lachlan. And he couldn’t help but feel guilty as he remembered the look on Aaron’s face when he told him that Chrissie was coming home. He hugged his wife, and wondered how he was going to find a balance between giving Chrissie the support she so clearly needed, and giving Aaron enough time so that he never felt alone.

If he was going to make this work, then he did somehow have to find a balance. The first thing he had to do was make Chrissie feel his support, and then he had to go apologize to Aaron. He helped his wife settle in, then convinced her to have a lie down. While she slept in their bed on fresh sheets, he drove into town and made his way to the pub. Diane spotted him as soon as he walked in. “I didn’t expect to see you! I thought Chrissie was back today.”

Robert caught sight of Aaron sitting at a booth near the end of the bar. The younger man was clearly finished eating, but maybe Robert could sit down with him if he pretended it was business? “Er, yeah, she is,” he answered Diane distractedly, aware of Chas watching him from behind the bar.

“How was the holiday?” Diane asked, making conversation.

Aaron stood, going around the bar and heading through to the back. “It was a complete waste of time,” he told Diane, now wondering if he could leave without ordering a drink, so that he could sneak into the back to talk to Aaron.

The younger man was stopped before he could disappear. Andy was back there, probably visiting Vic in the kitchen. “Aaron, will you stick around?” his brother asked. “I’ve got someone coming around from The Courier. They want to talk to you.”

Robert watched as Aaron stepped away from Andy, looking shifty. “A-about what?” he asked nervously.

“Well, about the run! About raising money, and what Katie meant to everyone.”

“Er, no, I need to get back to work,” Aaron said, looking like he was about to push past Andy to get away.

Diane spoke up then, saying, “You can spare five minutes! They’re on their way.”

He looked cornered, and Robert couldn’t bare to see him like that. “Andy? I’m not busy, why don’t you let me do it?”

Aaron and Andy both turned to him, looking surprised. “You’re not running though, are you?” his brother pointed out, still standing in Aaron’s way.

“No, but I’m supporting the charity, and I’m happy to talk to them.” Aaron looked away as Robert answered, and then slipped past Andy without a word or a glance to let him know he was grateful. But that wasn’t his way, was it? Aaron would never thank him for any of this, especially not after he bungled up telling him about Chrissie coming home. Still, he could only hope that Aaron would see he was doing his best to say he was sorry. Knowing he’d need to do a lot more to get Aaron speaking to him again, he pulled out his mobile to send him a text.

 

*****

 

Why couldn’t Robert just stay away? It was like how back at Home Farm, he’d follow Aaron every time he left the room. He’d thought it was cute before. He’d get up from the sofa to go grab a couple of beers, and a minute later Robert would be standing next to him. He’d leave the bedroom to go watch some telly, and a few minutes later Robert would be settling down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

It wasn’t cute anymore. Aaron left him at Home Farm to act out a happy reunion with his wife, and Robert slipped away the first chance he got to… to what? Why was he even here? It wasn’t for some quick sex. He hadn’t done more than just glance at Aaron. And then he got Andy to back off about the interview like he cared that Aaron was drowning in too many thoughts and feelings, and he was struggling to stay floating. Even now, he could picture the concerned look on the older man’s face as he grabbed Andy’s attention. But Aaron wouldn’t have needed time alone to try and sort himself out if Robert hadn’t walked into the pub to begin with. It was seeing him that broke open fresh wounds. Aaron couldn’t simply forget how they had been together this past week, and go back to being ignored all the time like a dirty little secret.

Aaron dressed himself for a run, not wanting to be in the pub when Robert finished up that interview. He knew how Robert worked. Aaron had ignored all the texts the older man had sent him today, so once he got a chance, Robert was going to try and corner him for a talk. Aaron didn’t want to hear it, because he already knew how it would go. Robert would apologize for the way he dumped the news on him, and then he’d tell Aaron that the past week had been fun but that he must have realized it would end soon. He’d state the obvious: that he loved Chrissie and wanted to be with her, and he’d never promised Aaron anything more than some shagging on the side.

The trouble was that it wasn’t obvious - not to him. Did Robert really love Chrissie? Aaron had seen them kiss, and he’d never noticed any great passion there. Granted, they had been kissing in public, but Aaron _knew_ Robert. He had seen his face up close and personal when the older man was turned on. He’d sat across from him when mid-conversation he’d catch glances of interest. Hell, they had been in public together in a room with dozens of people, and Aaron had been able to see Robert’s eyes following him, sweeping over his body with heat. But when Aaron watched Robert with Chrissie, it was different. Sometimes there was genuine enjoyment, like he was having a good time, but most times Robert looked annoyed or like he was watching for his cues to say something.

Robert’s love for Chrissie wasn’t convincing Aaron. Robert wanted to be with her, but not because he loved her. It was the money, it had to be. Because even if he did love her, he loved Aaron more. He was sure of it! Why else would he risk his marriage to Chrissie? Or maybe it wasn’t about Aaron. Maybe Robert was gay, and he couldn’t love a woman the way he could love a man.

All of these circular thoughts brought him round to the same fact. Even if Robert loved Aaron more, he was never going to leave Chrissie. It was stupid of him to think that simply showing the other man how happy they could be together was going to be enough to lure him away from the money and status that Chrissie could give him. Going back and forth in his own head about who Robert loved more, and why he was motivated to do any of the crummy things he did was driving Aaron insane. So he prepared himself for his run, because the last thing he wanted was for Robert to finish up with his interview and come back here to find him. Aaron wasn’t sure if he’d end up decking him again or if they’d end up in bed together. Neither of those options sounded appealing right now. He just wanted to be left alone so he could come to terms with everything.

It wasn’t just the loss of Robert that he had to deal with. There was a certain part of him that was slowly filling with dread. He had to consider the option that maybe Robert actually did love Chrissie, and the entire week at Home Farm had been a ploy to shut Aaron up about Katie. Could Robert really be that conniving? Unfortunately, Aaron couldn’t say the answer was a hundred percent no.

Aaron left his bedroom and started down the stairs, looking down at his phone as he chose music for his run. “Where are you sneaking off to?” Chas demanded, hurrying into the stairwell from the living room.

“Er?” He gestured as his clothing, which made it pretty clear where he was going. Why did she always ask him obvious questions?

She leaned against the post at the bottom of the stairs, hip cocked and one hand at her waist as she regarded him sternly. “You went running this morning and twice yesterday.”

“So what? I’m trying to beat my personal best.”

The stern act fell apart, and she looked at him pleadingly. “Can’t you give it a miss? I want to talk to you.”

“Yeah, later,” Aaron agreed.

“No!” He looked at her, a bit surprised. “Right, if you’re going, I’m coming with you.”

He frowned, trying to figure her out. She was always too concerned about him, but offering to put herself through the discomfort of another run was definitely new. “What, again?” he asked her.

“I can’t let you do it all on your own!”

He didn’t believe this was about not wanting him to train for the half marathon alone. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“I’m coming whether you like it or not! Now, stay!” Aaron shook his head as she hurried up the stairs to go get changed. Why couldn’t she wait until later to talk to him? Well, Aaron had no intention of slowing down for her like he normally did. He needed to get his mind off of things, and she was butting in where she wasn’t wanted.

To that end, once she had come down dressed in her running gear, Aaron lead Chas outside and jogged toward his favorite route through the woods. She was fine at first, keeping pace with him. He was also a bit slow to start, the ankle he had twisted the other day stiff enough that he had to warm up at a slow jog. Chas started lagging behind as the dirt path began its first gentle incline. Aaron was so used to it that his muscles barely registered it. The path got progressively steeper, and soon he could hear her breathing come faster. They hit a dip, where the little road went downhill just a bit, and Chas’ speed picked up a little. “Aaron!” she called out, sounding badly out of breath. “Can we stop?” she gasped.

“You can!” he called out. “I need to time myself!”

“Please stop! I just want to talk to you!”

And there it was. Aaron slowed to a stop and reached for his phone tucked in his armband. He stopped his timer and his music, then pulled his earbuds out as he paced back toward her. “Can it not wait?” he demanded, irritated.

“No, it can’t! You’re always on the move,” she said, still struggling to breathe right. “Disappearing - I’ve got no idea what you’re up to!”

“I’m training,” he insisted, hoping to put her off.

“Don’t give me that. I’ve heard that Chrissie’s been away,” she told him.

“Has she?”

“Oh, don’t make out like it’s some massive surprise!” He looked away, hating that she knew he’d fallen for Robert again. “You’ve been with him, haven’t you?”

“No,” he denied, looking at her again. If she had known for sure, she wouldn’t have phrased that as a question.

“Look, I’ve seen you together! Don’t bother denying it!”

“Look mum, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

She pointed an accusatory finger at him as she said, “Now I know you’re lying. You shouldn’t be anywhere near him! He made the last few weeks of Katie’s life hell, and you don’t even seem to care!”

“I’m doing this for her,” he protested, meaning the half marathon.

“She wouldn’t want you to, not if she knew the truth.” He couldn’t think of a thing to say to that, and Chas shook her head. “I’m not letting you do this,” she told him, still pointing her finger at him. “I am going to make sure that you stay away from him, even if I have to lock you in your room.”

He stared at her. Did she even hear herself? Robert was nowhere near being perfect, but what right did that give her to order Aaron around? She wanted to lock him in his room! As if he were a child, unable to make his own decisions! And where did she get off, anyway? She had gone back to Carl over and over again, despite how many times he cheated on her. Robert might be married, but at least all Aaron had to worry about was one other person. Maybe to some, a married man might seem like the bigger of two evils, but not to him. Carl had cheated on Chas because he couldn’t keep his pants on. He’d cheated with women he didn’t love, making the betrayal to Chas that much worse. At least Robert was just an idiot who wanted to have his cake and eat it too, pinballing between Aaron and Chrissie because he was closeted and greedy.

“And you wonder why I didn’t want to come home? Do you know what, I’m going to stay at Adam’s. Don’t expect me back.”

Angry at her, he turned his back and started running. His ankle was stiff again, despite the warm up. That was most likely because of the cold weather, so Aaron ignored it as best he could. He continued, breaking away from the dirt road and following a deer trail. It was full of obstacles he had to jump over, keeping his mind engaged so he wouldn’t trip over a log or run through brambles. The higher up he got, the more snow he found coating the the ground.

It was the snow that hid a tree root from his sight. His stiff ankle didn’t clear it, snagging painfully and sending him falling. He started rolling down the hill, only to smack into a tree. He cried out as pain shot up his leg. Aaron knew it was bad. He was face down, his top half pointed down a slope, making it difficult for him to sit up and free himself. A glance over his shoulder at his ankle showed him that it had gotten wedged under the root, and he was bleeding. Every time he moved, he could feel the muscles and ligaments around his ankle pull. Aaron laid there, gasping for air and trying to bite back tears. He used the tree that had stopped his fall as a backrest, rolling himself into a seated position that only managed to twist his ankle even more. Everything from his knee down was throbbing. He forced himself to breathe, closing his eyes and trying to work through the pain. This would be no different than what he had done when his feet were all blistered. Every step had hurt, but he had pushed past it and kept going. That's what he had to do now. Just breathe, push past it, and keep going.

He jerked awake. Had he fallen asleep? Confusion set in, and he blinked his eyes open. How could he fall asleep when he was in this much pain? No, he must have passed out. He was cold and tired, and if he didn’t get his ankle free soon he was never going to have the strength to get home. Aaron panted as he tried to use his leg muscles to pull his foot out from under the root, but he could barely move that leg at all. He’d have to use his arms to pull it free. He tried lifting them, but they felt heavy and stiff. Aaron pulled his arm band off, hoping that it would help him move more easily. Every part of his body protested as he leaned forward, fighting the downward pull of gravity to grab onto his leg and pull.

Tearing free from the root, he gasped as he overbalanced and fell down the slope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The honeymoon is over for these two. Sigh. Hard times to come. Stay tuned for more, and please feel free to comment =D
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the added smut in this chapter, because as we all know, the Robron storyline gets progressively tenser from here on out.


	14. You really do care about him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't as long as many I've posted, but my weekend looks like it's going to be busy. I wanted to get this up before I get distracted! A certain someone keeps yelling at me when I don't update quickly enough lol ;)

**7-8 April 2015**

The sun had fallen, and with nighttime came the cold and the dark. Somber moonlight leaked through the clawed branches overhead. It silvered the delicate hoar frost that coated the leaves in front of Aaron’s face. His body gave a token shiver at the sight, but he was tired now. So tired. He’d shivered a lot at first as his body fought to stay warm. Aaron had drifted in and out of consciousness, each time woken as his body shuddered so hard it made his injured leg hurt. The shudders had died down to shivers, and now those were gone too. He knew that was bad, that it meant he was getting weaker.

Aaron tried to stay awake. He really did. He thought about how guilty Chas would feel if he wasn’t found in time. He thought about how he’d be letting Adam down, making him handle the scrap yard all by himself. And how would Paddy feel, after how hard he’d tried to help Aaron over the years? Then Aaron would jolt awake, realizing he must have passed out once again without realizing. Each time he woke, it got harder and harder to think of reasons to hang on.

But then there was Robert. God, how he loved him! Even when they were off with each other, and it hurt to think of him, Aaron still loved him. He thought about the nights they had spent together at Home Farm, making love. He thought about how easily they had fallen into patterns, like how Robert would cook their meals and Aaron would brew their tea. And he thought about the first time he held Robert’s hand as they walked along the grounds in the evening, confident that no one would see them. Aaron thought about Robert, filled his head and his heart with the man, and he held on as the world grew light around him and the sun beat a fiery path through the tangled boughs overhead.

When he grew too tired to dredge up even the smallest of memories to keep him going, he clung to Robert’s name, repeating it over and over in his head. Robert would find him. Robert would make sure he was safe. Robert would warm him and chase away the chill that had seeped into his bones. Robert would save him, because Robert loved him.

 

*****

 

**8 April 2015**

His alarm went off at seven like it did every morning. On his own, it would take Robert a few minutes to slowly wake enough to turn the alarm off. After he did, he liked to stay in bed for another fifteen or twenty minutes, just laying there while his body slowly woke. There was nothing he hated more than being jarred awake. Today, he nearly jumped out of his skin when Chrissie smacked his arm hard, very likely leaving a bruise behind. “For God’s sake, shut that thing off before I rip it out of the wall!” she snarled.

“It’s got battery backup,” he mumbled groggily, reaching for the screeching clock on his bedside table.

“I don’t care, just turn it off!” The sound cut out suddenly once he pressed the right button. Robert laid back down, staring up at the ceiling as Chrissie rolled onto her side, facing away from him. She hiked the covers up over her shoulders, grumbling under her breath as she tried to get comfortable. “I swear, if there’s one thing I didn’t miss while I was away, it was your stupid alarm every morning.”

He sat up and got out of bed. If there was one thing Robert hadn’t missed, it was her cross temper when she decided to sleep in. Chrissie was normally an early riser. She was usually already downstairs having her breakfast by seven, so their morning rituals didn’t clash very often. She turned into a right harpy on the days when the alarm caught her still in bed. Chrissie would shout and shove at him until he woke enough to turn it off, and then it was best to steer clear of her until noon.

Robert shuffled his way to the en suite and eyed the toilet before ignoring it in favor of starting up the water for his shower. His bladder was uncomfortably full, but he didn’t feel like trying to go while he was still sporting morning wood. It was always a toss up whether it would die down on its own in the morning or if he’d need to beat the devil out of it. Robert tugged off his pajamas, easing his boxers down carefully. Once the water was nice and warm, he got in and just stood under the spray for a minute, trying to wake up properly. Only after he started to feel a little revived did he start washing up, beginning with his hair and ending with his body.

He was still hard after he’d cleaned up, and he very briefly considered seeing if Chrissie was in a better mood now. She probably wasn’t, and even if her mood had lightened up, sex in the morning was never her favorite thing. If she was still in bed when he woke, it was because she was tired. There were only a handful of instances where he could remember them waking up together and he felt sure enough of her mood to start something. On those occasions, Chrissie always wanted to freshen up first. Once she did, she’d complain about Robert’s morning breath until he got up to do a little freshening up of his own.

It was easier to take care of it himself than try and get Chrissie in the mood. Robert turned his back to the shower head, letting the warm water beat against his back as he reached down and began to gently tug at himself. It was pointless to wish Aaron was there, but it was impossible not to miss him. Especially in the morning. Aaron never swatted at him or shouted at him to turn off his alarm. He’d simply reach over to silence it himself, and then he’d softly call out Robert’s name. His voice was always low and rough with sleep, the raspy sound easing Robert into wakefulness. That voice of his would seep into Robert’s dreams, and he’d already be reaching out for the other man before his eyes were even open.

Robert groaned, cock twitching eagerly in his hand as he thought about Aaron, and how willingly he’d respond. Maybe because he was a man? No, Robert had been with women who enjoyed a bit of fun first thing in the morning. He couldn’t hold it against Chrissie that her sex drive didn’t kick in until later in the day. That’s just how she was, and Aaron was simply different. Wildly different. The younger man liked to take them both in hand and slowly bring them over the edge, pressing achingly sweet kisses to Robert’s lips without a care to their morning breath. Robert moaned as he came, imagining their limbs tangling, hot skin pressed tightly together.

The rush of his release was short lived. Jerking off alone was nowhere near as satisfying as having Aaron take care of him, but he was going to have to get used to it again. Unsatisfying mornings were a small sacrifice he had to make if he wanted to continue calling Chrissie his wife.

 

*****

 

The change in his morning routine made him feel sluggish. He’d had coffee with breakfast in the hopes of waking himself up, but after spending a half hour in the office simply trying to figure out where to start, he decided that what he needed was an Americano from the cafe. He drove to the village and parked in front of Bob’s, feeling like the walking dead shambling his way through the entrance. The last thing he wanted was someone getting in the way of him and his Americano, but that didn’t stop him from turning when he heard his name being called.

He saw Chas pushing through the cafe door, following him. He frowned, wondering what she wanted. He couldn’t remember her ever going out of her way to speak to him before now. The only thing they had in common was Aaron, and conversations about the younger man happened only infrequently and in private. She was also normally angry when she spoke to him, but if anything, this time she looked a bit tense. Her dark brows were drawn down worriedly under the hat she was wearing - grey knit with little paste jewels stuck on. When Chas saw she had his attention, she said, “Robert, have you seen Aaron?”

He stared at her for a heartbeat, brain working fast. Why was she asking? What did she know? “Why? Should I have?”

“Yes or no?” she asked impatiently.

“Then no.” Chas looked disappointed, and it caught his curiosity. “Why, is something wrong?”

“He didn’t come home last night.”

Robert swallowed down that tidbit of information like a bitter pill. “Good for him,” he said, jealousy biting deep as he thought of the younger man spending the night with some random. Thinking that she’d only stopped him so that she could throw that in his face, Robert started to turn away from her.

“Was he with you?” she asked.

Could she have said it any louder? Glancing around to make sure that she hadn’t called unwanted attention to their conversation, Robert sidled in close, grabbing her arm and nudging her toward the door. Voice low, he said, “Chas, I just told you! He wasn’t with me. I don’t know where he is. I can’t help you, sorry.”

“Right, we went running together. That is the last time I saw him,” she explained, clearly concerned.

Running? The image of the younger man staggering toward the pub and retching because he was so exhausted readily came to Robert’s mind. And now that he gave it some thought, it wasn’t like Aaron to go into town to spend the night in a stranger’s bed just to get back at Robert. Running himself into the ground sounded far more believable, unfortunately. “What, you think something could have happened?” Robert asked her.

“So you were definitely with your wife? You know, if someone was to ask her?” she pressed. Her tone and expression were full of judgment.

“Hey, don’t try blaming everything on me,” Robert told her, frowning as he towered over her. “Not everything’s my fault, you know.” Chas gave him an unconvinced look, and then turned her face away. “Why don’t you call the police? Or… maybe we can go out there and take a look ourselves.”

“I really don’t need your help,” she told him. But she did, otherwise she’d never have approached him.

“Look, he could have gotten lost or something. My car’s outside; I’ll give you five minutes. Come with me, or don’t. It’s your choice.”

It was a testament to her opinion of Aaron’s state of mind when she saw him yesterday that Chas was right on Robert’s heels as he left the cafe. Apparently she didn’t need five minutes to consider it. He was mostly glad to have her with him, since she was able to direct him to the last place she’d seen her son, but the silence as they drove there was uncomfortable. To say it was tense was an understatement.

He made the effort to move past the tension by asking, “So what happened?” Chas glared at him briefly before turning her face back toward her window. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best way to break the tension, but Robert had to know. “Come on, something must have happened for you to be this worried!”

“We had an argument,” she very reluctantly admitted. Robert glanced her way briefly, raising his eyebrows questioningly when she looked over at him. “He got mad and carried on running without me. He said he was going to stay over at Adam’s, only he never got there.” Chas pointed out of her window. “Pull over here - this is where we were. I saw him run that way.”

Robert steered his car toward the side of the narrow dirt road. He parked it with just enough room left that another vehicle could squeeze past. The black Jeep he had borrowed from Chrissie was large enough that it didn’t leave much room, but he wasn’t too concerned. The road was very muddy, so he wasn’t worried about another car trying to speed by in these conditions and accidentally clipping the Jeep. As soon as Chas was out of the car, she veered off the dirt road to follow a deer trail. “Chas, hang on!” he called out, hurrying to follow her.

“What?”

“You won’t do much good if you go and get yourself lost too.”

She looked at him over her shoulder as she walked. “You know it’s your fault he’s gone missing!”

Her hatred of him knew no bounds. A minute ago she’d told him she had a fight with Aaron before he ran off, but here she was accusing him without any proof that he’d done something that may have contributed to this. “Really?” he asked, indulging her. “How’s that?”

“Because you’re ruining his life!”

“What, even though it’s over between us?”

This time she stopped and turned completely around so she could face him, a look of disbelief on her face. “Who are you kidding?” she asked shrilly. “What do you think we were arguing about?”

“Knowing you two, it could be anything,” he said, not willing to admit to it. The last time Chas knew for sure that he and Aaron were together, she had threatened to go to Chrissie.

She started walking again, leaving Robert to follow. “You are still seeing him when I told you to stay away.”

“Do you want my help, or not?” he demanded.

“How long before your wife finally finds out, hey? Poor cow! Maybe someone should tell her.”

“Look, me and Aaron are over,” he lied, angry that she wouldn’t just let it go already.

Once again Chas stopped in her tracks. She pointed her finger at him as she said, “You’re lying. He told me himself, Robert.”

No, Aaron wouldn’t do that to him again. Things had gotten messed up between them after Katie died, and part of that was because Aaron had told Chas about them. Robert had been forced to keep his distance, and in that time Aaron had slowly fallen to pieces. She had succeeded in parting them once with her threats to reveal everything to Chrissie, and it had nearly ended with Aaron jumping at the quarry. There was no way the younger man would repeat the same mistake. “Now who’s lying?” Robert scoffed, sounding more confident than he felt.

“He hates himself for it, do you know that?” she asked him, gaze direct.

Robert resigned himself to the fact that once again, his lover had dropped him in it with Chas. God, why did Aaron always have to be so… good? Robert should have realized that one of the reasons the younger man must have gotten upset when Chrissie came back was because he felt guilty about the affair. Aaron always wanted to do right by others, in his own way. It was something that Robert found indescribably attractive about him, and simultaneously aggravating.

Chas was looking at him, waiting for a response. He held his arms out at his sides before letting them drop. “Well it’s a different story when he’s with me,” he told her, thinking of how forthcoming Aaron could be with his love.

A smile grew on Chas’ face, her expression filling up with self-satisfaction. “So I was right,” she chuckled before turning her back on him and continuing down the path.

Robert seethed as he followed her. She’d played him! How could he have fallen for her trick? He had built his career off reading people and manipulating them with his words. “This doesn’t change anything. Aaron’s still missing, and that’s because of you, Chas, not me!”

She rounded on him, anger tightening her face. “You are still a conniving, sniveling little cheat!” she shouted at him. “Like Katie always knew you were!”

Katie! It always came back to Katie. If she hadn’t been so bitter about their past, she’d still be alive. Robert never had been able to understand her animosity toward him. Yes, he never should have chased after her when she was married to Andy the first time. If he was being honest, what he had done wasn’t even about her. He’d been attracted to Katie and had come to love her, but he had mostly wanted to hurt Andy. Once Robert won her over, the thrill of the chase was gone. It was only a matter of time before he got bored. Robert could hold his hands up to what he’d done, but he was never going to accept more blame than he deserved! It’s not like he’d forced himself on her. Katie had chosen to have an affair. She had cheated on Andy, but then went on to bitch and moan about how Robert had cheated on her! Even years after the fact, she had still been spouting vitriol to whoever would listen.

It was just Robert’s bad luck that Katie’s best friend was Aaron’s mum. Chas had eaten up all the skewed truths and outright lies that her mate had fed to her about Robert. He was certain that she wouldn’t be so dead set against him if it weren’t for all the things Katie had told her. Robert knew it was too much to expect Chas to condone the affair even if his past had been spotless, but maybe there would have been acceptance, or even simply resignation. Now, there never could be. Chas had adopted Katie’s vendetta against him. The only question now was how far she was willing to take it.

“Aaron!” Chas called out from up ahead, ducking under a low branch in her path.

“This is a waste of time,” he muttered, slapping the branch out of his way with mittened hands as he continued to follow her.

“Aw, he’ll be dead touched to hear that.”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care!” he snapped, tired of her trying to make him out to be some kind of monster.

“How many more lives do you have to ruin before you _finally_ admit who you really are?”

Was that a dig at him for being with a man? He felt his temper flare. “How many lives do I ruin, Chas? Go on, pick a number, because you really have no idea!”

She turned to point her stupid accusatory finger at him again. “If it wasn’t for you, Katie would still be here,” she said, voice low and angry. It was worse than her yelling. At least when she was shouting, she came off as being unreasonably antagonistic. This… this conviction that he was to blame for Katie’s death is what lead to Aaron telling her about the affair in the first place. If she kept calling him out for the death of her best mate, eventually she was going to stumble on the truth. Right now all she knew was that he’d purposely wound Katie up, intentionally set fire to her caravan, and knowingly set her up as the village head case by allowing everyone to think her suspicions about him having an affair were crazy. If Chas somehow pieced together that Robert had been alone with Katie at Wylie’s when she confronted him about his affair with Aaron, it wouldn’t take her long to jump to the conclusion that he was responsible for Katie’s death.

“What happened to her wasn’t my fault,” he insisted, voice tight with emotion. No matter what Chas might think, he wasn’t heartless. What had happened to Katie was an accident. He’d killed her, but he hadn’t meant to. She just wouldn’t leave him alone. “I cared about Katie. I even loved her once!”

“Oh please! You don’t know what love is. You just see something you like and you’ve got to have it - to hell with who gets hurt!”

“What about Andy?” he shouted. If not for him, his brother would be dead right now. It was Robert who saw Andy drive away, leaving the door to his home wide open. It was Robert who felt uneasy enough about it to go check it out. It was Robert who found the suicide notes. It was Robert who found Andy at the quarry. It was Robert who talked him off the ledge and gave him a safe place to stay. It was Robert who kept watch over his brother every single day, to make sure Andy didn’t give in to his depression. What was that, if not love? He yelled at Chas, trying to get her to see that. “All I’ve done is be there for him since the accident!”

She stared right into his eyes and said, “That must be a real comfort to him after everything you’ve done. But I will not let you ruin Aaron’s life.”

There was no convincing her. She wasn’t hearing him. She thought he was a horrible monster, just like Katie had. And it was no wonder, with them being best mates. It was like Katie was still trying to sabotage his relationships with Chrissie and Aaron from beyond the grave. She had poisoned Chas against him, but Robert was not going to let the spectre of Katie win. He was not going to let Chas get in the way of what he and Aaron had - not again. “It’s not your choice,” he told her, standing firm.

“First, I am going to find my son. And then I’m going to tell Chrissie who she’s really married to.”

He watched Chas walk away, heart beating hard in his throat. She was going to ruin everything. Robert looked around helplessly. How could she not see that he cared about Aaron? Why did she have to stick her nose in when the affair had nothing to do with her? It was exactly like Katie all over again. The bitch had hounded his every step, going to Chrissie multiple times with her suspicions. What would his wife think if Chas suddenly started doing the same? At least Katie hadn’t even been able to guess who his lover was. Chas would go to Chrissie and not only tell her that Robert was having an affair, but she’d also tell her it was with Aaron.

He knew Chrissie wouldn’t believe it at first, but what if Chas kept coming back to her with the same story? Robert had a hard enough time slipping away to see Aaron when Chrissie wasn’t on her guard. How was this ever going to work if she was watching him and Aaron? He knew her; she would let it go at first, but eventually she’d start questioning his investment in Holey Scrap. He’d be forced to withdraw from the business, leaving Aaron ruined. The younger man would hate him for that, and for having to go back to blanking him. How long would Aaron tolerate being ignored before he decided to move on?

Two days ago, he had woken up with his marriage whole and his lover at his side. Today, he could feel all of it slipping away. Because of Chas. Because she wouldn’t leave it alone. Robert looked around him, as if he’d find some kind of answer in the trees surrounding him. “Aaron!” he heard Chas call out, searching for her son. He found himself looking down at a rock, hearing Chas’ voice pierce through the woods. “Aaron!” Robert bent down, grabbing the stone, feeling the weight of it in his palm. It was so cold he could feel it leaching the heat from his hand, even through his glove. “Aaron!” Gripping the stone tightly, he followed the sound of Chas’ voice. “Aaron? Aaron!” Robert spotted her ahead, looking small as she picked her way through some bushes.

“Stupid interfering bitch,” he spoke under his breath, trying to work himself up. He crept behind her, heart thundering in his ears.

“Aaron!” Chas called out, within his reach. He tightening his fingers around the stone. All he had to do was raise his hand. One strike would be enough. Chas would be out of their way forever. Aaron would be free to be with him, never having to worry again about sneaking out of the house because she was always in his business. She watched Aaron like a hawk, always trying to control him like Jack had tried to control Robert. He’d be doing the younger man a favor getting rid of Chas.

“Help!”

Chas swung around, hope and concern warring on her face. “That’s him,” she breathed, looking to Robert as if wanting to confirm that he’d heard Aaron’s voice too. Robert froze, staring at her as if shellshocked. His thoughts were all jumbled as he let the rock tumble down from his fingers.

“Down here, help me!” came the weak cry.

It took a second for Robert to budge out of his shock enough to gesture toward his right. “It was this way,” he mumbled. Chas didn’t hesitate. She broke off at a run down the slope, desperate to get to her son. It took another couple of seconds for Robert to make his feet move, jogging after her. There, down the steep hill, he saw Aaron crumpled near some rocks, lying there bloody and broken.

“Call an ambulance!” Chas cried from ahead of him.

Robert fumbled into his pocket for his mobile. “I’m on it,” he said, trying to snap out of it. It helped once he had someone on the line with him. The woman’s voice was soothing and commanding as she asked him relevant questions. Where was he? Who was hurt? What was the situation? Did Aaron look stable? Robert calmed down further with each question, keeping his answers short and to the point, eyes on Aaron as he wrapped up the call, ending it after the woman promised an ambulance within twenty minutes.

Chas was huddled over her son, her small jacket draped over him. Robert fell to his knees beside them, cold mud seeping through his jeans. “They’re on their way,” Robert reassured her, but his eyes were on Aaron. He looked so pale. There was blood at his temple, and he was curled up loosely, like he’d been trying to hug himself for warmth but didn’t have the energy anymore. It frightened Robert to see him like this. He couldn’t help reaching out, running his hands over Aaron’s side to reassure himself that he was still alive. The younger man was barely moving at all, not even to shiver. Robert ripped his jacket off, glaring at Chas when she tried to stop him from adding his much larger one over her own smaller jacket that she had already tried to wrap around Aaron. “Here,” Robert murmured, tucking it around him.

“Robert. Robert,” Aaron whispered, eyes closed tightly against the pain.

“Hey,” he said gently, hands tugging the jacket into place. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, bending down so their faces were closer together, wishing Aaron would open his eyes and look at him. “Okay? It’s gonna be okay. Trust me.”

“Robert,” Aaron breathed, so faintly that Robert would have doubted he’d actually heard his name if he hadn’t also seen Aaron’s lips move.

“I’m here,” he reassured the younger man. “I’m right here. Stay with me, Aaron. Can you do that for me? It’s gonna be okay, but you have to stay awake.” It was hard to say how long they stayed like that, Robert murmuring encouragement while he held Aaron’s hands in his, rubbing them to keep them warm. It worried him that the only response he’d gotten from Aaron so far was the younger man whispering his name, and then he stopped doing even that. He was so caught up in trying to get some kind of reaction from Aaron that he barely noticed when Chas left them. He only took note when she came back, leading a couple of men dressed in neon yellow high-vis to her son.

He was relieved that they were there, checking Aaron’s vitals before securing him to the stretcher they’d brought with them. Robert anxiously trailed behind the paramedics as they carried Aaron back to the ambulance. The younger man looked so pale and fragile strapped to the stretcher like that. Unable to hold himself in check any longer, he said, “He’s been here all night. He’s going to need water.”

“They know what they’re doing, Rob,” Chas said from behind him.

“Yeah,” he acknowledged her, only briefly glancing at her over his shoulder. His eyes were soon drawn back to Aaron as the two men positioned the stretcher to slide into the ambulance. The younger man was so still, seemingly unaware of anything that was going on around him. “Aaron,” he said, hoping for some sign that he could hear him. “I’m going to come see you as soon as I can, yeah? Alright?” There was no answer, and he had to step aside as the stretcher was loaded into the ambulance. He was left to stand helplessly next to Chas as the paramedics got in and started securing the stretcher inside the ambulance.

“You really do care about him.”

“Care about him?” Robert asked, glancing at her before his gaze was inevitably drawn back to the other man. “I don’t just-” He forced himself to stop and take a deep breath before he could confess his love for him to Aaron’s mum. She’d likely only scoff or throw it back in his face, and Robert didn’t trust himself not to lash out at her if she did. “I guess that’s one thing we have in common.”

“Yeah. Now I know why he trusts you.” He looked at her, finding Chas’ gaze was hard and unforgiving. “But I don’t. And I know that you’re not going to leave your wife. Aaron deserves far, far better than you.”

Better than him? He had brought Aaron back from the edge, when Chas hadn’t even noticed that he was using his training for the half marathon as a way of self harming again! “You have no idea-”

“So why don’t you go home now, and give her one last kiss goodnight,” she interrupted him. “Because I meant what I said. Tomorrow, I’m going to bring the whole lot crashing down around you.” Chas climbed into the ambulance and sat down, hand resting on Aaron’s chest as she waited for the paramedics to drive them to hospital.

Robert was left to stand there glaring, wishing that he’d found the strength to hit her over the head when he’d had the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be much longer. Thank you all for continuing to read! Feel free to leave kudos and comments - I love hearing from you all <3


	15. Expensive mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the hiatus. I got busy at work, and then some family issues came up. I'm back now that everything has been taken care of.
> 
> Here's a long chapter as my apology to you =)

**9 April 2015**

Robert rubbed his tired, sore eyes. Leather creaked underneath him as he shifted in his seat, slumping a little lower in an attempt to get comfortable. The cabin of the lorry he’d borrowed from Home Farm had grown chill as he waited outside of the Woolpack. A glance at the time on his mobile let him know that he’d been sitting in the cold for nearly an hour. It was a long time to sit still and consider his plan for dealing with Chas.

He’d been up all night thinking about her - or more accurately, thinking about the problem she posed. He’d tossed and turned in bed as he went over the events from yesterday. Chas’ last words to him before she got in the ambulance with Aaron had kept him awake. “Give her one last kiss goodnight, because I meant what I said. Tomorrow, I’m going to bring the whole lot crashing down on you.” After hours of sleeplessness, he’d finally turned over to look at Chrissie lying there next to him. If Chas had her way, it would be the last night he spent in bed with his wife. Not only would she break up his marriage, but she’d do her best to keep Aaron from him. And she’d do it all for no better reason than out of spite.

Robert knew that if he sat and did nothing, Chas was going to contact Chrissie and tell her about the affair. His wife would leave him. Lawrence would push him out of the business. They would toss him out of Home Farm on his backside, then go after Holey Scrap and Aaron. He’d be right where he was years ago, when his father had told him to leave the village; Robert would be penniless without anywhere to go. Chrissie and Lawrence would make sure all of his business contacts turned their backs on him, giving him no avenue in which to build himself up again.

If Chas got to Chrissie, she would start an entire chain reaction that would end with Robert completely destroyed. But if he could stop her somehow….

He’d spent all of last night lying in bed trying to think of some way to convince her to keep quiet. But what could he tell her that he hadn’t already said when they were out searching for Aaron? She had thrown all of his words back in his face. She refused to believe that he wanted the best for her son. The only thing she was convinced of was that he was some kind of user. What was it she’d called him? A “conniving, sniveling little cheat” who was “ruining” Aaron’s life.

Maybe Robert’s situation with Chrissie and Aaron wasn’t exactly ideal, but it had worked so far. He couldn’t help it that he wanted them both. Chrissie was his wife, and he’d be useless without her. And Aaron… it was all still new and confusing, but one thing Robert was sure of was that he couldn’t give him up. He’d tried, and both of them had suffered for it. Robert had missed him terribly when they’d ended the affair, and Aaron had fallen apart without him. Maybe the affair was a bad idea in the long run, but for now, it worked for them. Chas had no right to take that away from him - from them. She had to stop trying to control her son’s life.

Robert got out of bed early that morning without ever having gotten any sleep, and borrowed the biggest lorry Home Farm had to offer. He got in, drove to the Woolpack, and waited for Chas to come out. When she was ready to go visit Aaron in hospital, Robert would be there waiting for her. Once they were alone on the road, he was going to come up beside her car and force it right off the road.

Of course he had second, third, and fourth thoughts about his plan. All he’d done since he’d parked the lorry in front of the Woolie was rethink it. But what else could he do? He’d prefer to blackmail her into keeping quiet, but Robert didn’t have anything on her, and he couldn’t take the time to find any old skeletons in her closet. Chas had said that she planned on talking to Chrissie today. He couldn’t afford to wait. He had to do something about her now, or risk losing everything.

A flash of movement in his wing mirror caught his attention. Robert sat up straight when he saw Chas appear in the doorway of the pub, bundled up against the cold in a knee length black trench coat and a lime green scarf. He watched her through the mirror of the gigantic blue lorry, and waited as James Barton followed her out of the Woolie. He couldn’t hear a word they were saying, not from so far away. He’d kept his distance on purpose. Robert didn’t want her noticing him idling there. He had to make sure she didn’t see him until it was too late.

Robert tensed when he saw Chas finally open the door of the silver sedan parked in front of the Woolpack. When he’d seen it sitting there, he’d figured it would be the car she’d use to drive to hospital. He turned the key in the ignition as James went back inside and Chas got in the car. Robert would follow her at a distance until they were alone on the road. If she wasn’t going to listen to him when he told her to back off, then the lorry was more than big enough to deal with her.

It was the only way. He’d come to realize the same thing with Katie, after she’d died. For a while, he’d felt so guilty for accidentally pushing her to her death. But it had worked out in the end, hadn’t it? She had been making everyone’s lives miserable with her obsession over the affair. Even Andy had been fed up with her. Of course Robert knew it was difficult for his brother afterward, but he was getting past it now, wasn’t he? Not only that, but Katie hadn’t been right for him. Katie didn’t know how to be loyal. She would have made Andy regret marrying her before long.

He didn’t want to kill Chas, in the same way he hadn’t wanted to kill Katie. He wasn’t some psychopath out for blood! But if he didn’t do something about her now, it would be too late. She was going to make Aaron and Robert miserable with her constant meddling in their lives. He’d force her off the road, and then he’d be there for Aaron; make sure there wasn’t a repeat of the near incident at the quarry. It might be difficult for Aaron at first, as it had been for Andy losing Katie, but it would all come together in the end.

It had to.

Robert had only just turned on the lorry when Paddy ran up to Chas’ car and started tapping on the window. Once the passenger door was unlocked, the older man got in. Frustrated, Robert turned off the lorry and slumped in his seat, knocking his head back against the headrest. He couldn’t very well follow through on his plan with Paddy in the car! As far as he knew, the vet was still unaware that Robert and Aaron were back together. Not only that, but he’d never had any trouble with Paddy getting in the way of the relationship. What interfering the vet had done seemed to be at Chas’ request.

Robert watched Chas drive away, and knew he’d have to find some other way to make her back off.

He drove back to Home Farm, trying to keep his eyes open as he began to feel the lack of sleep. He’d been up for over twenty four hours, but how could he sleep when Aaron was in hospital and Chas was threatening to tear down the life he’d built for himself? Robert’s stomach clenched at the thought. He wouldn’t rest easy until the danger Chas posed was gone.

The scene he walked into when he got home did little to make him feel easy. Lachlan was storming out of the living room, where he’d clearly had a row with Chrissie. She was sitting on the sofa, wearing a dark dress suit and looking as miserable as Robert felt. Today was Lachlan’s day in court for what he’d done to Alisha, and Chrissie wasn’t handling the stress very well. “So, how’s everyone holding up?” he asked her, trying to establish some bit of much-needed normalcy. Chrissie didn’t answer. She looked down at her hands clasped tightly on her lap, clearly struggling.

Robert went to her. He sat down on the coffee table in front of her and took her hands in his. “It’ll be okay,” he reassured her, knowing she needed to be comforted right now.

“You don’t know that,” she protested.

“He’s got the best lawyer money can buy, and he’s got you. What else could he need?”

“His dad,” she whispered. Robert stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment, until he remembered that Chrissie had told him Lachlan had been asking after his father. “At least you’re going to be there for him,” she added. Robert searched for a way to let her down gently, looking down at their clasped hands. “Don’t say you can’t come,” she said, sounding incredulous.

“A work thing’s come up, and if I don’t stay, your dad’ll have to,” he lied, knowing it was the only way to get her to accept it. He needed time alone so he could come up with another plan to shut Chas up.

“Are you going to try and come later?” she asked hopefully.

“I’ll do my best,” he promised her.

“It’s not something we should worry about, is it? This… work thing?”

“No. No, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it,” he promised. If things went well, by the time Chrissie came home from court, the threat Chas posed to their happiness would be dealt with, and Robert would have gotten a chance to stop in and check on Aaron in hospital. All Robert needed was a plan.

 

*****

 

It took over an hour of plotting for Robert to give up on coming to a solution on his own. He was exhausted, and hardly at his best. It was a struggle to simply focus, let alone come up with some genius scheme. He sat on the most rigid chair in the living room to help keep him awake, a grey wingback that had clearly been bought for looks rather than comfort. By the time he was ready to admit defeat, the only conclusion he’d come to was that planning for someone to have an “accident” was a lot more difficult than having an actual accident happen, as it had with Katie. He just wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing. Robert was an expert at manipulating others and making good business deals. Plotting murder was a different beast all together.

It left him with only one option.

A few months back, he’d taken a very important client out to dinner. They had knocked back more than a few, and Robert had found himself telling the man about Katie. Robert had been sober enough not to mention his affair with Aaron. He’d simply told the man that his ex was intent on breaking up his marriage, and no matter how hard he tried to make her go away, Katie kept coming back with new accusations.

In response, the client had given Robert the number for a man he guaranteed would “make the little bitch disappear.” It seemed like madness to think of calling the number now, but what else could he do? Robert had tried so hard to get Chas to see sense while they were looking for Aaron, but there was just no reasoning with her. And what was the harm in simply calling? It didn’t mean anything had to happen, right?

Robert called, then promptly hung up and slapped his phone down on the end table next to him. He stood up from the wingback chair and started to pace. What was he thinking? An assassin? For Chas? Was this really what he had come to?

But if he didn’t… The consequences of the affair being revealed were more than Robert could accept.

His phone started vibrating against the hard surface of the wooden end table. Robert turned around and grabbed it. One look at the screen, and he knew exactly who it was calling him back. Taking a deep breath, he accepted the call and lifted the phone to his ear. “Hello?” he answered nervously.

There was silence on the other end of the line, and Robert’s gut twisted. He heard an intake of breath, and then a man’s voice came through. “Did you mean to call this number?” The voice was reassuringly ordinary, sounding nothing like the Alan Rickman type villain that Robert had built up in his head.

“Yeah, er… the signal must have cut out,” he said. His heart was thundering in his chest, and he was so nervous he could barely catch his breath.

The other man was quiet for a moment before he asked, “I don’t give this number out. Do I know you?”

“No. Y-you don’t know me.” Robert swallowed hard. It was now or never. Resolve hardening, he squared his shoulders and tried to sound like something other than a nervous teenager talking to his first crush. “I need a job doing. The kind you specialize in. I need to get rid of someone.”

“Permanently?”

Robert nodded, hardly able to believe this was actually going down. “Permanently.”

“Tell me.”

Swallowing again, he began to move around nervously, beginning to pace. “She’s threatening me, and trying to get to my wife.”

“Is she your lover?”

Robert’s breath caught, and he struggled not to break out into nervous laughter. “N-no,” he stuttered. “No. But she has information she wants to take to my wife, and I can’t have that.”

“What’s her name, and where is this?”

“Chas Dingle. Chastity Dingle. She’s in Emmerdale.”

“I’ve heard of it. You know this will cost you?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t haggle. Ten thousand, or no deal.”

“You’ll get it,” Robert promised, trying not to flinch.

“Where can I find her?”

Robert’s pacing carried him to the office, and he drifted toward his desk. “Well, she works in the pub most nights. That’s where she’ll be.” He took a deep breath, hating the tremble in it and hoping that didn’t come through over the line. “A-and it should look like an accident; nothing suspicious.” He suddenly had a vision of Chas being lured out to the woods to be pushed over a cliff, being left out in the cold all alone to slowly die - like Aaron after his fall. “And I want it to be quick,” he added. “Painless.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.”

“Get the payment together. I’ll be there tonight.”

Robert was already nodding, but he waited for the other man to finish speaking before agreeing. “Tonight then. Call me when it’s done.”

The line cut out without another word being said. Robert lowered his phone from his ear, then set it down on his desk. He stared at it, taking a big breath. Oh god, what had he done?

 

*****

 

Aaron hated everything about being in hospital, even down to how it smelled. It was curiously devoid of everyday odors, the kind of smells a man was used to encountering every day. It made him long to be in his room over the pub, where it always smelled faintly of food and ale. Aaron wanted to smell fresh coffee and tea, or even the hint of motor oil he always dragged home with him from the garage or the scrap yard. Instead, every lungful of air was empty of anything but an overlying tang of antiseptic.

The worst thing about being in hospital was that he had nothing to do. After the constant activity of running every day, lying in a bed doing nothing was more painful than all of his injuries put together. And that was saying something, because his right leg - which was bound in a cast and elevated on a pillow - ached something fierce. So did his head, for that matter, which was hardly surprising given how hard he’d cracked it against that rock. The pain was nothing in comparison to how he felt inside. How he felt about nearly dying.

Yesterday had been entirely out of his control. If his mum and Robert hadn’t shown up when they did, Aaron wasn’t sure he’d have made it. He could have died out there. He’d thought about dying before, but that would have been by his own hand, at his own time. There were so many times over the past few months when he felt like it would be easier to just… not be here anymore. He’d nearly jumped at the quarry because he couldn’t handle any of it anymore. Because of Katie. Because of Robert. Last night had been different. He hadn’t wanted to die, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Aaron Livesy?” He was so lost in thought that the sound of his name made him jump. Aaron looked up as the doctor walked in. He was middling in age, with a softening waist and deepening wrinkles around his black eyes. He was dressed in a doctor’s customary white coat, with a stethoscope peaking out from one of its deep pockets.. His dark hair was slicked back away from his face, which was set in a stern expression. “I’m Doctor Pawar. I hear you took quite a fall the other day.”

He eyed the other man warily. There was something in his tone that was probing, giving Aaron a hint that Dr. Pawar wasn’t simply making conversation. “I guess,” Aaron said.

“I had a chance to speak to your mother the other day, when you were brought in. She said you fell while you were out on a run, is that right?” Aaron gave a nod, wondering if he was just being paranoid about the doctor. He might be imagining the questioning tone after being hospitalized for hurting himself in the past. The doctors and nurses always asked too many questions when they didn’t trust him.

The doctor waited a moment, as if he expected Aaron to say something. When he stayed silent, the older man said, “There’s no lasting damage to your body. You have a fractured skull. Don’t worry,” the doctor said when Aaron stared at him in alarm. “We took you in for a CAT scan while you were unconscious. It’s a small fracture. Besides some relatively minor symptoms, you’ll barely notice it. You may experience dizziness, nausea, blurred vision, headaches, irritability, restlessness, loss of balance, confusion, and drowsiness. Have you experienced any of those since you woke?”

Aaron shook his head as he thought, then said, “Er, restlessness. And a headache.”

“We’ll continue monitoring you to be safe. I’ve prescribed painkillers to help with the headache and your other injuries. You have a tear to the gastrocnemius muscle in your lower leg, along with a severe sprain. The cast is there to keep your leg immobilized from the knee down. The tear to the calf muscle and the sprain can take between three to six weeks to heal with rehabilitation.”

“Three weeks doesn’t sound so bad,” he commented.

“Three weeks if you comply with rehabilitation,” Dr. Pawar corrected him. “If you don’t do everything you’re asked to, it’ll take longer to heal, and there’s a risk of reinjury.”

Aaron bit his lip, not liking the sound of that. “I’m not stupid. Last thing I want is to be in this cast longer than I need to be.”

“Good,” the doctor said, with a satisfied nod. “That means you can’t skip any of your follow-up appointments. You’re going to need to follow all of the after care instructions I give you, and make sure to do all the recommended PT exercises.”

“Yeah, I’ve got it, thanks,” Aaron interrupted. “I said I’d do whatever it takes to get this cast off.”

“Everyone says that,” Dr. Pawar told him. “Very few actually do what they’re supposed to.”

Aaron added irritability to his list of symptoms. He glared at the doctor moodily. Dr. Pawar regarded him a moment with dark brown eyes, and Aaron somehow knew the other shoe was about to drop. “I’m going to be frank with you, Mr. Livesy. I think three weeks for the cast is optimistic.”

“I already said I’ll do everything it takes,” Aaron growled.

“I hope so,” the doctor said. “And if you were in perfect health before the injury, I’d say three weeks would be completely doable.” And there it was. Aaron kept his mouth shut, warily watching the other man. The doctor spoke again when Aaron remained quiet. “Tell me about the running your mum mentioned.”

“I was training for a half marathon,” he explained.

“Were you working with a personal trainer?”

“No.”

Dr. Pawar nodded, then asked, “Were you keeping track of your stats? How many miles you were covering each day?”

“Yeah. Er, it was about ten miles a day.” He didn’t mention that he often went over that.

“Have you been experiencing any kind of fatigue?” the doctor asked.

“Some,” Aaron said reluctantly, recalling how tired he often felt. Even when he’d stopped running so much that week at Home Farm, he’d still felt tired. “I eased off on the running for a week. I thought that would help, but I picked up the pace again because the marathon is tomorrow, and I didn’t want to fall behind.”

“I’m glad to hear you took a break, but I’m afraid it wasn’t enough given the amount of strain your body was under. If you decide to run any marathons in future, I’d recommend a personal trainer. You can avoid the kind of exhaustion that leads to injuries like this. Now, I think I saw your mum in the waiting room. You want me to send her in?”

“Er, yeah,” he said, glad that the doctor didn’t seem inclined to ask more questions. Aaron tried to make himself comfortable as he waited for his mum. It was hard to do with his right leg in a cast and his head aching so much it felt like it was about to split down the middle. He hoped a nurse came by with the painkillers soon.

He was laying there, gently feeling the scrapes on the right side of his face when Paddy and Chas walked in. “There he is!” Paddy exclaimed, smiling. “The doctor said you were up. How are you feeling? I mean, I guess it must be pretty bad, I mean with the cast and all - and I guess your face must be hurting too-”

“I’m fine, Paddy!” he interrupted before the older man could go on.

“The doctor said that you are the luckiest fella he’s seen in ages,” his mum said. She and Paddy approached his bed, and he was grateful for the company even if he was hurting right now. He’d had plenty of alone time when he was waiting for someone to find him.

“Is it just me or is she milking this hero thing?” he asked Paddy as the larger man came to take a seat at his bedside.

Chas stood near the foot of the bed, glancing over at Paddy as if for support. “Although he reckons that you were probably suffering with exhaustion before you even fell.”

If she hoped to get him to talk with a surprise attack, then she clearly wasn’t aware that Aaron had already spoken to the doctor. He was ready to deflect any questions she threw at him. He didn’t want them to worry, and he knew better now. “There’s no point training unless you’re going to push yourself.”

He watched them trade glances, then Chas added, “A little bit of pain to help you get over the Robert situation?” Not this again! Aaron took a deep breath, not wanting to have to try and convince her yet again that it was over. He hated lying to her, but he wouldn’t have to if she’d just let it go. “He told me that you’re back on.”

Aaron stared at her, definitely taken by surprise now. “What, he said that?” he asked her, trying to hold back a stupid shred of hope that Robert was finally ready to admit his feelings for Aaron to others. He knew Robert, and it wasn’t likely at all.

“I got it out of him,” she said, unapologetic.

“What have you done now?” he demanded quietly, hoping she hadn’t done anything that would set them back. Robert tended to panic when confronted, and it usually made him try to end things between them.

“Nothing,” Chas said quickly, but her guilty glance at Paddy told a different story. And the way Paddy looked back at her made it clear that she’d filled him in on her side of things. Once again, they had been discussing him behind his back. Paddy’s reproachful stare at least managed to prompt her to tell the truth. “I might have threatened to tell Chrissie…”

He was speechless for a second. Oh god, Robert was definitely going to panic. “What! W-why would you do that?”

“Because you scared the hell out of me!”

“Right,” Aaron said, pointing at her purse. “Ph-phone him, a-a-and just tell him you didn’t mean any of it,” he stuttered, hoping Robert wasn’t out there doing something stupid right now. The last thing any of them needed was Robert torching the pub like he’d torched Katie’s caravan, or doing something else equally stupid because he felt threatened.

“But maybe if she knows, all of this will work itself out,” Paddy suggested, voice too calm for the panic that was starting to bubble up inside of Aaron.

“Nothing needs to work itself out!” he said, frustrated. “You don’t know anything about it!”

“I know that you turn it on yourself when you get stressed,” Chas fired up, making him turn his face away from them briefly to mask his shame at that. “And I know that you’re in a hospital bed because of him!”

That made Aaron turn back to face her. How could she say that? “He helped you find me!”

“He’s _forcing_ you to keep it quiet. He’s piling on the pressure!”

“No,” Aaron said, giving a small shake of his head as he stared up at the ceiling. “That’s not what it is.”

“Can you not see the effect that he’s having?!”

“Mum, that’s not how it is!” he shouted, all of the weeks of misery he’d endured without Robert giving him the strength to fight her words. The passionate outburst took it out of him for a moment, leaving him breathing hard, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “Alright, yeah, maybe… maybe I did overdo the training,” he acknowledged. “Yeah, alright, it was helping me, but I made my own decisions. Robert didn’t force me into anything!”

“Yeah, you might see it that way,” Chas said stubbornly, like she knew better than him.

“He was the one who kept me going!” He threw those words at her, trying to make her understand what Robert meant to him. His throat tightened, tears threatening to spill over because he was tired, in pain, and in love. “There,” he said as she stared at him, finally listening instead of just arguing with him, “I could have just… closed my eyes and given up. But I didn’t. Because of him.”

Chas watched him, dark eyes bright with emotion. She shook her head, and her voice was gentle when she said, “He’s never going to leave Chrissie.”

Her words broke his heart, because he knew she was right.

“Don’t you want to be more than a bit on the side?” Paddy asked softly.

Aaron huffed out a bitter laugh, nodding as he fought back his tears, not wanting to look as pathetic as he felt inside. “Yeah,” he answered, voice tight. “Yeah, I do, but…” He shrugged, taking a deep breath. “He’s not offering any more, is he? So I’ll just take whatever I can get.”

That confession left him feeling raw under their pitying glances, and he turned his face away when his mum tried to say something. He was glad when Paddy asked her to step out for a minute to get them both some coffee. Aaron knew he was only getting rid of Chas so that he could talk to him alone, and that his mum was only leaving because she trusted Paddy to talk some sense into him, but he was still grateful when Chas closed the door behind her. It was easier with just Paddy. The man was like a father to him, and he’d proved his love to Aaron so many times. He trusted Paddy to speak gently, and not stomp all over his feelings.

Aaron didn’t look at the other man, instead staring at his hands as he picked at his thumbnail. “Do you think she’ll go talking to Chrissie?”

“She won’t be,” Paddy reassured him.

Sitting up as much as he was able, he propped himself up on his elbow and turned to look at the other man. “Please don’t let her say anything, Paddy.”

He grimaced, appearing conflicted. “You’re self harming again,” Paddy said, and Aaron remembered then what the other man had said about things working themselves out if Chrissie knew. Maybe Paddy wanted Chas to talk to Chrissie.

“Not anymore,” Aaron told him, hoping that if he reassured him, he’d reign Chas in.

“What happens when you find another way?” Paddy asked, concerned.

“I won’t.”

Paddy frowned and looked down, the florescent lights from overhead softly gleaming on his bald pate. “I should have seen what you were doing.”

Aaron cringed inside at the pain so evident in the older man’s voice. “Yeah, well I’m good at hiding it.” Paddy looked up at him, blue eyes sad behind his glasses. “But I swear to you, it’s nothing to do with Robert.”

“What is it then?” Aaron choked back his words, wanting to tell Paddy everything. And he would have in a heartbeat, if some of the secrets hadn’t been Robert’s to tell. “I wish you’d give me some credit! You could have died last night, and if it’s not about Robert, then it’s about something else - and I’m guessing it’s something big.”

Aaron looked away for a moment, struggling to find some compromise with his need to tell Paddy everything, and his desire to keep Robert’s secrets safe. “You can’t tell my mum,” he finally said. He met Paddy’s eyes, trying to wordlessly tell him how important this was to him. “Promise me.” He waited until the other man finally nodded before he spoke again. “It’s not Robert… it’s Katie.” Unable to meet Paddy’s eyes anymore, he looked down at the scrapes on the backs of his hands. “She only went to the farm because of me. She thought she was getting proof.”

“What happened?” Paddy asked.

Aaron sighed, his emotions battering at him from inside. “I just thought that… if she told everyone… he’d have no more excuses, you know? He’d have to choose me.” He met Paddy’s gaze again, the guilt he’d carried since February bringing tears to his eyes. “That’s why she died.”

“No-”

“She should never have been there, Paddy! She fell because of me!”

Paddy leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Is this why you’re torturing yourself?”

Aaron nodded, taking a deep breath. “I deserve it.”

“Aaron! H-how can- You can’t have known it wasn’t safe!” Paddy protested.

“Yeah, but I could have said nothing, couldn’t I have?” he pointed out, coming to the point that he had agonized over for months. Why hadn’t he just kept his mouth shut? Why did he have to go and get her involved? “I could have just let him marry Chrissie, and just not tried to change things.”

“And what happened at the farm?” Aaron froze. Of course Paddy would ask the one question that Aaron couldn’t answer. “Did you talk?”

“Er- no, I d-” he cut himself off and shook his head. “I never went. I bottled it,” he lied, the guilt of having to hold back secrets bringing tears to his eyes. Would this misery never end? “I stood her up, and she- That’s why I don’t want my mum to tell Chrissie. I just want things to stay as they are!” When the other man remained silent, Aaron nodded, resigned. “You hate me, don’t you?”

“No, of course not!” Paddy protested. “Aaron, you can’t blame yourself for Katie! You couldn’t have known the farm wasn’t safe, and you can’t keep kicking yourself for wanting better from Robert. Alright? So just, you know, stop hurting yourself, for something that wasn’t even your fault. Please?”

Aaron nodded, glancing at Paddy and seeing nothing but love and concern in his eyes. He didn’t deserve it, but he found himself taking comfort in the older man’s steadfast support. “You won’t tell my mum, right? And you’ll stop her from talking to Chrissie?”

“I don’t know how to stop her, but I’ll try,” Paddy told him.

That was all Aaron could ask for. He settled back against his pillows, feeling raw and wrung out. His thoughts naturally turned to Robert then, and he wondered what the blond was doing now. How was he coping with Chas’ threats? If only Aaron wasn’t stuck in hospital, he could go to Robert now and tell him not to panic. He wasn’t sure how he’d manage if the blond broke up with him now. Things had gotten bad after their blissful week at Home Farm, and Aaron was scared that the other man would decide he wasn’t worth the hassle anymore. He was scared, because if there was one thing he’d learned over the past couple of months, it was that he needed Robert’s support. Last night, there had been nothing in his life that could make him hang on. Nothing except Robert. Not his mum, not Paddy, not Adam; just Robert. And if he abandoned him now, Aaron wasn’t sure he could get past what happened to Katie when she fell.

 

*****

 

“I’m not to be interrupted, is that clear?” Robert asked Sam. The older man gave a nod. Robert had been about to put together the money when Sam had come into the office to talk about grass, of all things. Something about patchy growth. He’d interrupted Sam, asking the man to make sure no one else came in. “That includes any clients that may stop by. I’m not expecting anyone, but I really can’t be interrupted right now.”

“But what about the grass?” Sam worried. “It’s just that-”

“Do whatever you think is best, alright?” Robert said impatiently. “You can go now, Sam. Actually… have you heard anything about Aaron? Is he alright?”

“Nah, I’ve not had word yet. But I’d think the family would call me if it were bad news,” Sam said.

“Right,” Robert agreed, frowning.

“It were kind of you to ask after my family.”

“Er, yeah. Can you make sure to lock that door behind you?” The lanky man shuffled toward the door. He waited a few minutes to make sure Sam had really gone before getting back to work.

Robert crouched in front of the safe that stood open in the Home Farm office and grabbed two handfuls of cash, the bills strapped together into neat bundles. He pushed up from his squat and turned to place the stacks on his desk, wondering how he was going to explain the disappearance of all this money. He couldn’t very well say it was a robbery, since that would only make Chrissie and Lawrence turn their suspicions toward Ross. The last thing Robert needed was those two poking at that hornet’s nest. No, he had to find a way to justify this as a business expense. He’d already told Chrissie that he couldn’t make it to Lachlan’s court appearance because of a “work thing.” He just needed to come up with a believable lie about having to spend the money to make the problem go away.

The sound of the outer door opening had Robert’s head shooting up with alarm. Why hadn’t he checked to make sure it was locked? Sam walked in, and Robert froze when Chas appeared behind him. “I know you said not to let anyone in, but…” Sam gestured toward Chas, as if that would explain his failure to follow Robert’s orders. Unfortunately, it kind of did. He wondered why any of them had ever thought it was a good idea to employ a Dingle. They were only ever loyal to each other.

“You helped save my son’s life,” Chas said coldly, hands clasped demurely in front of her. “I’ve been desperate to thank you all day.”

Robert set his hands on his hips, looking down so he wouldn’t have to see the mockery on her face. “How is he?” He couldn’t help but glance up at her, knowing she wouldn’t be able to hide it if Aaron’s condition was bad.

“Still very weak,” she said calmly - calmly enough that the cold vice around his heart eased up a bit. “He’ll make a full recovery.”

Robert shuffled his feet, looking down now to hide his relief. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.”

“Right,” Sam said. “I’ll, er…” he gestured toward the door, then ducked his head and started on his way out.

“Thanks, Sammy,” Chas called out as the man left.

Once they were alone, Robert said, “There’s no one here if you’re hoping for an audience.”

Chas strolled further into the room. “I don’t mind waiting.”

It was almost a relief that she was being as deliberately irritating as ever. It helped him feel better about his decision to get rid of her. “You think I’m just going to sit back and let you talk to Chrissie?”

She smiled at him, her features turned smug. “I think it’ll be fun seeing you try and stop me.”

“Oh, I’ll stop you,” he promised. His only regret now was that he wouldn’t be there to see that smug look wiped off her face.

“Ooh, fighting talk!” Chas mocked him with a catty smirk.

Robert stared at her, wishing she was more afraid. If she had any sense, she would have kept her nose out of it, and none of this would have been necessary. “You know, you’re going to cause your son a lot of pain,” he told her, stepping closer. “He doesn’t deserve what you’re about to put him through.” The one thing that Robert truly regretted about this plan was the hell Aaron was going to have to suffer after his mum was gone. But Robert would be there for him. He’d make sure to be there for him.

“Me?” Chas demanded, voice trembling as Robert finally managed to break through her calm facade. She took a threatening step toward him. “You are the reason that he’s self harming again. _That’s_ why he collapsed!” she shouted, confirming Robert’s fears about the real cause of Aaron’s fall. He’d suspected it was more than simply losing his footing. He stood there numbly as Chas accused him. “He was training to his limits; the pain helped him cope!”

“Congratulations,” Robert said cruelly. “It’s only taken you the best part of a month to work that out!”

“You knew?” she asked, taken aback.

“I’ve known for weeks! How could you not?”

“Because… you make him hide things!” she said, clearly flustered.

“No, he hides things because he can’t trust you.”

“Don’t twist this back on me! I’m not the closeted pretend boyfriend!”

“No, you’re the mother who didn’t want him. No wonder he’s got a taste for loving people he can’t have!”

“I hope your wife strings you up!”

Robert paused. He could say more things, hurtful things. Things that Aaron had confessed to him while they’d been wrapped around each other in bed. He could tell her how hurt Aaron had felt when she left him all those years ago, and how angry he had been when he came back to Emmerdale. He could tell her how much Aaron had hated Carl, and how gutted and furious he’d been when she picked Carl over him.

But if he said any of those things, he’d be breaking Aaron’s trust. Then Robert would be the one the younger man couldn’t trust, and that simply wasn’t an option. He took a breath to calm himself, then told Chas, “Well, she’s going to want Aaron’s blood as well as mine.”

“I know!” Chas shouted, glaring at him.

That cinched it for him. She was a rubbish mother, and no matter how much she might think she loved her son, she didn’t. If Chas loved Aaron, she wouldn’t continue to be this selfish. He turned his back on her and walked over to his desk. Robert started counting the money out. He was convinced now that getting rid of her would be the best thing. Not just for him, but for Aaron as well. He would finally be free of that selfish harpy.

“Which is why,” Chas spoke up again, “I’m going to have to let you off the hook.”

Robert froze, then glanced up at her in shock.

Chas looked completely disgusted with herself, as if she could hardly believe her own words. “I will keep your dirty little secret,” she told him, voice sounding soft after all her shouting. “Even though it makes me sick to my stomach. But I’ll do it, for Aaron’s sake.”

He gaped at her. “So you were just messing with me?”

“Oh, no, I was serious. You’ve got Aaron to thank. And Paddy.”

Robert couldn’t believe this. “You don’t just make threats like that to people, and then just back off like it’s nothing!” he said. He’d been _certain_ there was nothing else he could do to convince her not to go to Chrissie. He’d been positive there was no other alternative. He’d just hired a man to kill her, and now she was going to back off without a fight?

Chas crossed her arms, staring at him in confusion. “You want me to follow it through?”

“I thought my marriage - my entire life - was on the line!”

“What, and now you want me to feel sorry for you?” she asked incredulously. “Robert, if you want an easy life, try keeping it in your pants!”

He looked at her, shaking his head as the enormity of what he’d nearly done rattled him. “You have no idea what could have happened.”

“Then let that be a lesson,” Chas said. “You treat him good from now on, and me and you won’t have a problem.” She turned her back on him, heels clicking as she walked out.

It was the door slamming shut behind her that broke him out of his fog. Robert lunged for his phone, nearly dropping it in his hurry to redial the number for the hitman. He brought it up to his ear, once again breathless with nerves, if for a different reason this time. His heart sank when he heard the tone beeping steadily in his ear. The other phone had been disconnected. Robert hung up and immediately redialled, but all he got for his efforts was more beeping.

He couldn’t even begin to guess how many times he tried to get through. Each attempt left him more desperate than the last. Why would the hitman disconnect his phone? Didn’t he ever get people calling back to tell him they’d made a mistake? He was about to make yet another attempt when the sound of the front door opening brought him up short. “We’re back!” Chrissie called out.

Robert scrambled toward his desk, throwing himself down on his chair and trying to look busy. “Hiya!” he greeted his wife when she entered the office.

“Am I glad to see you! Did you get my message?” she asked, smiling.

“Yeah,” he lied, guessing that Lucky’s court appearance had gone well. If it hadn’t, Chrissie would have been inconsolable. “Sounds like you had quite a scare. Sorry I couldn’t make it.”

“No, don’t worry. Dad was actually really good. I think we might have buried the hatchet,” she said hopefully.

“I told you it’d come good,” he said, trying to act like he was happy rather than sick with worry.

“Are you ready for the debrief?”

“Oh, well I’ve got a few things to sort out here,” he told her.

Chrissie looked at him, narrowing her eyes. “But Lucky needs our support.”

“And he’s got it,” Robert reassured her.

Now that she didn’t have the court appearance to worry about, Chrissie was not so easily convinced to do things his way. “He’s had a hell of a day. Do you not think all this can wait?”

Robert glanced down at the unimportant papers scattered in front of him. “Yeah, of course,” he finally said, wondering what would happen now. Even if he argued with Chrissie, what could he do? The hitman’s phone would still be disconnected, and Chrissie would be angry at him, making it that much harder convince her to let him out of her sight long enough to visit Aaron in hospital.

Once she had his acquiescence, Chrissie turned and left the office. Robert stared at the drawer where he’d placed the money for the hit. He still had some time before anything happened. The man had said it would go down tonight; it was still just late afternoon. He’d figure out something. But first, he had to sit down with Chrissie’s family and listen to her recount the events of this afternoon, probably while Lachlan sulked and Lawrence tried to not appear too harsh while he criticized her for calling the cops on her own son. Honestly, the family he married into made the Sugdens look happy and well adjusted in comparison.

Robert got to his feet and followed his wife, hoping to get the debrief over as quickly as possible.

It wasn’t quite as horrible as he had feared. Lachlan wasn’t as sulky as Robert expected him to be, and Chrissie appeared to have been right about Lawrence finally putting aside his grievances with her. Still, it was difficult to play the part of the loving husband, supportive father figure, and capable son-in-law when he knew Chas’ life was hanging in the balance. He still managed to smile and nod and say all the right things, although he could tell Chrissie was displeased when he finally excused himself so he could go back to trying to fix his little problem.

Only what could he do? As suspected, the dial tone still showed the other phone to be disconnected. Robert tried and tried, until he was sure he must have called hundreds of times. He felt so sick to his stomach that he could no longer be convincing when Chrissie came in to check on him.

“Hey,” she said as he shuffled papers in front of him to make it look like he was actually working.

“Er, I won’t be a minute,” he told her. Knowing he wasn’t up to pasting another smile on his face, Robert avoided looking at Chrissie.

“What’s happened?” she asked him worriedly.

“Nothing, I’ve got it,” he tried to reassure her, but his voice was thready with stress.

“Tell me,” she prompted him, walking over to his desk and taking a seat on it.

Still not looking at her, he struggled to find a believable lie. “I’ve- I’ve booked something and… and I need to cancel it.”

“What? Is that it?”

Robert knew it was a pitiful excuse. “Well I need to cancel it, but I can’t get in touch with the client.”

“Well it’s hardly life or death, is it?” she pointed out. He felt himself pale at those words. “Why are you so stressed?”

“I don’t like making mistakes.” And this was the biggest mistake he’d ever made. How could he have misread Chas so badly? He was sure that she cared more about trying to ruin him than she did about her own son’s happiness, but he was wrong. He tried not to think of how he had justified any of this to himself.

“Would it be the end of the world if you left it til tomorrow?” Chrissie asked him gently.

“Not for me,” he answered, finding the morbidity of his own words unamusing.

“Well then, you tried but it was too late.”

He wished it was that easy. Robert shook his head, unable to let this go. “The client’s not going to be happy. Sh-she’s been making my life hell for weeks.”

“Well at least you tried,” Chrissie reassured him. “You can pick it up in the morning. Hm?”

Tomorrow morning would be too late. But what could Robert do? “Yeah,” he said, glancing up at his wife. “Yeah, at least I tried.” And he really had. He’d tried over and over again to get in touch with that man, but it was no use.

Chrissie stood up from her spot on the edge of his desk to lean forward and press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Come on,” she urged him, and headed for the door.

He knew she wanted him to go upstairs with her and get some rest, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Robert had to go see Aaron. He had no idea how he’d face him, knowing what was about to happen to Chas, but he couldn’t let the day go by without seeing him. It had helped to hear that he wasn’t in danger, but he still needed to see the younger man with his own eyes. And he needed to let Aaron know that he was thinking of him. Despite the way they had fallen out after Chrissie came home, Robert still loved him, but he had a feeling that Aaron would start doubting that if he didn’t go see him soon.

Getting to his feet, Robert followed Chrissie out of the office. “You know what?” he told her, making her look over her shoulder at him. “I think something to eat might do me some good. Maybe I could order take away? I think it might do Lucky some good if we sit down as a family tonight.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Chrissie said, smiling at him. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Thank you. I know you’ve been stressed, but you’re still thinking of us.”

“Of course,” Robert reassured her. He watched her climb the stairs before he walked out and hurried to his car. He tried to compose himself on the drive, but he still felt off by the time he was approaching the door to Aaron’s room. Robert steeled himself and entered, heart thudding when he found the younger man awake in bed. Deep blue eyes watched him as Robert came in.

“You alright?” Aaron asked, sitting up a bit straighter against his pillows.

Robert stepped up to the bed, resting his hands on his hips. “I’m not here, I’m picking up a take away,” he told the younger man. He knew he sounded harsh, but was unable to help himself. Not after the day he'd had after a sleepless night.

“Right, okay,” Aaron said, not looking taken aback by Robert’s tone at all. “Er, look, I’m sorry about my mum shouting her mouth off at you.”

“It’s cool,” Robert said, unable to meet those eyes, which were so full of remorse. How could Aaron think that he had anything to apologize for? Chas was a menace. 

“No, it’s not,” Aaron said. “I owe you one.”

Robert shook his head. “Look, Aaron, I thought you were over all this guilt stuff?”

“Yeah, I am now. I spoke to Paddy, and it helped.”

“Paddy?” Robert asked sharply, alarmed. “Y-you’re kidding me?”

“Just about asking Katie to go to the farm,” Aaron tried to reassure him.

“Why would you do that?” he demanded. And here he’d thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse!

Aaron frowned at him. “Why would you tell my mum we’re back together?”

“I didn’t, she made me think you did!”

The younger man scoffed and shook his head. Instead of arguing about it, he continued, “Anyway, like I said, I’m fine now. I’m in a better place. I can handle it.”

Robert took a deep breath, knowing that he needed to let it go. He was stressed, on the edge, and it would be too easy to start in on Aaron. That wasn’t what the younger man needed right now. “It doesn’t look like it,” Robert told him, unable to help feeling a bit betrayed by Aaron. Robert had been so careful with him while Chrissie was away. He’d done everything he could to help Aaron get past all this, but the second Chrissie’s name came up, he’d done this to himself!

“I admit, yeah, I was jealous when Chrissie got back. It made everything harder, but I’ve accepted it now.” Aaron shrugged. “I’m happy the way things are.”

“I can’t trust you, or your mum,” he told him. It was Aaron and Chas who had driven him to the point of calling that hitman.

“I was just sick of them putting all the blame on you,” Aaron tried to explain, gazing up at Robert pleadingly. “I needed Paddy to back off. But nothing’s changed. And my mum knows that her life wouldn’t be worth living if she said a word.”

“No. She’s a liability,” he told Aaron, trying to convince them both.

“No,” Aaron said firmly. “She’s _overprotective,_ but she’s harmless. And I need her. I’m not always great at dealing with stuff on my own, but her and Paddy will sort me out. As long as I’ve got them, I’ll be fine.”

Robert looked at Aaron then - really looked at him. He took in the scrapes on the younger man’s face; the gash on his forehead where he’d hit his head; the cast on his right leg. He was a mess. A glorious mess, who was still alive and breathing and well. And he was telling Robert that he needed Paddy and Chas if Robert wanted him to stay that way. “Are you sure about her?” he asked Aaron desperately. “I mean, really sure? She won’t say anything?”

“She won’t. I promise.”

He stared at Aaron, knowing what he had to do. “Alright,” he finally said. “Alright.”

“You don't have to go yet, do you?” Aaron asked him. Robert caught the disappointment on the younger man’s face.

“I can’t stay,” he apologized. “You know I can’t.” Aaron nodded, biting his lip and lowering his eyes. “Hey, come on,” Robert said, shifting closer to the bed and reaching out for his hand, wrapping his fingers around Aaron’s. He glanced toward the door to make sure no one was about to walk in on them before he brought his other hand up to cradle Aaron’s jaw. Robert bent down, pressing their foreheads together gently. “I can’t stay, but I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, alright,” Aaron softly murmured, voice giving that rasp that Robert enjoyed so much. He closed the distance, lips brushing tenderly against Aaron’s.

It was over too quickly, but this wasn’t the right place for it, and he didn’t want to hurt the younger man by accidentally touching any of the myriad scrapes he’d gotten in his fall. Robert withdrew, and then started walking backward towards the door. “I _will_ make it up to you,” Robert said.

“I know,” Aaron told him. “Just go, Robert.”

He left, because maybe he could fabricate some story for Chrissie about why it took so long to get home with the take away, but he couldn’t waste another minute if he planned on saving Chas’ life.

The hitman had said it would be done tonight. Robert rushed from the hospital and got in his car. He’d told the man where Chas worked, so the Woolpack was the obvious place to start. He’d go there, and then make sure to keep Chas in his line of sight at all times. If he foiled the hitman’s attempts to catch her alone, then he’d be forced to call Robert to explain why she was still alive. It’d give him the opportunity to call the whole thing off.

Of course it didn’t work out that way though.

When he pulled up in front of the Woolie, he could hear a car alarm blaring shrilly in the night. It was out of the ordinary enough to immediately raise a red flag. Robert turned his car off and got out, heading around the pub toward the car park in back, where the sound was coming from. He paused, realizing he’d forgotten the payoff in his car. He sprinted back to his Audi and fumbled in the glove compartment, grabbing the brown paper bag with the money in it. Once he had it in hand, he ran back toward the car park. In the darkness, he could make out a figure ahead of him, slowly creeping around the corner of the pub. That had to be him. The man had probably set the alarm off to lure Chas outside while he hid in the shadows.

The sound of his footsteps coming up behind the man caused him to whirl around and face Robert. He had a split second to notice the man looked as ordinary as he had sounded on the phone earlier. Despite the darkness engulfing them, he could make out brown hair, pale skin, and an average face. This was the face of a killer. “It’s off!” he told the stranger. Robert could hear Chas in the car park, loudly complaining about kids setting off the alarm. “The job, it’s off! I’ve changed my mind.” Robert thrust the bag of cash at him. “It’s all there. Just take the money and go.”

“Expensive mistake,” the stranger said.

“Just go,” Robert told him.

The man walked around him, fading into the night. Robert pressed his back up against the side of the pub, panting for air. He hadn’t run far, so it probably had more to do with the adrenaline firing through him than the exertion. That had been too close for comfort. He’d heard Chas in the car park, checking on her car. That meant that if Robert had been even seconds later… He squeezed his eyes shut, letting that sink in.

He reached into his pocket for his phone, then opened his eyes and looked down at it. Finding the hitman’s number in his saved contacts, Robert deleted it. The stranger had been right. This had all been one huge, expensive mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this!
> 
> I added the farewell kiss from Robert when he visits Aaron because I felt like once again, the show deprived us of a chance to see any affection between them. Especially during the affair portion of their relationship, the show seemed to focus almost exclusively on the dysfunctional and crazy parts. I'm positive Robert didn't visit Aaron just to act beastly, and then leave without showing he was relieved his lover was alive and well. One of my favorite things about this effort of mine to novelize the show is that I get to sneak in little scenes I feel are missing lol
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please feel free to leave comments =D


	16. When you’ve worked it all out, let me know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Aaron =D
> 
> Since the previous chapter was mostly about Robert, I figured we needed a different perspective.

**10 April 2015**

He’d thought for sure Robert would panic after his mum threatened to go to Chrissie about the affair. The moment Chas had told him about how she’d tricked the other man into confessing that the affair was back on, Aaron had done quite a bit of panicking himself. Not because he was concerned about being caught, but because he knew Robert would be. He couldn’t even remember how many times the blond had put their relationship on hold because he was scared they’d be sussed out - which was ridiculous because no one even knew Robert liked blokes, so why would they ever suspect them of being together? He and Robert could have pretended to be bezzies and spent every day hanging out together, and no one would have thought twice about it because of Robert’s reputation as a womanizer. If anything, Robert’s insistence on pretending like they were mere business acquaintances who barely spoke to each other made things more difficult. At least if Rob had told Chrissie they were mates, Aaron could call and text him without her getting suspicious.

Aaron had been sure that Robert would call off the affair for a time in response to Chas’ threats. He was shocked when rather than disappearing, the older man had come to visit him in hospital. It was clear to Aaron as soon as he saw him that Robert was bricking it. The blond had been out of sorts, all tense and shifty. He hadn’t looked well at all, as if the stress was getting to him. Aaron had worried at first that Robert had only come to visit so he could deliver threats and order him to shut his mum up. Instead, it was almost as if he needed reassurance. After Aaron promised him that Chas was harmless, he’d seemed to accept it.

In the short time Robert was there, he hadn’t threatened to break up with Aaron even once. Was that progress? Aaron hoped so, even though he knew how stupid he was to have any hopes for them at all. He wasn’t a complete idiot. He knew his mum was right when she told him that Robert was never going to leave Chrissie. He knew it, but he couldn’t help picking out little things that he thought might be signs that the other man was getting closer to accepting everything. He hadn’t panicked at Chas’ threats; he’d turned down a week with Chrissie to be with Aaron instead; and when they were alone at Home Farm, Robert had been the one to urge Aaron to think of it as a fresh start for them, and a chance to be together like a normal couple. Surely that meant that Robert wanted that kind of life for them as much as Aaron did?

His mind went around in circles after Robert left him with the promise that he’d make it up to Aaron. He’d hoped the older man might come visit him again, but the closest he got to Robert the following day was overhearing his voice on the phone. Aaron was speaking to Chas while a nurse circled his bed, making notes on his chart. It was the same nurse from earlier that morning, who’d given him the news that he might be released tomorrow. That was the first bit of news he passed on to his mum when he called to check in on her after the half marathon. Chas had decided to run without him, along with a few other supporters from the village. He was glad she’d gone, even though he couldn’t be with her. He knew she needed some kind of closure after Katie’s death.

“Hey, I made the top five hundred!” his mum had told him excitedly. “Although, with the training you did, I mean, we wouldn’t have seen you for dust.”

He could hear others in the background. The pub must have been packed for there to be that much noise. He even heard Diane speak up, possibly as she walked by Chas on the phone. “Is that Aaron?” the older woman asked. “Give him my love!”

“Diane sends her love,” Chas repeated dutifully. “And Paddy said he’s going to come pick you up, so tomorrow night, babe, you’re going to be in your own bed.”

Aaron started to speak, to tell her that the nurse hadn’t been a hundred percent certain he’d be released the next day. He cut himself off when he heard Robert. He’d recognize his voice anywhere, even over the phone with dozens of other background noises competing for attention. “Well done, mate! How was it?” Robert said loudly, clearly congratulating someone for taking part in the run. He heard a mumbled response - maybe from Andy?

Whoever it was, they weren’t loud enough to be heard over the phone. The interruption seemed to have distracted Chas as much as it did Aaron, because it took her a moment before she said, “Sorry, Aaron. What was that?”

“Er… nothing. Was that Robert? Is he there for Andy?” he asked her. He could almost picture the blond sauntering about the room dressed in one of his power suits. He’d be there to check on his brother, and maybe show off as the fancypants donor who’d dropped two grand on the half marathon. Aaron would have loved to be there to take him down a peg or two. Banter was practically foreplay for the two of them. He knew that anything he said to deflate the older man would be immediately forgiven, and then they’d sneak off somewhere for a bit of fun.

“How should I know?” Chas grumbled unhappily. “He only just turned up. And I swear he only spoke up because he heard Diane say I was on the phone with you. Why can’t he just stay away?”

Aaron wasn’t sure what to tell her. He knew anything he said right now would simply frustrate her, because what he really wanted to say was how cute he thought Robert was being. The older man had spoken up so that Aaron could know he was there, and that he was thinking of him. Of course that probably meant that Robert wasn’t going to turn up for another visit today, but still. It was actually quite considerate of the other man. Aaron had lost his phone in the fall, so it wasn’t like Robert could text him to let him know that he couldn’t make it in for a visit. He’d found an alternative way of letting Aaron know.

Not wanting to speak to Chas about Robert when he knew it would likely start an argument between them, Aaron said, “Look, I’ve got one of the nurses here trying to get me off the phone. I’ll call when I hear anything from the doctor, alright?”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon!”

After Aaron hung up, the nurse that had been taking his vitals and updating results on his chart was quick to apologize. “I’m sorry, Mr. Livesy, I didn’t mean to make you think-”

“Nah, it was just my mum worrying over me,” Aaron interrupted her. “I had to get her off the phone somehow.”

The nurse smiled at him. “It’s good that she cares, but I know how it can be. Well I’m pleased to say that your body is recovering well from the exhaustion and dehydration. The doctor will want to check in on you again, so he’ll come by soon.” The nurse paused, and something about it caught his attention. “I know when I came in earlier, I said you might be released as early as tomorrow, but I’ve just learned that Doctor Pawar made a referral to the mental health department. A liaison will need to speak to you before you can be released.”

Aaron nodded, trying not to let on how disappointed he was. He should have known the doctor would make the referral. When he’d spoken to Dr. Pawar, he’d gotten the impression that the older man found the circumstances leading up to Aaron’s fall suspicious. He wasn’t even wrong about that, but Aaron was familiar with the whole drill, and he knew it was a waste of time. They’d send in some counselor, who’d talk to him about his history of cutting and the dangers of continuing to hurt himself. He already regretted what he’d done, so talking to a counselor was pointless. He had trained too hard because of his inability to cope with the situation surrounding Katie’s death. Robert was helping him past all of that. Being forced to speak to a counselor wasn’t going to make things any better. It was simply delaying his return home to the people who knew how to support him.

He appreciated it when the nurse left soon after. Aaron stared up at the ceiling and waited for the doctor and the mental health liaison to see him.

 

*****

 

**13 April 2015**

“Aaron!” Chas jogged over as he struggled with his crutches. They felt clunky and unwieldy braced under his arms. He’d be lucky if he didn’t knock into anyone on his way through the pub to the back.

“Here you go, Chas,” Paddy said happily, coming in behind him. “Don’t break him again!”

“Aw!” she cooed, reaching up to stroke Aaron’s bearded cheek tenderly. He immediately drew back, aware of how many people were around to see her coddling him. “Thank you so much for picking him up,” Chas said. Aaron noticed that she was wearing her medal from the half marathon. It was draped around her neck, but he hadn’t noticed it at first because the red ribbon blended in with the red of her blouse.

“Yeah, twice,” Aaron said.

“No, no one needs to know that,” Paddy protested.

“First time,” Aaron told his mum, “he goes and drops the crutches off the roof-”

“No… Yeah, that might have happened,” the older man acknowledged.

James Barton, his mum’s latest man, walked over to them. “Good to see you, Aaron,” he said, nodding at him. The grey haired man turned to Chas then, and said, “I could have got him, you know.”

Chas was so busy beaming at Aaron that it took her a moment to respond to James. “Yeah, well, Paddy was nearby.”

“Yeah, well I could have been nearby.”

The way James said it sounded like the beginning of an argument. Aaron raised his eyebrows, then adjusted his grip on his crutches. “Right, er, I’m going to go have a lie down.”

As he slowly made his way across the pub, going around the bar so he could go through to the back, Aaron heard Paddy say to Chas, “We had a really good chat. He promised to take better care of himself. Isn’t that right, Aaron!” Paddy called out, raising his voice.

He glanced over his shoulder at him, rolling his eyes. It didn’t look like Chas had heard a word Paddy said. She was smiling at Aaron, watching him happily. “I’ll go put the kettle on for you,” she offered, hurrying toward him. Aaron let her hover over him as he maneuvered himself through the pub. It was a relief when he finally made it to the living room. He was actually looking forward to having a decent brew instead of the colored water they’d tried giving him at hospital, so Aaron let Chas fuss about as she put the kettle on. Paddy took a seat on the sofa next to him.

He was happy to be home with them, but he could have done without the way they both kept staring at him and grinning. Once Chas had gotten their brews and they were all sitting in the living room with steaming cups in their hands, she said, “So, I know you said you didn’t want to make your return home a big deal, but…”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “But you couldn’t help yourself?” he guessed.

“She wanted to have a party for you in the pub, but I managed to talk her down,” Paddy told him.

“I thought it might be nice to have the family over for tea. They’re all dead excited to see you.”

“I guess the family’s alright, but that’s it,” Aaron told her. “So when are they getting here?”

Chas squealed excitedly. “Any moment now. I started a casserole earlier, so I’ve just got to make a few finishing touches and we’re good to go!”

Aaron waited until his mum jumped to her feet and headed for the kitchen before leaning sideways toward Paddy and whispering, “I hope you helped her with that casserole.”

The older man shuddered, clearly remembering his past encounters with Chas’ cooking. “Not me, but I asked Diane to come over and check on her. Hopefully it turned out alright.”

“What are you two talking about?” Chas asked from the kitchen, glancing over at them as she pulled on a couple of oven mitts.

“I was just telling Aaron how delicious that smells!” Paddy told her. She gave him a pleased smile before turning away. She missed the way the older man raised his eyebrows at Aaron, eyes wide. “It smells alright. Let’s just hope it doesn’t kill us!”

 

*****

 

Tea with the Dingles went off without a hitch. It was actually nice to have the rowdy bunch keep him company. He’d missed having familiar faces around when he’d been in hospital. There was just one face that was missing from the merriment that he would have really liked to have seen. Of course Robert wouldn’t have come, even if he had been invited, but it was nice to imagine what that might be like. Aaron wondered if there would come a time in the future where he could sit with his family and his lover at the same time, and not have to hide.

There was no one he could ask for news about Robert. It wasn’t until later in the evening that he heard a bit about Home Farm. Even though Robert was not mentioned at all, it at least gave Aaron some idea of what the blond was up to. Almost everyone had cleared out, and it was just Cain and his mum at the table with him while Paddy began soaking some of the dishes in the sink. “Anything interesting happen while I was away?” Aaron asked, trying to squeeze his fingers down the top of his cast to get at an itchy spot on his leg. “Besides the half marathon,” he was quick to add, lest his mum launch into another retelling of the big day. Chas watched him struggling to scratch under his cast for a moment before she grabbed his unused butter knife and handed it to him.

“Our Sam says there was a break-in at Home Farm,” Cain told him, rubbing at his eyes like he was getting tired. Aaron supposed it was getting rather late. The family had lingered after tea, and had gone through several cases of ale. “He didn’t make out like it was that big a deal, though.”

“But no one was hurt?” Aaron asked, shifting the butter knife down between his cast and his leg. It took a bit of wiggling to get it where he wanted it.

“No one was in,” Cain told him. “Just smashed the place up and left, from what I’ve heard.” His uncle grabbed his beer can and finished it off before slapping it down on the table and licking his lips. “Thanks for the grub,” he told Chas as she got up to clear her plate. Cain got to his feet and reached for his jacket, which was draped over the back of his chair.

“Cain,” Paddy called out from the kitchen, where he stood over the sink. “You can stop and help wash up if you want,” the bald man teased. When Cain just stared at him, the grin dropped from Paddy’s face. “Or not.”

Aaron watched as his uncle shrugged his jacket on. “Alright. Good to have you back, lad,” Cain said before walking out. That was as near to acknowledging Aaron’s fall as his uncle had come all night, but he knew Cain well enough to read between the lines. He’d been worried about Aaron, and he was happy to have him back.

His mum and Paddy were chatting in the kitchen. Seeing his chance to get away from them and have a bit of privacy, Aaron set the butter knife aside and staggered to his feet. He grabbed his crutches, then said, “I’m going to go and have a lie down. I’m done in. If that’s alright?”

“Yeah, of course it is, love,” Chas said. “You do what you want.”

He limped out of the living room and out into the stairwell. Spotting his mum’s jacket and purse draped over the pegs of the coat hanger, he went over to riffle through them. Once he found her phone, he used it to open up a browser and log into his mobile account. If he wanted to see Robert anytime soon, he was going to have to put in an order for a replacement phone. It took him a few minutes to put in the order, but once he did, he was relieved to see that it would be available for pickup at the store the next day. All he had to do was ask Paddy for a lift, or he could just take the bus into Hotten. Either way, the first thing he was going to do once he had his new mobile was text Robert to let him know he could finally be reached. 

 

*****

 

**15 April 2015**

If Aaron had been the sort of bloke who liked to read, he’d be tempted to see if the library had any copies of _Affairs for Dummies_. Hell, if anyone ever decided to write _Gay Affairs for Dummies: What to do when your bloke’s married to a woman_ , Aaron would very well force himself to sit down and read it. He was sure a book like that would have chapters on what to do when his bloke failed to respond to texts. He’d be even more interested if it included a chapter on what to do when his bloke promised to make it up to him for cutting short a visit to him in hospital, and then broke that promise. Because being ignored when he was in too much pain to do anything about it was incredibly aggravating.

Of course that wasn’t the real reason he was aggravated. He’d thought… Well, Robert hadn’t panicked over Chas’ threats, and he hadn’t let it stop him from visiting Aaron in hospital. It just really seemed like their time together at Home Farm had changed things between them. He thought he was going to get to see a new Robert, one who didn’t run away from him or blank him when things got a bit complicated. Aaron knew he had no right to be disappointed that nothing had changed. After all, no matter how good he thought they were together, it wasn’t him that Robert had married. He’d chosen the person he wanted to spend his life with, and Aaron was just the tagalong bit on the side.

Aaron hated feeling sorry for himself, so he forced himself to get out of bed rather than using his leg as an excuse to stay in and mope. Diane was already up and about, and she started his breakfast without him even asking her to. Aaron gratefully tolerated her chatter, appreciating the way Diane simply kept up her end of the conversation with only minimal input from him. In a moment of weakness, he shot off one last text to Robert before settling in to eat. After debating on what to say while Diane talked his ear off, he settled on, “Either come see me or don’t, but stop ignoring me.” He wasn’t sure it was the best way to deal with the situation, but it had been nearly a week since he’d last seen the other man, and being ignored for this long was a slap in the face.

Chas’ appearance at the door was a welcome distraction. Aaron watched with interest as she and Moira dragged themselves in, looking hungover. Hearing the two women stumble in, Diane went to check on the noise. The older woman hurried to the stairwell and took Chas’ bag from her. “You took all that for an overnight?” Diane asked her, shocked as she hefted the bag and set it off to the side, out of the way.

“And good morning to you,” Chas said, voice husky and a bit rough. She grabbed onto the banister for balance as she bent to tug off her high heels.

“You’re not looking so good either,” Diane commented as she headed back toward the kitchen. Aaron glanced down at his phone for a second to see if he’d gotten a response from Robert yet. Nothing. Frustrated, he pocketed his new mobile so he could finish eating and watch his mum slowly hobble into the living room. Her long dark hair hung messily around her shoulders, and her mascara and eyeliner were smudged around her eyes. Whatever lipstick she’d worn the night before had long since faded, leaving her lips pale in contrast to the heavy eye makeup.

“What kind of a spa was this?” Diane demanded. Chas was looking a bit green as she came to rest her hands on the back of the sofa. Moira appeared behind her, yawning into her hand. Diane stared at the curly haired woman, then jabbed her thumb toward Chas and said, “I thought she was going with James!”

“Again: good morning to you,” Chas said, a sickly smile on her face as Moira came to lean on the sofa beside her.

“Her and James had a row, so I went instead,” Moira finally explained, sounding exhausted.

Aaron had lifted his mug to take a sip of tea, but he paused then. “You what? What about?” he asked.

Chas looked over at him as he drank his tea. “Is anyone here familiar with the words ‘good’ and ‘morning?’” his mum asked.

“Yes, Mum,” he said, shaking his head at her and rolling his eyes. “It just sounds serious, that’s all.”

Chas took a deep breath, then set her left hand on her hip and said, “He thought I was having an affair with Paddy, alright?”

“Pft!” Aaron laughed derisively, struggling to his feet with his empty plate and mug in his hands. It was his turn to hobble like his mum, but his unsteadiness as he made his way to the sink were because of his cast rather than blistered feet.

“Ew, that’s complicated,” Diane sympathized.

“Yes,” Chas agreed tiredly. “Then we got into all this stuff about… marriage, and I thought he was joking… Yes, as it turns out, blokes don’t like getting laughed at.”

“Who’d have thought?” Diane kidded.

“Right, I better get back,” Moira said, straightening up from where she was leaning her hands on the back of the sofa. She gave Aaron a wave. Chas saw her out, and Aaron took his chance to check his messages again. Still nothing. He glared at the screen, frustrated.

When Chas came back inside, Diane said, “I’d better get on. You can fill me in on everything when you’ve had a brew. Oh, and - good morning!” Diane said sweetly.

“Aw, thank you Diane.” Finally it was just the two of them alone. Chas came into the kitchen to grab a cup for herself. She saw Aaron standing there pensively, arms crossed and tapping his chin with his new mobile. “Are you thinking of seeing Robert, then?” she asked. He stared at her, wondering if she was trying to pick a fight. “Just asking,” she told him matter of factly. It was strange to have his mum act so blasé about the affair. Aaron was much more accustomed to her screaming and arguing about it.

“Well, not anytime soon as far as I can tell,” he finally said unhappily, frowning. Chas took a deep breath and simply went about preparing a cuppa.

His mum didn’t say anything, but he couldn’t help hearing everything she hadn’t said in the silence that dragged on between them. Aaron grabbed his crutches from where he’d propped them against the kitchen counter and went to go sit outside for a while. It was cool enough out that the seating in front of the Woolpack was empty. There was no one around to bother him, but that also meant zero distractions from his phone. He had plenty of time to wonder what was going on with Robert. Cain had mentioned a break-in at Home Farm - was it possible that it was more serious than they originally thought? All Aaron could do was worry and speculate about why he hadn’t heard back from Robert.

When his mobile finally chimed to let him know he’d received a text, his excitement was dashed when it turned out to just be Adam asking to meet for lunch in the pub. Aaron had woken a bit late, and by the time he received Adam’s text, only a couple hours had passed since he’d eaten breakfast. Still, Aaron messaged him back to let him know he was up for a pint. When he finally went inside, Chas was gone, possibly getting some rest since it didn’t seem like she’d slept much the night before. Aaron eventually made his way through to the pub. His mate was waiting at the bar, perched on a stool with his chin resting on his hand as he stared at nothing.

Aaron knew Adam was still feeling guilty about having cheated on Vic with Vanessa when he thought she’d broken up with him. He’d have liked to sit and share a pint with Adam so they could be miserable together, but as Aaron made his slow progress out from the back room, he saw Vic approach Adam. She was in her blue hat and white uniform, and she was carrying two plates in her hands.

“Right,” he heard her say. “You’ve got me for ten minutes _and_ I’m yours all this evening, by the way.”

Adam let his hand drop from his chin. “What, I thought you were going to the cinema with Finn,” he said.

“No,” Vic sighed disappointedly. “He wants to spend time with his new fella.”

“Ah, your little pocket gay not going out with you, then?” Aaron asked from his spot behind the bar. Vic glared at him, but he caught Adam grinning.

“It’s not funny!” she protested, and Adam immediately stopped smiling in case she looked over at him. “I hardly see him anymore since he got together with Darren.” Aaron thought she sounded a bit sour about that.

“Alright, we’ll invite the pair of them. We can double date!” Adam said. He glanced over at Aaron then. “Unless you want to come?” he asked Aaron. He knew that Adam was offering because he wanted him to come with, but the offer put him in a worse mood. He couldn’t help but think how things might have been different if Robert were out and not married. Maybe then it would have been Adam asking Aaron and Robert to join him and Vic, rather than Adam simply asking if Aaron wanted to tag along on a double date that included Finn and his new boyfriend.

“Oh, yeah, because that wouldn’t be awkward, would it?” Aaron snapped. He turned his back on them and started making his way to the back room again. He no longer fancied a pint with Adam.

It was hours before he finally got a response from Robert. _”Are you alone right now?”_ the other man texted.

Aaron stared at the message for a moment before replying. _”House is empty.”_

_”Let me in.”_

Getting up from his seat on the sofa, Aaron grabbed his crutches and made his way toward the door. He was getting better at using the crutches after an entire day spent roaming around the house listlessly, but his arms were starting to get tired now. He went to the stairwell and unlocked the door for Robert, then backed up to give the man some room to step inside.

It was immediately clear that this wasn’t going to be one of their fun meetings. Even if Aaron hadn’t been annoyed about being ignored for the better part of a week, Robert’s demeanor would have set the tone. The older man looked tense, and discontent. Aaron knew him well enough now to recognize the hard set to his chin. Something was bothering Robert. The last time he’d seen that look on Robert’s face was when the other man had confronted him on the side of the road, and he’d admitted to being equally to blame for Katie’s death. That time, Aaron had battered Robert for making him think he was entirely to blame for what had happened to Katie. Aaron hoped this little meeting wasn’t going to end in blows.

He noticed how the blond kept his distance, pushing his back up against the door rather than coming any closer. Was he afraid that someone would walk in and see them together? Robert kept his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, and Aaron had no choice but to accept the bodily cues not to initiate any kind of contact between them. “Lost your phone or something?” he asked Robert, still annoyed that the other man hadn’t taken the time to text him before this. He was also a bit hurt by the cold greeting. The look he got from the other man showed him to be equally annoyed. “It’s just that when I text you, I’d appreciate a text back.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve got stuff to deal with at home.”

Aaron bit his lip, regarding the other man. “Chrissie isn’t suspicious is she?” he asked. If she was, that would certainly explain Robert’s attitude.

“Not exactly,” Robert told him. “Too busy giving her ex the grand tour.”

Frowning, Aaron shook his head. “What do you mean?”

“Donny,” Robert said. “He’s rocked up, playing the concerned dad. He’s obviously still got a thing for her.”

It was suddenly clear what this was about. Robert felt threatened. Nevermind that Aaron had nearly died, he’d spent days in hospital, and he was only freshly out. Of course Robert hadn’t come to check on him. Not with a rival for Chrissie’s attention in the house. Because clearly, securing his spot as man of the house was far more important than sparing a few seconds to send his gay lover a text or two. No, of course Robert couldn’t be bothered to pick up his phone. He needed the use of both hands in case Donny tried to make a move on Chrissie.

Giving an unhappy laugh, Aaron asked, “What, you’re jealous?”

Robert gave him a look like he was being absurd. “No, of course I’m not jealous!”

Right. Of course not. “So it’s him you fancy then, is it?” he asked, knowing that particular question would bother Robert more than anything else he could think to ask.

“Don’t be daft. Look, it’s complicated. Alright?”

“Yeah, no kidding. When you’ve worked it all out, let me know, yeah?”

Turning his back on the other man, Aaron limped his way back into the living room, wishing he could walk properly without the stupid crutches. He felt vulnerable enough right now without the damn things. Aaron wasn’t surprised when he heard the door slam seconds later. No, not surprised, but he was definitely angry. All that time he’d spent worrying over why he hadn’t heard back from Robert, and now this?

Rather than spend the rest of his evening thinking about the older man, Aaron wasted his time wondering what he’d be doing right now if he had a proper boyfriend rather than a closet case lover. He’d probably be hanging out with Adam and Vic, having some drinks and laughing. Aaron couldn’t help but admit that it sounded a damn sight better than pining for a man who wouldn’t even bother to respond to his texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was largely a setup for the next one, but I hope it managed to entertain you anyway! I promise, the next one will definitely be longer. My apologies to anyone who really wanted to read Robert's scenes with Donny. He has a few sassy lines that I wanted to put in here, but ultimately I thought it was more important to stick with Aaron's perspective as he whiles away the days, just waiting for Robert to text him.
> 
> Even though it's short, I thought this chapter was important because it shows how Aaron and Robert are at two very different points in their relationship. Robert is coming to rely on having Aaron there, to the point where he's willing to hire hitmen to stop Chas from ruining both his marriage and his affair. Aaron is having a very different experience, as he is confronted with the reality of how he can expect to be treated as the "bit on the side." Contrary to what he told Chas and Paddy in the hospital, Aaron isn't actually happy to simply accept whatever scraps of attention Robert can spare him.
> 
> Next chapter is going to be so much fun to write! =D


	17. What's that got to do with me?

**16 April 2015**

Aaron went to bed angry and awoke still frustrated with Robert. It was more than a little disheartening when he checked his phone and found no messages from the other man to apologize. It wasn’t like he wanted him to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, but some acknowledgement from Robert that he was being an inconsiderate prat would have been nice. Aaron would never be his first priority, but was it too much to ask that Robert at least text him back? Aaron would be far more accepting of the way things were if the older man would give him at least five seconds of his time by replying “not now” or “talk later,” or even “leave me alone.”

That’s what was driving Aaron up the wall. He got so little of Robert’s time as it was, and yet asking for five seconds was still too much? There was no way that he had that much going on that he couldn’t shoot off a single text to Aaron with his bloody phone. Robert practically lived with that thing attached to his hand. Aaron wouldn’t even care if Robert multitasked and sent him a text while sitting on the toilet! At least it’d be something. Getting no replies to his increasingly hostile messages was not just frustrating, it was hurtful and depressing.

Aaron was not in the best of moods when he finally made his way down from is room in search of his breakfast. He walked into the living room just as James was leaving. “Alright? How’s your foot?” the grey haired man asked him.

He wanted to make some snarky remark, like “How do you think?” It struck him as a completely useless question to ask someone whose leg was in immobilized in a boot. Still, he knew that Chas had gotten into a row with James, and antagonizing the man didn’t strike Aaron as a good idea. So for his mum’s sake, all he did was roll his eyes and reply, “Same.” James gave him an absentminded nod, and then he was walking past Aaron.

The older man seemed a bit distracted maybe, but other than that he looked well. Once he’d left the room, Aaron headed toward the kitchen where his mum sat at the table eating her breakfast. “Back on then, are you?” he asked.

“We were never off,” she objected. “We had a row.”

He glanced her over, but she looked better than she had the other day. “Sorted it though, didn’t you?” he asked, to be sure.

“We have, yes. But you do know it was me keeping this-” she gestured at her gob, “shut about you and you-know-who that got him suspicious in the first place.”

Aaron frowned, shaking his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that if I hadn’t been having all these secret conversations with Paddy, James would never have gotten jealous in the first place! He’s asked me what’s been going on, and it’s not like I can tell him the truth. Unless you give me permission to tell James about Robert…”

“What? No!” he protested.

His mum gave a wry smile. “That’s what I thought. All I’ve told him is that it’s not my secret to tell. He still thinks I’m being cagey, but I think we’re good for now.”

Aaron bit his lip. He’d never meant for the affair to get in the way of his mum’s relationship with James. Still, he wondered at how the man could have gotten things so wrong. What had he overheard to make him think Chas was trying to get with Paddy? Maybe he’d heard them mention an affair, and just assumed it was their own. Aaron was selfishly grateful to find that James hadn’t worked out who it was that was actually involved in an affair. He knew it was unfair to his mum, but as guilty as he felt about it, Aaron couldn’t help his relief.

“I-I’m sorry,” he told her somewhat awkwardly.

Chas sighed. “Have you given any thought to ending it with him?” she asked hopefully. When he didn’t say anything, she rolled her eyes at him. “I didn’t think so. Grab the milk off the counter for me, will you, love? Thanks.”

He passed her the milk and sat down to share a brew with her, letting her conversation about making it up to James flow over him. Aaron still felt guilty about the whole thing, he really did… And yet, a few minutes later when he got a text from Robert while he sat there with his mum, he still found his heart racing and a keen sense of anticipation filling him up. His phone chimed, and he read, _”I’m sorry about last night. Meet me in half an hour at the scrapyard and we’ll talk?”_

Of course he knew he shouldn’t forgive Robert so easily. He was more than a bit ashamed at himself when rather that telling the other man off, he responded with, _”Fine, we’ll talk.”_ Because who was he really kidding? Talk? He didn’t want to talk at the scrapyard. He wanted Robert to come meet him here, so they could go up to Aaron’s room and just lie there in eachother’s arms. They’d done that a lot at Home Farm, and soft lad that he was, he found he missed it now. He wouldn’t have thought Robert would be much for cuddling, and Aaron certainly wouldn’t have guessed it of himself, but they’d indulged quite a bit in that. It was comforting having the other man’s arms wrapped around him, either in bed or when they were sitting on the sofa watching the telly.

“Who was that?” Chas asked suspiciously, interrupting his thoughts. She was watching him as he slipped his mobile back in his pocket.

“Adam,” he unthinkingly lied. “I’m supposed to be minding the scrapyard while he goes out on a few collection runs. He’s waiting for me to show.”

“Well hurry up then! But promise me you won’t try doing any of the hard work while you’re there,” she cautioned him.

“I’m fine, Mum,” he sighed. “I promise. It’ll be mostly paperwork and answering phones.” Aaron got to his feet and grabbed his crutches off the floor. He really was supposed to be minding Holey Scrap while Adam carried on doing the real work, but for some reason he didn’t want to tell her it was Robert who had messaged him. Clearly Chas was aware they were together again. He just didn’t want to rub her nose in it, especially when the affair was the cause of her row with James. He had to do better about not involving her in his problems. If he didn’t give her anything to worry about, she could focus her attention on her own relationship rather than his and Robert’s. 

Figuring he needed a bit of exercise, he walked to the yard instead of bumming a ride off of Chas. Once there, he heaved himself up the two tall steps into the portacabin. His brow was sweating a bit by that point, so he plopped down on one of the chairs for a spell. It wasn’t more than five minutes later that he heard the distinct sound of tires rolling over gravel. He didn’t bother standing for Robert. He stayed slouched in his chair, hands folded over his stomach as he waited for the blond to walk through the door.

At least this time when Robert appeared, he looked… available, in a way he hadn’t the night before. His eyes immediately found Aaron, and he quickly shut the door and locked it behind him. Robert walked over, hesitating in front of him like he was unsure of his welcome. The uncertainty didn’t last long. This was Robert - of course it didn’t last long. He gave Aaron a smirk, every inch the cocky businessman in his navy blazer and trousers, paired with a burgundy shirt. He straightened his brown leather belt before tucking his hands in his pockets and raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Aaron regarded him silently, still slouched in his chair with his legs stretched out in front of him. He was sure it would have looked cooler if his right leg weren’t encased in a clunky grey boot, but there was nothing he could do about that. He sat there patiently waiting for Robert to say something. “So is this you giving me the silent treatment?” the blond finally demanded, caving first.

He shrugged and then shook his head. “Just waiting to see what you’ll say. Your message said you wanted to talk, didn’t it?”

Robert rolled his eyes at him. “Yeah, but that was just to get you here.”

“So you don’t want to talk?”

“There are other things I’d rather be doing,” he said suggestively.

“Yeah, me too,” Aaron said, voice hard and unforgiving. “I’d rather be out with Adam actually doing some scrapping instead of being stuck here with all the paperwork. We can’t all have what we want.”

“I’m sorry, alright?” Robert told him.

Aaron nodded. “Right. About what?” Robert frowned at him, clearly not following. “You say you’re sorry, but do you even know what you’re apologizing for? Or are you just saying that so I’ll forgive you?”

“Look, I’ve got a lot on my plate, Aaron. And not just with Chrissie’s ex showing up like he did, alright? Maybe I didn’t respond to your texts like I should have, and I’m sorry for that. Can we please just kiss and make up? I don’t want to waste our time fighting!”

Aaron wavered, caught between being cross and not wanting to waste their time together. He hadn’t yet made up his mind when Robert decided things for him. Closing the distance, he stood at Aaron’s side, towering over him for a moment before leaning down to kiss him. It was a quick peck, but Robert lingered there until Aaron tilted his face up to him for better access. The other man kissed him again, slowly and deeply. The part of him that had been out of sorts for the past week finally calmed, and he sighed against Robert, relaxing into it. He knew where this would lead. For a second, he longed for Robert’s comfortable bed at Home Farm, but that was out of the question now. It looked like they’d be doing this on a chair in the portacabin.

Robert broke the kiss to kneel down next to him, and he met Aaron’s eyes as he cupped him through his clothing. He shivered, staring back at the blond as impatient hands tugged at Aaron’s clothing until his boxers and tracksuit bottoms were halfway down his thighs. Only then did Robert break eye contact. The look on his face when he gazed down at Aaron’s cock made his heart skip a beat. It was a look of need, so intense and full of longing that it made it seem like Robert had been waiting for this moment. The older man bent forward, bringing his face even with Aaron’s groin. He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes like he was trying to commit that intimate scent to memory.

Aaron was still soft, but Robert seemed to have a preference for him that way. Aaron had never asked him why that was. Maybe it was because Robert liked the feel of his cock while it was flaccid, or maybe he enjoyed feeling it slowly harden under his lips and tongue. Someday, Aaron might ask him. Today, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back as that hot, wet mouth engulfed him. Whatever misgivings he had about what they were doing, or what kind of future he could ever expect to have with this man fell away. He focused on that sweet pressure closing over him, moaning when Robert sucked on the tip, and then slid down the length of him until Aaron was hitting the back of his throat.

He was no untried lad that would shoot his load in under a minute. Aaron got to enjoy Robert’s mouth on him for longer than that, long enough that he knew the older man’s jaw had to be hurting. He let the moment build and build, and then his eyes snapped open and he stared down at Robert. God, he was amazing. His lips were bright red and wet, and his chin was glistening from his own saliva and from the precum that now dripped from Aaron’s cock. Robert looked up at him, and the blue-green of his eyes was nearly lost, black pupils blown wide with his own excitement.

Threading his fingers into that soft, golden hair, Aaron gave the other man a loving caress before grabbing a fistful of hair in his harsh grip. Robert moaned, and Aaron gasped at the feel of it vibrating down his length. He used his grip to push the other man down, making him take his cock in deep before easing him off. Robert gazed at him hungrily as Aaron took control, demanding a faster pace. He fucked into Robert’s mouth, panting as he felt his orgasm building. “Now!” he hissed, pulling Robert down onto him and holding him there as he exploded. He cried out as his balls tightened, and then he was spilling his seed into that hot mouth. Aaron belatedly remembered to let go of Robert’s hair, but rather than pulling up off of him, the older man sucked on him, swallowing him down. Aaron’s eyes rolled to the back of his head at the feel of that throat constricting around him.

Robert came up off him in a rush, coughing and gasping for air. He was a mess. His face was streaked with tears, and the cum he hadn’t managed to swallow was trailing from his mouth. The blond licked his lips, making Aaron’s stomach tightened and his cock give a last pulse at the sight. He drew in a sharp breath as Robert leaned in again to lick him clean. “Enough,” Aaron finally moaned, when the feel of that tongue laving his cock and balls started to cross the line between amazing and too much. Robert sat back on his heels, looking pleased with himself. “I can return the favor,” Aaron offered, every muscle in his body relaxed after his release.

“No need,” Robert told him. He’d been sitting back on his heels, but now he straightened up on his knees, gesturing at himself. Aaron could see that at some point, he’d unzipped and taken care of himself. “I came when you did,” the blond murmured, running his hand slowly up and down Aaron’s bare thigh. “I like when you get all rough with me. It’s hot.”

“You like everything I do to you,” Aaron joked, finally sitting up. The chair really wasn’t made for slouching, and now his back was starting to hurt.

“Can’t deny that,” Robert said with a smirk. Rolling his eyes, Aaron leaned in for a kiss. He could taste himself in the other man’s mouth, all salty sweet with a hint of bitter. Eventually parting from him, Robert got to his feet with a groan. “I’ll be feeling that all day - and not in a good way! My knees are killing me.”

Snorting at that, Aaron got up and pulled his boxers and tracksuit bottoms back into place. “Alright, old man,” he taunted him. “I guess you’re at that age when everything hurts.”

“Are you seriously poking fun at me after I sucked you off?” he protested as he tucked himself back in and zipped up his trousers. “I’ve half a mind to teach you a lesson!” Aaron covered a smile at that, which was easier to do when Robert headed for the door, making it clear that they were finished.

Grabbing up his crutches, he followed the older man out of the portacabin. He was glad Robert’s back was to him as Aaron struggled down the portacabin steps. He could manage short distances without the crutches, so once he was safely on solid ground, he propped them up against the side of the portacabin and hobbled forward a few feet. They both paused by a rusted white van sitting in front, Aaron making sure to position himself close to it in case he needed to catch his balance.

Robert turned to him then. Those large hands reached up to cradle Aaron’s face as the blond man kissed him goodbye. They were short, sweet kisses that left him wanting more. Aaron was about to lean in to deepen it when the kiss turned awkward as Robert pulled back a bit and his left hand withdrew. Aaron’s eyes opened, and he caught the other man checking the time on his wristwatch. Robert pulled away then and said, “Chrissie thinks I’ve got a meeting.”

Aaron looked away, trying not to get upset. “So… you’ve met me, and you’ve not had a go at me. That’s rare these days, isn’t it?” he asked, making Robert chuckle.

“It’s Donny, isn’t it?”

“It’s Aaron, actually.”

“No, I mean sticking his beak in,” Robert said, leaning his shoulder up against the white van. Aaron took a deep breath, nodding and looking down at his own feet to try and get a hold of himself before he said something he’d regret. Couldn’t they just have time together where Robert’s real life didn’t have to intrude? “I’m trying to manage him,” Robert told him.

“Making sure he doesn’t get back with your missus, more like,” Aaron said bitterly, looking up at the other man. The same man who’d just been on his knees, sucking Aaron’s cock while his wife was none the wiser. “A bit ironic that, isn’t it?”

“Right. I know I’ve been rubbish.” Aaron looked back down, scuffing the toe of his boot against the gravel. “What about tonight?” Robert suggested.

Aaron scoffed. The other man was just throwing him scraps now, trying to placate him. “Yeah, we’ll just meet by the bins, shall we?” They were back to where they’d started, meeting up in random, secluded places for a quick fuck. Their week at Home Farm together had made Aaron greedy for quality time together that was more than just sex.

“No, I’ll pick you up. We’ll go somewhere,” Robert promised. “I might be able to wangle the whole night away. Let’s say about half six? Put something decent on,” Robert said, eyes raking down Aaron’s body. “We’ll get some drinks and food. Bear with me, yeah?” He reached out, running his hand down Aaron’s left bicep. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

Robert turned and walked away before Aaron could answer. But then, they both already knew what his answer would be. He could only hope that one day soon, he could be as certain of Robert as Robert was of him.

 

*****

 

It was almost a shame to wash the taste of Aaron from his mouth. But he had to, because Chrissie was never to know about any of this. Robert had to be careful, so careful, to keep the truth a secret.

The whole situation with Donny showing up at Home Farm and demanding Chrissie’s attention had thrown him. Robert hadn’t dared take time to meet his lover while his whole life at Home Farm was in jeopardy. Even so, he should have called Aaron sooner. He realized that now. After the week he’d had, Robert had desperately needed a release. The younger man usually managed to sort him out, one way or another. Robert preferred when he did it by making him come so hard he couldn’t see straight, but sometimes Aaron sorted him out by giving him a massive set down. He hadn’t been sure what he’d get when he’d driven to the scrapyard earlier. When he had entered the portacabin and found the younger man slouched in one of the chairs, blue eyes guarded and face set in a scowl, Robert had been sure he was in for a set down. But instead of the big argument he had anticipated, Aaron had given him exactly what he needed.

It was still a mystery how Aaron knew what Robert wanted- no, what he needed. When Robert left Home Farm, he’d been a ball of tension on account of Donny. It was a constant struggle for superiority. Having to watch Chrissie’s ex in order to make sure he didn’t ingratiate himself too much by playing Dad of the Year was exhausting. Robert had needed Aaron to take control so that he could finally relax and enjoy himself for a time. The feel of that tight fist clenching in his hair and forcing Robert to take him in deeper had been exactly right. Robert had almost come without touching himself, he’d been so turned on by Aaron’s show of aggression and strength.

Still, by the time Robert was pulling up the drive to Home Farm, the tension was flooding back. He needed more time with Aaron to really blow off steam. Spending the night together would not only get him back on Aaron’s good side, but it would help straighten Robert out so he could deal with Donny once and for all. He wasn’t yet certain how he’d get rid of Chrissie’s ex, but he was determined to have him packing by the end of the week.

Parking the car and turning it off, Robert reached under his seat for the small travel bag he kept there. Ever since his first time with Aaron, he’d taken to keeping a small bottle of mouthwash in his car, along with a few other items for a quick clean up. It had stuck with him, the horror he had felt after unthinkingly giving Chrissie a kiss after the very first time he and Aaron had crawled into the backseat of some poor sod’s car at the garage. He was lucky the kiss had been a quick one, so that Chrissie hadn’t been able to taste the other man on his mouth. Robert had used that as a lesson. Now he always made certain to freshen up a bit after a rendezvous with Aaron.

He grabbed a couple of unscented wipes from the travel bag. He ran one over his face, neck, and hands. Before using the second wipe, he gave a quick glance around to make sure no one was nearby. He quickly undid his fly and untucked his shirt. The second wipe was for his stomach, where spots of cum or entire ropes of it sometimes fell, depending on what positions he and Aaron found themselves in.. He then gave another glance at his surroundings before reaching down the front of his underpants and quickly wiping up. Finished, Robert hurried to tug his clothing into place as best as he could while seated in the car. Grabbing his bottle of mouthwash from the travel pack, he took a quick swig before capping it and putting it back. While he swished the peppermint liquid around in his mouth, he grabbed a small travel comb and quickly brushed it through his hair. Robert got out of the car and spat before straightening his clothing again and making sure everything was in place. 

His breath was minty fresh when he walked into the home office and found his wife working at her desk. “Hiya,” he greeted her, feeling a bit nervous, but also somewhat clever. He couldn’t afford to get cocky, but he’d been successfully hiding his affair for nearly half a year now, and he still hadn’t been found out.

“How was your meeting?” she asked absently.

“Oh, a bit of a pain, really,” he told her as he hurried over to one of the desks. He had some actual work that needed doing before he could meet up with Aaron later. Pulling the chair out so he could take a seat, Robert added, “They had to dash and asked if we could pick it up again tonight. I probably should… I think I’ll book some shoots.”

Chrissie looked up from her own work at that. “Well, it’ll make up for the one we lost.”

It took him just a split second to work out that she was talking about the fake job he’d made up when he was stressing over the hitman. That had been a week ago now, and he had other worries vying for his attention. The incident with the hitman was taken care of now, and there was no point dwelling on it when everything had turned out alright in the end. Besides, that little mixup was nothing in comparison to having Chrissie’s ex turn up. That Donny was up to something. He was a slimy weasel who was out for all he could take. Robert knew his type well. The only difference between them was that Robert was the better liar.

“Yeah, exactly,” he said, glad Chrissie had remembered the fabricated client. She knew how serious he was about the business. She wouldn’t think twice about him wanting to spend the night away in his efforts to seal the deal with a different client.

“Do you need me?” she offered to go with him, folding her hands on her desk and raising her eyebrows questioningly. God, what a thought! He couldn’t even imagine it properly. What would a “business meeting” with Aaron and Chrissie even look like? Robert very briefly imagined a threesome, but the thought wasn’t nearly as appealing as he might have thought. He didn’t care to share either of them.

“Oh, no, it’d be boring. Thanks,” he told her. Wanting to change the subject quickly, he shifted the conversation to a topic that never failed to divert her- Lachlan. “I’m assuming you didn’t make counseling.” When he had left for the scrapyard, Lachlan had been refusing to go.

“Nope,” Chrissie said, getting to her feet. “He wouldn’t go with me.” Robert began to shake his head, getting ready to be sympathetic and supportive, and if it felt right, launch into a heated rant about how neither her father or her son fully appreciated her. Instead, Robert felt like he’d been kicked in the teeth when Chrissie said, “He insisted on going with his dad instead.”

“Oh right. What did he do? Drug him?”

Chrissie walked over to him and stood in front of his desk as she said, “Amazingly, I think he just talked and Lucky listened. More amazingly, I think he’s actually being a good dad.”

Robert scoffed. “Yeah, well it’s easy in short bursts, isn’t it?”

Donny certainly knew the fastest way into Chrissie’s skirt, didn’t he? All a man had to do was be nice to her pervert son! No, that wasn’t right. All a man had to do was win Lachlan over. Of course the boy was doing everything Donny asked of him. Chrissie had kept them apart for years, and Lachlan was starving for a father figure. Robert had tried to be it, and maybe he’d have succeeded if Lachlan were a bit younger and less difficult. The truth was, Robert had little interest in children, and even less interest in rotten teenaged boys with questionable porn-watching habits and rapist tendencies. He’d won Chrissie over because he’d made up for his tepid efforts to be a father figure to Lachlan by being incredibly charming, perpetually attentive to her every whim, and fantastic in bed.

Robert looked up at his wife, a plan already forming in his head. She wore a loose-fitting silver blouse with tight black pencil trousers. In high heels, she looked slim, tall, and elegant. “Tell you what,” he said, letting his gaze rove over her form before settling on her face. Robert got to his feet and walked around his desk towards her. “Let’s give them some proper quality time tonight, and you and me go out and have something to eat.” Donny had outsmarted himself. He could have his night out with Lachlan. Meanwhile, Robert was going to have Chrissie gasping and moaning his name.

“What about your meeting?” she asked, but she was already reaching up to place her hands on his shoulders.

He didn’t even have to give that a moment’s thought. There was no doubt in his mind that Aaron would be upset that their plans for tonight were being cancelled, but Robert had already explained to him about Donny. Aaron knew how important this was to him. There would be other nights for Robert to make it up to him.

Grasping Chrissie’s slender waist and pulling her in close to his body, he said, “You’re more important than any meeting,” he promised her.

“Aw!” she smiled, shifting her grip on him until she had her arms loosely wrapped around his neck in an embrace.

“And since we’ve got the place to ourselves…”

“Uh-huh,” she said, amused. Robert didn’t waste his breath on any more words. He captured her lips in a demanding kiss as he pressed her back against the desk. Chrissie sat down on the edge of it, and Robert’s hands drifted down from her waist to her thighs, helping to lift her onto the desk. He settled between her thighs, and she immediately wrapped herself around him.

He kissed her harshly, almost angrily while he worked as quickly as he could to undo the small buttons of her blouse. He took care not to break any off in his impatience. This wasn’t Aaron he was with right now. The younger man always seemed to embrace Robert’s passionate side, and if that meant one or both of them ended up with ripped seams and torn buttons, so be it. Chrissie hated to have her clothing shredded, so Robert took his time with her silver blouse before he got to tug it down off her arms.

Pulling back so he could see her, he smiled appreciatively when he saw she was wearing a lacey bra he’d bought her before they got married. Robert reached out to run his fingers over the edge of one of the cups, enjoying the way she shivered at the brush of his skin over hers. It made him feel possessive to see her wearing his gift, and he couldn’t help but wonder if she was wearing the matching lace thong to go with the barely-there bra. Undoing her fly, he tugged her black slacks off, and she helped by lifting up off the desk enough that he could shimmy her trousers down over her hips, and then off her legs.

He moaned at the sight of her sitting there on the desk in nothing but black lace undergarments. She wore sheer silk stockings that climbed her legs all the way up to her thighs. Robert stroked his hands up her long legs, pushing them wider so he could see the way the thong underwear barely covered her. Needing to have her, he stepped in closer again and rubbed his groin against her as he plundered her mouth, her high pitched moans sounding sweet in his ears. Chrissie wrapped her stockinged legs tightly around him and started rocking her hips, rubbing herself against his straining cock.

Robert needed to claim her. He wanted her crying out his name as he pounded into her. He tugged at his blazer, and Chrissie pulled away from his kisses long enough to unbutton his shirt for him. He reached down between them to unzip his fly. She started to unclench her legs from around his waist, but he gripped her thighs and held them there until she tightened her hold on him once again. When he was sure she wasn’t going to let go, Robert once again reached between them for his fly. His trousers were ever so slightly dampened from her grinding against him, and he smirked at the evidence of her eagerness for him to take her.

He unzipped and freed himself from his trousers and briefs. Chrissie was wrapped too tightly around him for Robert to be able to undress fully, but that’s how he wanted it. He shrugged off the burgundy shirt Chrissie had unbuttoned for him, and she immediately took advantage of his bared torso to run her long nails over his back. It made him shudder, like she knew it would. Sliding his hand over her, he began to rub at the dampened lace with his fingers as Chrissie held onto his shoulders and threw her head back, silken hair sliding down her back. He sucked at her neck as he built up a rhythm he knew she’d like, rubbing his fingers in a firm, circular motion over her clit, using the lace barrier to his advantage. The fabric was slightly rough, and he knew it would add to the friction. Sure enough, she started bucking against him, crying out hungrily for more.

Pulling her knickers to the side, he slid two fingers inside of her easily. How different this was to being with a man. No lube was needed as Chrissie’s body made her pussy nice and slick for him. Robert crooked his fingers inside of her, rubbing rhythmically against her g-spot. He never had any trouble feeling for Aaron’s prostate. A woman’s body was more subtle, and it took effort on Robert’s part to flick his fingers just right. He knew he was doing it correctly when Chrissie started to thrust down on his hand. He pushed his palm against her clit while his fingers moved inside of her, and it was enough to push her over the edge. She screamed for him, eyes squeezed tight as she came.

His hand was wet with her juices, and he wiped it onto his hardened dick, lubricating it a bit. Sometimes he used a condom with Chrissie, but right now he wanted her full of his cum. He wanted to know she was carrying him inside of her when they went out to dinner later. Grabbing hold of himself, he pressed against her entrance and eased in. She was already loose for him, making it quite easy to slide in. “Oh, Robert,” she sighed as he pushed in. She leaned in for a kiss, but he gave in only briefly. He used his hand on her shoulder to push her down so she was laying back on the desk, and then he pulled down the lacey cups of her bra to bare her breasts.

Grabbing onto her hips, he pulled out and then pushed back inside of her. Chrissie gasped, and he reached out for one of her breasts with his right hand, filling his palm with it as he began thrusting into her. She was exactly how he wanted her. Robert watched hungrily as her other breast began bouncing with each of his hard thrusts. He pinched her nipple, drawing a cry from her as he fucked her in earnest. Chrissie was moaning his name, and he wished Donny would walk in here right now to see how easily she unraveled under Robert’s touch. He wished her ex would come in at the exact moment he pushed her over the edge for the third time. Chrissie’s body lurched, hips grinding eagerly against his as her eyes rolled up into the back of her head.

Robert grabbed her thighs and used his grip to unwind her legs from his waist. He put her knees over his shoulders and bent down over her. He could feel how the new position tightened her up around his cock. Groaning, Robert shut his eyes and pounded into her, barely even noticing when she started crying out again for him. He needed his own release now. His pace was fast and merciless until he finally felt his balls tighten. Robert slammed into Chrissie one more time, and he spilled into her. His thoughts shorted out as he filled her up with his cum.

Once he was done, he opened his eyes to find his wife a sweaty mess beneath him. “That was amazing,” she whispered, gazing up at him adoringly. Robert kissed her before pulling out. He held her legs apart so he could watch his seed start dripping out past her glistening lower lips. She squirmed uncomfortably, and he had to let go of her legs to allow her to sit up properly. She slid off the desk, and she grimaced as her lacey thong slid back into place. “I’m going to have to wash up.”

“No,” he protested.

She smiled at him. “More?” she teased as she tucked her breasts back into the lace cups, straightening out her bra. “I thought you were taking me out for dinner?”

“I am,” he promised. “But I want you wearing that when we go.”

“Robert, I’m a mess!” she objected. “And it’s hours yet til dinner. I was planning on getting some work done in the meantime.”

“It’s just a bit of foreplay for later. I’ll be thinking of it all day while we work.” She wavered, and he moved in close to kiss her softly.

“If you’re sure…” she gave in, still looking a bit skeptical.

“It’ll be sexy,” he reassured her.

“Fine. But I’m still going to wipe up a bit, otherwise I’ll look like I’ve wet myself.” Robert watched his wife walk away in her lingerie and high heels, knowing that when they continued this later on, she’d still have traces of him inside of her. Grinning smugly, he pulled his briefs and his trousers back in place. He’d make sure to show Chrissie a good time tonight, to remind her of all the reasons she had married him, and why she should forget she’d ever known a man named Donny Cairn.

 

*****

 

“All I’m saying is you don’t need fancy underwear to get a man excited.”

“Ugh! I’m going” Aaron shuddered, very much wishing he’d been another minute in the back room before coming through to the pub. His mum and Diane were very clearly having a bit of girl talk, although why they were doing that while working was beyond him. He’d have nightmares about hearing Diane say those words.

“Where are you going?” Chas asked.

His mum had sounded curious rather than suspicious for once. She seemed to be in a good mood. Aaron paused and gave her a look. “Why?” he asked, looking her over. It was his turn to be suspicious of her.

“Stay and have a drink!” she offered.

He eyed her distrustfully. “Are you going to talk about your underwear?”

She considered that for a second, head going side to side as she looked up at the ceiling. “Probably,” she finally said.

Hiding his amusement, he said, “Well then yeah, obviously I’d love to stay, but oh, wait, no I’m not. I’m going.”

He adjusted his grip on his crutches and headed around the bar. As he walked, Uncle Zak spoke up from his spot seated at the bar near the two women. “I’m listening!” he told them encouragingly.

“Oh… that’s wrong, on eight million different levels,” he heard Chas say.

Aaron left the Woolpack smiling, although as soon as he realized it, he stopped himself from grinning like a lunatic as he walked back to the scrapyard. It was funny the way things could change so quickly. He’d been in such a bad mood when he woke this morning. Now, he felt light, like something heavy had been lifted off his shoulders. He was happy to be on good terms with his mum again, but he knew it was Robert that had managed to turn his day around.

He wondered what the older man had in mind for tonight. He’d told Aaron to dress up, but the boot made that a bit difficult. He couldn’t fit the leg of his trousers over it. He’d ended up changing into a freshly washed pair of track bottoms. Hopefully the long sleeved black and grey striped t-shirt he’d picked out looked a bit nicer than his usual plain t-shirts. Aaron had tried a nicer shirt, but it had looked odd paired with the track bottoms. Anyway, if what he was wearing bothered Robert, they could simply go straight to their hotel room and the blond could strip Aaron one piece of clothing at a time.

He entertained that thought as he made his way slowly to the scrapyard. He was a bit late, but that didn’t matter since Robert wasn’t there yet. Rather than sit waiting for the other man to get there, Aaron grabbed his bright orange vest and pulled it on over his black jacket, and then tugged on the work gloves he’d left on top of a barrel earlier. He started sorting some of the scrap Adam had hauled in earlier. He was pleased to find some copper pipes, and hoped there would be more pieces in those piles that would be worth something.

Aaron wasn’t very fast with his foot still booted, and his balance uncertain. Still, he was able to get quite a bit of sorting done, which is what clued him in to the fact that Robert was not just late, he was _really_ late. Tugging off his work gloves, he reached into the pocket of his jacket for his mobile. There were no missed calls or messages. His heart dropped. It was nearly an hour past the time Robert should have gotten to the scrapyard, and the fact that he hadn’t bothered to let Aaron know he was running late meant he wasn’t going to show.

Swallowing down his disappointment, Aaron stripped off his high-viz and put it down on the nearby barrel, along with his gloves. For a moment, he wasn’t sure of what to do with himself. Should he text Robert? Should he take a seat and wait for a little while longer, hoping the other man would eventually turn up? Or maybe it was better to just go back home rather than sit around like the sad sap he knew he was, who clearly had zero self respect for himself if he was willing to sit back and take this kind of treatment from Robert.

His hurt gave way to fury, and Aaron grabbed the crutches he’d set aside earlier. He used the walk home to try and cool off, but he was just as furious by the time he got to the Woolpack as he’d been when he realized he’d been stood up. As he approached the side entrance, he got his phone out of his pocket and rang Robert. He had to hold the phone between his face and shoulder while he struggled with the door and his crutches.

Of course his call went to voicemail. Aaron closed the door behind himself and stood in the stairwell as he listened to Robert’s recorded voice say, “Robert Sugden here. Sorry to have missed your call. Please leave your name and number, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”

Keeping his voice low in case anyone walked in on him, Aaron hissed, “How long am I supposed to stand waiting? At least answer your phone!”

Aaron hung up before he could give in to the temptation to rant until Robert’s voicemail cut him off. Glancing up the stairs to make sure he was alone, he stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his jacket while he tried to compose himself. As ready as he was likely to be, he opened the door to the living room and walked in. He frowned when he saw his mum tying off a black plastic bag. She had about five or six of them arranged on the table in front of her.

“What’s all this?” he asked.

“James’ stuff.”

Aaron came closer, still trying to work it out. “What, he’s leaving?”

Chas finally looked up at him. “He’s left,” she corrected him, very matter of fact. She didn’t even sound angry, which seemed unlike her. “Kicked him out.”

“Hang on, you were fine again this morning.”

He recognized the look on his mum’s face as she placed her hands on her hips. She was trying to hold her temper in check, and her efforts gave her features a slightly pinched look. “I didn’t know he’d knocked off Emma this morning.”

Seriously? James was back with his ex? Aaron stared at her, shocked. The door leading into the living room from the pub opened then and Cain walked in with Moira hot on his heals. “I said wait in the bar!” Moira objected when Cain barged in.

“Yeah, I heard what you said!” His uncle turned his attention to Chas then, and it was clear he was fuming. “James and Emma, recently?”

“The other night, she said,” Chas told them.

“Oh, what, and you believe her?” Aaron asked. He might not follow all, or even most, of the gossip in the village, but even he knew that Emma was hung up on James. She might just be trying to split Chas and him up for all they knew.

“I believe him,” his mum said.

“He admitted it,” Moira explained.

Chas looked at the other woman then, and her expression wasn’t entirely friendly. “Yeah. He admitted it to you and all, didn’t he? Only slightly earlier than he did to me.” Aaron and Cain both stared at Moira then. Had she no respect for family? She was a Dingle now. The second she found out about James and Emma, she should have told Chas!

“He wanted to tell you,” Moira said. Chas turned her face away from Moira, as if unable to look at her any longer. “It wasn’t my place to beat him to it! Plus I-I was worried about what you might do.”

Clearly unhappy with his wife, Cain said, “Well we’ll see how well that works out for you when I find him!”

Aaron’s surprise at finding his mum packing up James’ things finally wore off, and in it’s place was rage. He was just like Robert, out for his own pleasure and never mind the people he walked over to get what he wanted! His mum didn’t deserve this! It seemed like every bloke she was ever with cheated on her. Maybe Aaron had been too young to teach Carl a proper lesson back when his mum was dating that tosser, but he was certainly old enough to deal with James.

“Leave it,” he told Cain, just as his mum said the same thing - if for a different reason.

“Why are _you_ sticking up for him?” his uncle demanded.

“I’m not.” He looked toward his mum then, furious on her behalf. “It should be me that has this chat with him.”

“I don’t want anyone chatting to him!” Chas exclaimed, exasperated. “I don’t want you making it into a big deal!”

“Yeah, well it is a big deal,” he told her.

“No, Aaron. Someone you love dying horrifically is a big deal. You know that better than me! When Katie died, he was fantastic. I thought, hey, he could be the one…” Chas’ voice wobbled, but she hid it by scoffing at herself. “I don’t care if I’m enough for some stupid bloke or not.”

Unable to argue with that, he gritted his teeth and walked out. He needed some space to think. Making his way back outside, Aaron walked along the side of the road. It wasn’t exactly easy on crutches, but by now he was pretty decent with them. Finding a good pace, he let himself think about what his mum had said.

She’d certainly put it in perspective for him, hadn’t she. He’d spent the past week agonizing over why Robert wouldn’t call him back, acting like a flipping schoolgirl with an unrequited crush. There were more important things in life than Robert, his mum being one of them. He’d let his relationship with Robert ruin hers. It was his fault that James had gotten it in his head that Chas was having an affair. That didn’t give the older man an excuse to go cheating on her, but maybe if Chas hadn’t been so busy looking after Aaron, things might have been better between her and James.

So consumed was he with his thoughts that Aaron didn’t hear the footsteps coming up fast behind him until hands gripped him from behind. He swung around, but his crutches and bad leg hampered his attempt to swing at the man behind him. That was a good thing, considering it was Paddy who’d come up behind him. “Sorry!” Paddy said, grabbing hold of Aaron’s arm to steady him, “What are you doing?”

“What are _you_ doing?” Aaron demanded, annoyed. He’d put more weight on his bad leg than he should have when he had rushed to turn around, and now his ankle and calf were throbbing.

“Well, just… sneaking up on you,” Paddy said lamely, looking like a great big dope with flat cap pulled down over his bald head.

“What, because you’re eight?” Aaron asked angrily.

Paddy’s lips pressed tight, then he said, “Right, I’m going to ask you a question, and don’t be so tedious as to say nothing, because I know something is. What’s up?”

Aaron sighed. He reminded himself that it wasn’t Paddy he was angry at. Any other day, he’d have a laugh with the big man for the way he’d snuck up on him. Taking a deep breath, he told Paddy the main reason he was so upset right now. “James has been cheating on my mum.”

Paddy’s playfulness faded away then. “Does she know?” When Aaron nodded, the older man asked, “Who is it?”

“Emma.”

“Oh, how unoriginal! Is she alright?”

“Don’t know. I mean, where does he get off on that though, after what she’s been through?” Didn’t the man have any decency? Chas had only just lost her best mate, and he went and cheated on her?

“Is she at the pub?” Paddy asked, glancing over the distance at the Woolpack.

“Yeah, putting on a brave face and packing his bags when I left.”

“Go and help her!”

“She doesn’t want to talk about it!” Aaron objected, remembering how she’d as good as told him to back off before he left the pub.

“She doesn’t have to, does she? It’s just nice to have someone there sometimes, isn’t it?”

The Whites chose that moment to drive up to the B&B, which was right across the street from where Aaron stood with Paddy. He stared as the black SUV idled there, with Lawrence sitting at the wheel. Robert got out from the back and helped his wife out of the car. “Is this it?” he could hear Chrissie ask from where he stood across the street.

“Well I didn’t promise the Ritz,” Robert joked, his tone charming and unconcerned. Aaron watched as the attractive blond man reached out for his wife, hands sliding reassuringly over her arms as he said, “Come on, we’ll amuse ourselves by ordering things and sending them back.”

“No we won’t!” Chrissie laughed. Once the doors were all shut, Lawrence drove off, and the happy couple walked into the B&B.

Of course Aaron had been aware that Robert had stood him up to be with Chrissie, but it was a different thing to have it thrown in his face. Aware of Paddy watching him with concern, Aaron lifted his chin and started walking away. Paddy immediately followed and tapped his shoulder. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Stop walking, Paddy.”

“I will if you tell me where you’re going.”

“I’m doing what you told me to do, like a good little boy. You happy now?”

“Well, not really, no.”

“Well that makes two of us then, doesn’t it,” he ground out, glaring at the older man over his shoulder.

Paddy finally left him alone. Aaron headed back to the Woolpack with the intention of helping his mum pack up James’ things. It felt like his heart was being squeezed inside his chest. This was probably exactly how his mum was feeling right now, and he’d gone and left her alone. Angry at himself for not making more of an effort to support her, he went in through the pub and around the bar. And then there was James. The grey haired man was coming from the back room, carrying a couple of the black garbage bags Chas had packed up with his belongings. The sight of him was enough to make Aaron’s blood boil. At least it took his mind of his own problems.

Placing himself directly in James’ path, Aaron asked, “Where’s my mum?” This would be easier if she wasn’t around to get in the way.

“She called me to get my things and made herself scarce. Please tell her I’m sorry,” James said softly. Aaron smiled at that, and he knew without having to see it in the mirror that it wasn’t a nice smile. “I already have, but-”

“Instead of being sorry, why didn’t you just not do it in the first place? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not remotely bothered that you’re not together. I think you’re a little muppet.”

James nodded and tried to go around him, but Aaron finally found a good use for his blasted crutches and held it out to stop the other man. James stepped back. “Aaron, walk away here.”

“Why, because you feel awkward?”

“Because it’s what your mum wants.”

Aaron nodded understandingly. “Oh, well you’re big on that, aren’t you?” he asked sarcastically. “Giving her what she wants?”

“No, it turns out I’m really bad at that, actually. I guess we’ve got that in common.”

And here he thought the older man wasn’t going to give him a fight! James’ verbal attack just didn’t come from any direction he was expecting. Aaron frowned at him. “You what?”

“It doesn’t matter,” James backtracked. Once again he moved to go around him, but Aaron stepped into his path.

“No, go on,” Aaron growled, feeling like he was teetering on the edge.

“Listen, Aaron, I’ve let Chas down, and I’m sorry about that, and I’m sorry for myself as well because I’ve thrown away something really good. But you get a free pass every time you mess up. That’s fine; you’re her son.” James stared him down disapprovingly. “But boy, do you need it,” he said.

Did James really think he had any high ground to stand on? Aaron was just going to have to disabuse him of that notion, now wasn’t he? “Her best friend’s just died. She’s still getting over that, and you didn’t even give a second thought to what was going on in her head!”

“Oh, there’s plenty going on in her head that I don’t know about!” James snarled, pushing past Aaron. It knocked him off balance and sent his stupid crutches clattering to the floor. He followed right on James’ heels as the older man walked out to the bar, so angry he barely felt the pain as he used his injured leg without the crutches to help take some of the weight off it. Aaron immediately clocked Robert sitting at the bar. What was he even doing there with Chrissie? They were supposed to be having a romantic little dinner at the B&B.

Aaron’s attention was drawn back to James when the grey haired man raised his voice so that everyone could hear him- including Robert. “You’ve been taking up so much of her time with your pathetic little dramas!” James stopped walking away and turned to confront him. Aaron had been spoiling for a fight, but he was keenly aware of how disadvantaged he was if it came to blows. James could take him down easily, injured as he was. As the older man moved threateningly close, Aaron’s eyes drifted to his left, where there were shelves lined with liquor bottles. “Why don’t you man up and face what you’ve done? Instead of hiding behind your mummy?”

Aaron’s fingers tightened into fists, and his eyes quickly darted to his right, taking in the sight of everybody staring while he was too helpless to give James a proper fight. “At least I’ve told people what I’ve done,” James taunted him. “Do the same, you coward!”

James turned his back, as if Aaron was of no consequence. Grabbing one of the liquor bottles off the shelf beside him, Aaron reached out for the other man’s arm and swung him around. He wanted James to be facing him properly for this. Without a second thought, he brought the bottle down on the other man’s head, as hard as he could. Glass and amber liquid exploded outwards as the bottle shattered. The shock of the impact travelled up Aaron’s hand, leaving his fingers a bit numb as he clutched the jagged bottleneck.

Before he could do anything else, Cain was there, pushing him back before reaching down and roughly dragging James to his feet. The grey haired man reeled for a few seconds, and Cain had to hold him steady so he wouldn’t pitch forward onto the floor. There was blood running down his face as he said, “You want me to fight back?”

“You’re an idiot to expect anything different,” Aaron hissed pushing forward.

Cain shoved a hand into his chest, and Aaron was unsteady enough that he was forced to step back. “Alright, he’s going!” his uncle told him. Cain reached down for James’ bags and then escorted the man around the bar with a hand on his shoulder.

“We should do something!” he heard Robert say.

“No!” Chrissie objected. “Stay back!”

Aaron didn’t bother to spare either of them a glance, his eyes focused on James. He wanted to march over to him and punch his stupid face! James was lucky he was too badly injured to see this through. Aaron followed his uncle as Cain shoved that lowlife cheater towards the door. The man was staggering, clearly still dizzy from the blow to his head. Moira tried to stop Aaron from following, grabbing at his arm to hold him back. He shoved her off easily.

“James?” Chas called out, appearing from the back. She paused there, probably taking in the scene before she hurried to catch up to them as they continued toward the door.

“It’s alright, I’m leaving,” James called out to her.

Angry that the other man was even daring to speak to his mum, Aaron limped after the two other men and had to reach out to the bar for some support. “Yeah, well do it quicker!” he warned.

Chas brushed against Aaron as she put herself in front of him, adding yet another barrier between him and that bit of pond scum she’d been dating for the past year. “What did I specifically say!” she shouted.

“Look, I’m sorting it,” Cain told her, trying to calm his sister down.

James had turned around when Cain stopped walking. Aaron gritted his teeth as the other man looked at her. He wasn’t fit to be in the same room as Chas, let alone look at her! “He was asking for it,” Aaron told her, glaring at the man.

“Well I asked first!” she told him. Turning toward James, she asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. No more than I deserve.” Aaron gritted his teeth at that. Was James trying to look like the reasonable one all of a sudden? There were about a dozen people standing around who could attest to the fact that he hadn’t been acting like the voice of reason before Chas had walked in.

Finn and Pete came through the pub’s entrance, probably there to help their dad grab his things. As soon as Cain saw them, he tossed them each one of James’ bags and said, “Good timing. Here’s his stuff.”

The two Barton boys stared at their bloodied father in shock. “What have you all done to him!” Pete shouted, starting toward Cain.

Aaron stepped forward, still itching for a fight even though he knew he was in no shape for it. “It had nothing to do with him. It was me!”

Pete lunged, but Cain shoved him back, protecting Aaron. James grabbed onto his eldest son’s shoulders, shouting at him so he wouldn’t try anything. When it was clear that Pete wasn’t going to fight, Aaron felt his mum let go of his own shoulders, belatedly realizing that she had been trying to stop him from throwing himself into a punch up with Pete. Aaron watched in satisfaction as the three Barton men left the pub.

The pub was drenched in tension, the silence so thick it was uncomfortable. It was like everyone was waiting on him to do something else crazy and violent. Aaron’s eyes drifted toward Robert and Chrissie then. He hadn’t realized how close he’d gotten to the couple when he’d followed Cain and James towards the exit. From this close, he could make out the fresh love bite on the side of Chrissie’s neck, only partially hidden by the fall of her long hair. Well, he didn’t have to guess what Robert had been up to while Aaron was waiting for him to show.

“Do you never listen to a word I say?” his mum demanded, capturing Aaron’s attention. She tossed her wavy hair over her shoulder and glared at him. “I didn’t want either of you going after him!”

“Yeah, well maybe it’s better that we did,” his uncle told her. “James said it himself, didn’t he? It’s no more than he deserved.”

“Come on, Chas,” Moira urged, wrapping an arm around his mum’s shoulders. “We can’t expect men to be reasonable about these things. Let’s just leave them here to cool off while we have a nice, warm brew in the back.”

“What, and leave the rest of us out here with them?” Diane spoke up indignantly from her spot behind the bar.

“After so many years working at the pub, I’d have thought you’d know how to deal with a couple of rowdy men,” Moira told her. “Just give them more drinks until they can’t walk straight.”

Cain grabbed Aaron by the shoulder and pushed him down onto one of the seats at the bar. It was uncomfortably close to Robert and Chrissie for his liking, but his uncle glared at him when he stood up. Rolling his eyes, Aaron sat back down and watched as Diane started pouring a couple of pints for them.

“Maybe we should go,” he heard Chrissie whisper. It made him glance over, and he locked eyes with Robert briefly before the other man hastily looked away.

“Come on then,” he told her, helping her from her seat like she couldn’t do it herself. Aaron glared at them as they walked out. Good riddance.

“What’s with you?” his uncle asked curiously, glancing over at door as it swung shut behind Robert and Chrissie. “I thought you’d feel better now that you’ve gotten even with that loser.”

“Yeah, well he deserved worse than that.”

Overhearing them, Diane placed their drinks down and said, “What James did was terrible, but that doesn’t give you the right to bottle him! What were you thinking? And with my good scotch, no less!”

“Admit it, you’re more upset about the scotch than the blood,” Cain told her with a sly smile.

“I’ll admit no such thing!” Diane said primly. “I just hope you both know it won’t be me clearing up this mess!”

“Don’t look at me,” Cain said when Aaron glanced over at him. “If you’re well enough to bottle a man, then you’re well enough to clean up afterwards.” Cain grinned at him when Aaron huffed. He slid a pint closer to him, then said, “Drink up. The way I see it, you deserve that. The way you hit James over the head with that bottle is enough to do any Dingle proud. Even your mum, if she had any sense.”

“Thanks,” Aaron grumbled before taking a sip. The pub at large seemed to collectively sigh, and whispered conversations broke out. The village would be talking about this for days, probably. Aaron couldn’t find it in him to care. He finished up his pint, and went onto the next, his uncle a supportive presence to his right.

 

*****

 

**17 April 2015**

Robert was too lost in his own thoughts to hear Donny walk into the office. He was replaying the scene at the pub from the other day, while he bent down in front of the safe at Home Farm to grab some cash for a job in Harrogate. What had made Aaron go after James Barton like that? It had to be serious to warrant that kind of aggression, and while he was hurt no less. Robert had tried to go to him, to help him, but Chrissie hadn’t allowed it. Then she had wanted to leave before Robert could get the chance to sneak off to speak to the younger man privately.

He punched in the code for the safe while he thought about Aaron. As Robert reached inside, he heard Donny speak up from behind him. “Hiya. Help yourself often, do you?”

Robert gritted his teeth at the sound of the other man’s voice. He made sure to grab more money than he needed so he was holding a nice fat stack when he straightened up to face him. “I really don’t think that’s any of your business,” Robert said.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Don’t spend it all at once, eh?”

“Oh yeah, there’s plenty more where this came from,” he said, counting out the notes. Flaunting the money was like waving a steak in front of a slavering dog.

“You don’t need to tell me that, Robert. I was you once, remember? Before she got a taste for toy boys,” Donny told him. It wasn’t the first time Robert had been called a toy boy, and quite frankly, he failed to see why people always thought it was an insult. At least he wasn’t greying, washed up, and wrinkled like the man in front of him.

“Yeah, lucky me, eh?”

Donny gave a laugh. “You think you’ve landed on your feet, don’t you?”

“Oh no, I earn every penny I get,” Robert corrected him. He was the brains behind the Whites. Why could no one ever see that? Wanting to rattle the other man, Robert stepped forward and said, “I’ve also been here for Lachlan. He’s your son, do you remember him? Just in case you’ve forgotten.”

“Why do you think I’m here?” Donny pointed out, unamused.

“You see, _that’s_ what I’m trying to figure out,” Robert said, gesturing towards the other man with the wad of cash in his hand.

The sound of Chrissie’s heels could be heard at the door to the office, and both of them turned to face her. “There you are,” she said, and it became clear she was talking to Donny when she walked over to stand beside him. “I just wanted to say thank you, for yesterday. And Lachlan, taking him to see his counselor.” Robert frowned at her. He’d been up for hours last night giving her the ride of a lifetime, so why was she thanking Donny right now? He was simply doing exactly what he should have as Lachlan’s dad. That hardly warranted any praise!

“I’m just glad I could help,” Donny said, clearly milking the moment in an attempt to put Robert in his place. It wasn’t working. All the other man was doing was making him angry. “I think it’s doing him some good,” Donny told her.

“Thanks to you, persuading him to go,” Chrissie insisted. Robert pressed his lips together tightly, itching to say something.

“Thanks,” Donny said, almost bashfully, but it was all an act on his part. Robert was sure of it. He watched with narrowed eyes as his wife leaned in to give Donny a peck on the cheek.

“I appreciate it,” she told him with a smile, and then she simply walked away as if she hadn’t done anything wrong. Donny turned to Robert and smirked. It took all of his willpower not to shove the other man to the floor.

If it was the last thing he did, Robert was going to make sure Donny regretted ever taking one step into Home Farm.

 

*****

 

“What do you mean you smashed a bottle over his head!” Paddy exclaimed, shocked.

“I mean I grabbed a bottle and I swung it over his head,” Aaron repeated.

Paddy stared at him. “Well yeah, I got that part! But why?”

“Why do you think, Paddy? He cheated on my mum, and then he had the nerve to mouth off to me in front of the whole pub. He was trying to make out like I was the bad guy in all of this. And I know I’m not great, but at least I care about her! What was he even thinking, knocking off that cow of his when my mum’s already dealing with so many things?” Aaron shook his head angrily.

“I’m sure he cared,” Paddy said softly.

“Hang on, are you on his side, or did I miss something?”

“What? No!” he said quickly. “I’m just saying that you don’t stay with someone for over a year and not end up caring about them. He must have loved Chas, in his own way.”

“Yeah, well he had a funny way of showing it, then. She’s better off without him.” If Paddy had anything else to say on the matter, Aaron would never know. Pete walked in, with Ross behind him. While Pete didn’t look like he wanted to start anything, Aaron knew Ross. They were alike in a lot of ways. Just as Aaron had wanted to get revenge on James for cheating on his mum, he knew Ross would be out for his blood after what he’d done. He could tell Ross wanted to start something when those dark eyes immediately fell on him. And with the way Aaron was feeling, he might just give Ross what he was looking for.

Staring right at him, Aaron gave the other man a cheeky smile. The reaction was immediate. Ross lunged forward, but Pete was there to stop him. Aaron sat comfortably on his bar stool, unworried as Ross turned on his older brother. “Get your hands off me!” he said, making Aaron laugh.

That is, until his mum walked up to him from behind the bar and said, “Right, get upstairs now.”

Aaron gave her a look like she was completely nuts. “You’re joking? I’m not scared of him,” he scoffed.

“You should be,” Paddy told him sternly as he got to his feet, just in case Ross came at them. “You’re on crutches,” he reminded Aaron. As if he could forget.

The two Barton boys walked up to the bar then. “A couple of pints,” Pete said to Diane, who was standing there next to Chas.

“I want no bother,” the older woman warned.

“Did you tell him that yesterday?” Ross demanded, looking around his brother to glare at Aaron. “When he bottled my dad?”

Aaron smirked and nodded toward Ross. “Mate, he deserved it.”

The dark haired man tried for him again, and Aaron jumped to his feet as Ross’ hands latched onto his t-shirt. Before either of them could throw a punch, they were separated. Aaron was pulled back by Paddy while Pete shoved Ross back. “You don’t mess with my family,” the man snarled.

Oh, he wanted to play that card, did he? Ross, the same bloke who did nothing but bring his own family grief? “It’s only you that does that, isn’t it?” Aaron taunted him.

Pete had to get between them again as Diane yelled, “Stop it, the pair of you!”

“Officers!” Chas warned them, and it was almost funny how quickly Ross backed off. Raising her voice to the pair of cops that had just walked in, she said, “Officers, hi! Just… messing around, like lads do.”

One of the cops was a fire haired woman, but it was her mousy looking male partner that said, “We’ve had a report of an assault. James Barton? I believe he lives here.”

“Not anymore, he doesn’t,” Chas said.

“Yeah, he figured he wasn’t welcome,” Ross said, looking pleased now at the presence of the two police officers. “Isn’t that right, Chas?”

“And you are?” the male cop asked.

“His son. And the bloke you’re looking for is him,” Ross said, pointing right at Aaron.

“Wait, hang on a minute!” Chas protested. Aaron both was and wasn’t surprised to find Ross grassing on him. He had just riled the other man up after all. Still, wasn’t he worried about all the dirt Aaron had on him? Or was he just trusting that Aaron would respect their former partnership and not let on that he knew anything about the cars that had gone missing in this area last November?

“He bottled him,” Ross tattled to the police, sounding cocky.

“Is this right?” the cop asked as Chas looked over at Aaron fearfully. “We need to have a chat down at the station.” Aaron could hear Paddy sigh in frustration behind him. The police officer started to reach for Aaron’s arm, maybe to cuff him, but he pulled away in surprise when Paddy bent to grab Aaron’s crutches off the floor and handed them to him.

“I’ll come with you,” Paddy reassured him.

“No you won’t,” Aaron muttered under his breath. He’d made his own choice the other day, when he’d gone after James. He wasn’t about to make this Chas or Paddy’s problem. Securing his wrists into the braces of his crutches, Aaron lead the way out with the two police officers trailing behind him.

“I don’t believe this is happening,” he heard his mum say, sounding stunned.

“Nothing’s happened yet,” Diane reassured her.

“No, but it’s going to, isn’t it? He’s on a suspended sentence, Diane! He could go back inside.” Her worried voice was the last thing he could make out before the door to the pub closed behind them, and the cops helped him into their patrol car.

He had time to think during the ride to the station. By the time he was settled down in an interrogation room with the mousy cop, he’d made up his mind that the safest thing was to remain quiet. The way he figured it, all they had was Ross’ word that it had been Aaron who bottled James Barton. He wasn’t even sure if James had given the cops his name when he reported the assault. After all, it’s not like the police officers had come into the Woolie asking for Aaron specifically, was it?

The police officer had his records printed out, and Aaron rolled his eyes when he held up the two papers like it would impress him. “According to this, you’re on a suspended sentence. So maybe you should cooperate, eh? Especially since we have a potential witness.” Aaron raised an eyebrow at the cop and gave a shrug. “Look, I know you want to protect your mum, and I understand that, but sitting there saying nothing isn’t doing you any favors. Look, you’ve broken bail conditions before. If I charge you, you’re straight off to remand, so why don’t you cooperate? Or do you fancy having tea in the nick tonight?”

Aaron just stared at him, wondering if he was new or something. He wasn’t very good at negotiating, or being threatening. Luckily, a knock at the door interrupted the officer’s pitiful attempt at an interrogation. The door opened, and a pale haired woman walked in to hand the officer a note.

It was almost like a scene from a movie. Aaron watched curiously as the officer read the message. He looked almost disappointed as he sighed. The officer folded the note over before tossing it aside. “We’ve just had a phone call from Mr. Barton. Apparently he doesn’t know who his attacker was, but he could say for definite that it wasn’t you.”

Aaron gave the police officer a look of mild interest and nodded. “Am I free to go, then?”

The officer appeared annoyed as he said, “Why waste any more of our time, eh?” He gathered up the two pieces of papers he had on Aaron and shuffled them together before getting to his feet. Aaron stood only after the officer nodded at him impatiently.

“Do I get a ride home?” he asked, pushing the mousy man’s buttons.

“You can walk home for all I care,” the officer told him.

“I was just asking,” he said innocently as he was lead out of the room.

He played it cool while he was at the station, but once he was on the bus headed for Emmerdale, he felt like he was quaking inside. He was aware of exactly how close he’d come to being locked up. And now it seemed like the only reason he’d been released without charge was because of James.

Aaron shook his head as the bus trundled along the road. None of this made any sense. Why would James report him for assault, only to call the station and have him released? Had he done it just to get back into Chas’ good graces? Aaron didn’t know, but at least he’d breathe easy once he was home!

 

*****

 

“You’re back!” Chrissie exclaimed when Robert walked into the kitchen to find her brewing some tea. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for hours! Where have you been?”

If Robert had been meeting up with Aaron, that kind of question coming from his wife would have immediately put him on the defensive. This time though, he was able to give her an honest answer for his whereabouts, because he hadn’t heard from Aaron at all today. Which was unusual, now that he thought about it. “Harrogate,” he told Chrissie. “Why?”

“Donny’s been attacked,” she told him as she hurried around the kitchen trying to grab the sugar and the milk to set everything on the silver tea tray.

When Robert didn’t immediately respond, Chrissie stopped her frazzled motions to glance up at him. He shrugged, then said, “It couldn’t have happened to a nicer fellow.” She stared in surprise before frowning at him as his words sunk in. “What? You don’t believe him?” he asked her. When she didn’t say anything, it became clear that she did believe her ex. “Chrissie, no one knows him around here! Why would anyone want to attack him?”

“Because he’s Lachlan’s father!” she told him, as if it were apparent.

“Oh, so he reckons they're vigilantes!” Robert scoffed. How completely ridiculous! He’d never heard a stupider lie. No one cared that much about Lachlan to go around beating up his dad!

“Isn’t it obvious after what happened to you?” she asked. Robert was taken aback for a moment. Damn, he’d forgotten about that. He _had_ used that excuse, hadn’t he? It was back in March when Aaron had beaten him up after Robert had told him he’d lied about making up with Katie before she died. Thrown for a second, and not knowing what to say to Chrissie to make her see Donny’s lies without revealing his own, Robert just shook his head. “Oh, come on, he didn’t even know that you were attacked! They’ve really gone to town on him.”

“Oh, so they gave him a good going over, did they?” he asked, smirking.

Chrissie glared at him. “You don’t have to sound so pleased!” She grabbed the tea tray and walked around him.

“Where are you going off to now?” Robert asked her.

“To take this to Donny. He’s having a lie down.”

Robert shook his head as she walked out. He left the house for one afternoon on business, and now what? His wife was waiting hand and foot on her ex and believing every single lie that came out of his mouth! It seemed that no matter what Robert did, Donny kept making headway. Here he was, putting out all the stops with Chrissie, blanking Aaron so he could be present at Home Farm, and none of it even mattered!

Annoyed, Robert headed right back out to the company car he’d borrowed for his business trip to Harrogate. There was one thing he could put right, at least. He’d go find Aaron and apologize for their cancelled plans. What a waste! He could have spent a pleasant evening away with Aaron at a nice hotel in Harrogate, met the client for a breakfast meeting, and then spent the rest of the afternoon with the younger man as he’d originally intended. It’s not like he would have been worse off now if he’d just done what he wanted to in the first place.

He drove away from Home Farm, and had just turned onto Main Street as the bus from Hotten pulled away. Robert spotted Aaron walking along the side of the street on his crutches. He drove up alongside the younger man. Aaron glanced at him, but didn’t stop for him. “Hi,” Robert called out.

“Have fun with your wife last night, did you?” Aaron asked.

“Before you go off on one, I couldn’t get out of it,” Robert lied.

Aaron glanced over at him briefly, face set in a scowl. “You could have text,” he said.

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry,” Robert said. It was annoying trying to talk to Aaron like this. Why wouldn’t he just stop and get in the car? “It’s that prat, Donny. He’s playing games,” Robert told him. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to prove to Chrissie that Donny was lying about these vigilante attackers coming after him simply because he was Lachlan’s dad.

“Right, and what’s that got to do with me?” Aaron asked, sounding just as aggravated as Robert felt.

“He reckons he’s been attacked,” Robert explained, thinking Aaron didn’t get it yet. “He’s lying, obviously!”

“Again, what’s that got to do with me?”

Robert stared at the younger man, finding his handsome face angry and unsympathetic. Aaron was meant to be on his side in this! He thought for sure if anyone would understand his frustration with this whole situation, it would be Aaron! He always seemed to get everything about Robert. “Well, I just thought you might be interested,” Robert told him as he stopped the car, a bit hurt by the way Aaron seemed to be giving him the brush off.

Aaron paused when Robert braked. “Yeah, well I’m not,” the younger man said sharply. Then he walked around the front of Robert’s car and crossed the street without a backwards glance. Unbelievable! Was he pouting about last night? He had to know that Robert had every intention of making it up to him!

More ruffled and annoyed than he’d been when he set out to find Aaron, Robert sped back to Home Farm. He could hardly believe his own eyes when he went in. It seemed Donny was well on his way to winning Lawrence over. Robert had spent ages sucking up to the old poof, and the only way he’d finally managed to earn his respect was by having Ross and Aaron rob Home Farm and nearly give Lawrence a heart attack! Yet here was Donny, drinking a tumbler of bourbon from Lawrence’s personal collection while the old man smiled kindly at him.

It was like Donny was taking Robert’s place, He was winning over the Whites, one at a time.

“Oh,” Robert said when he walked in on them in the living room. “Is this a private party, or can anybody join in?”

“No, we’re just talking about what happened this morning,” Lawrence reassured him as he gestured toward Donny. Robert took some pleasure in seeing the other man all bruised and cut up from a fight he’d clearly lost.

“Right,” Robert said, heading for the dry bar. He found the bottle of bourbon still unstoppered, and he helped himself to some just to prove he could. “Did you manage to get a look at them?”

“Not really. It all happened so quick. A little bit like what happened to you, you know?”

This was his best chance to find out for sure if Donny was lying. “How many were there?” he asked, trying to sound like he was commiserating over a shared experience. “Three? Four?”

Donny shook his head. “Hard to say. Bit of a blur.”

Inspiration struck him then. He gave a laugh as he said, “That Geordie one, though! He packed a right punch, didn’t he!”

He could have laughed for real when Donny nodded, going along with the lie. “Yeah, him. Proper vicious.”

“They sound like the lads that attacked you,” Lawrence said, stupidly.

“Yep,” Robert agreed, bringing his tumbler up to his lips as he eyed Donny up. “It certainly sounds like it.” Which meant that Donny, just like Robert, had been attacked for something other than his close association with Lachlan. So who was it, and why did they want to beat the man up? Whoever they were, Robert needed to find them and make friends. Maybe they could help him get rid of this pest once and for all.

 

*****

 

Aaron struggled to push past the door to get in, his crutches - as always - in his way. His leg was hurting something fierce. He’d gotten into too many fights and walked too far on it. All he wanted to do was sit down and put his leg up for a while.

“Aaron!” Chas called out when he finally made it through the door. He looked up to see her getting up from the table, where she had been sitting with Cain. They had probably been waiting to hear news about him. “Thank God, love, I’ve been worried sick,” she said, running her hand down his arm as he situated himself in front of the sofa. He gathered his crutches into one hand before lowering himself down on the soft cushion.

“Alright, come on, what happened?” Cain asked, still sitting at the kitchen table.

“Well apparently,” he said, settling his crutches beside him so they wouldn’t fall, “James phoned the station.” He bit his lip as he raised his leg to prop it up on the coffee table in front of him.

“Come again?” Chas said, sounding shocked.

Aaron glanced up at her. “Yeah, he told them that he didn’t know who attacked him, but swore it weren’t me.”

His mum looked like she was in a daze. When she didn’t immediately say anything, Cain gave her a sharp look. “Oi!” Chas swung her face to look at her brother. “Do not get sucked back in,” he warned her. “You’re well shot.”

“What do you take me for?” she asked indignantly. Aaron wasn’t worried. If she took James back, he’d make sure to give the man hell. No way was he messing his mum about again! Now all he had to do was figure out what he was going to do about his own situation with Robert.

The man was taking him for granted, and nothing made that clearer than their little conversation on the road a few minutes ago. Robert didn’t know or care that Aaron had been hauled off for questioning. All he cared about was Donny, and the imagined threat the man posed to his domestic bliss. Robert had a bigger chance of ruining that on his own than this Donny fellow! He was inventing a problem where there wasn’t one.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Robert was losing it.

“I’d think you’d be pleased to be out without charge,” Cain said, drawing his attention back to the present.

“I am,” Aaron grumbled, still in a bad mood. “Get us a drink, and maybe I’ll liven up a bit.” Chas hurried to grab him a cool can from the fridge. She popped it open before handing it over, then smiled lovingly down at him as he drank a fourth of it down in one pull.

“Leave off with your mothering,” Cain told her.

“I know,” Chas said, giving Aaron one last happy glance before going back to sit next to Cain. “I’m just happy he’s home.”

“Cheers to that,” Aaron said, raising his can. Today, he was going to enjoy being home. He could just as easily have been locked up, if luck hadn’t been with him. It brought home the message Chas had tried to convey to him the other day, when she was trying to talk him down from going after James. She had tried to tell him that there were other things in life that were more important than trying to be enough for a bloke. Aaron had to keep his priorities straight. He couldn't ignore how his mum had prioritized her concern for him over her own relationship, especially when he knew it pretty much went against the grain for her to do that. She had always picked her blokes over Aaron in the past. Not this time, though. Because of that, Aaron would pick her over Robert today. He'd sit on the sofa and have drinks with his mum and Cain. He'd enjoy his freedom for tonight without bothering to check his mobile for missed calls or messages. Maybe tomorrow he would worry about Robert, and figuring out where they stood with one another. But for now, Aaron raised the cold can to his lips, determined to simply enjoy a night with his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always glossed over the Robert/Chrissy bits, but this time I thought it was important to the storyline to be explicit. I meant for that scene to be somewhat sexy while still invoking feelings of disgust for Robert's character. Let me know if I succeeded lol! It was difficult to write that part because I really, really, really wanted to smack Robert upside the head!
> 
> My favorite scene to write was definitely Aaron's confrontation with James =)
> 
> I hope this chapter makes up for the shortness of the previous one. Maybe at some point I will go back to Chapter 16 and add in some of those scenes with Donny. Robert really does deliver some good lines that I skipped over entirely! I know I had my reasons for doing it that way, but I found myself regretting that decision after posting. But I guess I'll leave that up to you. Please let me know in the comments if you want the Donny scenes added to the previous chapter, or if I should just leave it as is.


End file.
